Chapter 42
forty-two
Linus
Four Months later
We didn’t come to Los Angeles to start over.
We came to expand.
I’d like to think the three of us are on the brink of building the life we’ve always wanted.
For now, we’re in a rental house in Laurel Canyon. Spanish tile, lemon trees, breeze curling through open windows. Seventies vibes. Not a bad placeholder for permanence.
I’ve never felt more free. We have lots of space here. For music. For my business. For the shape we’re becoming. No need to shrink. No need to hide.
For the most part.
“Look who’s back.” Avonna crosses toward the kitchen barefoot, hair scraped into a messy knot. Liam trails behind, long hair flowing down his back.
I watch them and immediately want to strip them both and bury myself in their skin. Unfortunately, this moment isn’t about sex. It’s about everything else.
“So?” I lean against the counter, coffee hot between my palms. “How’d it go with your brother?”
Liam exhales. Runs a hand through his long hair. “Padraig’s good. Mara’s keepin’ him busy.”
“Mara?” Avonna frowns as she sits on the cushion below me.
“His new girlfriend. News anchor. Bubbly. I think he likes her. ’Bout time he got laid.” Liam’s attempts at breezy are always amusing. The man was made for brooding, and he can’t exactly hide it.
He’s worried about Padraig, it’s been this way his whole life as far as I can tell. Most of the time, Liam cares about his twin’s happiness more than his own. “What did you talk about?”
Liam’s gaze shifts out the window. Says nothing.
Avonna and I trade a look. Right.
We know one thing, he didn’t mention what’s happening with the three of us.
“Liam—” I set my mug down with a loud clack.
“Look.” He punches his palm with his fist. “Don’t pretend it isn’t fuckin’ complicated.”
I don’t argue. He’s not wrong. Doesn’t mean I’m happy about it.
“He’s glad I’m stayin’ in LA.” Liam slumps into the armchair across from us. “He rented a condo. I told him I was keepin’ this place for a while.”
Avonna bites her lip. “He didn’t ask why?”
“Oh, I don’t need to spell things out. He knows why.” Liam surprises me. “Look, he’s not stupid. I was in Dublin for months. When we agreed to let Linus manage us again, he obviously knew we were fuckin’.”
Avonna pulls her knees up. “Does he know about me and Linus? Or me at all?”
“You two have kept your marriage stealth, so no. It’s not my place.
Obviously, he knows Linus manages you, sweetheart and you’re a monster of a writer and your voice can melt a fucking glacier.
” He pauses. “But, no. I didn’t mention the two of you were married and the three of us are, whatever this is. ”
“Whatever this is?” I can’t help but be disappointed at his crass characterization of a relationship I consider sacred.
I know what I want. Avonna knows what she wants. It’s a hell of a lot more than fucking.
Avonna gives me a look as if to say, chill. Unlike me, she’s patient.
“But, you did mention Avonna potentially singin’ for Fireball?” I continue.
Liam scowls. “I didn’t put it to him so bluntly.
Fer fuck’s sake, Linus. You know how we are.
We talk multiple times every fuckin’ day.
He’s aware she and I have been writin’ a ton and he sure as shite knows he’s not contributed a goddamn creative idea in months.
So, the way I approached it was mentioning Avonna should come to practice so he could hear some of the songs we wrote.
I’ve also low-key mentioned how cool it would be if she was interested.
I don’t want to pressure him. Things are tenuous enough. ”
I watch him carefully, noting the way he dances around the truth like it’s a cliff edge he’s not ready to step over.
“To make a long story longer, he’s into it,” Liam adds, eyes flicking to Avonna. “It’s a hell of a leap from where he was when the tour ended and he was talkin’ about quittin’.”
My stomach knots. I love this band. I know how much it means to Liam, he’s given everything to keep moving forward with only middling success. Especially compared to his brother and LTZ. With me back on the case, I plan to take them to the top.
“Okay, great.” I soften my tone. “We take things in steps. My only concern is if it goes well and Avonna joins Fireball with me managin’ the band, we can’t pretend this…” I gesture to the three of us, “doesn’t exist.”
“I’m not pretendin’.” He crosses his arms petulantly.
“You kind of are.” I furrow my brow. His attitude is so frustrating. “For months we’ve been livin’ together. Wakin’ up in each other’s arms. You don’t see a problem if the person you’re closest to on this planet has no fuckin’ clue we’re in a three-way relationship?”
Liam exhales, rubbing his palm over his mouth. “You haven’t been around us for many years, so you don’t get it. He’s finally somewhat happy. He’s got a new girlfriend and seems to finally be over Stevie. I can’t drop a bomb right now. A new singer is about all he’ll be able to handle.”
“Jesus.” It guts me how much fear hides behind his defenses. “I know Padraig well. Give him some fuckin’ credit.”
“Liam, this isn’t a fling. Not for any of us.” Avonna’s delivery is gentler.
His pained expression guts me.
“Aye,” My fingers clasp my coffee mug. “This stopped being casual the second we all hooked up in Dublin. What we have is the real thing.”
Liam looks at us both, torn. “You think I don’t want to shout it from the rooftops? I do. How can I? How the fuck do you think the news is gonna fly?”
I don’t answer. Truthfully, I’ve worried about this too.
“I don’t want to lie to him,” I land on. “I can’t help wantin’ to protect your relationship with him. Keepin’ him in the dark isn’t right.”
He tenses and looks away.
“You can’t lead him into this blind,” I go on, unable to stop. “If we’re serious about the three of us, hidin’ it from him isn’t protectin’ him. It’s pretendin’. Withholdin’ the truth is lyin’.”
Liam’s gaze snaps to mine. “Oh, is that how you see it?”
“Aye, it’s exactly how I see it.”
His eyes flare. “What about your truth, Mr. Honesty? Do your parents know you and I were together for three years before you married Avonna? Are they aware I’m back in the picture? Or, do they still believe you’re livin’ a good Catholic life with the wifey?”
I freeze.
“Surely,” he taunts. “You’ve told them about me fuckin’ you while you fuck your wife, right?”
My silence is answer enough.
“Exactly,” he says. “Practice what you preach. Committed, my ass.”
I grit my teeth. “It isn’t the same.”
“No?” His voice rises. “You sit here judgin’ me for trying to ease my brother into the situation, when you can’t even say the words out loud to your own family?”
“I’m not judgin’ you.” I try to appeal to his common sense. “I’m asking for honesty because of the band. Aye, maybe I’m guilty too. At least I’m willin’ to admit it.”
His expression softens, but the tension doesn’t ease.
“Padraig hasn’t changed,” I continue. “He’ll do anything for you and he deserves the truth. If he’s goin’ to welcome Avonna into the band and me as your manager, don’t you think he should know what he’s really signin’ up for?”
Liam drops his elbows onto the edge of the kitchen island, staring down at the floor.
“I’m not ashamed of us,” he fires back. “I don’t understand why you’re puttin’ me under pressure here.”
“He’s not stupid, Liam. You think we’re gonna hide it? When we’re on the road and the three of us share a hotel room? When the media starts asking questions?” I throw my hands up in the air.
“I don’t know what he’ll see,” he snaps, his head whipping up. “I don’t know what he’ll feel. I do know I’m not going to drop a bomb unless I’m sure it won’t blow up everything we’ve worked for more than a fuckin’ decade.”
Avonna, who’s watched our discussion with fascination, slides in beside him and cups his face. “From what I can tell, you’re worried he’ll think you’re choosing us over him.”
Liam winces. He gives her an almost imperceptible nod.
“I understand you’re nervous.” She kisses his nose. “At the same time, keeping our relationship in the shadows to make him more comfortable won’t work for me if you want me in the band.”
He looks at her, shocked. “Avonna, this isn’t about hidin’ you.”
“You already are hiding me. Especially if Padraig knows you’re sleeping with Linus.” She sits back and crosses her arms. “I sleep with Linus too, do you really think I’m not going to share a room with my husband?”
The air cracks.
I shift forward. “This shouldn’t feel like pressure. We’re not some experimental phase you get to stash behind band politics. You don’t want to tell him you’re involved with us for a while, fine. Avonna’s right, though. We’re not lyin’ about our marriage.”
“Fuck me.” Liam’s eyes narrow. “How can you say I’m not an experimental phase?”
“Excuse me?” My jaw drops.
“You two are married,“ he snarls. “You have each other no matter what. Legal. Permanent. If this goes sideways, I’m the one who ends up outside again. If Padraig bails on me, I’ll have fuckin’ nothin’.”
My stomach drops. “Liam—”
“You don’t get it.” His eyes flash. “I’m the odd man out. You wake up every day knowin’ you have each other. So yeah, maybe I’m scared to tell Padraig. If this goes to shit, I’ll lose my band and the only real relationship I’ve ever had. Again.”
“You think we’d let you go?” Avonna recoils.
“I’ve been let go before. By my own father. Linus left too.” Liam buries his face in his hands. “I’m not some naive twenty-year-old playin’ house with his boyfriend and girlfriend in college. How does this relationship make sense? How do I fuckin’ explain it?”
Fuck. His words hit deeper than I want to admit.
He’s not wrong.
Avonna and I were married before we brought Liam into our relationship. We opened our door, our bed, our hearts, but we haven’t talked about what this looks like forever. Not with words.
Or paper.
Certainly, not enough to make Liam feel secure. To quiet whatever ghosts still claw at him.
“I’m not goin’ anywhere,” I promise.
“Neither am I.” Avonna moves her hands from his face to grips his hands.
Liam’s eyes dart between us, suspicious. “Can you please get off my grill, then? I know Padraig better than both of you, let me handle it. I don’t intend to explain myself every fuckin’ day.”
“You’re right.” I exhale, the fight releasing in my chest. “We haven’t proved our commitment to you yet. You’ve been carryin’ more than a fear of Padraig’s reaction. You’ve have doubt. About us.”
He winces. “I want to trust this isn’t going to vanish if things get messy.”
“It won’t.” Avonna leans her head on his shoulder.
“You’re not the only one who needs clarity.
If I’m gonna be Fireball’s singer, I can’t do it half-exposed.
You know how I grew up and I’m not going to live a life ashamed of who I love.
I won’t lie. If Padraig asks, I’m telling him the truth.
I love Linus. I love you. If you doubted how I feel, now you know. ”
He swallows.
“Liam, all I ask is for you to stop pretendin’ this is about protectin’ Padraig.” I move to his side and clasp his shoulder. “It’s okay to protect yourself. We need to be on the same side to build our perfect future.”
Silence.
Finally, Liam nods. “All I ask is we ease into it. No surprise reveals. No chaos.”
“Agreed.” Avonna tilts her head. “So, what’s a realistic timeline?”
“I’ll tell him after we jam,” he sighs. “Dependin’ on how it goes.”
We all hold there.
The solution isn’t perfect. At least it’s a meandering line in the sand.
I guess it’s enough. For now.
Silence is a weight I don’t want to carry much longer.
The clock is ticking.