Chapter 4
Rob
As I ushered Danny into the house, with him carrying Thomas, it struck me that this was the first time someone else had hauled the carrier for me. Gerard certainly had never done it. And we’d been within walking distance of the medical clinic and stores, so I’d just pushed the double stroller.
In other words, no one had ever helped before.
I blinked rapidly. He’s just carrying your son. Don’t make a big deal out of it. And I wouldn’t, I promised myself. I glanced over my shoulder at the other two men, but they just waved us on and turned to peer at something on the porch. I left them to do whatever, and followed Danny.
He moved to the couch, gently placed the carrier on the floor, straightened to his full height, and looked around. “You know, this is my brother’s house and I’ve never seen the inside.”
He spoke in a hushed tone around Thomas, which I appreciated. He needn’t have bothered. Thomas could sleep through anything.
Danny stretched a little, rolling his shoulders back. He was tall, although not as tall as his brother. He was also… I sought the right word. Not fat or chubby or anything like that. Just…solid. Both he and his brother had some heft to them. As opposed to myself who was short and… short and scrawny. No! Slender. Slim. Something that wasn’t a word Gerard had used to make me feel bad about myself. Only now was I realizing just how often I repeated Gerard’s cold criticism in my own head. I was determined to learn not to put myself down.
Gerard did enough of that for the both of us.
Danny smiled broadly. “My brother’s lived here for a couple of months, and I’ve never even seen the place.”
“It’s a great place.” I tried not to think of how small it was in comparison to my LA house because that didn’t matter. We had a roof over our heads. For the moment, we were safe. “I love that Hallie’s going to get her own room.” I didn’t mind sharing a room with Thomas. Having the crib next to the large bed would be a tight fit, but—having met James—I saw why the bed had to be so big. The guy was massive. And Colin wasn’t a slouch either.
As Danny craned his neck, I offered up a smile. “Why don’t you take a look around? Then you can say you’ve seen the place.”
“Oh, I don’t want to?—”
“Really, it’s okay.” And Hallie was growing heavier in my arms.
As if sensing the issue, Danny nodded and headed down the hallway to the bathroom, bedroom, and den.
I lowered Hallie to the couch. “Do you want to read a book?”
She nodded silently, her gaze on where Danny had vanished.
Anthony had wanted to run us to the local bookstore to pick up a couple of things for Hallie.
I’d countered with a request to get to the library. Then, belatedly, realized I probably couldn’t get a card…seeing as I didn’t have ID.
Conveniently, Anthony’s husband, Scott, was the head librarian. He was only too happy to issue me a card and help me select a bag full of books for Hallie. He’d also cooed over Thomas and talked about his own twins, insisting on showing me a photo. Which satisfied my curiosity as to whether one of them might be the father. Both Alicia and Zayden had Scott’s red hair.
As Danny returned from the bedroom where Nikki and Fred were setting up the crib, James poked his head in the front door.
The brothers gave each other a long look I didn’t have a clue of understanding.
James glanced toward me. “Would you mind if Colin and Widget come inside too?” He glanced behind him, then back at me. “My boyfriend is…not well. And he’s also…”
“Stubborn?” Danny grinned. “Don’t you let him hear you saying that.” He turned to me. “He’s not contagious or anything. Not that kind of illness.”
“Of course he can come in.” I glanced around, relieved there was a recliner as well as the couch. “Does he mind children?”
This time, Danny laughed. “He’s survived our nieces and nephews. So has Widget—she’s great with kids.”
I blinked. “Widget?” I replayed the scene outside when I’d been so worried about making a good impression. Oh, who was I kidding? I was still worried about making a good impression. There’d been a dog on a leash…a small dog, I thought.
“Colin’s French bulldog,” James supplied.
Danny poked him in the ribs. “Your dog too, silly. She’s the reason you two got together in the first place.”
Which I’d sort of wondered about. None of my business, of course, but I always wondered how any gay couple wound up together. Oh, and straight ones as well. Pairing up confused me. Maybe if I’d better understood the process, I wouldn’t have wound up with Gerard…
“Dogs are fine.” I glanced at Thomas who still slept in his car seat. He loved dogs. So did Hallie, but she was far shyer when she didn’t know them. The few we met in our local park were great with her, but she’d taken forever to warm up to them. I’d been eternally grateful to the generous owners who’d been so patient with her.
Right now, she sat on the couch with a new stuffed lion Anthony had so kindly gifted her. I’d quietly said we’d left her stuffed rabbit behind and I worried whether we should buy her another one. Anthony suggested something new—an animal who was brave. That left her the option to decide if the lion was brave and would protect her, or if she was brave like the lion. He said to leave that decision up to her. So far, she hadn’t said anything—just gripped the animal tightly.
“Great, thanks.” James disappeared back outside.
Danny eyed me. “This really okay? We can?—”
“It’s really okay.” I offered up a genuine smile. “Danny, you all are doing so much for me. And…” I blinked. “I don’t have anyone.” God, I sounded so pathetic.
He moved swiftly to my side, then stopped at the last second.
Our gazes held—me staring up at him.
“You have us.” He cleared his throat. “I mean, I’m in LA, but I’m just a phone call away.” He dug in his pocket for his phone. “It’s up to you, but I’d like your number. If that’s too forward…”
I pulled my phone from my back pocket. “I just…it might get cut off.”
“Well, you’ll have me in your contacts, and you can call me if you get a new one. What’s your number?”
Without hesitation, I gave it to him. I trusted him. I didn’t really have a reason to…and yet I did.
He texted me and my phone pinged.
Carefully, I created a contact for him.
He grinned. “See? Now we’re friends.”
I blinked. Was it really that simple? And just friends felt like a safe space. I hadn’t had a real friend since Marie and I had been on the streets together. That thought brought a pang of sadness that she’d probably never see Hallie grow up. But I would. I’d survived Gerard and, no matter what, I’d see my daughter become the woman she deserved to be.
“Hey.”
Danny and I pivoted to see Colin entering the house. He started to remove his shoes.
“No worries about that,” I said. “Keep them on.” Everyone had worn theirs in so far. Well, except Fred and Nikki who wore cute plastic shoe covers. “I spotted a vacuum cleaner.”
Danny snickered. “That would be James’s doing. The man is super clean obsessed.”
I smiled. “Well, that means the house is perfect for a crawling baby. And I’m grateful.” Just as Danny started to move away, I took a risk and almost put my hand on his arm. In the end, it just hovered until I lowered it.
He stilled and gazed back at me.
“Thank you.” I indicated my phone.
“Anytime,” he replied.
“Yo, bro.” James stuck his head in the doorway. “These lights aren’t going to hang themselves.”
Danny laughed. “No, they’re not.” He cast me one last look before heading out the door.
I pivoted to Colin. “Please, sit down. Does Widget need water? I don’t have dog food, but Anthony stocked the fridge?—”
Colin waved me off. “She’s well-fed. And allergic to just about everything. A little bit of water would be great.” He eyed Hallie. “But I can get it. I’ll need to use one of the bowls, though. I didn’t think to bring her water dish.”
“Whatever you need.” From the looks exchanged by the three men, Colin was as much to thank for all this as everyone else.
As he headed the few steps to the kitchen, I took a closer look at the cutest dog I’d ever seen.
She was mostly white with one black ear and the most adorable squished black nose, and her butt as she trotted after him sported a tightly curled little tail.
I’d never seen a dog built that way before. I assumed she was a puppy. How big will she get? Will we be around to see her grow? I glanced over at Hallie who still clung to her stuffie. Kids grew so fast. I assumed dogs were the same.
Sounds of slurping came from the kitchen, and I smiled. I knelt beside Thomas and gently traced his cheek.
He tried to bat my hand away.
“You need to wake up, little man.” I hated to do it, but he needed a diaper change and, more importantly, not to sleep all day and be awake all night.
He’d been out for close to four hours. Despite everything we’d experienced, he’d napped.
I worried sometimes about how deeply he slept, but the doctor assured me his hearing was normal. That he was, despite his beginnings, a healthy baby.
“Hey.” A soft whisper carried from the doorway.
I glanced over to find the delivery woman waving.
“We’ve finished the crib. I’m thinking changing table next?”
“Yes.” I rose. “That would be amazing.”
“Cool. Then we can do the dresser and, finally, the bed.”
I pressed my hand over my heart. “Thank you.”
Fred waved me off as he ducked behind Nikki to head outside.
She eyed her partner, grinned, and followed him.
“They seem like good folks.” Colin reentered the room with Widget on her leash. “I’ve put the bowl in the dishwasher. James…well, there’s plenty of crockery. For a guy who didn’t want company, he’s got enough to feed an army.”
I eyed my two. “We use a lot of dishes.”
“Well, the dishwasher will help with that. Do you mind if I…?” He pointed to the recliner.
“Please.”
He sat.
Widget tried to jump onto his lap.
At the last moment, he put out his hand.
His grab missed as her shoulder collided with his fingers.
She landed hard on the floor.
I rushed over. “Oh, dear, is she okay? Were you worried about her being on the furniture? It’s totally okay. I mean, I’m hoping my kids don’t make a mess?—”
“But they’re kids,” Colin supplied.
“Yeah.” Heat crept into my cheeks. “They are.”
Colin eyed me. “She’s not able to jump this far yet, but she tries.”
Feeling the unspoken request, I boldly scooped up the dog and gently laid her on the man’s lap.
He smiled and petted the dog.
Who promptly licked him.
A win. I think. I hope.
“Papa?”
I moved to Hallie’s side. “What, sweetheart?”
“Thirsty.”
“Of course. Milk? Juice? Water?”
Her brow furrowed in concentration. Normally, she could make a decision quickly. Today, however, she seemed to struggle with everything. Finally, she whispered, “Juice.”
“Okay. Can you watch Thomas while I get the juice?”
Slowly, she glanced over to Colin. Just as slowly, her gaze settled back on me. “Yes,” she whispered.
“I can get the juice.” Colin started to rise.
“No, it’s fine.” I waved him back down. I met Hallie’s gaze. “Or would you prefer to come to the kitchen with me?” We were talking about half a dozen steps, but I would be out of her line of sight. That almost never happened.
“I’ll watch Thomas.” She slid off the couch and hunkered next to her brother in his car seat, never letting go of her stuffie.
“I’ll be right back, sweetheart.” I cast Colin a pleading look as I booted to the kitchen. I hoped he understood. Hell, I hoped I understood. I mouthed, watch them?
He nodded in reply.
Fortunately, Anthony had picked out kid-friendly kitchen things and, within a few moments, I was back with a small amount of juice in a plastic cup.
Hallie set her stuffie aside and took it with both hands.
I almost reminded her to be careful, but she didn’t need the warning. She would do her very best. She always did. And that kind of broke my heart.
Fred and Nikki returned, carrying various boxes with what I assumed were the pieces to make up the changing table. They disappeared into the den, and I let out a breath.
“It’ll be okay.” Colin spoke quietly. “Within just a short period of time, everything will be set up, and we’ll get out of your hair.”
I ran my hand through my hair for what felt like the millionth time. “Is that a good thing?”
Colin cocked his head.
“I’ve just…everyone has been so helpful today. I couldn’t have done it without you all.”
“And you don’t have to worry about that. We’re a phone call away. I believe Anthony is as well.” He held my gaze. “I’m new to Gaynor Beach. So is James. But we’ve been embraced by the community. Met plenty of great people. You will as well, just wait.”
“Yeah…maybe…” Except strangers scared me. Sometimes I felt like I was a really bad judge of character. Like I couldn’t tell if someone had good or bad intentions. Like I could wind up making another mistake. “Uh…cute puppy…how old is she?”
“Five months.” Colin stroked her fur. “My family…chose to give her to me. And so we moved from back east to start a new life. No regrets.”
“No regrets,” I echoed.
If only it was that simple. “Oh, crap…would you like something to drink? I didn’t even think?—”
Colin started to wave me off, then stopped. “Actually, a water would be amazing. I have to stay hydrated.”
That sounded super important to me. “Would you like ice? I remembered to fill the trays.”
He grinned. “Ice water would be perfect.” He gazed over to Hallie. “Do you think, when you come back, that she might want to meet Widget? No pressure.” He eyed me. “Only if you think so.”
Slowly, I nodded, although I wasn’t sure Hallie would be up for it. Strange dog, strange people, I wasn’t sure I was up for it. “Let me get you that ice water.”
“Great.” He grinned. Then indicated a pile of boxes next to an artificial Christmas tree. “Then perhaps you’ll want to see what’s in the boxes.”
My heart sank. More gifts. More generosity. Too much. It’s just…too much.
Colin’s smile faltered. “Or you can do it as a family later on…when all the chaos is over.”
Even as he said the words, Fred and Nikki tromped back in. “Changing table’s done,” she announced. Then they headed back outside.
This time, when she shut the door—unlike the thirty times before—Thomas awoke.
And let us know what he thought about his nap being rudely ended. Loudly.
Oh well, the peace was nice while it lasted.
I had no idea when quiet would return, but I hoped we’d survive until then.
Colin gently laid Widget on the floor. “Why don’t I check on the status of everything?” He eyed my wailing child. “You’ve got your hands full.”
“But—”
He waved me off. “Just…don’t tell Danny and James. They’re way too protective. I’m fine. Too much fussing.”
Before I could argue, he headed down the hall to the bedroom and den.
Am I supposed to restrain him? Order him back into the chair?
Widget followed him, glancing around as she went.
I hustled over to Thomas, undid the straps, and scooped him out of the car seat. “Oh dear, buddy, you really need a change.”
As always, he stopped crying once I held him. He was quick to cry, quick to stop and, right on cue, quick to grin. He grabbed my face and planted a big, wet kiss on it. I thought this was adorable. I worried other adults would not.
“Hallie, sweetie, can you grab the plastic sheet out of the diaper bag?” Anthony insisted every parent needed a diaper knapsack and had not only purchased one, but had completely kitted it out for me. I had everything I could possibly need.
Within moments, Hallie had the plastic sheet laid on the floor. Then she had the fresh diaper, cream, and wipes organized as well.
I blinked back tears. “You’re the best.”
She merely grabbed her stuffie and positioned herself at Thomas’s head as I laid him gently down. She ran her hands through his short hair and he gazed up at her with true adoration in his eyes. Despite everything, hope surged in me. At least they still had each other. And I had them. We all had each other. That had to count for something—had to mean something.
“They’re doing a great job in there.” Colin reappeared. “They’ve got the pieces of the bed and are putting it together. Apparently someone at the warehouse did the dresser so they just need to carry that in and secure it to the wall.”
Relief flooded me. I didn’t know how to secure furniture to the wall. Wouldn’t even know what to buy in order to do it.
I put the clean diaper over Thomas so, if he peed, he wouldn’t pee on me. Only had to make that mistake once to learn from the error. I wanted to ask Colin if he had kids, as I organized the dirty diaper and then used the wipe to clean up the mess. Nothing could be done about the smell, unfortunately. My son was…very healthy.
“That’s almost as bad as dog, uh, stuff.” Colin plopped back down on his chair and, before I could move, scooped Widget onto his lap.
I caught Hallie’s eye. “Did you want to say hi to the puppy in a minute?”
She shook her head.
“Okay. That’s fine. Thomas and I might, though. If that’s okay?” I continued to hold Hallie’s gaze, but the question was really directed at Colin.
“I think Widget would love that.”
I finished securing Thomas’s diaper, put his pants back on, and blew a raspberry on his belly. “Are you kidding? He adores dogs.”
“That’s great.”
I scooped Thomas into my arms and pivoted toward Colin and Widget. Thomas’s tendency to sometimes poke had me keeping him a bit of a distance away, but close enough for him to see. “Puppy?”
Thomas clapped.
Widget woofed.
In that moment, everything felt okay.