Chapter 14
Rob
Landing the job at Gaynor Beach Animal Hospital proved easy. Oscar, the amiable vet tech, introduced me to Dr. Louisa Blair, the veterinarian, as well as her nephew Dr. José Blair, the newest vet to join the practice. Christa was the receptionist and Marisol was the office manager everyone spoke of, but people rarely met. She poked her head out of her office, welcomed me to the team, reminded me to submit my paperwork, and disappeared again. Oscar said usually the office manager was in charge of hiring, getting references, setting up the hours—pretty much everything that didn’t involve vet work. With my not having references to provide—except Anthony—Dr. Louisa was more concerned about the fit with the rest of the staff. As long as I did my job, everyone would be happy.
And relieved.
Oscar assured me I’d never have a problem with a paycheck or a reimbursement claim—but if I did, Marisol would fix it immediately.
My head spun at all the new people.
In the clinic, working my third night on the job, I shook my head as I mopped the floor. Now I was about to sanitize and clean all the other surfaces thoroughly. I liked this. Being self-supporting for the first time in my life. Gerard had made it clear I’d never be able to do this. But I was. And I felt damn good about it. Even proud, although I knew pride was not always a good thing. Pride goes before the fall.
I also worried about failing. Some disaster was right around the corner. I could feel it. That always happened. And what would Gerard say to my kids about me being a janitor? That job might be looked down on by some people, but I was damn happy for the great paycheck, fabulous coworkers, and potential raise and benefits if I did a good job.
So I’d do a fucking good job.
Still, I was lonely. I wrung the mop out, let the dirty water run down the drain, and contemplated my life as I looked at all the cleaning left to do. When my cell phone rang, I yanked it out of my back pocket. Danny. “Hello? Is everything okay?”
“Yo.”
I laughed. “Seriously, that’s my greeting?”
“When I know it’s you.” His low-rumbled chuckle came through clearly. “What are you doing?”
“Cleaning the autoclave.”
“The whata what?” He yawned.
“It’s the machine that sterilizes all the equipment. Seriously, does so much work in just a few minutes. But it needs to be cleaned as well, and that’s part of my job.” I had Danny on speaker so I could keep working.”
“Cool. I know what an autoclave is. I was just…” He yawned again. “How are things working out with Nai?” Oscar’s sister Lacy wasn’t able to fit babysitting for me into her jam-packed schedule, but she recommended her friend, Nai.
“She’s great. Although I don’t like keeping a high school senior up so late, she insists she’s a night owl and does her best studying long after dark. She also has a spare period first thing in the morning, and so she can sleep in.” I sprayed disinfectant on the counters and got to work. “I met her parents in person, wanting them to know me. Also, in a stroke of pure luck, she lives just a block away from me.” I sighed. This was harder than I’d ever thought possible.
And I wasn’t talking about the cleaning.
“Hallie took to her right away, the first time we did a trial run. She was fascinated by Nai’s intricate braids.” I blinked. “Then I realized Hallie has almost never spent time with a woman. She doesn’t have any fear to unlearn. Thomas, of course, loves everyone.”
“Talk about fearless. Yeah, he’s a good guy.”
“Anyway, I’m not happy having Nai walking home in the dark when I’m done with work, but it’s Nai’s preference—complete with a lecture about saving the environment—and her parents said a block in a quiet neighborhood was fine. She keeps her phone on and talks to me as she walks so I can be sure she always gets home safe.” I scrubbed the cupboards. “The pay I offered her isn’t great, but she wants to become a teacher and so, by tutoring Hallie, she’ll earn a glowing reference from me.”
Tutoring my four-year-old.
“How did things go with the DA?”
“Huh? Oh, right.” I’d forgotten telling him about this. “Uh, the assistant district attorney from LA, Carlin DiFrancesco, drove down to meet with me.” I checked the autoclave to make sure it had enough distilled water. “She’s a smart, no-nonsense woman, and she admitted her department is hoping for a plea that includes jail time—but that Gerard’s lawyer is aiming for a dismissal as my ex continues to maintain I walked into a door and am using the abuse allegation as an excuse to keep the children away.” Every time I heard about his lawyer claiming a door broke my nose, I had a flash of Gerard’s fist coming at my face. The burst of pain, and then the burst of clarity that the time to run had come. Gerard could tell the judge I was trying to take his children. Well, maybe I’d ask them to have him demonstrate changing a diaper in the courtroom. Something he had never once done for his children. And yet, he had the money, the fancy representation, the big house with the pool. Would the court pay more attention to those than who loved the kids?
“That’s such bullshit.” Danny’s anger rang through the phone clearly.
“Well, she swore she hadn’t been followed, and I tried to believe her.” I held back the rest, not wanting to upset him. But after she left, I kept expecting Gerard to burst in. I jumped at every noise outside and was continually checking windows and doors.
“Okay…that sounds rough. How’s Hallie handling this?”
“That’s another thing.” I sighed because things just kept moving forward at breakneck speed. “I agreed to allow Hallie to see a psychologist. A guy who’s new to Gaynor Beach, Dr. Josiah Braithwaite. He’s been assigned by the courts to determine Hallie’s ability to be a witness—should that be necessary.” I grabbed the phone and moved into the exam room where I started scrubbing the sink. “I haven’t seen his report, but he suggested he wants to see Hallie periodically. Not to talk about the events leading up to Gerard’s explosion, but just to ensure she’s doing okay. I worried about the cost, Danny, but he said something about it being covered by the state.”
I didn’t believe him.
But his motives seemed to be about caring, not the money. He said Hallie was one of the most extraordinary children he’d ever met.
“Well, stuff like that can be sometimes. Take it for the gift it is and see that she gets whatever help she needs. This is all good, Rob. Moving forward.”
Echoing the sentiment I’d just had. “There’s more. Turns out I’ve truly been blind to my daughter’s talents. While I believed she was just making up stories to match the pictures in her books, she can actually read many of them.”
What kind of father doesn’t realize his daughter can read basic words, for fuck’s sake? How can I keep her safe when I don’t even understand her?
Danny whistled. “I didn’t see it either.”
“I should have.” I wanted to call myself a bad name, but I was really trying not to. When the sink was clean, I moved on to disinfecting the exam table. “Jesus, Danny, I haven’t even asked how you’re doing.”
That low rumbly chuckle again. “Because nothing ever changes.” He sighed “Mama’s babying me?—”
“As she should.”
“And Daddy’s finding movies and sports we can watch together. I swear, by the time I’m well enough to leave, I’ll have watched everything on every streaming service that has ever been made.”
I doubted that greatly, but his frustration was clear. “You have my sympathy. And my…I don’t know. I want to say gratitude, but that’s Colin’s line. Just…I’m super proud of you. Which is also super cheesy.” I grabbed the phone, the cleanser, and the cloth and headed into the second room and started disinfecting this one. “Speaking of Colin…” I was always scared to ask.
“He’s fighting a scary postoperative infection. Nasty thing. But the liver’s holding—for now.”
“You’re worried.”
Another sigh. “Man, I’ll worry forever about him. He and James are…”
“Are…” I prompted.
“I see Colin like family. We gave him a family album. We make one for every partner when it’s clear they’re staying. Rashon and Bryan were a little confused—as was Colin, I think. Shondra bawled for, like, twenty minutes. I don’t want to stereotype…but those reactions seem pretty gender-specific.”
“I’ve never heard of that tradition.”
“It’s a Reynolds thing.” He yawned.
“You should be in bed.”
“Naw, I’m a night owl. You almost done? What other gross things are you cleaning tonight?”
“Well, I found something nasty in the garbage?—”
“Oh my God, I do not need to know.”
I laughed. “You asked.”
“Yeah, I did.” His smile came through the phone line clearly.
My heart seized. I hadn’t realized how important he was becoming to me.
Had become to me. “I need to say goodbye. I’m almost done.”
“Yeah, okay. Take care on the way home.”
“I will. Goodnight.”
“Night.” He cut the connection.
I finished that room, ensured I’d restocked the drawers and spray bottles properly, made certain the runs were clean, checked that the garbage cans were empty, did a last check of everything, clocked out on my timesheet, set the alarm, and headed out into the inky blackness. I locked the door, pocketed my keys, and began my walk home. Riverside wasn’t far, and I couldn’t afford a cab. I also still didn’t have a car. Well, or a driver’s license. Anthony had added that to the long list of things I needed to do. I pointed out I’d never be able to afford a car, gas, repairs, insurance, and everything else.
He said that might be true today, but my life could change.
I didn’t believe him. Still, I planned to ask Nai to watch the kids one morning when she didn’t have school, and I’d go down to the DMV. I’d been studying the manual for several weeks and almost felt ready to take the test. I had, when I turned sixteen. But that felt like a million years ago—and I’d lived in another state. Everything felt different in California.
Arriving home, I put the key in the lock and, with great weariness, turned it. As I stepped into the house, Nai rose from the couch to come over to greet me.
She grinned.
I smiled back. A brutally difficult thing to do, but I was obligated, as far as I was concerned. “How did it go?”
“Hallie wants to move past the reader Miss Agnes suggested.”
Miss Agnes was the former grade-one teacher in Gaynor Beach. She was also an honorary grandmother to Oscar and Hugh’s children, and she lived with them. When I’d spoken to Oscar about my fears with Hallie’s intelligence—and how that might make her stand out—he brought Miss Agnes over. She did several informal assessments of Hallie and devised a plan to keep my daughter occupied.
“She’s four,” I whispered. Hallie still slept lightly and often woke when I arrived home. I glanced down the hall and found her bedroom door almost shut and no sign of her.
Nai smiled. “There are plenty of appropriate books for her to read. Miss Agnes put together a list. She has some herself, and Dr. Hugh dropped those off on the way to the hospital. Most of the rest are available from the library, and Scott’s going to drop more off tomorrow. We’ll have at least a month’s worth of reading.”
My head spun. Dr. Hugh was an emergency medicine physician and Oscar’s husband. Scott was the librarian, of course. Everyone kept stepping up and helping—all without me having to ask. I felt guilty at not being able to reciprocate…but also incredibly grateful Hallie was getting the support she needed. Support I couldn’t offer.
“Thanks, Nai.”
She nodded. “Do you want me to stay over and handle the kids in the morning? You look exhausted.”
I could’ve wept at her offer.
But I also declined it. My children weren’t her responsibility.
And, as much as I needed to sleep, I couldn’t afford to pay her overnight.
I held up my phone.
Understanding my gentle refusal—and likely the gratitude that went with it—she packed up her schoolwork, saluted me, called me on her phone, and headed out.
As she carried on chatting about how great my kids were—which only made me tear up more—she walked the couple of blocks and, soon enough, I heard her unlock her door, step inside, and lock it. “Goodnight, Rob.”
“Thanks, Nai.”
This method wasn’t foolproof, of course. But Gaynor Beach was a safe town, and I could sprint and be out of the house and down the street within moments.
But then the kids would be alone.
My mind conjured up Gerard hiring someone to grab Nai. While I was racing to her rescue, he somehow got into the house and took the kids. The scenario was massively improbable…but not impossible. I should find a way to pay for a cab for Nai. It couldn’t possibly be that expensive. Maybe I could get a discount since we did this six nights a week? She could’ve driven her dad’s car, but it was the only one the family had, and the family needed it for any activities of her many younger siblings as well as for emergencies. If something happened at my house, her mom or dad could be over quickly, but both went to bed way earlier than I got home. Asking them to stay up wasn’t fair either.
And I kept offering her a night off—figuring I could ask Scott for a favor—but she insisted she loved doing this. She had her Sunday nights off, so she planned to drag her friends out for something or other. She’d also confided she needed the money for college. A scholarship would only take her so far.
I, of course, panicked when I realized she’d be leaving in August. In fact, her schoolwork would be done in June and she might get bored with just hanging around and babysitting. Although she’d said something about getting ahead in her university studies…?
Most of the time I saw her, I was either racing out the door to get to work or coming home completely exhausted.
As I made my way to the kitchen, I contemplated a snack. I used up precious time while cleaning at the clinic to heat up and quickly eat a meal so I could keep up my strength. Anthony maintained I’d had a job for four years—caring for my kids—but I’d never done this kind of labor. At the mansion in LA, I’d organized cleaning so I did a bit each day—usually while the kids slept. I’d known exactly how to prepare all of Gerard’s favorite meals, and had a timetable laid out. I could cook while I did other things. I multitasked.
In my current job, I just had to work hard and fast.
“Papa?”
Hallie caught me off guard, and I pressed a hand to my chest as I spun. I crouched. “Yes, sweetheart? Couldn’t you sleep?”
“Bad dreams.”
“Ah.” I scooped her into my arms and settled her on my hip. She felt heavier than she had when we arrived. Part of that was just she was a growing child…but her appetite seemed to have improved. I spent less time bribing her to eat her food. That felt like a small victory. “How about some warm milk? I think I’d like some myself. And maybe a cookie?” I’d baked a couple of batches that morning while the kids watched a television program. I hated to use the TV as a babysitter, but I needed to keep the house spotless and always have plenty of healthy food on hand. Home-baked oatmeal and raisin cookies counted, as far as I was concerned. Anything to show authorities I could take care of my kids.
Hallie tucked her head against my shoulder as I moved us into the kitchen. If I could’ve made the warm milk with one hand, I totally would have. “Papa needs to put you down.”
She yawned. “Okay.”
I put her on a kitchen chair, then hustled into the living room, coming back a moment later with a fleece blanket to wrap around her. Then I moved to the fridge and pulled the milk out, steadying the jug while I unscrewed the tight cap. “How was your day? Did you read to Nai?”
“Yes.” She drew patterns on the tabletop with her fingers. “Nai’s nice.”
“She is. And very smart.” I put a small mug of milk in the microwave and turned it on. “You’re smart too.” I glanced over to her.
As I’d expected, she scrunched her nose. Somewhere along the way, she’d absorbed that girls weren’t smart. I wanted to claim I didn’t know where that assertion came from…but I also knew who her other father was. I thought he’d made the sexist remarks out of earshot but, as I learned every day, little ears heard everything.
The microwave beeped. I took the mug out and tested the temperature before gingerly giving it to Hallie. “Sips, okay?” The milk wasn’t too hot, but it was warmer than she was used to. When I gave her chocolate milk, I tended to make it cold.
She sipped.
“Okay?”
She nodded.
I put my own mug in. “Lots of girls are smart. Nai’s smart. You’re smart. Miss Agnes is smart.” To my frustration, Hallie still didn’t have many women in her life. I hoped eventually to introduce her to Dr. Louisa down at the vet clinic. The amount of schooling required to be a vet blew my mind. And she still did continuing-education courses and stuff. Oscar said she was busy all the time. He had classes to do as well. I didn’t want to be a vet, but I envied them for all the education stuff.
My phone buzzed in my back pocket as the microwave beeped.
As Hallie was absorbed in sipping her milk, I checked my message.
From Danny. Asking if I was home safe.
I popped off a quick reply and said I’d send something longer later on.
Pondering his claim that he’d become a night owl since his surgery, I smiled. Sleeping until noon and then staying up super late. Drove his mother nuts, but she also acknowledged he was an adult. I’d asked if he was preparing to go back to university in the spring semester, but he was evasive about that. I respected his silence on the topic. I also restrained myself from asking when he might come down to visit James and Colin. James looked harried when we’d run into each other at the grocery store, and said he’d only left Colin for a few minutes—at Colin’s insistence. Apparently James was hovering.
I could see that. And I suspected Danny would’ve been doing the same for any partner of his. Just like I would have if my partner was ill. It was a good thing Danny did his recovery down in LA.
You don’t have a partner.
“Papa?”
“Mmm?”
“Are you going to drink your milk?”
I blinked. “Of course, sweetheart.” I did. Then I tucked Hallie into bed next to me, given she was still shaken from her bad dreams. In the end, I forgot to text Danny back.