Chapter 16
Rob
“I can’t thank you enough.” I rubbed my elbow. I’d lost track of how many times I’d thanked Colin, but I’d do it again a thousand times if it somehow drove home to him how grateful I was. He was basically giving me the perfect home for my kids to live in. Sure, I was paying rent. But an appallingly small amount. I’d done my homework because I’d known I couldn’t stay at James’s house forever. He’d meant that for someone who was in desperation, and now I had a job, I was trying to pretend that I wasn’t desperate.
Even though I kind of still was.
But the thought of having a room to myself—and a bit of space to breathe—overwhelmed me. Anthony implied I’d be doing Colin and James a favor. That they wanted to hang on to the house but were moving shortly, and wouldn’t it be easier if I moved at the same time…? And then there was the woman who would move into James’s place. I knew exactly what a lifeline that would be for her.
I was dubious. On the other hand, if they wanted to help me, help my precious kids who deserved the best, how could I turn it down? Being prideful while also needing help didn’t work. Sure, I hated being beholden. Every fiber of me was terrified of depending on someone else again, even this kind of benevolence of strangers. I wanted to stay in the small place where I had the illusion I was self-sufficient. But I couldn’t stand in the way of that woman’s safety, and I wouldn’t let my fear keep my kids cooped up in one small room. I’d take the gift and say thank you. And I’d pay it forward. Someday I’d find someone who needed help, and I’d be the one to help them.
Danny had accompanied James, Gracie, and their friend Arthur who helped move Thomas’s crib into one room, Hallie’s little bed into another, and the boxes carrying our meager few possessions into the various places. I still needed to unpack, but we’d put the foodstuffs away. I noticed Danny kept to the lighter items and I assumed that was because he’d been cut open not that long ago.
Colin had decided to leave most of the furnishings behind, opting to buy new for their new home together. Which meant I could leave the furniture behind in James’s old home, and Vanya, the young woman moving in, had everything she needed.
All neat and tidy. But it was a surprising wrench to leave things behind again, even if they’d never been mine. I was glad the kids would have their beds and the changing table and toy chest. Some familiarity, as we moved one more time.
James’s friend Arthur headed our way. “I’m going to head out. I’m meeting with the property guy again this afternoon.” He rubbed a hand over his curly red beard. “I still can’t believe someone’s making the animal shelter a reality. I keep thinking I imagined it all, or there’ll be a hitch. His dad showing up at the town meeting and claiming the deal was off almost gave me a heart attack. But Theo’s following through.”
“You sure you don’t want me there?” Colin nodded. He looked tired, but I had no idea what was going on.
“No. I appreciate the offer. I may have you look over the financial stuff. Wynn Cavanah’s doing the legal stuff.”
Colin nodded. “Well, we’re a phone call away. Thanks for pitching in with the move.”
Arthur offered a small smile as he waved Colin off. “Easiest thing I’ve done in a while.” He held out his hand to me, and I shook it. “I think you’ve got a great family. I wish you all the best.” Then he headed off to his car.
How much does he know? Does it even matter? He helped. Be grateful.
I surreptitiously glanced between Colin, Gracie, and Danny. Of everyone, Danny had heard the most from me. Didn’t mean the others didn’t know.
James stepped out from the house, holding a sleeping Thomas in his arms. “This kid can sleep through anything.” He whispered the words with genuine admiration.
Hallie, who held my hand, stared up at the giant of a man carrying her brother. “He’s a good boy.”
“He’s a very good boy.” James grinned, nodding his approval.
“But I’m not a good girl.”
Oh Jesus.
I crouched down before her, panic sweeping through me. “Sweetie, I told you that you’re a good girl. You’re the best girl in the whole wide world.”
“But Daddy left because I was bad.”
Jesus fucking Christ. How had I not seen this coming? We so rarely talked about Gerard. I left that up to Josiah. If the psychologist thought I needed to know something, he’d tell me. Sometimes we had sessions with the three of us, but occasionally he liked to talk to Hallie alone. I’d be on the other side of the glass, worried, but trusting the psychologist knew what he was doing.
“Daddy left because he had to go away.” I glanced at Danny before turning back to Hallie. Embarrassment swamped me. He must think I’m a horrible father. “You are the most important thing in my life. You and Thomas. If we have each other, we’ll be okay, right?”
I willed her into my arms, but I wasn’t going to press the issue—especially in the midst of strangers. Still, eventually she threw herself into my arms. She whispered something in my ear, but I couldn’t make it out. Now wasn’t the time, but I promised myself I’d make it. Glancing over, I saw Gracie had put her arm around Danny and a lone tear streaked down his face.
God, can I do nothing right? I’m making other people cry as well.
“Hey!” James’s startled comment had us all turning our attention to him.
Thomas had awoken and had a strong grip of the man’s beard.
Colin untangled Thomas’s little hand before I had a chance to intervene. “Hey, buddy.”
Thomas took one good look at Colin and started crying in earnest.
Someone please rescue me from this hell. Great. My son was crying at the man who was basically our savior.
James, Gracie, and Danny laughed.
I squeezed Hallie and kissed her cheek, then rescued Thomas from James’s arms. “I’m so sorry. Let me rock him. He’ll settle.”
James pressed a hand to my arm. “He’s a baby. Babies cry. Hell, most people would look at Colin’s ugly mug and want to wail.”
Everyone laughed. Colin most of all. That allowed me to relax. A fraction.
Danny clapped his hands. “You folks need to get settled.” He turned to Hallie. “May I show you your new room?”
She had her arm wrapped around my leg. Did she even remember Danny from his visit all those months ago? “Only if Papa comes.”
Danny met my gaze. “I insist on Papa coming.”
I positioned Thomas on my hip so I could hold Hallie’s hand as we walked inside our new home with Danny.
Only belatedly did I realize we’d left Gracie, Colin, and James standing on the front lawn.
Part of me wanted to run back and thank Colin yet again. The other part of me realized Hallie needed to feel settled before night came or she’d be sleeping in my bed again. As she still did most nights. Getting her into a routine of sleeping in her own room was critical.
Danny stepped into her room and swung his arm in a warm, welcoming arc.
Hallie stepped in. And gasped.
I’d known, of course. Colin and James had asked me more than a week ago—once my moving in was confirmed—what they could do to make Hallie’s transition easier.
Balking hadn’t worked.
They said if I didn’t give my input, then they’d just do it themselves. Colin said something about having a horrible sister back east and James mused about his sister who loved stomach-medicine pink as a color. Whitney?
I was being manipulated…and didn’t care. If Hallie wound up with something that suited her, who was I to complain?
A week ago, they’d moved the spare bed out of here and hired a mural designer to paint a wall for Hallie. I’d felt this was over the top, but James said something vague about kids and something else I didn’t entirely understand. I’d agreed because this was, after all, their house.
Even knowing that, my breath caught. Yeah, over the top. But so welcome.
The woodland scene was unlike anything Hallie would’ve ever seen in real life. She’d never left Los Angeles or, now, Gaynor Beach. The ocean was the closest she’d gotten to nature. There were forests east of the town—out near the air base—but we’d yet to venture out that far. Being without a car hampered our adventures.
Not that I was complaining.
Thomas, now fully awake after his nap in James’s arms, reached out toward the mural. I eased him to the ground, and he toddled right over, putting his hands against a family of rabbits.
I panicked.
“The paint’s dry.” Danny caught my gaze. “They would’ve never let you move in if it wasn’t. This was finished days ago.”
“I know.” I bit my lower lip. “I’m worried he’s going to damage it.”
Danny cocked his head. “How? It’s paint. I suppose he could use a crayon on it and you’d have to wipe it down. Or I guess he could try to paint over it…but something tells me you don’t leave him alone with gallons of paint.”
“No.” Quick confirmation he clearly didn’t need.
“Papa?”
I knelt down to Hallie’s level. “Yes, sweetheart?”
“Is this for me?” Her wide blue eyes made my heart stutter.
“Yes. Colin and James did this for you.”
Her brow furrowed. Damn, had I introduced her to them? Sometimes she remembered everything and sometimes she remembered nothing. I pointed to Danny. “James is his brother.”
She turned to him, peering up. “Thank you.”
I bit my lip.
Danny lowered himself. “On behalf of my brother, you’re welcome.” He pointed to her bed. “Is that in a good place?”
She nodded. “That’s my blanket.”
“Yes, it’s your bed, same as always.”
“It’s a new room, but it’s my own bed.”
“Right. We wanted you to be comfortable in your new home.”
I held my breath. She’d asked several times over the past few months if we’d be going home. Obviously she meant LA. Somehow, I hoped she might see this place as home…as long as we stayed here for a while. So much upheaval?—
“Hey, little man.” Danny held out his hand to Thomas, who grabbed it. “Want to see your room?”
Thomas threw his arms around Danny’s neck.
Danny grabbed him up and swung him around. “Okay, buddy, let’s go.”
My son giggled as they headed out. I wanted to follow them. Not that I didn’t trust Danny, but I still clutched when someone took one of the kids out of sight, and despite a hundred phone conversations, seeing Danny made him feel new and uncertain. But Hallie was still looking around her room, and she needed me here.
“Papa?”
“Yes, sweetheart?”
“Who’s that man?”
“That’s Danny.”
She gave me her patented duh look that had me dreading her teenage years. How could a four-year-old already the ability to give attitude when she wanted to?
“He’s our friend. He’s James’s younger brother.”
She eyed me.
I held my hand up way above my head. Then I scratched my chin. “The guy with the beard.”
“Okay.” She moved closer. “Is Danny Thomas’s father?”
My world shook. “No, sweetie. I’m Thomas’s father.” I nearly added that Gerard was as well because, in the eyes of the law, he still was. To me, the moment he’d hurt Hallie emotionally, and physically, he’d lost the right to be called a father. Hurting me just sealed his fate—at least in my mind.
My daughter pursed her lips.
“Danny’s a friend,” I repeated. “Colin and James—the two men from before—are friends.”
Finally, after a long while, she nodded.
Through her early years, I’d carefully curated lots of stories about blended families. Tried to show her that not all families looked identical. For her to somehow understand that Thomas’s father would likely be black…? Or perhaps he’d been mixed race. Or even white. Cantrice was dark-skinned. I hadn’t asked her background. I’d wanted to—if only so I could answer Thomas’s questions, should he have them, when he was older. But she’d not been in the right headspace for that. She wanted to know her baby would be cared for. I gave her that assurance. Beyond that, there hadn’t been the opportunity for more.
Of course, I wondered if one or both of my children would sign up for one of those ancestry websites. Whether they’d seek out biological relatives. I wanted to believe I was enough family…but I understood curiosity. I’d always told my children they were adopted. That I chose them. That I loved them. Until today, I wasn’t entirely certain Hallie understood what that meant. Now, pushing down the panic, I decided I needed to speak to her psychologist.
“That is the best big-boy bedroom ever.” Danny’s words carried down the hallway.
“Do you want to go see?” I brushed Hallie’s hair back from her eyes. Usually she wanted her hair up. Today she’d chosen down. The mass of curls was totally full of tangles, so I wasn’t looking forward to brushing it out tonight.
“Yeah, Papa.” She grasped my hand and held my gaze. “New home.”
With a little prayer in my heart, we headed out to join Thomas and Danny.