Chapter 16 #2
“What the—” I stammered when he stopped. He released his hold on my waist, so I grabbed his large hand with both of mine and tried to put it back on me.
“Ah, did you drink this?” Drustan asked with a mischievous look in his eye. “Is this why you’re so friendly?” It took me a moment to realize he held my empty tea mug; he must have grabbed it off my nightstand with his other hand. He sniffed it once, before smirking and glancing up at me.
“Sure did,” I nodded, “Anyway…” I awkwardly wabbled over him, pressing my body against his side as I looped both of my arms around his neck.
He was so warm.
He had a very large neck. Supported by firm shoulders that my hands squeezed of their own volition. I wanted to feel his large hands on me again. I wanted to be able to enjoy it this time. This tea made me very horned up.
Drustan released a whimper in his throat. His hot breath fanned against my shoulder, and I shivered from the feel of it. I slowly slid my hands up his neck, tangling my fingers into his hair.
“This color reminds me of blood,” I murmured against him. I inhaled through my nose. Thank god he smelled good. Spicy. My drugged-up brain knew exactly what I needed right now.
“Don’t tempt me, Vanessa.” Both of his large hands gripped my waist as his fingertips pressed into my skin. “I’m not an honorable male.” I shushed him before dragging the pad of my tongue up his neck like the animal inside me demanded. He tasted good.
I mean, he just tasted like skin.
But my tongue reacted as if I had just licked a decadent ice cream cone.
Something buzzed in me from the action.
These were quite possibly the best drugs I’d ever taken.
“Vanessa,” Drustan groaned, tilting his head back to give me more room. “I’m not confident you won’t regret this when your mind is clear.”
“Shh,” I whispered against his ear, before nipping at his earlobe. “This isn’t real. It doesn’t count.” The point of his ear made me giggle, because what grown ass man had pointy elf ears like this? I traced the shape of it with my index finger. It twitched from my caress.
“Vanessa, it—it would very much count,” he murmured. “I would ensure you understood just how much it counts, actually.” He used his grip on my waist to pull me off of him, making me sit back on my heels. The pinch in his brow illustrated an entirely new emotion.
Drustan looked hungry.
But I glanced down, taking in what had just happened. Because he had just…pushed me off of him.
“No, this isn’t right.” I shook my head with my words, resting my own hands against either side of my neck. Oh, wow. My own touch felt good, too. Okay. That’s fine.
“Hmm.” Halluci-Drustan, or maybe Dru-cinagin, sighed while tucking a strand of my dark curly hair behind my ear. “No. I guess you wouldn’t think so.” His eyes softened, and I blinked, struggling to clear my vision enough to find heat in his eyes. Flushed cheeks. Anything to indicate he wanted me.
I…couldn’t find anything.
What the hell?
I groaned. “You’re supposed to ravish me.” I dragged one hand up into my hair, while the other slid down my front. It pulled the low neckline of my tank down, almost creating a nip slip. Drustan grumbled something incoherent to himself before he clasped my hand with his to hold it still.
“Do you even know who I am, Vanessa? Where you are?” Drustan asked me. He looked amused at my behavior. Like a man watching a show. He shook his head once, as if clearing his thoughts.
“…Is that a request?” I quoted the words he whispered in my mind back at Bandthral. Drustan’s eyes locked on me then, and the intensity of them made me lose my breath. He was so focused on me; maybe I could convince him to keep touching me.
“You…” I poked the center of his firm chest, noticing a difference in texture.
I dragged my finger to the side, parting the deep V of his shirt to see what I touched.
A very faint, jagged scar dragged across one of his pecks.
I didn’t notice this at Bandthral. I was so determined not to look at him too much, but for some reason, my mind decided to give him scars.
The details these drugs could conjure up in my head were miraculous.
Drustan trapped my hand before I could tug it away. I leaned into him instead, remembering to finish my train of thought, “…should take your pants off.”
Drustan grinned as his gaze became hooded. I stared at him, waiting.
“I enjoy you like this,” he murmured. “Completely hopeless for me.”
I frowned, noting how his pants stayed very much on. This fantasy was not going how I wanted. What the hell was the point of hallucinating a huge, sexy siren sneaking into my bedroom if he wasn’t going to go down on me even a little bit?
“Okay,” I grumbled, time to take care of things myself.
“Vanessa, I can’t know if it’s safe for us to—” I interrupted him by tugging my hands out of his grip and grabbing the bottom of my tank. In one swift movement, I pulled it off.
“Fuck,” Drustan breathed as his gaze bounced between my face and chest. He leaned over from his seat on my bed, resting his elbows on his thighs, muttering something that sounded a lot like curses.
“I don’t know if what the halfling gave you is entirely safe for humans, Van.
Increasing your heart rate more could…” Blah, blah, blah, who cares?
I stared at Drustan, hyper-focused on the large, beautiful man. My thoughts started racing faster than I could truly process them.
He…doesn’t want me. Which, logically, was fine. But he doesn’t want me.
I wanted him, for reasons that were none of my business.
But I was being rejected by my own fucking hallucination.
What was happening right now? The light and airy feelings were slowly fading from me.
Creeping in around the edges of my consciousness, rejection and pain were starting to ooze into my chest. My pictures on the wall danced less. The patterns on my ceiling stilled.
My heart was racing, and my face burned with humiliation.
He doesn’t want me.
He’s rejecting me.
He doesn’t want me.
He’s rejecting me.
I couldn’t escape these thoughts. They kept playing on a loop. Over and over again.
I watched Drustan lower his hand and lift his head to stare at me, horror starting to wash over his features. I gripped the roots of my hair, pulling hard. I wanted to feel anything, anything else beyond this ice-cold rock forming in my stomach.
These drugs fucking sucked.
“No, no, no.” I dropped to my side, facing away from my hallucination, tucking my legs up toward my chest as I tried to fold the pain away. “No, no, no.”
“Vanessa.” The mattress dipped behind me, his warm words blanketed my ear, “You know that I want you.” My body didn’t believe him. My mind didn’t believe him. I shook my head; my breath became shorter and shorter under the weight of my panic.
He’s rejecting me.
“I’m not. You’re mine, Vanessa.” Right—his mind-reading and stuff.
I shook my head again. This isn’t how I wanted this to go.
I wanted him to want me, to need me. I wanted to feel wanted.
When was the last time I was truly, passionately wanted?
Why was my brain attacking me like this?
I felt unstable enough with a sober mind.
My world was turned upside down, and I was just barely starting to fill the large canyon that formed between my best friend and me.
My brain formed Drustan when I drank this hallucinogen.
Not Drew, who also wouldn’t just fuck me already.
My subconscious clearly formed Drustan because I had a better chance, but I was wrong.
I just needed to get Drustan out of my system.
I needed to play out the fantasy of being with him.
But I couldn’t. Because my brain felt like it was working against me and plucking at weaknesses that I didn’t even know I had.
I had never cried over a man in my adult life. So why the hell was my heart being ripped apart? Why were silent tears streaking down my face? Why did I want him? Why did I need him to want me so badly?
I smacked myself on the forehead, desperate to get a grip and escape this horrible high.
“Vanessa!” Drustan growled. He roughly grabbed my shoulders and slammed me onto my back.
His body blanketed over mine, his golden glare inches from my face.
He smelled too good. His weight felt like a breath of air in my lungs.
His dark red hair draped over the side of us like a curtain, blocking the window from view. “Fine, fine. Just breathe, my song.”
I gasped for frantic breath, desperate to cooperate, but looking at his face, the face of someone who wouldn’t rip my clothes off and fuck my brains out, made something crack in my chest.
I squeezed my eyes closed. I slapped my hand over my mouth, desperate to cover the sob that wanted to escape.
Drustan growled, “Look at me.” I shook my head at him.
Warm, large hands cupped either side of my face.
“My song, open your eyes.” The weird term of endearment made me comply.
My vision was a little blurry, but his features were still there.
His face was so close to mine. Eventually, his forehead pressed against my own.
“Vanessa, breathe.”
“I’m trying,” I gasped. “I need—” His hips shifted, and suddenly something long and very hard was pressing against my thigh. A myriad of emotions coursed through me at the feel of his erection against my bare leg.
Drustan lifted a dark red eyebrow and smirked when I rolled my hips against him, searching.
“You know I want you,” he announced. It wasn’t a question, but I nodded; all I could focus on was the evidence of his want against my thigh.
“You want me,” I murmured back to him. I leaned up to press my lips against his. I startled him by doing this, based on how his entire body stiffened. It wasn’t a dirty kiss, just a simple press of my lips against his soft, warm ones.