Chapter Five – Whiskey Gingers #2
Thirty minutes later, we had our food and our drinks, deep into playing catch-up.
“Are you joining the book club this month, or are you going to bail again?” Tayvion teased me. “I mean, you’ve skipped the last three, but I still believe in miracles!”
“Depends. What book did y’all choose this month?” I sipped my drink. “Anything good?”
“We chose To Conjure Love, that book that came out a while ago and had all the girls in a fuss over it? I tried to suggest it when it first dropped, but those fuddy duddies said no. Now that it’s being made into a movie, everyone wants in!
” she gushed. “Oh, and there is another book coming out too; the author turned it into a series! I can’t wait. ”
“While that book looks good, I don’t want to be reading about love when my personal life is in the pits.” I shook my head. I also didn’t want to read about love when I was trying to avoid Likosa, but I kept that to myself.
“Since when?” Cadence asked as she popped a potato into her mouth. “What happened to… Wait, what was her name?” She snapped her fingers and then squinted at Tayvion, hoping our friend would help jog her memory.
“We don’t talk about ghosts!” Tayvion playfully slapped Cadence’s hand. “Girl, she's been struggling for the last year or so. None of her ladies are working out.”
They both turned the most pitiful expressions toward me, and I just rolled my eyes. I knew what was coming. Right on cue, they moved into the lesbian lore rundown.
“Wow, I expected you to be booking your moving truck by now.” Cadence snickered like a child testing the water before acting out.
“Isn’t that the appropriate timeline? I mean, we already met her, even though I can’t really remember what the child’s name was.
Was it like a flower or something? No, that was that Lily chick from college.
The one who wouldn’t leave you alone. I swear, at one point, I thought she might try to kidnap you, and I was fully ready to go after her ass if she did. ”
I just rolled my eyes at Cadence; there really wasn’t much I could say about what she thought.
That ‘Lily chick’ was, in fact, an Olympian-qualifying stalker.
It had gotten so bad, I had to call the police and get a formal restraining order against her.
All that because I told her she looked cute one day in passing.
I had never even dated the girl! I blamed it on my unchecked abilities and not on her failing mental health.
“Cadence is right, you know. By now, the two of you should have already been picking out engagement rings.” Tayvion wiggled her ring finger in my face. “I know you; you’d want to know exactly what she wanted ahead of proposing, because you’re not letting anyone pop the question on you!”
“Then, they would be house hunting and having healthy debates about whether to put shiplap on the walls!” Cadence chimed in. “I never understood why people like that stuff!”
“Really? We’re just going to lean in on the lesbian jokes? I thought you were better than that!” I scolded them.
“You’ve got us all wrong. These aren’t lesbian jokes.” Tayvion clutched her chest, feigning offense. “That is offensive and politically incorrect!”
“Right, exactly,” Cadence piled on. “We would never do such a thing.”
“These are Shontae jokes. Baby, these jokes were custom-made just for you!” Tay pointed at me.
“Tell me I’m wrong. You’ve had four serious girlfriends, and you thought you would marry every one of them!
I even went with you twice to look at outfits for the big day.
Remember the ‘Will Shontae wear a dress’ debate? ”
“Of course she would! You see how good she looks in the one she has on now!” Cadence clapped. “I’m so glad to see you leaning more into your feminine side again. I know how hard it is for studs to do that.”
“Let’s not get into the debate of the stud archetype—which I never claimed to be. I just like comfortable shit!” I laughed.
There was a time when you couldn’t catch me in a skirt!
But during the last few years of my thirties, I’d found myself wanting to try them out more.
Even sitting there in the dress I felt good, but I was itching for my sweats.
By Monday, I’d be back to wearing slacks for at least a few months before I pulled out another skirt. A woman needed balance, after all!
“Okay, so we’ll get back to your fast path to marriage!” Tayvion snapped her fingers. “That’s more fun, anyway.”
“And yet, here I am, single.” I stuck my tongue out. “So clearly, I’m not a U-Haul lesbian after all.”
“Because they weren’t really your person. They were just…there,” Cadence said with an indifferent shrug. “All very pretty but still somehow forgettable. I mean, really, what was that last girl’s name?”
“It sounds like you have an unspoken opinion…” I trailed off. “Both of you.”
“Well,” they said in unison, glancing at each other before looking back at me.
“Spill it.” I leaned back in my seat, preparing for the heat of their unfiltered honesty.
“Shon, I love you, but you just stick your partners in your side pocket.” Tayvion launched a gentle but poignant blow.
“You take them along for the ride on the highway of your life until they choose an exit. They become accessories you forget you have. And from the outside looking in, you never really seem all that into them. It’s actually hard to watch because they are always so excited about you. ”
“And you agree with this?” I glanced at Cadence, who simply nodded.
“You have a real knack for finding women who would lay down their lives for you. Unfortunately, they never see how disinterested you truly are until their hearts are broken.”
“Why didn’t either of you say something before now?” I asked, suddenly feeling guilty for something I wasn’t really ready to believe.
“Back in the day, I figured that’s how it was for most young people,” Cadence said. “But we’re in our forties now, and you’re still doing the same thing.”
“And I just assumed it was because of your abilities,” Tayvion added. “I mean, I think it would overwhelm me to have to constantly experience the feelings of everyone around me. I’d shut down emotionally too.”
“I don’t do that. Shut down emotionally, I mean.” I rejected what she said but felt a nudge in my chest that said she was right.
“Yeah, okay,” Tayvion chuckled as she sipped her drink.
“Wait, I think you should explore that.” Cadence snapped her fingers, and I could see her mind spinning, analyzing the data in front of her. “You actually want something deeper, something that gives you a more meaningful connection, but your powers make that harder to accomplish.”
I simply sighed, suddenly overwhelmed by the topic. Cadence continued.
“Hell, you know I’m all for staying single, traveling the world, and being married to experiences.
But I know my friend’s heart. You want love, genuine connection, and you try to pretend like that’s what you have with anyone who walks into your life because it’s easier than facing the truth that your abilities alter that.
The best part of building a relationship is the time it takes for someone to trust you with their heart.
For you, you already know what they’re truly feeling, even when that trust hasn’t formed yet. ”
My shoulders dropped in defeat. “Maybe you’re both right, but right now, I am focused on work. That’s the only thing that matters right now. So, I’m not entertaining anyone else for a while.”
“Yeah, figure out what you really want, ask the universe, and it will provide!” Cadence said in a very woo woo way.
“Okay…sure.” Tay pointed at me. “I hear what you’re saying, Shon, but I also see that familiar glint in your eye.”
“What glint?” I squinted at her. “Ain’t no glint in my eye!”
“Oh, she’s deflecting!” Cadence’s eyes lit up. “She only brings out the AAV like that when she is trying to hide something. Keep at her!”
“You met someone who got your attention.” Tay jumped at the order from Cadence. “And that twitch in your top lip tells me she is putting on that real pressure! She got my girl all shook up!”
“I swear, you like to pretend you’re some kind of seer or something, but we both know you aren’t!” I rolled my eyes and consciously kept my lips still.
“Magical references!” Cadence gasped. “Oh, this is something deep!”
“You’re both out of your mind.” Suddenly, I was searching for the server, who was nowhere near us.
Can I get an exit strategy please?
“So why are you turning red?” Tay laughed. “That’s the joy of being a dark-skinned baddy! The truth isn’t so easily written across my face like it is on you caramel cuties!”
“Shut up!” I sipped my drink. “Just please. Stop. I give in.”
“I knew you would crack her if you kept at her!” Cadence patted Tayvion on the shoulder, like a proud parent of a child who’d just gotten their tenth participation award.
“Because I’m good like that!” Tayvion high-fived Cadence and then turned to me. “So, who is it? Give us all the details.”
“Why do you have to know me so well?” I took a sip of my water, then another, then another longer one.
“Girl, you aren’t that damn thirsty.” Tayvion fussed and snatched my cup away, holding it just outside my reach. “Put the cup down and give us the details!”
“It doesn’t matter. Nothing will come of it.” I shrugged. “I’ve already closed the door on it, so there is nothing to tell. Now, can I please have my water back?”
“So it’s a taboo affair!” Cadence shimmied in her seat as Tayvion slid my drink back over to me. “That’s even better. You know I love me a good forbidden romance story!”
“You’re treating my life like one of those books y’all love to read together!”
“And you’re dragging this out. Come on, girl, get to it,” Tay snapped at me. “Shit, I’m almost done with my drink!”