Chapter Thirty – These are my confessions.
By the time Likosa made it back to my house, Tayvion had ushered the others out. She let them get through exactly one cup of tea before insisting they all leave so I could rest. As soon as they were gone, I shot her a text to thank her.
After a long shower and too many thoughts of Likosa, I climbed into my bed.
“I see the other girls have gone,” her soft whisper cut through unending thoughts.
“Yeah, they opted to stay at the hotel.” I turned over to see her there. It didn’t even shock me that she had come in. “Tay wanted me to rest.”
“Should I do the same?” she asked. “If you need time, I understand. A lot has happened. I thought there would be more time for you to adjust to all this.”
“No, I think it's good we have some time alone.” I pulled back the blanket for her. “Join me?”
“You have questions?” Likosa undressed as she walked over and slid into the bed with me in just pink lace underwear that looked radiant against her dark skin.
“Questions. Comments. Concerns. All of the above, actually.” I smiled.
“Okay, go for it.” She pulled me closer. “I’m here to address whatever you need.”
“I understand your motivation here. You were pushed out of your world, and you had to find a way back. I get that. What I don't understand is why you weren’t upfront with your plans.”
“Upfront?”
“Yes.” It was hard to address the elephant in the room, but I had to. “When we first met, you could have just said, ‘Hey, I need your powers to get back home.’”
“And you would have helped me, no questions asked?” She chuckled. “A strange woman walks into your life, asking you for your help with a monumental task and offering nothing in return.”
“No. Maybe not. But it would have been a better way to start this conversation.” I nudged her with my shoulder.
“How so?” She nudged me back.
“Likosa, I-I mean, we all care about you. Just hearing how those women talk about you, they adore you.” I tried not to focus on one woman in particular, because there were others.
“Seeing how you were back in your home. The Bane, I mean.
I don't understand how this is all so easy for you to walk away from. Why work to build these bonds just to leave them?”
“None of it is easy to walk away from. The girls are not easy to walk away from.” She shifted so she could look me in the eyes. “You, Shontae Carter, are not easy to walk away from, and if you think you are, you have no idea how amazing you really are.”
I nodded.
“But something I've realized is that I’ve been helping these women finish a story, close the chapter on one version of themselves in order to start the next. I get it, I do. It would be so much easier if I could do that for myself without going back, but I’ve tried.
I have to see this through. Rayna, Whitney, Jericha—they all have their happy endings, or at least what I assume is one for now.
They have love, they have family, they have completion and a way forward.
I don't have that, not yet. That's all I'm hoping for.”
“You're going to go back there to find completion.” I felt tears in my eyes, but I fought to keep them back. “You've been gone a long time. How do you even know it'll still be there?”
“I don't know that for sure, but I have to find out.”
“I see.” My voice was small, unchallenging. I didn’t want to debate her about the choice she’d made for herself. This wasn’t about me.
‘There's something else you're not saying.” She touched my chin in a way that was becoming frighteningly familiar. “What is it?”
“I can't believe I’m even considering saying this to you.” I chuckled.
“This is a safe space,” she encouraged me.
“Yeah, I know, but I am worried once I say it, there's no coming back.”
“Look at it this way: I’m leaving anyway. This may be your last time to get it off your mind,” she reasoned with me in a soft voice that brushed the worry from my mind. “If I'm going to be gone anyway, what's there to be ashamed of?
“Actually, I guess you're right. I can say whatever I want to you, huh?”
“Yeah, so go for it.” She leaned forward, and I almost forgot what I was going to say, but that glint in her eyes, the moon reflecting in pools of pink, reminded me.
“What's up with you and Rayna?” I blurted out.
“Me and Rayna?” Her mouth fell open in true shock, and she leaned away from me. “I'm sorry, that is not what I expected you to say. What?”
“Everyone went in the water, but the only time anything more happened was with Rayna and with me.” There it was, my jealousy laid out. “Did you do to her what you did to me? Was it…was it the same?”
“I see.” The lift of her lips felt like she was teasing me.
“I mean, I don't have a right to even ask you that,” I backtracked. Maybe I had assumed there was more between us than there really was. “It's not like we are together or anything, but I just—”
“But you didn't like hearing I may have been closer with her than the others,” Likosa finished my thought.
“No, I didn't, actually.”
“Aren't you adorable?” She fluffed my curls, and I slapped her hand away.
“Don’t do that.” I almost pouted…almost. But I didn’t think that shit was cute when other women did it, and I wasn’t about to start.
“To be honest, what happened with Rayna was purely an expression of attraction, nothing more,” she said. “Besides, I would never do that intentionally. I respect Metice too much for that.”
“Metice?” I questioned. “She mentioned that name earlier, but I didn’t catch the explanation of who he was.”
“Her soulmate and a friend of mine. I mean, I think he would have considered me a friend before that happened. Since then, he’s been treating me like I stole his favorite toy.” She laughed.
“So you, as Whitney put it, water banged her in order to get under someone's skin.”
“No! That sounds horrible. I didn’t even expect it to go that far, but, I mean, Rayna is an attractive woman, and she's also bi-curious,” Likosa added.
“She is?”
Aw, did she take away the relief you felt when you heard Rayna was with a man? Does a demon count as a man? I’m sure he has the parts. You should ask her about it!
“Yes, she is.” She nodded. “Sometimes, the water takes over. It’s not even all me. Her interest actually pushed things to go further. I just allowed it because I didn’t want to interrupt the ritual. I find these things work better when you let them play out naturally.”
“Okay, I don't know how I feel about all of that, but you're saying there's nothing between you?”
“There's absolutely nothing between Rayna and me, and I didn't even know you when that happened, if that helps ease your concerns.” She smiled. “Though I like that you’re concerned.”
“I'm still struggling with a lot of this.” I shook my head.
“I suspect you will be for quite a while. The others are only now just settling into this. I wish I could be around to see it when you all finally flourish.” She sighed. “I think I’ll miss out on so much.”
“So you won't be around.” I nodded.
“We've established that,” she said.
“Just verifying.” I looked out the window, wishing I could jump through it to get away from the weight of the moment.
Yeah, just break your leg. That will keep her here.
“Shontae, this could very well be our last night together.” Likosa grabbed my chin and turned me to face her. “How would you like to spend it?”
“I think we can come up with something.” I bit my lip, hesitating for a beat.
This could be the last time.
With that thought, and no courage to ask if it were true, I kissed her. I kept my lips on Likosa’s body until we were both out of breath, sweaty, and clinging to each other like it was the last time.
I woke up wrapped in her, and my heart ached, but I refused to sit in it. So, I got up, showered, and dressed, letting her continue sleeping while I made breakfast.
Likosa eventually got up and came down. Just as we sat down to eat, the others arrived.
“We ready to go?” Jericha asked as we joined them in the living room.
“Tonight.” Likosa nodded. “I double-checked things. If we make the jump just before sunset, it will be the perfect moment.”
“Sounds good,” Whitney said, then looked over my shoulder toward the kitchen. “Do we have enough to go around, or should we order out?”
That time, hanging with the other women felt better, and not just because Likosa was there.
I felt like I had more understanding. I still felt a slight aversion to Rayna, but I knew that would go away in time.
Besides, the woman was funny when I stopped hating and started listening.
I could already tell Cadence would love her adventurous spirit, and she’d probably want to work with Jericha on her business under the new program she developed.
I texted Cadence to check out Jericha’s company when she mentioned it.
The day passed quickly. When it was time to leave, we all called our friends first. Something about that made me smile. I was a firm believer that a woman could do anything as long as she had a solid group of friends.
“Rayna,” Likosa said as we gathered, “are you ready?”
“Yes.” She nodded. “Metice helped me lock in on your world. Ready when you are.”
“Perfect.” Likosa held out her hand, and inside were four small pieces of bark. Everyone grabbed one easily and put it in their mouths. I just stared at it.
“What the hell is that?”
“It’s a translator,” Likosa said.
“It’s the coolest thing.” Whitney beamed. “Allows you to understand any language spoken to you, and it translates your words as you speak, so whoever you’re talking to understands you as well. It even works on Earth!”
“That’s pretty cool.” I took the bark. “How do I use it?”
“Just tuck it behind your back tooth. It will adjust itself,” Likosa instructed.
I took the piece and put it in my mouth, frowning at the feel of it moving. It felt like the thing was implanting itself into my gums, and, soon enough, my roaming tongue could no longer find it.
“Shontae?” Likosa asked. “You okay?”
“Yeah, just concerned with how I get the thing out. It’s like it's not even there.”
“I’ll show you when we get back,” Whitney offered.
“Okay, we’re ready to go.” Likosa turned to me. “Shontae, your turn.”
I nodded, and Likosa dropped her barrier completely to allow my magic to work on her.
I enveloped her in a blanket of teal and felt her energy relax, but through that came echoes of things I knew she wouldn’t have wanted me to know.
Fear. Anxiety. Sadness. Knowing that, I shot a few threads of joy into the blanket, and Likosa’s eyes closed.
Her lips lifted just slightly as she fell into my arms. I grabbed her tightly and nodded to the others.
“We’re ready.”
“Let’s do this,” Rayna said, and her power wrapped around us, taking us all away from our world to Likosa’s.