12. Crazy Ex-Girlfriends
“Son of a bitch!” I hopped back from the splash and rubbed my leg where the hot liquid touched me. I was definitely going to have a blister after that.
“Guess I’m not who you were expecting?” The green giant stood in my kitchen wearing brown leather head to toe and watching me with a smirk on her face. “I should have expected as much. It’s not as if I come here as much as some other demons.”
“What are you doing here?” I backed away from her. “How did you find me?”
Metice said the spell worked, and as far as I knew, it had. There had been no demons knocking on my door and no threats to my life. At least, none he had told me about.
“Funny thing about that.” She walked over to the table where my prepared breakfast waited. She pulled the chair out, sat down, and the bitch actually started eating my food! “I couldn’t find you. I tried, but whatever Metice did, it worked. I wasn’t the only one looking for you. One minute, we could track you, and the next… nothing. We knew it was magic, because for the love of all that is hellish, we couldn’t remember where we’d come before. So, I had to switch gears, and instead of looking for you, I watched him. It didn’t take too long before a little demon told me my dear friend was slipping away quite often. Now, I wondered where he could be going. Why was he slipping into other worlds when he wasn’t working anymore?”
“Working?” This was the second time she dropped a hint about Metice’s past. This bitch is doing this to get under my skin.
“Oh, I guess he hasn’t told you about all that. His job.” She dangled that information out there and took pleasure in knowing she knew more about him than I did. “It’s not like he would want you to know about how he was responsible for going to new worlds and bringing souls back to ours. No? Probably not.”
“What are you talking about?” I frowned. She had to be messing with me, but it wasn’t like I knew all that much about Metice. What he’d told me had barely scratched the surface.
“I really shouldn’t say more.” She shrugged. “Not my secrets to reveal. I should let him tell you all that.”
“What do you want?” I wasn’t about to let her ass mess with my mind. That’s exactly what she wanted. I’d seen mean girls operate. Tactic one: install doubt and fuck up the target’s confidence.
“I want you to leave him alone,” she said flat out, eyes narrowing at me. “It’s simple, really. You stay away, and you never have to see me again.”
“Let me guess: Metice was more than just a friend?” I scoffed and felt a small part of myself die as the fresh scent of coffee filled my nose. Dammit, and I was out of that dark roast too.
“Oh, we have a smart one!” She sarcastically clapped her hands. “Makes my job so much easier. I really hate having to over explain things. But you know, some people just don’t seem to get it the first time.”
“I never thought I’d have to deal with a crazy ex-girlfriend from hell.” I shook my head and reached for the paper towel. “You must really be insecure to come all the way to another world to try to intimidate me.”
“Ex-fiancée, to put it in human terms,” she corrected me. “But I’m sure he didn’t tell you that part, either.”
“Excuse me?” The towels I’d ripped from the roll fell to the floor, soaking up the coffee, and my heart broke. What the hell did she mean she was his ex-fiancée?
“Metice was to be bonded to me. Or, in your human terms, we were supposed to get married.” She popped another piece of my food into her mouth and frowned as if it wasn’t appetizing. “That was until he turned soft. I wish I knew what happened to him, but he woke up one day, and he just wasn’t the same Meti anymore.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, but it’s time for you to go.” I pointed to the door she hadn’t used to enter my home.
“I can’t do that.” She shook her head ‘no’ and wagged her finger at me. “Not until you give me your word that you will leave him alone. That is, after all, my reason for coming here, and I would hate to waste the trip, you know?”
“I can’t do that.” I shook my head. Even if I wanted to, it wasn’t that simple. Metice and I had a bond between us stronger than any verbal commitment we could make to each other.
“Don’t you value your pathetic human life at all?” She leaned back in the chair and crossed her arms over her chest. “You know I could crush you, right? What about that little blue nuisance? Your pet you left behind in hell. It would be a shame if something happened to him.”
“Are you seriously threatening my dog?” I laughed and straightened the robe I’d wrapped around myself. “What is it with villains and going after dogs? Did your mother not hug you enough as a child?”
“Pets are easy targets, and you humans are all so emotionally driven.” She chuckled and straightened her collar. “I will never understand why you get so emotionally attached to things you really should be eating. Imagine how great a poodle tastes roasted with a good chili sauce.”
“You’re disgusting.”
“And you’re going to lose your life if you don’t leave Metice alone, as I asked. I won’t ask again.”
“Get out of my home,” I demanded again.
“No.” She looked around. “Maybe I’ll hang out until he gets back.”
“This is absolutely insane.”
“Is it?” She pointed to the floor. “You might want to clean up that mess before it stains your pretty floors.”
“You know what? You’re right.” I nodded. “But I don’t think this paper towel is going to work.”
Carefully, I moved around the counter to the drawer where the kitchen towel hung, but instead of grabbing it, I pulled the butcher’s knife from the drawer and held it out towards the intruder.
“Oh girl, no.” She bared her teeth and growled as two tentacles sprouted from her back like whips. “That was the wrong move, and here I thought you were smarter than that.”
The demoness, whose name was still unknown to me, stalked towards me. Her tentacles whipped out in every direction and destroyed my kitchen. The bar stool went flying toward my head, and I ducked just in time to miss it. I hopped up, hoping to run away, but the other extension slammed into my chest, knocking me against the refrigerator.
The custom magnet with the picture of me and my best friend fell and shattered on the floor. I didn’t have time to worry about it, because I looked up to see her booted foot coming for my chest. I rolled out of the way, but she caught my robe with her hand and pulled me backward, slamming me to the floor instead.
The shards of the magnet dug into the back of my arm.
The knife was still in my hand, and I took the one opportunity to use it. I pushed it upward into her stomach as she kneeled over me, but it did nothing. The blade bent against her tough body, doing no damage at all. Great.
“You really are a dumb bitch.” Her maniacal laughter rang out like a sick anime character.
She started punching me in the face, her fist crashing into my cheek, eye, and chin. After the fourth punch and my pointless struggles, I tasted my own blood. My heart raced with a mixture of anger and fear.
“No,” I cried after the fifth punch made crushing contact with my jawline. Before the sixth could land, I lifted my hand to her chest, hoping to just push her off.
I did a lot more than that.
My insides heated quickly, like an electric kettle with two drops of water in it. In a flash, it felt like I had the worst fever of my life. Sweat formed on my brow as my mouth dried out. Then came the rush of adrenaline accompanied by a foreign sensation. A surge or power gushed through me—from where, I had no idea—but I was grateful for it, because it shot the bitch off me. She didn’t go far, but she stumbled back until she fell onto her ass and her tentacles retracted from the shock.
“What the hell was that?” I looked at my own hands, then common sense kicked in, and I decided to save the questions for later. I quickly got to my feet and backed away from her.
“Oh, you’re not just a normal human, are you?” she grinned. “It looks like Metice has more secrets than I thought. I think I need to take you back to my world.”
“Excuse me?” I wiped the blood from my lip. “I’m not going anywhere with you.”
“I wasn’t giving you the choice.” She jumped to her feet and charged at me.
Her arms reached out to grab me, but instead, I grabbed her wrist. The plan was to give her another shock like the one before, and once again, my plan didn’t mean shit, because instead of blasting her away from me, I felt that same tension, the one that usually announced the arrival of my demon companion.
The world turned fuzzy, and my vision blurred. When I blinked, the look on her face matched the fear I felt. Because we were no longer in my kitchen. We were hanging in the air, and when I looked down, I saw the depths of a massive canyon. The cool breeze felt great until the slap of reality hit, and I realized just how terrible our position was.
“Oh shit!” I screamed and let her go.
“You stupid-” She clawed at me, but I slapped her hands away.
And then, the bitch fell.
I hung in the air, watching her for a second. Maybe I had the power to fly. That was my last thought before gravity grabbed hold of my dumb ass too.