7. Jai
CHAPTER SEVEN
JAI
“ S o, how are things going with you and the Mr .?” Kelsie asked as her voice rang through the speaker while I navigated the winding streets on my way to see my grandfather.
It had been about three weeks since we last spoke, so it was good to hear from my friend. I was curious to know what she had been up to.
“Whew, girl! Brace yourself for this!” I dove right into the details, recounting the heated argument I’d had with Leek just that morning.
“Wow! I must say, I’m surprised to hear he wants you to get a job, or even the mention of you getting one, especially with you still attending school and everything,” Kelsie said with genuine disbelief coloring her tone as I wrapped up my story. “But, sis, maybe getting a job isn’t such a bad idea,” she added, her voice cautious yet thoughtful.
I momentarily pulled the phone away from my ear at her unexpected suggestion. Even though I somewhat agreed it might be wise to find work, I felt a twinge of betrayal to hear her seemingly siding with him. That was, until she quickly clarified, “Not to help his ass out, though. I mean, for your own security. You know, so you’ll have something to fall back on if anything happens between you two. All I’m saying is, having your own money gives you the freedom to walk away from situations you don’t like rather than feeling trapped.”
Listening to Kelsie's advice was challenging for me. Every man she had been with took care of her, and she made sure of that, so I couldn’t help but wonder why she valued independence so highly in that moment. However, Kelsie’s points were valid, and I couldn’t deny the wisdom in her words. So, I decided to let her advice marinate in my mind, pondering the potential benefits of becoming financially independent. I hesitated, debating whether to share that I had been offered a job recently, but the fear of jinxing it kept my lips sealed. After all, nothing was finalized yet, and I didn’t want to get my hopes up too high.
“Believe it or not, I’ve been feeling bad all day about our argument,” I said. “Not to be mistaken, I get where he’s coming from… kind of. At the same time, I felt like it was just thrown on me without him taking the time to realize how much I’m juggling already. It was like Leek was basically telling me I had to get a job instead of asking me if a job could even fit into my schedule. But… after thinking it over, I came to the conclusion that maybe getting a part-time job wouldn’t be so bad after all, either. Leek has sacrificed a lot for me, so I feel I owe him that much. Still, I can’t wait until I finish school and start making my own money,” I finally admitted, the thought giving me a sense of empowerment. “But enough about me! What’s been going on with you, lady? Whenever I go weeks without hearing from you, there’s usually someone new in the picture. So, who is he?”
Kelsie burst into laughter, the sound brightening my mood.
“You know me so well!”
“Yes, I do! Now, spill the beans! I want all the juicy details!”
“Well, for now, I’m going to keep his name a secret since we’re not official… yet , but he’s not someone new, per se. I was actually talking to him the last time we spoke, but we’ve definitely gotten closer since then. I would love for you to meet him, though, if he’s up to it. Oh, wait! Maybe I can bring him with me next month for your birthday celebration. Which you’ve had yet to tell me what you’re going to do.”
“Honestly, Kelsie, I think I might just stay at home.”
“At home?” she retorted.
“Yeah, I mean, especially with the news Leek hit me with. I can’t afford to go on trips or, hell, do much of anything. And who knows… I may even be working by then.”
“No, ma’am! You didn’t celebrate your birthday last year because you were sick, so we’re definitely doing something this year! I don’t care if it’s just a dinner! Hell, I’ll pay for your meal if it comes to it. Don’t let that nigga stop you from having a good time.”
I sighed. “You’re right. I’ll get with Cali and one of my friends from work and see which day works for them.”
Kelsie and I remained on the phone until I pulled up to the nursing home where my grandfather lived.
“Well, girl, I’m about to go in and see Papa Gene. I’ll talk to you later,” I said, trying to maintain a cheerful tone despite the heaviness in my heart.
“Alright, boo! And make sure to tell Papa Gene I said hello. Have a good night, okay? I love you. Talk to you soon!” Kelsie replied, her words a soothing balm amidst the tough realities I faced.
After ending the call, I leaned back into the headrest, taking a deep breath to steady myself. Walking into a nursing home is never easy, especially knowing that my grandfather, who had once been such a strong figure in my life, was now battling the ravages of Alzheimer’s. Each visit felt like a gamble; I never knew what kind of mood he’d be in when I arrived. The truth was, the disease had stolen much from him—his memories, his ability to recognize faces—but thankfully, it had not taken away his gentle spirit. He was never aggressive toward the staff. He usually always displayed his softer side, even when his mind wandered.
With a twinge of sadness, I acknowledged how devastating it was to walk into the facility and face the reality that he often didn’t remember who I was. Still, my determination to check on him daily remained unyielding. The nursing home was only a skip and a hop from the hospital where I did my fellowship and just a short ten-minute drive from my own home. So, there was literally no excuse as to why I couldn’t visit him daily. More than that, I realized I was his only family left. Well, the only one who seemed to care enough to visit him regularly. So, day after day, I made it my business to see my grandfather, hoping my presence would still bring him some comfort and ease in the midst of his confusion.
“Hey, Jai! Your granddad has been asking about Athena all day, girl. I almost thought you weren’t coming today,” Kandice, my grandfather's nurse, said with a friendly smile as she briefly glanced up from the medical chart she was reviewing.
Athena was my mom's name, and I had heard countless stories about her from my grandfather. From the old photographs that I’d come across, it was clear that we bore a striking resemblance, especially at my current age. The way my grandfather's eyes lit up when he saw me revealed how deeply he loved and missed her, possibly bringing back a flood of memories that he cherished. I sometimes wondered if he saw me as a reflection of her or if he simply longed for the days when she was by his side.
“Girl, no! I had to make a quick stop before I came here, which is why I'm running a bit late. Just know, if I don’t tell y’all in advance that I’ll be out of town or call to tell y’all that I won’t make it, which will be rare, y'all better be calling to check on me!” I chuckled. “But how is he doing today?”
“He's had a good day. Just really eager to see you,” she said, her eyes lighting up as she gestured toward the dining room.
As I peered into the room, my heart swelled, and tears threatened to spill over. There he was—my grandfather—sitting at the table, deep in conversation with himself, seemingly lost in his thoughts. Normally, I visited him in the evenings for dinner, and we would share a meal at our own private table. But there were rare occasions when I came to visit him for lunch instead.
“I can’t wait to see him, too. I’m also planning to stay the night with him,” I announced.
Kandice smiled knowingly. My overnight stays were hardly a surprise to the staff. They had come to understand the strong bond my grandfather and I shared—one that seemed to transcend his illness. On evenings when he was having a rough day or when I simply needed to escape the chaos of my life, I would stay over. I had taken the time to pack a small overnight bag before coming there, which was why I was running a few minutes late. I texted Leek to let him know the news. Though he wasn’t pleased that I wouldn't be coming home that night, he usually respected my need for space when I asked for it, especially if he knew I’d be with my grandfather.
“Okay, girl. You know that's fine. But what time would you like for me to give him his nighttime medication?” Kandice inquired.
Whenever I visited, they consistently sought my approval regarding his medication schedule, whether it involved the time to give it to him or any adjustments to his prescriptions. My involvement wasn’t just casual; I served as his primary caregiver while also possessing a nursing degree. Although I was not actively practicing as a nurse at the time, my educational background surpassed that of the nursing staff at the facility. Consequently, they recognized my commitment to overseeing his treatment closely. I maintained vigilant attention to every aspect of my grandfather's care, driven not just by concern for his well-being but also due to my professional background.
I often sensed that some of the nurses might have felt a twinge of dread at the sight of me entering the facility, but I couldn’t care less; he was my grandfather. If I ever caught wind of any mistreatment, trust me, I never held back on expressing my anger, and I didn't mind giving out a good ol' cursing or ass-whooping when it came to him.
When my father passed, my grandparents became my legal guardians. My grandmother–God rest her precious soul–ended up passing five years prior. When my grandfather was at his best, he stood tall and brave for me and protected me with every ounce of his strength, so it was my duty to reciprocate that loyalty and defense by ensuring he received the utmost care and respect he deserved.
“Let me check on how he is today, and then I’ll let you know,” I told her.
She nodded in response, and we parted ways.
As I made my way to where my grandfather was seated, I took a moment to glance around the dining room. The scene was both heartbreaking and hopeful; I observed the various residents, each coping with their own challenges related to their health and the relentless advance of age. Some were seated quietly, staring into space, lost in their thoughts, while others engaged in muted conversations, sharing fragments of memories that seemed to flicker like distant stars.
When I thought about my grandfather, my heart lifted a little. Although his memory might not have been as sharp as it once was, I felt grateful that he was still able to walk, albeit slowly, with a little support from his walker. He could also feed himself, a skill that many had lost, and with assistance from the caring staff, he managed to bathe and dress independently. I couldn’t help but reflect on how different his life was compared to some of the other patients around him.
“Hey, Papa Gene!” I greeted him, wrapping my arms around him in a tight hug that felt like home.
His familiar scent, a mix of old leather, and the faint aroma of his aftershave enveloped me as I pulled back to look at his face.
“Athena! Where have you been, sweetheart?” he asked, his deep-set eyes twinkling with joy and a hint of concern.
Although my grandfather wasn’t my mother’s father—he was actually my dad's side of the family—there was a special bond he shared with her. I had often heard stories of their friendship from both him and others around me, stories that somehow made me feel connected to my mom.
I settled into the chair across from him.
“I’ve been busy working, Papa Gene. But look at you! You look so nice! I love the new shirt!”
He beamed with pride, clearly pleased with my compliment.
The particular shirt I had bought him was a vibrant blue one that perfectly complemented his salt-and-pepper hair. I also noticed that they had groomed him, giving him a fresh shave and a tidy haircut that made him look even more sprightly.
“So do you! I’ve been meaning to ask you, where is Jai? She hasn’t come to visit me in a while.”
I almost broke down in tears right in front of him and everyone else in the room when he spoke those words. Over the past six months, I had been trapped in a painful cycle of watching my grandfather slip further away into the fog of dementia. He had been calling me by my mom’s name as if I were merely a ghost haunting his memories. I tried so hard to connect with him, to remind him of who I truly was, but each time fell flat against the unyielding walls of his mind. Hearing him finally acknowledge me after such a long period had my emotions all over the place.
“She’s been around, Papa Gene, and she comes to see you every day,” I said, my voice trembling slightly as a tear slipped down my cheek.
He leaned back in surprise, confusion etched across his face.
“She does?” he asked, a trace of surprise flickering across his features.
“Yes,” I affirmed with a nod. “And she wants you to know that she’s doing well and loves you so much.”
As the message sank in, I watched his expression transform. The corners of his mouth lifted slightly, and a warm, reminiscent smile broke through the cloud of uncertainty that often lingered in his eyes.
“Well, my baby girl knows I love her too. And I’m sure she’s doing great in life. She was always such a bright girl!”
I could feel more tears pooling in my eyes, but I quickly brushed them away, thankful for that moment of clarity amidst the heaviness. Clearing my throat, I felt a natural shift in the conversation, desperate to maintain that connection.
“Well, you know I couldn't come here without your favorite!” I exclaimed, a grin spreading across my face as I opened the familiar KFC box.
Before moving into the nursing home, my grandfather had faithfully indulged in KFC chicken at least once a week. It was a cherished tradition that had bonded us over the years. Even now, as he settled into this new chapter of life, I clung tightly to that tradition, believing it brought a piece of home to his current reality.
“Gotta love that chicken,” he said with childlike delight, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.
I couldn’t help but return his smile.
No matter the kind of day I had endured, seeing him always transformed it into something special. The uncertainty of when God might call him home loomed over me like a shadow, but I made it my mission to cherish every single moment we had together.