Chapter 5
Elizabeth was standing by the window, gazing at the garden, when her aunt arrived.
“It is beautiful, is it not?”
“Oh! I did not see you there, Aunt. Yes, it is beautiful, but I will have to admit that my mind is in too much turmoil to enjoy the beauties of Pemberley.”
“My dear Lizzy, I understand completely and so does our host. The Darcys have been exceedingly kind.”
Elizabeth took a deep breath and finally moved from her position at the window to take a seat.
“I feel so guilty,” she whispered.
“Whatever for? Lydia’s accident is hardly your fault,” her aunt asked.
“No, not for Lydia. I am grieved by her accident but there was not much I could have done to prevent it. I had asked my father to reconsider his permission for her to visit Brighton. I was worried after I learned about Mr. Wickham's character in Kent and with Lydia’s outrageous behaviour of late, I was not at all sanguine.”
Elizabeth moved to sit down, still lost in thought.
“I recently had some insight into how the Bennets are being perceived by new acquaintances and hence tried to intercede, but Papa would not hear of it and dismissed my concerns.”
“That does explain some of your father’s actions.
He is probably feeling guilty and hence is finally trying to take some control of his family.
His decision to exclude you, Jane and Mary from Lydia’s sickbed also suggests that he is trying to push your mother and Kitty to take up their share of responsibilities.
But that aside, if not for Lydia, what makes you feel guilty, my dear? ”
“That is it, aunt! You have no idea how irrationally I have behaved towards Mr. Darcy throughout our acquaintance.” Elizabeth spoke as she covered her face with her hands.
“He does not seem to be holding that against you.” Mrs. Gardiner gently replied.
Mr. Darcy’s helpfulness in the whole situation with Lydia was beyond anything a casual acquaintance would consider.
It had convinced the Gardiners of the gentleman’s regard towards their niece, but Lizzy’s feelings were still a mystery to them.
“That somehow makes it worse, for I deserve the severest of censure from him. You must have realised how uneasy I was to come to Pemberley but then the maid at the inn assured me that the family was not home. When I saw him arrive that day, I was so embarrassed. Had he driven me from his property I would not have held it against him but for him to be so kind and considerate, it makes me much more wretched.”
“Lizzy, I am not aware what happened between you and Mr. Darcy and so I will refrain from making any comments. All I will say is, we will be at Pemberley for the next couple of days and then he plans to spend some time in Hertfordshire. I think you will have enough opportunity to apologise to him for whatever you deem necessary. For now, you should go down. I know you are worried for Lydia and so am I but all that can be done for her is being done. Pemberley’s beauty and its serenity will help you calm yourself dear. ”
“You are right Aunt and I owe it to our hosts to be good company at the very least, no matter how understanding they are.”
As Elizabeth made her way down, she could hear the Bingley sisters’ voices from the parlour.
Having no energy to spar with them, she asked a nearby footman the way to the library.
She was curious about the room now that she understood the master better and was not disappointed.
The place was a haven and built in such a way that sunlight would enter throughout the day.
There was a cozy window seat from where she could see the lake in front of the house.
She absently took up a book of poetry and sat down to read.
Soon, she was lost as much in the book as in the beauty of the place.
“I thought you did not approve of poetry, Miss Bennet.”
“Mr. Darcy!!” she exclaimed “Forgive me, I did not see you there.”
“There is hardly anything to forgive. You make a pretty picture by the window.” Darcy replied with a slight smile.
Elizabeth blushed at this. “Will you not join me, sir?”
“If I do not disturb you.”
“Some disturbances are welcome, Mr. Darcy.” She responded with a smile of her own.
Darcy sat down on the nearby chair and seemed to be gathering his thoughts for a few minutes.
“Miss Bennet, I hope you are not distressed with me for involving myself in your family’s affairs.”
“Distressed! I am most obliged for your kindness. I do not think we could have come to such a neat solution so easily. I hope with all my heart that Lydia recovers soon but I am too much of a realist to not understand that an injury like hers will take a long time to fully heal. It would not have been easy for my sisters to stay scattered between our relations for such a long period.”
“We will leave for Hertfordshire in two days at the most. Bingley has already sent an express to his housekeeper and Netherfield will be open in a few days.”
“Will Miss Bingley and the Hursts also accompany us? What about Miss Darcy, I understand she is not out and may not prefer to stay for such a long period in a strange country.”
“You are correct, Georgiana is not out and will not be travelling to Hertfordshire as Bingley does not plan to have a hostess with him. I have offered for his sisters to remain at Pemberley for a week or two before they travel back to town. My cousin Lady Rebecca, Colonel Fitzwilliam’s sister resides some ten miles from here with her husband and young son.
Georgiana has always enjoyed the company of her son and will visit them once Bingley’s sisters depart. ”
“I am sorry to separate you and your sister. Miss Darcy would surely have enjoyed the summer much more in her brother’s company.”
“Georgiana and I have been very much in each other's company for the past few months. I have spent the time after I returned from Kent in town and my sister’s establishment is an easy distance.”
For a moment, both Darcy and Elizabeth were embarrassed with the unintentional mention of Kent, for it brought forth the memory of Darcy’s failed proposal in both their minds and filled them both with guilt.
“Mr. Darcy, I have been meaning to talk to you about Kent but was embarrassed to bring it up. No one except Jane is aware of your proposal and as such when my aunt expressed a desire to visit Pemberley, I had no good excuse to deny her wish. I had planned to feign a headache and stay back but the maid at the inn assured me that the family was not in residence. I will also admit to a certain amount of curiosity regarding the place as such I came here that fateful day. I was so ashamed to be caught that day by you and was more than surprised by your welcome. You were so amiable and friendly when I knew I deserved no such attention. Even now I am amazed at the kindness you have shown me after my wretched behaviour.”
Darcy was surprised at her words for it seemed Elizabeth had also regretted their argument in Kent. Trying to contain his hope, he responded.
“You have nothing to apologise for. If anything, my respect for you increased after Kent for I have yet to meet another who would have the courage and principles that you do.”
“I am sure you have not met another as foolish as I.”
Darcy smiled at this and responded. “You are an odd combination of compassion and daring.”
At this Elizabeth laughed and said, “I think I never understood you, Mr. Darcy and I would really like to correct that oversight.”
“You will have all the time, for I plan to stay in Hertfordshire for as long as needed.”
After a short pause, Elizabeth spoke again, “Mr. Darcy, since Mr. Bingley is to go to Hertfordshire, I would like to send some warning to my sister, but I am not sure what to say.” Elizabeth said, alluding to the truncated courtship between Jane and Bingley.
“I spoke to Bingley before your arrival; he is now aware of your sister's presence in London earlier in the year and my part in the deception. He hopes to secure your sister's affections.”
“Oh! I am thankful to you. I will let Jane know that he plans to stay in Hertfordshire for our benefit but anything more than that will be up to them to decide.”
“That will be for the best.”
After a few minutes of silence Darcy spoke again. “If you are not committed to your book, would you like to take a walk? The weather is pleasant and will help you calm yourself.”
“I would enjoy that.”
Gathering their outer garments, Darcy and Elizabeth stepped out for a leisurely walk.
Darcy guided her towards the lake showing her all his favoured spots.
There was a small space to sit near the lake and they sat there conversing about each other's preferences. Elizabeth was pleasantly surprised to learn that Darcy had been a very mischievous child and had loved to steal sweets from the kitchen to the cook’s constant annoyance.
“To be honest, I still pilfer a few things from the kitchen, and I am sure the cook is still annoyed.”
“I am surprised you would venture downstairs. You could easily ask one of the servants to fetch you anything you desire. I doubt they will refuse to give sweets to the master of the house.”
“But where would be the fun in that? It is most diverting to see the cook count the biscuits multiple times only to realise that she missed the thief again.”
“You could hardly be called a thief in your own home.” She replied with a laugh, enjoying this playful exchange.
“You would be surprised; it may well be my home, but the kitchen is the cook’s domain.
She came to Pemberley when I was in school and has not forgotten my boyhood days.
If she sees me absconding with sweets, she does not hesitate to snatch it back from my hand.
I have been told multiple times to behave like the adult I am supposed to be. ” Darcy finished with a laugh.
Elizabeth was pleasantly surprised by this version of Darcy and pledged to know this wonderful man as much as he would allow. They passed an hour sitting near the lake where Elizabeth recounted her own childhood escapades, telling him about her love of climbing trees and jumping into puddles.
“Well, we are a most suited pair, for you also hardly seem to have grown out of your childish proclivities. I am sure your hems are devoid of mud only on account of the weather, for you would jump in the closest puddle given an opportunity.” Darcy joked, alluding to her appearance when she had walked to Netherfield park after the storm and arrived all windblown and covered in mud.
Elizabeth blushed becomingly at this. “I am sure you did not have such charitable thoughts on my appearance that day, sir. For I remember you looking at me quite censoriously.”
“There you go misunderstanding me again. Nothing could be farther from the truth and this time I have a witness.” At her curious expression, he continued.
“Miss Bingley was quick to comment on your appearance and sought to confirm that my admiration of your fine eyes must have been affected by your dirty hems and blowsy hair, to which I assured her that it was not at all the case and that they were brightened by the exercise.”
Elizabeth stared at him open-mouthed, unable to comprehend what she had just heard.
“You are jesting, for sure.”
“I am most serious. You are welcome to apply to Miss Bingley as soon as we return to the house.”
“Why would she say such a thing? Why assume that you admired my eyes in the first place?”
Darcy blushed furiously; his ears turning pink at her question for he suddenly realised he had expressed much more than he intended.
“Well, a few days before at Sir William’s soiree I had mentioned that I was meditating on the very great pleasure which a pair of fine eyes in the face of a pretty woman can bestow.” At her unbelievable expression, he continued,
“She kept asking me about my reverie and assuming all sorts of motives hence I was pushed to confess. She was quite surprised by my admission and instantly asked the name of the lady who had inspired such thoughts. I am sorry to say she did not seem pleased when I mentioned your name.”
“I would imagine not!” cried Elizabeth. “But that was nearly the beginning of our acquaintance. You could not have really admired me then?”
“Why are you so surprised, Miss Elizabeth? That I admire you is no secret. I did propose to you no matter how ineptly.” Darcy responded with a faint smile.
“I, I never thought your admiration was of such a long duration. Frankly I always thought you looked at me with a critical eye. Even after Kent, it never did strike me that you considered me pretty.” Elizabeth stammered.
“For a long time now, I have considered you the handsomest woman of my acquaintance as I confessed to Miss Bingley only yesterday.”
“Miss Bingley seems to enjoy a rare confidence with you.” Elizabeth responded in an annoyed tone.
This elicited a full-blown laugh from Darcy, which further seemed to annoy Elizabeth, she was quick to get up from her seat next to Darcy and walk away.
“Elizabeth, wait I did not mean to laugh at you. Please.” Darcy followed her immediately. In a few steps he caught up with her. Elizabeth had stopped but did not turn back.
“I am sorry. I was just reminded of something Bingley said this morning.”
She remained silent so Darcy continued almost in a pleading tone. “Bingley said that it seemed that I share a rare confidence with you and when you said the same about Miss Bingley, I just found it funny.”
Finally, Elizabeth turned towards him with a teasing smile. “Mr. Darcy, if you are to be in my company you must develop a better resistance to my teasing. Also, I think Miss Bingley would enjoy her confidence with you much more if the topic was not me.”
“I have no doubts on that score, and I think I am going to enjoy learning your teasing ways.” Darcy responded, enjoying their camaraderie.
He offered his arm to Elizabeth, and both walked back to the house in companionable silence.
Elizabeth quietly considered how effortlessly he had called her by her given name as if that were what she had always been to him.
He did not seem to have realised his mistake and she had no desire to bring attention to it, at least not yet.