I Can’t Even

Chapter Fifteen

S oph’s head swiveled between us, her mouth agape.

“At least I’m waiting for him to come to me and not stalking him like you are Liam,” Em fired back.

“Liam is not married,” I said. “But your boss is.”

“So what?” Em’s teeth were gritted, and I really thought she might take a swing at me. “What I do is none of your business. You’re not even my sister!”

Well, that checked me. I blinked, feeling as if she had clobbered me after all.

“Emily. Grace. Blumer.” Soph spat out each name like a string of cusswords. She sounded ferocious as if it took every bit of her mom mojo not to turn Em over her knee. That made me feel a little better. “That was completely uncalled for and you will apologize right now. All nine words.”

Em tossed her hair. She seemed defiant for about a half second and then she looked at me. The hurt must have shown on my face, because she mumbled, “I am sorry. I love you. Please forgive me.”

I met her anguished, brown-eyed gaze and couldn’t be a bitch about it. I nodded. “Sure, I forgive you.”

Em stomped back into Babs’s room, slamming the door behind her. The coffeemaker beeped in the kitchen and Soph and I headed for it like it was the source of all that was good in the world.

Em did not reappear and join us. Soph and I agreed it was probably for the best. As much as I wanted to pretend her words hadn’t hurt, they had. Every time I heard her voice in my head, it was like pressing on a bruise. I suppose it smarted so much because she’d said exactly what I’d been thinking. Did I belong here in Babs’s house anymore? I mean, if I wasn’t Babs’s rebellious daughter, who the hell was I? I didn’t know.

Southern California weather in May is fairly consistent, much like the rest of the year, and the temps are usually in the high seventies with the occasional spike into the low eighties. When we had a solid eighty-two-degree day, I upped my game, sauntering out into the front yard in the tiniest bikini I could find at the surf shop in town.

School was still in session, so I assumed I was safe from the “birdwatchers” but even better Liam was doing yard work in his front lawn. Shirtless. I figured it was only fair that I read my book, a romance novel set in Maine with a really cute dog in it, while taking in some rays and slyly ogling the boy next door, who was doing his best to ignore me.

Liam ran the mower back and forth across the grass, then he edged the walkway, the garden beds, and along the driveway, all the while never looking at me. Fine. I’d do all the watching. I appreciated that his board shorts hung low on his hips and a fine sheen of sweat coated his upper body.

I fanned myself with my book. I was pretty sure the weatherman had lied. It certainly felt a heck of a lot warmer than eighty-two degrees. I put my book away and grabbed my iced tea. I fished an ice cube out. It dripped on my chest and I smoothed the water over my skin in an effort to keep from overheating. I popped the ice cube in my mouth, hoping to cool myself off from the inside out.

As if it wasn’t hot enough, I was abruptly aware of the heat of Liam’s stare. I glanced out of the corner of my eye to see him standing there with his hose in hand—the gardening one to be clear—watering the shrubs that ran along the short wall between our yards.

This was my moment. I turned my head in his direction with every intention of lowering my sunglasses and giving him my best “ come here, big boy ” look, but in that moment a car backfired on the street, causing Liam to jump and jerk the hose, which sent an arch of icy cold water splashing down on me.

I yelped and leapt from my chair. Yes, I wanted to be cooled off, but that shit was freezing! I clutched my middle with my arms as the water dripped off of me.

“Oh, sorry!” Liam called.

Then he got a wicked, wicked glint in his eye and he sent another steam of water in my direction, soaking me from top to bottom.

“Oops!” he shouted. “My bad!”

“You did that on purpose!” I cried.

“What?” He cupped a hand to his ear as if he couldn’t hear me over the sound of the running water.

Argh! He blasted me again, leaving me no choice but to snatch up my things and make a run for it. When I was out of range, I glanced back to find him, once again, doubled up with laughter at my expense.

I slammed into the house, furious. Then I glanced out the window and watched him laugh. Despite the puddle that I was dripping onto the floor, I loved the sight of him cracking up with genuine humor even if I was the cause.

Maybe the sultry siren was the wrong tack to take; one of the best parts of our youthful relationship was the amount of laughter we shared. When the world was dark or scary or just too much, we could always make each other laugh. God, I missed that.

Right now, the only place Liam and I seemed able to communicate was on our boards while surfing. For me, the mid-day jaunts had become so much more than an opportunity to stalk him. I felt as if I was getting a part of myself back, the best part.

Ten and I got reacquainted, and I began a friendship with Ruby. Now that she’d seen me surf a few times, her cool reserve was more a steady chill and I realized that was just how she rolled.

But curiosity about Liam’s girlfriend began to eat at me. I really wanted to know who she was, especially since I never ever saw her around his house. Weird, right?

Figuring the coffee shop was my best shot at a chance to see her, I started to pop into Liam’s for a java-boosted hour or two while doing my web design work every few days. I figured even if I didn’t see the girlfriend, maybe I would hear something about her.

Now why did the “g” word taste as bitter as a dark roast espresso on my tongue? Oh, yeah, because I was jealous as hell, that’s why.

Several days passed but there was no sign of her, and I wondered if maybe Liam really had invented her to keep me away. As I warmed to my theory, it occurred to me that I should probably verify it. Who better to know Liam’s actual status than his counter help?

“Hi, Jules,” Rachel greeted me as I arrived late in the afternoon. She tossed her blue braid over her shoulder, which was the same shade as her eyes, and turned to face me so I could fully admire her nose ring.

Yes, most of the staff knew me by name now, possibly from the day I had chased Liam into his office when he grabbed my laptop, but also because I am a very pleasant person, very low maintenance, and an excellent tipper.

“Same as this morning?” she asked.

Okay, so sometimes I stopped in twice a day. Sue me.

“Yes, please,” I said.

Lately, I’d been hooked on the flat white and I waited eagerly while she called it out to be prepped. I glanced around the shop and noticed that I had hit the afternoon lull. I figured now was as good a time as any to do some prying.

“So, Rachel,” I said. “Have you been working here long?”

“A year and a half,” she said.

“And you like it?”

“Oh, yeah, Liam’s great about letting me work around my school schedule.”

“So, he’s a pretty good boss?” I asked.

“The best,” she said. “We get Christmas bonuses and everything. My dad says no one does that anymore.”

“Yeah, that is pretty cool,” I said.

Having never gotten a Christmas bonus from any of my clients, I had to agree. But now I wasn’t sure how to segue into talking about her boss’s personal life. I didn’t want to make it weird but I had no idea how else to find out if his girlfriend really existed.

“He even lets us study on the job during finals,” Rachel said. “How many bosses let you do that?”

“None that I know of.” Then I had an idea. It wasn’t nice of me to cause her a panic but I considered it collateral damage. “Do you think that will change after he gets married?”

“What? Married! Liam?” The barista gaped at me. “How do you know this?”

“Oh, you didn’t hear?” I asked. Truly, I can play dumb like nobody’s business. “Huh. Liam is my neighbor and when I bumped into him a few days ago, we got to talking.” Yes, this was the G-rated version of our encounter. “He was pretty stoked about this chick he’s seeing and how they’re getting married and all. He made it sound like she’s the love of his life.”

“What? No!” Rachel looked horrified.

I had a horrible moment of doubt where I thought maybe she had a crush on him, and I had just squashed her hopes and dreams. That would have made me feel awful but thankfully, no, that wasn’t it.

“Simone!” Rachel turned and yelled at the tall, thin girl with dark eyes and deep brown skin, who was half hidden behind the coffee machine, making my flat white. “Did you hear that?”

“Hear what?” Simone asked. I leaned over the counter to see her frowning at the machine which was making a loud hum.

“Liam is going to marry her !” Rachel’s eyes were huge and the look of repulsion on her face was one usually reserved for zombie movies.

Uh oh. My stomach clenched. The girlfriend was real and judging by Rachel’s reaction not well liked. My heart thumped like a deflated basketball in my chest. Somehow, I had convinced myself that the girlfriend wasn’t real. The realization that there really was someone else made me feel a bit hurly.

“No, way!” Simone glanced up from the machine and saw me. “Oh, hi, Julia. I’m almost done.”

“Take your time,” I said.

Simone turned back to Rachel. “Where did you hear this?”

“From Julia,” Rachel said.

I raised my hand. “Me.”

Simone gave me a stunned look and finished making the flat white and then joined us at the counter.

“When did he say that?” Simone pushed the coffee toward me.

“A few days ago, maybe last week? We’re neighbors and we got to talking and he said he had a serious girlfriend, and was going to propose soon.”

The two girls exchanged grim looks.

“Ugh, that explains so much,” Simone said. “He’s been so weird lately.”

“Weird?” I prompted. I took my coffee and handed my debit card to Rachel.

“Way weird,” Rachel confirmed as she totaled my order then swiped my card. “He’s constantly late, he’s always moody, he’s been forgetting stuff, totally not himself. I mean, I used to be able to set my watch by him and he was always smiling, now he’s just a hot mess and all kinds of cranky.”

“Totally,” Simone agreed. “He even got all aggro with Todd the other day. Liam is never aggro and how can you even with Todd? It’d be like kicking a puppy.”

“I can’t believe it,” Rachel said. “She’s so...and he’s...and...oh, man, this could ruin everything, like, what if she’s here all the time or tries to have input on the shop?”

“I will quit, obvi,” Simone said. “Oh, god, I wonder if I should go apply at Starbucks?”

“Oh, don’t do that.” I pried the lid off my coffee and blew on the froth of white as I studied them over the lip of the cup. “He hasn’t asked her yet. How bad is she really?” Yes, I was fishing.

“Are you kidding?” Rachel looked at me as if I was as thick as the foam in my cup. “Have you met her?”

“No, I’ve never even seen her.” I glanced at them under my lashes. “Is she pretty?”

“Only if you like the super high maintenance, hair extensions, boob job, and weekly mani-pedi type.” Rachel straightened the napkin holder by her register.

“Yeah. Believe me, if you’d seen her, you’d remember her,” Simone said. “She is the most attention-seeking, needy, whiny diva I have ever met.”

“Totes,” Rachel agreed.

The two girls rolled their eyes in perfect sync and then Rachel said in a grating, high-pitched voice, “‘Rachel, get me an espresso and this time make it right. I’d hate to tell Liam that you can’t handle this job.’”

“‘Simone, bring me a glass of ice water, and don’t forget the lemon wedge and make sure you get all the seeds out.’” Simone’s full mouth twisted in a sneer. “‘I’d hate to have to tell Liam that his staff can’t even handle ice water.’”

“If he marries her, I swear it’ll destroy his business,” Rachel said. “She’s a horror!”

Simone nodded.

“Who is she?” I tried to make it sound like a perfectly plausible question and added, “I mean, is she from town? Do I know her?”

“No,” Rachel said. “Her name is Courtney Jonas, and she lives up in Los Angeles.”

And now I had a name. Yes! And L.A. How perfect, since my current nemesis, Paisley, currently resided there as well. A twofer.

“Then she’s not around very often,” I said. “Maybe it won’t be so bad.”

“Unless she moves here,” Simone said. She and Rachel exchanged a worried glance.

“Don’t panic,” I said. “It’s a long journey from a proposal to an actual wedding.”

I intended to interrupt the process completely. I left a big tip and hunkered down in my corner seat of the café with my flat white and laptop. I wasn’t sure where to begin the search for information about Liam and Courtney, but figured I’d start with all the standard social media sites.

It was not as illuminating as I’d hoped. While Liam’s Coffee Shop had several prominent business accounts, I couldn’t find any personal pages for my Liam Mahony. There were other Liam Mahonys, just not mine. So, he either didn’t have them or he had pretty high security.

The search for Courtney Jonas was not much better. I could verify her on social media, but she had all of her privacy blocks on, meaning I could see she was there in her teeny tiny profile picture but not much else. Very annoying.

I tapped my finger to my lower lip. The coffee shop in Los Angeles was his most recent enterprise, where Courtney lived. If he got any press coverage for the opening, it stood to reason that she might have been there. I found the location of the Los Angeles shop and looked at their website. It was a bit cumbersome and not navigationally friendly, but I did finally find some pictures of the grand opening.

Liam popped right out of the pictures at me. There were tons of them, and he was smiling as was his beaming staff. He was clearly enjoying the success of his endeavors and for a moment I just marveled at all he’d accomplished. I was so very proud and happy for him.

Since he had spent our high school years working as a barista, owning a chain of coffee shops had always been Liam’s ultimate goal. He’d gone to San Diego State and gotten a business degree, then returned to Gull’s Harbor and opened his first shop after college with loans from his parents and the bank.

Babs had kept me up to date on his goings on. I used to think she was just being cruel but now I wondered if she’d done it to prove that she’d been right. I never would have had the big adventurous life I’d dreamed of if I stayed with Liam, because the reality was that I never would have left Gull’s Harbor, I would have stayed with him.

I tried to picture what my life would have looked like had I stayed but I couldn’t get it to crystallize in my mind.

I scrolled through the grand opening pictures on the coffee shop’s website and stopped when I saw one of him with his arm around a woman the size of a pencil with long, sleek, black hair, unnaturally white teeth, and ginormous cleavage. She was tucked against his side and staring up at him with her bright smile and big, brown doe eyes, and I felt like I’d just swallowed a fistful of tacks. This had to be Courtney. I was sure of it.

I scanned the photo to see if it listed her name anywhere. It did not. I studied the picture hard. They were clearly a thing. It was obvious in the way she gazed at him. My stomach rolled a bit. My Liam was dating her; he was going to marry this busty being.

For a second, I thought I should take it as a sign from the Universe to back off and leave the poor man alone. But if the Universe was really sending me signs, then the fact that Liam and I still had some crazy chemistry going, a truckload of unfinished business, and I’d learned that his staff clearly hated Courtney, well, it seemed like the signals were actually urging me forward with my plan to win him back, right? Right.

There was no doubt I’d need to up my game. I pondered what I should do next and it seemed I had no choice. I was going to have to bust out Em’s boots but where and when? Hmm. I considered my options then I noticed that a band was playing at the coffee shop that evening. Seemed like an excellent time to strut my stuff, especially if I could get my niece and nephew to act as human shields. They were leaving soon for their Swiss summer camp, so I figured this was an opportunity to bond. Yes, with an agenda, but still.

I sent the twins a text telling them to meet me at Grandma’s house. The best way to win their sixteen-year-old devotion was to pay them, and I added that if Hannah could bring any clothes that her parents refused to let her wear out in public because they were too sexy that would be hugely helpful.

Harry texted his horror with a bug-eyed emoji, but Hannah replied with a thumbs-up, so I was good to go. Yes, I was putting my entire future into the hands of two sixteen-year- olds. Heaven help me!