Chapter 8
Golden hour light streams through the book shop as customers begin to filter out.
Closing time is my favourite part of the shift.
The shop is quiet as atmospheric sounds of summer play like a golden record.
Tourists are heading off to the pub while the locals close up their businesses to go for a surf.
Music plays softly in the background. We all share the same music taste and love all the same bands. Teddy starts humming along, causing warmth to fill my chest as I watch him. I walk over to him now that I’ve finished reordering a shelf of YA Novels.
“Hey, I finished that shelf. Anything else you need me to do?”
“As much as I can’t be bothered, we should probably brush the floors,” he yawns.
We each grab a brush and begin sweeping rubbish and other things into big piles that we then scoop up and put in the bin.
Elijah wipes his brow as he sets the brush down.
He was running around all day, helping customers with their book choices.
It’s nice to watch young trans kids come in and see someone they can relate to.
He gives the best recommendations to them, like books that can help them understand themselves better.
Books are how I started to understand my sexuality better, and how to not feel so alone.
I’m happy that we can provide that to the kids who come after us.
“Hey, so I don’t know if I’m out of place here…” Teddy begins.
“Oh no, that sounds scary,” I chuckle nervously. I stop sweeping and turn to face him, leaning on the brush as I clear my throat.
“I just can’t get it out of my head, so I need to ask. I remember at the train station, you looked… upset. Is everything okay?” For the first time this week, Teddy looks nervous to talk to me.
“Yeah, it’s just… weird being back here,” I tell him. I start straightening up some books so that I’m doing something with my hands.
“How come?”
“It’s just… different. I’m just trying to get back on my feet,” I tell him. He leans against the bookshelf. I copy him but cross my arms.
“Why did you decide to move back here?” Teddy asks, his eyes set on my face.
“Very long story.”
“Well, we have all the time in the world, don’t we?”
“The last time someone said that to me, they died an hour later, so let’s not go there,” I say with less of a humorous tone than I would have liked. What is wrong with me?
“Sorry, that was—”
“Fair,” he interrupts. He studies me for a moment, his brain working out what to say next.
“Who did you lose?”
I sigh, then begin telling the story.
“My mum,” I say, my eyes looking away from him. My hands found themselves in my pockets as I told the story of that dreadful day in front of the jewellery store.
“I’m… I’m so sorry.”
“You don’t have to say that, it’s not your fault,” I tell him, trying to hide the fact that my eyes have become glassy.
“I know, but… are you okay?” He asks, his face a portrait of a man disturbed by the story I just told. I haven’t met a stranger who looks so distraught by it. Most people don’t care enough about others.
“I’ve been struggling with being alone. We were really close.
I decided to come back home to find myself again.
I struggled going to University after something so traumatic.
But all I see are reminders of her and our time spent together.
It’s just… hard. It’s so fucking hard,” my voice cracks.
I take a deep breath. I don’t cry. I don’t break down.
I just feel a heavy wave of deep blue sadness wash over me as I sigh again.
He pushes himself off the wall, gesturing for a hug.
I accept his offer because a hug is exactly what I need right now.
“Hey, you know you’re awesome, right? You’ll get through this, and I’ll be there for you every step of the way.”
“Thanks, Teddy.”
“If it means anything, I’m glad you’re here. You’re honestly doing an outstanding job,” he tells me, my heart skips a beat at the praise.
Teddy starts smiling at me, and I didn’t even realise he was stroking my hair. My weakness! I think he realised I noticed him doing it, because he begins just patting my head.
“There, there.” I giggle at him quietly.
I smile back at him, and he pulls me closer into his chest. Is he expecting me to cry? I won’t, though. Is this appropriate for your boss to do? I’m trying not to question it because of my massive crush. I don’t see this going anywhere. He’s just trying to be nice. Don’t overthink it, Noah.
“Hey, can you guys stop being gay for one second and actually give me a hand cleaning up?” Elijah asks while leaning on a brush. He grins at us. We back away from each other, and I grab a brush.
“Do you want a hug too, buddy? Is that what it is?” Teddy asks, walking towards him with his arms extended.
“Oh no, you stay away from me,” he says, running away. We all laugh before Teddy comes back over to me.
“Can I ask you something?” Teddy asks, smiling at me.
“What’s up?”
“Do you want to come over to ours? We’re having a few friends over for some wine and pizza.
We’d like to get to know you more. It would be great to chat somewhere that isn’t the bookstore,” he laughs, and I freeze.
I mean, I like him… a lot. But do I really want to get myself involved with another boy?
Is drinking with strangers a good idea? It must be so obvious I’m hesitating.
“Yeah, I think I would like that… but…”
“But?” Teddy asks. I’m unsure how to follow up.
There are so many reasons I should not even attempt to go.
I don’t think I want to take that leap yet.
He could hurt me in a way that I definitely can not deal with right now.
I’ve got enough on my plate. But the more I look at Teddy, and the more I talk to him…
He’s nothing like Jonathan.
So I take the leap.
“I’d love to. What time were you thinking?”
“Like in a couple of hours or so? We can finish here if you want to get organised. Our flat is just upstairs, so just ring the bell.”
“Okay, can’t wait,” I beam. It’s time I let myself have something good happen without worrying about every little thing. What’s the worst that could happen?