Chapter 5
On Halloween night, we turn all the lights off. Mami says it’s to make sure trick-or-treaters don’t come looking for candy. I bite my tongue as we eat dinner in almost pitch-black darkness. There’s no point. We all know no one was going to come to our door, lights on or not.
The dark makes it harder to set up my decoy.
Even though my bedroom is in the far back of the house, away from the street, I don’t dare turn my light on and risk Mami coming in to scold me.
I move as quickly and as quietly as I can—shoving clothes into my backpack and into body-shaped lumps beneath my comforter.
I don’t need to bring much for a weekend away, but I stash anything that I halfway like into my bag anyway.
Summer crop tops despite the mid-autumn chill and dresses I’ve worn only for special occasions—bumping my shins and elbows into the wall every few minutes as I root through my closet and dresser in the dark.
I bite back a hiss as I stub my toe against the edge of my bed, eyes wrenched shut and lips pressed tight to keep from crying out.
The house is eerily silent, the way it always is now that we’re down to a family of three instead of five.
Past my closed door I can make out the distant murmur of the TV in Mami’s room.
The telenovelas we used to watch together, when I thought our closeness was a blessing. What feels like thousands of years ago.
A new text makes me snap back to reality.
Kai Thompson: Just left the dance! Should be at your place in fifteen
The sight of his name in my phone makes my heart leap into my throat.
The text itself, though, cranks up the volume on the ticking clock in the back of my mind.
I reply quickly, letting him know I’ll meet him down at the end of the block.
Mami’s bedroom windows don’t face the street, but there’s no point risking getting caught before I can even make it to the curb.
We’ve developed a sixth sense for strangers entering our space.
This wouldn’t be the first unfamiliar car to idle outside our house.
And they’ve never lingered for good reasons.
The last thing I need is to draw any unnecessary attention to Kai.
As soon as I respond, I toss the makeup and perfume I’d grabbed from the drugstore earlier this week into my bag and close it before I can think of something else to bring.
Bag packed, I focus on rearranging the clothes shoved beneath my sheets into a more me-shaped lump.
I tuck one of my old dolls up against the pillow, letting her pristine braid poke out from beneath the covers—a near perfect match to my own.
If anyone looks closely, they’ll be able to see right through my decoy, but it could buy me a few extra hours.
While part of me hopes Mami won’t notice my absence at all, I know she’s not so checked out that I can disappear for two full days.
She’ll be up at five tomorrow to get ready for her seven a.m. shift, and while we’re usually allowed to sleep in on Saturdays, sometimes she’ll come barging into my room anyway, insisting on braiding my hair even though I can do it myself or listing off chores for me to tackle while she’s gone.
Because she knows I won’t have plans—she makes sure of that.
Once I’m happy enough with Decoy Dina, I sling my bag over my shoulder, wincing slightly at the unexpected weight, and pull the folded letter from my pocket.
It took ten pieces of paper swiped from the printers in the computer lab before I finally settled on a message that didn’t make bile crawl up my throat.
Simple and to the point. And, hopefully, enough to calm Mami if she finds it.
I’m out with friends. I’ll be back on Sunday by dinner.
I promise I’m safe.
I love you.
My gut tells me the letter, no matter how sincere or how much I assure her that I’m all right, won’t do anything to stop Mami from giving me hell once I’m home.
Still, it’s worth a shot. If I don’t give her some kind of explanation, I could come home to find my face splashed across missing posters throughout the city.
Though, that’s assuming the cops would care about the missing Soto girl.
I hold my breath as I perch on my windowsill, craning my neck for the sound of footsteps as I unlatch the window and push it open just enough for me to slide through. There’s still nothing but muffled rapid, overdramatic Spanish. I swallow hard, close my eyes, and brace myself for the fall.
“What’re you doing?”
It’s a miracle I don’t go toppling over the edge of the window.
Hands pressed against my heart I whip around so quickly a nerve twinges in my neck.
Mikey glances over his shoulder to confirm that Mami didn’t hear him before quietly shutting the door behind him.
Thankfully, he remembered to keep his voice down.
“Dina, what the hell?” he asks, whispering. “Where are you going?”
I bite my lip, unsure if it’s worth telling him the truth.
I hadn’t planned to tell him anything because I didn’t want him to bear the burden of lying on my behalf.
No doubt Mami would go straight to him once she realized I was missing.
With everything else going on with Mikey, the last thing he needs is to take the fall for me.
Keeping him in the dark is for the best.
“I’m going out with friends,” I finally settle on.
“What friends?” he asks with a raised brow.
Rude, but fair.
“We’re allowed to have friends,” I say, as if that justifies me doing something I know is wrong—that I know’ll hurt Mami. But I can’t help feeling compelled to say it anyway. To remind Mikey of what Papi told me—that we deserve good things too.
“Okay,” Mikey says, still sounding unconvinced. “Who is this friend?”
“Kai Thompson.” I turn back around to try and go to jump off the ledge before he can question me more. But he manages to catch me by the arm before I can jump.
“Kai Thompson? Seriously? And since when do you need a duffle bag to ‘hang out’?”
His words aren’t harsh, and his grip is only as tight as it needs to be.
A lump forms in my throat. Something about him reminds me of Papi.
Solid, but soft. Mikey was always the most like Papi personality wise.
Unlike me and Joel, he never had any trouble making friends and keeping them—lighting up rooms with his laugh.
At least before Mami taught us to think of the world as something we should fear.
Before life forced him to be hard. While I was born with the innate ability to blend in, Mikey was born to stand out.
He still does, even now. But what once would’ve brought him popularity just puts a target on his back now.
I think that’s why he ends up in so many fights—people just can’t seem to leave him alone.
When I turn to look at him now, all my resolve breaks down.
“We’re going to his parents’ cabin for the weekend.
They have a place up in the woods near the river—but it’s not a party.
Just a few friends hanging out.” I put as much heart as I can into my words, hoping he can see in my eyes just how desperately I need this.
A break from our lives, even if it’s just for a couple of days.
The guilt in my heart takes a new shape as I lock eyes with my baby brother.
I can tell by the quirk of his lips and the furrow in his brow that he’s going through the same complicated mix of emotions as I am.
I’ve never been as close to him as I was to Joel, maybe because he felt so much younger than we were when we were so obsessed with the idea of getting older.
Becoming adults with our own lives. And I realize now how this must look—me with one foot out the window.
Running away from our house—from him. Leaving him alone with Mami in our dark, lonely house.
Part of me wonders if I should invite him. Show him that it’s safe to go outside and live our lives like the teens we’re meant to be. But something selfish holds me back, something scared, too. It’s dangerous enough for me to go out on my own—who knows what would happen if two Sotos went missing.
Mikey eyes me skeptically as he lets go of me to cross his arms. “Who else is going?”
“Just his sister and some of her friends.”
I know better than to mention Carla, but Mikey’s able to put together the pieces on his own. He’s been at Millcreek High for only two months, but everyone knows Kiki and Carla are a package deal.
“Carla?” he asks, already shaking his head before I can reply.
“May—”
“You can’t go.”
“Excuse me?” A laugh almost bubbles out of me.
Usually I’m the one attempting some kind of authority.
Keeping him in line whenever he gets into fights at school, warning him about what will happen if he keeps getting into trouble, but I’ve never felt less like the big sister than I do now. “Why not?”
“Because they’re assholes!” Mikey says, loudly enough to set us both on edge. We keep our eyes glued to the door, me swinging my legs back into the room so I can jump down and shove my bag out of sight if I need to. But we’re lucky—Mami didn’t hear us. Yet.
“Those people hate us, Dina,” Mikey whispers once we’re sure the coast is clear.
I resist the urge to sigh. “Kai is different. He’s sweet, and—”
“You barely know him,” he snaps.
“You don’t know that,” I hiss, our faces nearly touching. Mikey’s expression is hard, but his eyes betray him. He’s scared—for me. In that moment, it takes everything in me not to break. To do exactly what Mami would want and crawl back home before I even leave.
Mikey sighs and collapses onto my bed with a soft “oof.” “How do you know they don’t have something planned? A prank or… something?” he asks, voice barely a whisper, the “or something” hanging heavy between us.
My gaze falls to the floor, focusing on a scuff on my shoe instead of him. “I don’t,” I confess. “But I know Kai. I trust him. And that’s enough for me.”
He sits back up, reaching out to hold my wrist this time, but I pull away before he can grab me. “You shouldn’t go,” he insists as I swing my legs around the sill again.
“You sound like Mami,” I reply before pushing myself to the edge of the sill again. If I don’t leave now, I might miss Kai.
“Then let me come with you,” Mikey presses, stepping up to the sill, ready to grab me if I leap.
“No,” I hiss back. The thought of bringing him sours even more. Mikey coming to play bodyguard is just asking for something to go wrong.
“Then at least tell me where you’re going.”
“I…” I trail off, running low on energy to protest. Giving him the address means that either he or Mami could come after me and drag me back home.
But I know how stubborn my baby brother can be—it’s another reason why he keeps getting in fights even though I’ve told him over and over again that those assholes who pick on him aren’t worth it.
“It’s on North Albee Way. Near the lake,” I tell him, keeping my answer vague. It’s enough to satisfy him, though, and he gives me a tight nod that I take as my cue to leave.
The fall to the grass is quick, but the weight of my bag drags me down more than I thought.
I hit the ground with a grunt—my knees buckling under the pressure.
I’m narrowly able to catch my balance, bracing myself against the wall until I’m steady again.
I stay frozen, pressed up against the red brick, waiting for Mami to scream or come banging out the front door to drag me back inside.
Outside, there are birds chirping and the cicadas’ night song.
But no screams. No shouts to tell me to go back to my room.
When we’re sure we’re safe, Mikey sticks his head out the window, voice low and eyes softer. “Be careful, okay?” he whispers, lower lip quivering slightly. It’s almost enough to make me crawl back inside just to hug him and promise no one’s going to get hurt. Almost.
I swallow down the lump in my throat and my gut instinct. “I will.”
Slowly, I make my way out of the darkness of our house.
Mikey’s focus is red-hot against my back as I cross the yard.
The sky is a dusky orange that’s perfect for trick-or-treating.
Kids travel in clusters along the opposite block, huddled together as they sneak glances at our house.
No one dares get too close. Some haunted houses aren’t worth the price of admission.
I pull the hood of my sweater over my head and slide through the shadows until I reach the iron fence lining the edge of our property.
I toss my bag over it before following along, making sure none of the kids on the opposite street notice me.
Luckily, they are all too distracted with knocking on doors and trading candy.
I glance behind me and watch as Mikey closes the window to my bedroom and disappears from view.
It’s easy to get swept up in the Halloween buzz.
Kids go barreling down the street in superhero costumes and princess gowns.
Ghosts and devils haunt the streets, but a girl in a hoodie and torn jeans looking for a piece of normalcy is still the most threatening thing on the prowl tonight.
Following the stream of people clamoring to the next street—wanting to get away from “that murderer’s house” as quickly as they can—I look over my shoulder one last time before home disappears from view.
I’ll be back soon, I say to myself. Like Papi said, I’m allowed good things.
Even if the guilt threatens to eat me from the inside out, I deserve a few nights off from my life.
A weekend where I’m not the daughter of a killer but a girl just like the hundreds of others in my class.
Come Monday I’ll be the real me again, but for now, it’s enough to pretend.