Chapter 19 #2
Kai detects the unease in my tone, looking as though he’s going to say something, before thinking over a new response.
“I guess I’m not that close with anyone,” he says in a whisper so quiet, it’s as if this is some kind of private confession.
I move closer to him until I’m leaning on the pillow opposite his. “What about all those guys you have lunch with?”
“Mostly Kiki’s friends.” He shrugs. “Some of them are okay, but… I don’t know. I always feel like I’m putting on some kind of front for them. The whole ‘super fratty jock’ thing.”
“You mean you’re not a super fratty jock?” I tease, nudging my elbow against his.
Kai turns back to me with a knowing look, his face suddenly so close to mine it sets my heart on fire. “Did you see my Miles Morales costume?” he jokes.
Just thinking about the skintight fabric he’d been wearing earlier this afternoon makes the heat return to my cheeks.
His current ensemble isn’t any better in terms of not drawing my attention—still dressed in his damp swimming trunks with a half-unbuttoned flannel layered over it now—but something about the costume manages to make my stomach flutter just from the thought.
“There just aren’t that many people I feel like I can be myself with,” Kai continues when I don’t say anything.
He turns back to me with a shy smile—nudging me this time with his shoulder.
Except, he doesn’t pull away like I did, letting his arm stay pressed up against mine.
Our fingers are so close it would only take a subtle twitch for mine to be wrapped up in his. “Except you.”
My heart pounds louder than my racing thoughts, louder than the rain and thunder rumbling outside. So loud I’m sure he must hear it. “Really?” I ask, wishing I didn’t sound as breathless as I feel.
“You let me talk your ear off about my drawings.”
“Because they’re really good.”
“They’re—”
“Don’t be modest,” I interject, gently tapping my hand against his. Pushing to see how far we’re willing to let each other go. “I can barely handle stick figures.”
“Well, thank you.” Kai rolls over onto his side properly, facing me head on. “For the compliment and for not calling me a nerd.”
Before I can overthink it, I fold my arm down beneath my head like a pillow and roll over onto it. We’re side by side, face to face. “I never said you weren’t a nerd.”
His laugh is drowned out by a clap of thunder, but I can still feel it vibrating through me—that joyous laugh that first drew me to him.
His eyes flicker down for a moment, and I don’t let myself think that he might’ve been looking at my lips.
The rosiness in his cheeks has bloomed all the way down to his collarbone when he looks back up at me, and I wonder if he feels just as warm as I do.
“I just… I like talking to you. It feels like you like me for me.” He cuts himself off, eyes going as wide as the full moon outside. “Not that you like me like that, I just meant…” He sighs, too embarrassed to finish that thought, and closes his eyes.
“I do like you,” I whisper before I can overthink it.
Because it’s true. I like him. More than I’ve ever liked anyone else.
More than I ever thought was possible. And as much as it absolutely terrifies me and goes against everything I’ve been told to believe, I lean into it.
I want more of this—more time with him—because he’s the safe space I’ve been looking for since I lost Joel.
My one chance to understand who I am outside the suffocatingly small box I’ve been stuck in for years.
Because Kai’s the only person who sees the real me—not Joel’s sister, not Papi’s daughter, me.
Someone I’m still trying to get to know myself.
Kai seems stunned, his eyes still wide. I would’ve thought he was frozen if he didn’t blink in sudden rapid succession, looking as though he’s trying to convince himself that this moment is real—a feeling I can definitely relate to.
Suddenly, my senses heighten, everything hitting me like a tidal wave.
The scent of vanilla and damp wood and lilac dryer sheets.
The weight of my heart pounding against my chest, begging to be set free.
The heat radiating off Kai’s body as he leans in closer—the warmth of his breath against my lips.
Time slows to a crawl until every single one of my nerves is on fire waiting for him to reach me, only for me to throw caution to the wind and do it myself.
Cupping his cheek, leaning forward, and finally, finally, closing the distance between us.
It’s everything I imagined it could be. Everything I thought a first kiss should be. Soft and tender as Kai cradles my cheek like I’m something worth protecting. Sweet from the hot chocolate still lingering on my lips. Warm, in every single way.
Unlike Timothy, Kai doesn’t take and take and take.
He leans back slightly, as if he’s ready to break the kiss, but I’m the one who pulls him back.
Who doesn’t want to let go yet. He doesn’t touch me until I touch him, running my palm down along the side of his arm because I’m not sure what else to do with my hands.
I fight the urge to pull him as close to me as possible—to feel the full weight of him against me.
To erase the memory of Timothy’s touch, and the way his body felt pressed to mine.
But Kai deserves better than that. Kissing him is something that deserves to be savored—a moment I’ll remember forever. Not just a palate cleanser to erase something I want to forget.
The longer we kiss, the more the world falls away.
The claps of thunder don’t make me jump.
We don’t notice the rampedup patter of rain hitting the roof, or the wind howling through the trees.
The lingering scent of vanilla fades in favor of the chlorine clinging to our skin, and the subtle tang of cologne still on Kai’s collar.
All I can focus on is the brush of his skin and his mouth against mine—how perfectly we slot together.
How badly I’ve wanted this, and how it’s more perfect than I ever dreamed it could be.
We’re so wrapped up in one another—testing the limits and tasting each other—that neither of us hears the creak of approaching footsteps.
Or the whispered voices. Not until someone clears their throat loud enough to get our attention.
We fly apart at breakneck speed, Kai smacking against the headboard with a thud and yelp of pain that would have me racing to him if I wasn’t so worried about getting away from him.
I rocket off the bed, unscathed, and glance over at him once I’m on my shaky feet.
He’s groaning quietly, rubbing at a spot on his head, but thankfully it doesn’t look like anything more serious than a bump.
I didn’t think it was possible for my heart to beat any faster, until I look up and see Kiki and Carla leaning against the doorway to my room.
It feels like it’s stopped beating entirely—the whiplash of going from bliss to fear knocking me so off balance the edges of the room begin to spin.
I pull the edge of my shirt over my exposed shoulder and do my best to flatten my mussed hair.
There’s nothing I can do for my swollen lips and flaming cheeks, though.
“Having fun?” Carla teases with a knowing smirk.
Kiki, meanwhile, doesn’t look nearly as amused. Her expression is impossible to read as she focuses her attention on her brother as he sits up and pulls his open flannel closed across his chest.
“Ever heard of knocking?” he snaps, glaring at Kiki as he crosses the room and shifts to position himself in front of me, blocking me from their gaze. His hand rests lightly against my arm—a subtle touch of solidarity. I rest my hand over his, letting his touch keep me grounded.
“If you wanted privacy, you should’ve closed the door,” Kiki replies, rolling her eyes.
From what I can tell, she doesn’t seem upset. Bored, maybe. Unsurprised, most likely. Either way, it’s a small relief to see that she isn’t throwing a fit about walking in on us. I’ve pissed her off enough as it is for one night.
“We’re doing facials in our room,” Carla announces, pivoting to a new subject with an unusual amount of excitement. “My mom brought back a ton of beauty products from her last business trip to Korea,” she explains with a grin.
“Want to join?” Kiki asks, leaning over to look past Kai and directly at me. Her tone isn’t exactly inviting, but it isn’t malicious either. Still, the suddenness of it catches me by surprise.
“Uh…”
Kai seems just as puzzled as I am by the invitation. He looks at me with a mix of confusion and suspicion, as if to silently ask, What is my sister up to?
But he doesn’t know what I saw. How panicked Kiki and Carla were when they realized they’d been found out.
They’d seemed ready to kill me to keep me quiet just half an hour ago, but maybe now they’re changing tactics—buying my silence with kindness.
Either way, it’s not like I have much of a choice.
We’re not going anywhere until Timothy gets back, and I’ve already started off on the worst foot possible with Kiki.
Assuming my paranoia is just getting the best of me and this actually is some kind of olive branch, turning down their offer kills any possibility of mending the broken bridge between us.
And now that I know Kai feels the same way I do, now that I’ve had a taste of what we could be, I need to make nice with Kiki.
“Y-yeah. That sounds fun,” I say with my best attempt at a smile.
Kai’s eyes widen, looking as though he’s going to ask if I’m sure.
I give his hand a gentle squeeze—a silent confirmation that I know what I’m doing—before following them into the hall.
Kiki and Carla lead the way back to their room, but I linger in the doorway to look back at where Kai is perched on the edge of my bed.
“I’ll be fine,” I mouth to him before following the girls back to their room. Maybe if I make it a promise, I can make sure it’s true.