Chapter 44 The Dark Hour
Darcy carried Elizabeth up to her bed chamber, and the footman ran ahead and opened the door for him. He stepped into the room and called to Ellis. The maid hurried in, then turned down the covers and went to fetch the smelling salts. Before long, Elizabeth stirred, and Darcy dismissed the maid.
“That will be all, Ellis. Thank you for bringing the salts.”
He sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at Elizabeth. “Darling, can you hear me. All is well.” He took her hand in both of his and began to chafe it. “Elizabeth, wake up. You have nothing to fear. All is well.”
She gave a quiet groan, then opened her eyes and looked around the room. She seemed disoriented at first, then her gaze fixed on his face, and she turned away. She rolled onto her side so that her back was to him.
He said, “Elizabeth, what Lewis said is not the truth. He was making baseless accusations.”
He placed his hand on her shoulder, but she shook it off. “Do not touch me.” She began to cry.
“I swear to you. I have never had relations with that woman. I never even kissed her.”
She continued to weep softly, burying her face in her pillow.
“Elizabeth, you have suffered a shock, but you must hear me now. I did not father her child. All of us were fishing, and she wandered away. When we noticed she was gone, I knew I ought to look for her. I was courting her then and hoped to marry her in time, so it fell to me to go in search of her. I walked through the meadow into the tall grass, and I heard voices and laughter. I followed the sounds and found her lying in the grass beside Wickham. Her bodice was undone, leaving her wholly exposed. When she saw me, she attempted to cover herself. I remember her pulling at her gown to cover up. The sight was seared into my brain, and I felt sick. She was ruined, and she was lost to me forever. I turned and ran, and I never laid eyes on her again.”
Elizabeth had ceased to weep, and Darcy felt heartened.
“I left Pemberley the next day and spent the remainder of the summer in Kent with my aunt Catherine. From there, I returned to university, and when I graduated, I went directly to the continent on a grand tour for two years, until the war closed the borders and many of us came home. Father wrote to me in Kent to say that she had fled to Scotland, but not before my name had been dragged through the gutter. They said I had not been man enough to keep my woman’s eye from wandering, and no man escapes shame when he is thought to have been cuckolded.
She left Ashbrook Manor scarcely two months after I departed, when she knew for a certainty that she was with child.
My father said she could not remain at home, for the Ashbrook servants had spread the truth throughout the parish.
She was unmarried and pregnant. Her father sent her to his sister’s family in Scotland, where I believed she would remain.
I never heard of her again until the rector announced her return at our table. ”
He leaned toward his wife to see how she received his words. “Elizabeth, darling, do you hear what I am telling you?”
She lay very still, not yet looking at him, but listening to every word.
“Why did you not refute Mr. Lewis’s accusation?”
Darcy rubbed his eyes. “I was stunned. How he could believe such a monstrous thing, and then accuse me in such a reckless manner before my wife and our family, I do not understand. My mind was stunned, and I was mute, unable to think or speak. I came to myself after a moment, and I explained the truth. There is no doubt now. Lewis recalls the day she went off to roll in the grass with Wickham.”
“Why did she throw herself at you in church? Was she in the habit of doing that while you were courting?”
He inhaled slowly. “She has always been demonstrative, but I did not allow her to drape herself over me in those days. I learned to hold her away, but at Sunday services, she caught me unprepared. I expected she would not attend church, and if she did, that she would keep her distance. She did neither. She behaved as if we were husband and wife. I do not think she knew I was married. Perhaps she returned to see whether we might continue where we had ended. I do not know.”
“Why did you ride in together? I cannot believe she happened upon you by accident, for her father’s estate is several miles away. It was deliberately done.”
“You are correct. His estate is about seven or eight miles distant. I am afraid she came on purpose to find me. I cannot believe she would be satisfied with the life of a mistress, but perhaps that is all that remains open to her.”
Elizabeth gave a low groan. “So, she set her eyes on you.” She covered her face with her hands and began to cry again. Through wracking sobs, she said, “I can never compete with such a woman. Beautiful, seductive, mysterious.”
Darcy leaned back and looked up at the ceiling, uncertain what to do next. He moved closer to her on the bed.
“Darling, whatever she may intend does not signify. I harbor no such thoughts about her. I have my wife, and she is the one I think of.”
He had evidently said the right thing, for she ceased to weep. He saw that she was listening, and once again he took heart.
“Darling, you will remember that I did not leave you to Collins.
It is because I wanted you in my life. I did not understand it at the time, but I had already fallen for you, and my heart was no longer my own.
I knew you did not feel the same, but a married couple who desire their marriage to succeed can fall in love in time and be happy with one another. I hope we will be such a couple.
“I do not like her living so near to us, able to appear whenever she wishes. I cannot bear the thought of seeing her body draped over you as she was at Sunday services.”
He reached for her and drew her into his lap.
“I will speak with her father and ask him to send her back to his relations in Edinburgh. Too many people here in our neighborhood know about her fall from grace.”
Elizabeth pressed her face into his chest. “I do not want you to go to her home.”
“I will send him a letter by my footman and ask him to come here alone. Peter will be instructed to place the letter directly into his hands or return it to me.”
Elizabeth was angry and spoke in a petulant tone.
“I should have known how it would be if I married a man of your position and wealth.” She fell silent for so long that he feared she would not speak again, but at last she added, “and beauty. Women will always throw themselves at you, and because you are so very proper and so unwilling to injure feelings, you will not give them a sharp set down and send them away.”
Darcy felt a flash of anger. “Elizabeth, your opinion has no foundation. You do not know how I would respond in such a situation.”
She fell silent, and after some time had passed, she said, “I am sorry, sir. I apologize. I feel so disturbed. I am troubled and…and jealous. I hardly know what I am saying. I had better bite my tongue and perhaps get some sleep.”
He looked down at his wife as she rested against him.
Her lovely mouth was an invitation. He bent his head and nuzzled her, and when she looked up at him, he kissed her.
It was a gentle kiss. He waited to see if she would push him away.
She did not. Instead, she lifted her hand to his jaw.
He bent to kiss her again, this time with more feeling, though he kept himself restrained so that he would not alarm her.
She raised both arms and placed them around his neck, then leaned into him and kissed him.
He drew her closer and kissed her more urgently, then he traced a line of kisses along the curve of her jaw and down her beautiful neck.
She suddenly pushed him away and slipped from his lap. She stood beside the bed, her eyes were troubled.
“Sir, are you certain that you want me? That you could love me someday?”
He rose slowly and took her hands. “I do love you, Elizabeth. I have loved you for a long time. I cannot fix the hour or the place or the look that laid the foundation. It has been months now. I was in the middle before I knew I had begun.”
She studied his face for a long moment. Then she stepped close, lifted herself on her toes, and placed her arms over his shoulders. She kissed him again. He drew her into his embrace and buried his face in her curls.
“Elizabeth, you do not know how I have longed to hold you in this way.”
He led her to the little couch, and they sat together. He kissed her again, and she leaned toward him. Before long, she had settled herself upon his lap. Soon, he lay back upon the cushions, and she leaned into him.
“Elizabeth,” his voice was low. “Will you let me make love to you?”
She whispered against his lips, “Yes. I wish to be your wife, Fitzwilliam. No more waiting and no more doubts. I wish to be yours, and I will leave no opportunity for another to claim what is mine.”
He kissed her again. Then he touched her hair. “May I?”
She nodded. He removed a hairpin, and a long curl fell free. He worked out the others until her hair hung loose past her shoulders. He ran his fingers through it and pressed his face into her hair.
“You are my favorite fragrance, Elizabeth. Come, darling. Let me help you with your buttons.” He offered his hand, and she rose to stand before him.
He moved behind her and began unfastening the small buttons running down the back of her gown. When he finished, he asked, “Will you help me with my jacket and waistcoat?”
Her fingers trembled as she began working on the first button.
She helped him remove his jacket, then worked at the buttons of his waistcoat.
She then opened the buttons of his linen shirt while he untied his cravat.
With a hesitant hand, she touched the smooth skin of his neck and upper chest, and he stood very still as he watched her.
She stopped and took a step back.
“Are you well, Elizabeth?”
“Yes, sir. But I will admit that I am feeling nervous, reticent. I, you… Your shirt.”
He understood. “Let me draw the heavy drapes. It will darken the room. Will that make you feel more at ease?”
She nodded. Darcy closed the drapes. When he returned, she was watching him, her eyes wide.
“Are you too nervous, darling? Do you want me to stop?”
“No, please continue. I am only embarrassed. I do not know where to look or how to act. I do not know what to do.”
“We need not do anything at all. We can lie in the bed and hold each other, and when you feel ready, you may tell me, and then I will love you.”
She still looked uneasy. He saw it in her eyes, and in the tense way she held herself, her hands clasped before her.
“It need not be today, darling. We can simply lie in each other's arms if you wish.”
“Yes, please. I need to familiarize myself with you. With being near you. And with touching you and with you touching me.”
He helped her out of her gown, and she slipped beneath the covers in her shift. He went to his own room, put on a nightshirt, and returned to lie beside her. He slipped his arm under her shoulders and draped the other over her waist.
The ordeal of the day had weighed heavily upon her, and before long she fell asleep, though she had believed she was far too agitated for rest. He, too, had been shaken, and without intending to, he fell asleep with her in his arms.
Elizabeth woke two hours later, rested and more at ease, still wrapped in his arms. She nestled closer, her cheek against his shoulder. She remained there until she felt him move. He was awake, and he tightened his arm about her.
The quiet between them grew weighted with feeling, and she lifted her face toward his.
The longing in his eyes met the answering tenderness in her own.
Elizabeth touched his cheek, and he bent to kiss her, slow and lingering.
She returned the kiss hesitantly, then with eagerness that made his breath catch.
She gave herself to him, wholly and without reserve, and then he gathered her into his arms and showed her with reverent hands and tender devotion how deeply he loved her.