Chapter 4
SNAKES & LADDERS – A FRUSTRATING GAME OF UPS AND DOWNS.
Soli stood in front of the register office, having just kissed her new husband for the very first time, trying to deal with a strange sort of unease at finding she’d enjoyed it much more than was probably healthy for a woman who was now expected to live a life of celibacy for the next twelve months.
How had it been possible to feel so much in so few seconds?
She’d thought it would be fine, kissing Xavier for the camera with everyone looking on, but she’d been shocked by how her body had responded to him.
Her skin had flushed all over as if the sun had concentrated all its power on her in those moments and her heart had done a triple flip before sinking to somewhere in the region of her stomach.
It had been wonderful and terrible all at the same time.
She wished she hadn’t liked it quite so much because she now had a year to think about how wonderful Xavier’s mouth felt on hers without being allowed to experience it again. He’d made it very clear this relationship wasn’t ever going to be anything more than just friends.
Friends. But were they really? Could they be?
‘I’ll go and get your bags from the cloakroom,’ Xavier said brusquely.
All she could do was nod in agreement, then watch him stride back into the building where she’d stashed the two cases she’d packed so carefully the day before.
They represented the sum total of her worldly goods, apart from a few items of clothing she’d given to Domino, and a small box of mementoes from her childhood which she’d left back at the flat because she’d not wanted to lug them over to his house.
Taking a moment to compose herself while Xavier wasn’t around, she took a breath and pushed back her shoulders, uncomfortably aware that her legs were still wobbling like mad after she’d put herself through the most nerve-racking half-hour of her life – first the actual marriage ceremony, during which she’d felt as though she were looking down on herself from above, then the whole surreal exchange when Xavier’s friend Hugo had appeared out of nowhere and she’d had to scrabble for the correct way to act in front of him.
In the heat of the moment, she’d just gone for it and introduced herself as Solitaire McQueen without considering that this might not be something Xavier would approve of, but she’d realised from the way he’d stiffened, then scowled at her, that it had been a mistake.
But then, how was she supposed to have known how he wanted her to act in front of his acquaintances?
They’d been so busy sorting out the legal side of things they hadn’t got round to discussing the day-to-day business of being married yet. It had all been such a whirl.
She’d tried hard not to take offence at his obvious reluctance to introduce her to his friend, but it still rankled.
Obviously Xavier wouldn’t want the marriage of convenience part to be public knowledge, she understood that – he was clearly a private and proud man and if people found out the amounts of money he’d promised to pay her to go through with it neither of them would come out looking particularly good – but surely he wasn’t planning on not telling his friends that he was married to her.
Judging by Hugo’s reaction it sounded as though Xavier had kept the marriage a secret from all of his friends too, apart from Russell, of course, who had written up the legal documents for them to sign and so was clearly a necessary confidant.
She turned to look at Russell now, who was standing quietly beside her, and wondered what he thought about the whole strange undertaking.
He must have felt her gaze on him because he turned to look at her and asked, ‘How well do you know Xavier?’ as if he’d been wondering the same things that she had. From his expression she suspected he was actually a bit concerned about what his friend had just done.
‘Uh, hardly at all,’ she said with a pained grimace. ‘We’ve not spent a lot of time together because we’ve been too busy sorting out our personal situations before the ceremony. It’s all been a bit of a whirlwind to be honest.’
Russell nodded thoughtfully, then gave her an encouraging smile. ‘Listen, I know he comes across as a bit distant sometimes, but he’s a good guy. He’s just been through a lot during his life, that’s all, and it’s made him a bit hard to reach. Emotionally, I mean.’
‘Really? What happened?’ Soli asked, intrigued by what Russell might have to tell her. If Xavier was going to keep her at a distance, talking to his friends would probably be the only way to really get to know more about him.
Russell looked uncomfortable. ‘I should probably let him tell you all that himself. It’s not really my place.
’ He rocked back onto his heels and crossed his arms. ‘You’ve got a year to get him to lower his barriers, after all,’ he said, his smile a little strained now.
‘I’ll just say this—’ he paused, as if searching for the right words to use ‘—you should keep in mind that he’s unlikely to want to commit to the marriage fully.
What I mean is, don’t get your hopes up that he’ll let it become a real relationship.
I don’t think he’s really cut out for that sort of commitment. Not any more.’
Soli nodded, but couldn’t help but frown, feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all now. ‘Don’t worry, I’m not looking for it to turn into a real marriage either,’ she said assertively, though something in the back of her mind let out a small squeak of protest.
No. She’d be a fool to even consider that happening. She was only doing this for the year, then she’d be in a much better position to commit her heart for real. With someone who truly cared about her.
The momentousness of what she’d just done suddenly hit her full force, sucking her breath away.
She was married and about to move in with a man she barely knew.
Adrenaline surged through her body, making her hands shake.
‘A year suddenly feels like an awfully long time to live with a stranger,’ she blurted.
Russell gave her a reassuring smile. ‘Don’t worry, he’ll look after you. He’s nothing if not a gentleman.’
Xavier reappeared through the doors with her bags then and came over to thank Russell for his help, giving him a friendly slap on the back, before turning to face her.
‘Are you ready to go home?’
Home.
His home though, not hers.
‘Yes, I’m ready when you are,’ she said, summoning a smile, which she hoped wouldn’t give away how nervous she was.
Xavier nodded, not seeming to notice her jitters, and set off at a brisk pace with her bags to where he’d left his car. He loaded her cases into the boot while she slipped into the passenger seat.
The car smelt wonderful: of new leather and Xavier’s distinctive scent, a mixture of the aftershave he wore and a musky, masculine fragrance all of his own.
She’d been hyper-aware of it in his office when she’d first met him and it had haunted her ever since, the olfactory memory appearing in the air at random moments, though she’d known she was only imagining it.
Her mind was good at playing tricks on her like that.
It had done the same thing after her father died, conjuring his scent at odd moments, bringing with it a surge of such painful grief she’d often been immobilised by it.
But this definitely wasn’t a time for immobility. She needed to make good on this opportunity and she was determined to do everything in her power to make this deal work out well – for both of them.
Sensing Xavier needed a few minutes to process what had just happened too, Soli stayed quiet as they pulled away from the kerb and stared out of the window, watching the busy London streets slip by.
When he still hadn’t said a word to her as they began to drive through Hampstead Village towards the road where he lived – where they lived – she found she couldn’t stand the silence any longer. Turning to look at him, she experienced a wave of concern when she caught sight of his rigid profile.
‘Is everything okay?’ she asked quietly.
‘I’m sorry if I did something wrong back there.
I thought Hugo was a friend of yours so it’d be okay to introduce myself.
Surely you weren’t hoping to keep me a secret for the next year…
’ Pausing, she took a shaky breath. ‘Were you?’ She laughed nervously, concern creeping over her skin as she considered the possibility that she’d hit upon the correct answer.
‘No, no, of course not, it’s fine,’ he said, but his tone wasn’t exactly convincing.
‘I hadn’t really thought about how I’d handle telling people about us, so it caught me off guard, that’s all.
But I think he bought the whirlwind marriage thing.
’ He turned to look at her now and his set expression softened a little.
‘No point dwelling on it though. It’s done. ’
‘No. Okay.’ His answer hadn’t done much to calm her nerves, but she decided to push her concern to the back of her mind. He was right – there was no point worrying about it. She’d figure him out eventually.
They’d need to spend some quality time together this week if they were going to look like a convincing couple at Hugo’s party next weekend though.
The last thing she wanted was to put her foot in it again with his friends.
She hated the idea of making a fool of herself in front of them.
If she and Xavier weren’t careful something like that could potentially cause resentment and tension between them, which would make for a really uncomfortable home life.
She really didn’t want that. Not if they were going to have to live with each other for the next year.