Chapter 8 #2
He took a step away and ran a hand through his hair, looking frustrated with himself. ‘Yes, okay. You’re right, I should have told you. I’m sorry.’
‘It’s fine. It’s just – it makes it hard for me to react appropriately when I don’t have all the information.’ She frowned, not wanting to turn this into a fight, but determined to make her feelings very clear. ‘I want to get this right, Xavier. For both our sakes.’
Xavier smiled back ruefully, his facial muscles tense. ‘I appreciate that. I’ll try to be a bit more open and honest with you from now on, I promise.’
‘Thank you,’ she said, giving him a nod of appreciation.
He looked back at her, his eyes seeming to grow darker as their gazes locked.
‘You know, I’m really impressed with how you’ve handled yourself here today,’ he murmured. ‘I wasn’t sure how it was going to go, but everyone we’ve spoken to has clearly really liked you.’
‘That’s probably because I asked them so many questions about themselves and actually listened to their answers,’ she joked, a little uncomfortable with his praise.
‘No. It’s not just that. People really respond to you. You have a real charm about you and you’re clearly very intelligent, judging by the way you followed the different conversations you were thrust into.’
She swallowed, feeling a bubble of pride rise through her chest. ‘Thanks. That’s really nice to hear.
I’ve never thought of myself as intelligent.
’ She glanced away as heat began to creep up her neck.
‘I wasn’t great at learning at school – it bored me, to be honest – but I’ve read a lot since I’ve been working in the café, and I talk to such a wide variety of people in there every day I hear all sorts of interesting things.
I guess it’s made me good at general-knowledge subjects.
In fact, I probably should warn you, I’m killer at Trivial Pursuit. ’
He smiled at that and his whole face lit up.
Soli dragged in a breath as her body flooded with heat in response to it. He was such a beautiful man, even more so when he relaxed a little and let himself show his emotions on his face.
She swallowed as he took a step closer to her and reached out to pick a small leaf out of her hair. ‘You look lovely today, by the way. I don’t think I told you that back at the house. And I really appreciate you making so much effort for the party.’
‘You’re welcome,’ she murmured through lips that were now having trouble forming actual words. He was standing so close to her, all she was aware of was his tantalising scent.
‘We should probably slip away home now, before Veronica or Hugo come back out here,’ he said, so quietly she was forced to lean in even closer to hear him.
Her pulse throbbed hard in her veins as she felt the masculine heat of him radiate towards her.
‘Veronica seemed intent on getting all the details about our marriage and I don’t think I’m quite in the headspace to make up convincing enough lies right now,’ he went on, apparently unaware of how he was turning her to jelly.
‘Sure. Whatever you want,’ she managed to say, forcing her frozen facial muscles into a smile.
Xavier was facing the house and he glanced towards it, seemingly to check if it was safe to make a sneaky exit, but he must have seen something, or someone, that alarmed him because the smile dropped from his face and his whole body stiffened.
He appeared to pale as he continued to stare in shock at whatever had caught his attention.
‘What’s wrong?’ Soli asked, turning to look in the direction he was gazing, a slow, heavy feeling of foreboding sinking through her.
‘It’s Harriet,’ he replied in a tense voice.
‘Your ex?’ she asked, turning to watch a strikingly beautiful woman walking slowly towards them.
Soli frowned, wondering why she seemed to be moving so awkwardly, then as she looked down she realised the woman was heavily pregnant and the weight of the baby was making her waddle in her heels across the spongy grass.
‘Yes,’ was all Xavier had time to reply before Harriet was upon them, holding out her arms to Xavier in greeting.
‘Xavier! I heard you were here with your new wife, so I thought it’d be all right to come over and say hello.
It’s wonderful to see you happy.’ She offered Soli a friendly smile, the warmth in it only increasing her beauty.
‘I’d heard you were becoming something of a confirmed bachelor-stroke-playboy.
’ She grinned affectionately at Xavier and Soli’s stomach gave a sickening twist at how excluded she suddenly felt.
These two clearly had some serious history between them.
And Harriet was exactly the sort of woman she’d expect Xavier to be married to. Elegant, intelligent and classically beautiful – the woman seemed to radiate vivacity. By stark contrast, Xavier’s face looked stonier than ever.
‘Oh, come on, Xave, you know I’m only teasing,’ Harriet cooed, giving him a playful slap on the arm. This seemed to wake him up somehow and the corners of his mouth actually turned up for a moment. Not that the smile reached his eyes.
‘I’m really happy for you,’ he said in a voice that sounded as though he was having to force the words through his throat. ‘You’re actually glowing. I thought that was just an expression. I didn’t realise pregnancy really did that to a woman.’
‘So I’ve been told,’ she said with a kind smile. ‘It’s all those hormones rushing around my system. I’m sure I won’t look like this once the baby’s born though. I’ve never been good with lack of sleep.’
‘No. I remember,’ Xavier said.
Soli’s stomach twisted even harder, making her feel a bit sick. Now she was imagining the two of them in bed together, waking up and smiling at each other in mutual adoration before rolling together and—
No. Not going there right now.
‘Well, I’d better get back to Neil – he’ll be sending out a search party if I don’t show myself soon. He’s turned into something of a worrier since I fell pregnant. Calls me umpteen times a day to make sure I haven’t gone into labour unexpectedly and forgotten to phone him!’
She shook her head, but from the way she was beaming, Soli could tell she didn’t mind this show of over-the-top possessiveness one little bit.
She could understand that. It must be wonderful for someone to love and worry about you that much.
‘When are you due?’ she asked, to cover the slightly awkward atmosphere that throbbed between them all now.
‘Three weeks. I can’t wait, to be honest – I feel like an elephant lumbering around!’
She really didn’t look like one though; she was carrying all at the front, so if you saw her from the back Soli bet you wouldn’t even know she was pregnant.
‘Oh, by the way,’ she said, turning to Xavier, ‘happy birthday for Wednesday. Are you doing anything special for it?’ She glanced between the two of them with interest.
Soli tensed as an intense desire to protect Xavier from the hurt this woman had caused him mixed with a sting of her own hurt that he hadn’t even mentioned his birthday to her.
‘Yes, of course, but it’s a big surprise,’ she lied quickly, giving her a covert wink in the hope she’d believe the bluff. No way was she having this woman thinking she wasn’t as good a partner to Xavier as Harriet had been in the past.
But then, Soli hadn’t shredded his heart and humiliated him in front of the people he loved and respected most in the world, so she was already one up on her.
‘Sweetheart, I’m so sorry to drag you away early but this migraine seems set to stay,’ she said to Xavier, linking her fingers through his and feeling him squeeze her hand in silent thanks.
‘It was good to meet you, Harriet. Good luck with the baby,’ she said, giving the woman one last smile and a nod, then pulling subtly on Xavier’s hand.
‘Bye, Harriet,’ Xavier said, falling into step with her as they walked back towards the house. They made a swift exit through the huge throng of people who were now milling around the large garden and made it back to the car without encountering any objections to their leaving.
‘Thanks,’ was all Xavier said as he pulled the car out of the parking space and set off back to their house.
Soli waited until they were driving down the main road into Hampstead before she asked, ‘Are you okay?’
He didn’t answer her immediately, just kept staring ahead at the road. ‘Yeah, I’m fine,’ he said eventually, though he really didn’t sound it.
‘I take it you didn’t know she was pregnant?’
There was a heavy pause in which he stared at the road ahead again. ‘No, I didn’t.’
‘How did it make you feel?’ she asked tentatively.
He turned to glance at her and the expression in his eyes made her stomach sink to the floor.
‘Not great, to be honest.’ He dragged in a sharp breath.
‘The main reason she gave for not wanting to marry me was that I wanted to have kids, but she didn’t.
She thought having a family would mean she wouldn’t be able to focus on her career – that it’d hold her back.
’ His jaw clenched tight before he spoke again, as if he was fighting with his emotions.
‘But I guess she did want kids after all – just not with me.’
Soli’s stomach dropped even lower, making her feel nauseous on his behalf. ‘Oh, Xavier, I’m so sorry.’
He shrugged. ‘She probably had it right. I’d have been a terrible father and a selfish husband.
I’ve been so focused on work and building my company I probably wouldn’t have given my relationships priority – as I’m sure you’ve noticed,’ he added with a grimace.
There was a heavy pause before he cleared his throat and said, ‘It was for the best that we didn’t get married. ’
She wanted to reassure him, to tell him that he had it all wrong, but she couldn’t. She didn’t know him well enough to be able to say something like that and he knew it.
Her heart went out to him. No wonder he was so unwilling to get close to someone again. Anybody would be wary of allowing themselves to love and trust if they’d been through what he had.
She wanted to help somehow, so much it made her chest physically ache.
But do what?
Taking a breath, she gave him a supportive smile as an idea began to form in her head.
She might not be able to do anything about the past, but she could definitely do something about the future.
Acknowledging a small but insistent voice in her head reminding her not to get too emotionally involved – because she knew, deep down, that if she set out on that path it would be almost impossible to turn back – she assured herself she would only do it to make their time together more enjoyable, and perhaps to say thank you to Xavier for giving her the chance to make a better life for herself and her family.
Yes. She would do it for him because she could.
But, perhaps even more importantly, because she knew that nobody else would.