Chapter Twenty-Two
Carly
As my team and I make our way to the bus that will take us back to school, we can’t stop gushing about the competition.
It was hard to bid goodbye to my parents and Blake. I miss them so much, even though we video chat often. But I’ll see them at the next competition.
We’re gathered outside the bus, waiting for the driver to return from wherever he went.
Maybe he grabbed some food? Everyone continues to chat about the competition, and I find my eyes traveling to Ryder.
He’s talking to a few girls, smiling and nodding without saying much.
The smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes, though.
Is he upset that we made the cut by the skin of our teeth? We’ll do better next time.
When the driver finally returns, we all gather to board the bus. Before Addie and I get on, I say, “Hey, Addie? Do you mind sitting with Naya again?”
Her eyebrows lift before she glances behind her at Ryder. A slow but wide smile forms on her lips. “Okay.” She pokes me in the ribs with her elbow. “Sure thing.” After glancing at Ryder one more time, she gets on the bus and drops down next to Naya.
When I pass them on the way to my seat, they throw me grins, and Addie even winks. I playfully roll my eyes and lower myself on a seat toward the middle of the bus. So if a certain dude who’s the only male on the team sees a vacant seat next to a certain captain and decides he wants to occupy it…
Ryder remains outside for a few minutes before following the others onto the bus. My hands wring in my lap as I wait for him to approach my seat.
As he passes the other seats and heads my way, I smile and am about to motion for him to sit next to me, but my hand drops when he doesn’t look my way. His eyes are on the floor and his head doesn’t seem to be here. Whatever is on his mind weighs heavily, like it’s taken control.
I’m left to watch him pass by and make his way to the back of the bus. He chooses a seat and slides to the window.
Why is he acting so not like himself? Where are the crooked smile and the mischievous gleam in his eyes? It’s almost as if he turned into a zombie.
I can’t help but watch him as the bus fills up and Coach Moreno takes attendance. He just stares out the window like it has the answers to life’s biggest questions.
Once Moreno is satisfied that everyone is accounted for, she instructs the driver to take us back to school.
The bus is noisy as everyone chats and laughs, but their voices are drowned out as I continue to look at Ryder. I think back to the other day when I mentioned the pain in his eyes and how uncomfortable he became. Does this have anything to do with that?
I really don’t like that he’s all alone like that. It’s a crime when Ryder Bennett doesn’t smile or laugh. Like the world can’t function.
Before I know what I’m doing, I get to my feet and walk to the back of the bus. He’s so caught up in his thoughts that he doesn’t even see me coming his way.
“Hey,” I say as I stand at his seat.
He unlatches his eyes from the window and turns to me. There is no expression in his eyes and it appears as though he’s looking through me. But it only lasts for a second before he gives me a small wave. “Hey, Carly.”
“I was wondering if you want to sit with me.”
He turns back to the window. “No, thanks.”
“What? I mean….oh. Okay. Do you want me to sit with you?”
He shakes his head. “I think I need to be alone right now. But thanks for offering.”
He focuses on the window again and I focus on him. Seriously, who is that guy? I’m convinced aliens beamed down and replaced him with someone who is not Ryder.
I shift from one foot to the other, not wanting to leave. It sucks for him to sit here all by himself, not talking to anyone.
“Is it dance? Are you upset we hardly made it? We have time to improve and do much better next time.”
He shakes his head again, not facing me. “No, I’m not upset about dance.”
I wait for him to elaborate, but he doesn’t. He just sighs heavily as he continues to be fascinated with whatever is outside.
“Okay. I guess I’ll go, then. If you change your mind, you know where I am.”
He looks at me and dips his head. “Thanks.” For a second, the pain evaporates and I see a bit of Normal Ryder, but it’s gone and he’s back to Zombie Ryder.
I want to stay, but I won’t if he doesn’t want me to. I wait a few seconds in case he changes his mind, but he doesn’t.
“I’ll see you later,” I say before going back to my seat, confused as ever. I thought he’d jump at the chance of sitting with me. I thought we’re getting friendly. Is he…mad at me about something?
As I sit down, I wrack my brain, trying to figure out what I could have done wrong.
Did I say something to offend him? He was thankful that I asked him to sit with me, so it doesn’t seem like he’s upset with me.
Maybe whatever is bothering him has nothing to do with me.
Maybe it does have to do with the pain in his eyes.
I busy myself with my phone in order to not think about Ryder for the rest of the drive back to school. Once we get there, the team piles off the bus, most still chatting animatedly about today. I grab my backpack and climb off the bus, finding Addie and Naya standing outside.
When Addie notices I got off the bus without Ryder, her eyebrows furrow. She looks like she wants to ask questions, but maybe she doesn’t want to mention it in front of Naya.
Ryder is the last to get off the bus. He sulks toward the boys’ dorm. Addie and I exchange a glance. I just shrug.
“So we’ll chat later,” Naya says, giving me and Addie a hug. “Thanks so much for today.” She squeezes me. “For everything. My mom was so proud of me.”
I smile as I draw back. “Of course. You’re a talented dancer and you deserve to be on the team.”
She hugs me again. “I have homework I need to do. Big test on Monday.” With a frown, she waves to me and Addie, then enters the girls’ dorm.
Addie looks at me with a raised brow.
“What?” I ask as I turn toward the door to the dorm.
“What happened between you and Ryder?” she asks as she follows me.
I shrug. “He didn’t want to sit with me.”
She stops walking. “What?”
“It’s no big deal. The dude is free to do whatever he wants, and clearly he didn’t want to sit with me.”
We enter our room and I throw my backpack on my bed before dropping down on my back and staring at the ceiling.
Then I turn to Addie. “I don’t get it. He seemed so different on the ride to the competition.”
She’s about to say something, but there’s a knock on the door. Addie goes to check it out and my insides perk up when I find my friends pouring in. I just saw them like an hour ago, but it feels like it’s never enough.
“We have a situation,” Addie tells them as Sophie sits on my bed and Raven settles down on Addie’s.
“Situation?” Sophie asks, gaze flitting between me and Addie.
Addie nods. “It seems Ryder didn’t want to sit with Carly on the bus ride home and she’s heartbroken.”
“Oh my gosh, Addie. I’m not heartbroken.” I sit up and cross my arms over my chest. “Just confused.”
Sophie and Raven exchange a glance. “What’s going on? Since when is Carly hurt by something Ryder does?” Raven asks.
I sigh and tell them about the peace he and I made on the bus. “And we’re kind of friends. Or at least friendly. So it was weird that he didn’t want to sit with me. Of course he’s free to do whatever he wants, but….”
“It stings,” Raven finishes.
I nod.
Sophie thinks for a bit. “Hmm. So the enemies aren’t enemies anymore, but now the guy snubs the girl…”
“This isn’t a book trope,” Raven says.
“It’s always a trope.”
I lie down on my bed. “Maybe since you’re an expert on the guys in your books, Soph, you can delve into the brain that is Ryder Bennett?
I mean, he’s supposed to be pretty straightforward.
A player who relishes the attention of girls, a guy who’s so full of himself he thinks he’s a god.
A guy who loves to mess with me, but at the same time regrets what happened between us and wants to start over.
And now he’s just some hollow shell? I don’t get it. ”
Addie rolls her shoulders. “It happened after the competition, right? You think he hurt his leg but doesn’t want to tell anyone? Like, maybe he’s bothered he won’t be able to dance again.”
I think back to how he was walking after the competition. “No, he didn’t seem to be in pain. I don’t think it’s his leg.”
Raven lifts both brows. “Maybe we should stop trying to analyze the guy because you’ll never understand him and let’s celebrate the dance team’s success?”
I sit up. “That sounds so much better than worrying about Ryder. Who knows? Maybe he’ll get over whatever’s bothering him and be his normal, charming self tomorrow.”
All three of them look at one another. “Charming?” Addie says with the most excited look on her face.
I groan. “Why do you guys have to hold on to every word that leaves my mouth? Just because I called him charming, it does not mean I like him.”
“Who said anything about you liking him?” Sophie says with a nearly identical look as Addie. “Wait, do you like him?”
I pull off my scrunchie and let my hair fall free. “I mean, he’s not such a cretin anymore.”
They eagerly wait for more.
I gape at them. “You mean, like him like him? No way! He’s Ryder.”
“Yeah, the guy who refused to back off until you accepted his apology,” Raven says. “Guys don’t just do that, you know.”
“So you’re saying he likes me?”
“I’m saying he wouldn’t put so much effort into apologizing to you if you didn’t mean something to him,” she explains.
“I’m his best friend’s little sister and he doesn’t like that I was holding a grudge against him.”
“I think he does like you,” Sophie adds. “Don’t you see the way he looks at you?”
“Guys like Ryder are looking to have fun with girls, not for a girlfriend,” I tell my friends. “I don’t want to be like those girls in the movies who like a player and then have their hearts broken because he can’t or won’t commit to them.”
“But Ryder doesn’t give girls attention,” Sophie argues. “They give him attention.”
“And he loves every second of it.”
“While longing for you,” Addie says.
I shoot her a look. “That’s so not true! He doesn’t ‘long for me.’ Ryder Bennett doesn’t long for anyone.”
“But you’re the girl he can’t have,” Addie says. “Or couldn’t have. Things are different now that he apologized and you’re getting friendly.”
I hold up my hand. “Addie, I love you, but I don’t know why you put it in your head that there’s something between Ryder and me. He apologized because he didn’t like this negative energy between us. We’re teammates and need to get along. That’s all it is.”
She hums to herself.
“I’m with Addie,” Sophie informs me. “Ryder is in love with you.”
I nearly choke. “In love ? He doesn’t even like me!”
She lifts her chin. “Does, too.”
“Does not!”
“Are we five?” Raven teases. “Look, Carly, we don’t know what he feels, but he obviously wants a relationship with you. As friends or more, whatever. You can’t deny that.”
“I know. Like I said, we’re teammates.”
“More than teammates.”
I puff up my cheeks. “Well, it doesn’t matter, anyway, because he clearly didn’t want to talk to me after the competition. So this conversation is pointless. Maybe he’ll ignore me tomorrow and the day after.” It’ll sting if he does that, but what can I do about it?
Sophie pats my arm. “Things will be okay between you. I can feel it.”
I shrug. “I don’t even know why I care so much.” I shoot Addie a glare. “And don’t say it’s because I like him. I don’t . Not like that. I’m okay with us being friends.”
Sophie and Addie look like they want to argue, but probably figure there’s no point because it’ll never end. We change the subject to school, the dance, and other things going on around here, and Ryder is forgotten.
Well, he’s not really forgotten because I keep thinking about him, but at least I don’t have to convince my friends that I don’t have feelings for him. Because I don’t.
I don’t.
So why do his sad eyes pop up in my mind? Why do I want to do whatever I can to take his pain away?