Chapter Thirty-Six
Ryder
My knees practically bang into each other as I stand before the house that holds many, many difficult memories. This might be one of the hardest things I’ll ever do in my life.
After taking a deep breath, I climb the stairs to the front door and knock. I have a key, but I don’t want to just barge in.
No one answers and I wonder if maybe my parents aren’t home. But then I hear footsteps approaching before the door opens a crack to reveal brown eyes that are the same shade as mine.
Mom freezes, her eyes growing large. “Ryder.”
I give her the widest smile I can. “Hi, Mom. Can I come in, please?”
She opens the door, giving me more than enough room to slip past her and enter the house. It looks exactly the same as it did when I left it. Furniture that’s old and worn out. Wallpaper that hasn’t been changed in years. It’s a home that isn’t really homey at all.
Dad, like usual, is sitting in front of the TV. He bounces from job to job, which is how we’ve kept afloat over the years. We had enough to survive and that was it.
“Hi, Dad,” I greet.
He turns to me and also freezes. “Ryder.”
Mom sits down on the couch near Dad’s chair and both look at me. Kind of feels like I’m an alien invading their home.
Shoving my hands in my pockets, I roll on the backs of my feet. “Sorry to barge in on you like this, but I want to talk to you. I need to talk to you.”
“All right,” Dad says. “Say what you need to say.”
“Michael,” Mom hisses at him.
He shrugs. “You’re the one who’s written him off from our lives.”
My heart feels heavy as I glance from one parent to the other. “What?”
Mom sighs, shutting her eyes. “Why don’t you sit down, Ryder?”
After looking at them once more, I slowly lower myself on the chair facing Dad.
No one says anything and the room is silent, except for the low volume coming from the game Dad’s watching on TV.
I clear my throat. “I came because I want us to…what I mean is…” I shake my head. “You’re my parents, but we don’t have a relationship. We never had. Do you guys…” I take another breath. “Have you guys ever loved me? Do you even want me to be part of your lives?”
Both parents look hurt, which is the most emotional I’ve seen them in all my sixteen years. Dad especially, since he was never one to show emotion, except for anger when he and Mom argued.
“Ryder, we know we haven’t been the best parents,” Mom says.
“But you need to understand that our problems have nothing to do with you. We had issues way before you were born, issues we didn’t resolve.
” She hesitates. “The truth is, neither of us was ready for you when you came along. Being parents was never in our plan.”
I nod slowly. “I know. I overheard you say I was a mistake.”
Mom shakes her head, scooting over on the couch so she can look at my face.
“When you overheard that argument, we just wanted to hurt each other. We didn’t mean what we said.
” She pauses to take a breath. “Before you were born, we didn’t want to be parents, but as I held you in my arms, I vowed to be the best mother in the world.
I wanted to give you everything. You were my little boy. ”
My throat tightens.
“I felt the same,” Dad tells me. “You were my flesh and blood and I also wanted to be a good dad to you.”
“But we failed you,” Mom continues. “We gave you a hard life. I was a terrible mother. Your father and I didn’t give you the love and attention you needed. We weren’t there for you.”
“We had many issues we needed to work through, like we said,” Dad adds. “Arguing all the time among many other things. But we didn’t seek the help we needed.”
“I’ll be honest. When you started going to the Simmons, it bothered me. It angered me. I felt like Mrs. Simmons was a better mother than I was and I’m sorry, but I felt a lot of resentment toward you. But that’s on me, not you. You were just looking for a better family.”
“It took us a long time, but we understand it now,” Dad says. “We understood that we didn’t provide you with everything you needed.”
“Our home lacked love. It lacked warmth. I’m not surprised you sought a better family.”
My gaze drops to the floor. “I didn’t realize it hurt you that I was over at Blake’s all the time. I thought you didn’t care. I thought you didn’t love me.”
“Ryder, we’ve always loved you,” Mom says.
“We just did a crappy job of showing it. The more I realized over the years how much I failed you, the more I resented myself, I resented your father, I resented you. But all that is on me, not you. You did nothing wrong. You’re such a sweet boy who didn’t deserve that life. ”
My throat tightens even more. “You never came to my football games. All the parents were there except for mine.”
Dad looks really regretful. “That was us putting our needs before yours. We were caught up in our own things and didn’t understand how important it was for us to be there for you.”
Mom’s got tears in her eyes. “I thought you replaced me with Blake’s mom and that you didn’t want to have anything to do with us.
I’m sorry. I made everything all about me instead of about you.
I cared more about my jealousy and anger than I did about your needs.
It’s something I’ll regret for the rest of my life. ”
I clear my throat to loosen the rock lodged inside. “What about when I got accepted to Harrington Bay Academy? You didn’t seem to care one bit. You’ve never responded to my texts or answered my calls. I invited you to my dance competitions, but you never showed up.”
Dad gestures to Mom. “That was your mom’s decision. She wanted to cut us from your life.”
I stare from one parent to the other. “What?”
Mom dabs her eyes with a tissue. “I noticed how happier you were when you were on your own, and with others. You thrived when we weren’t in your life.
When you got accepted to that school, I told myself that it was the perfect chance for us to remove ourselves from your life.
We have so much baggage that we don’t want to drag you down with.
I wanted you to start a new life. A new life without us in it because I know we made you miserable.
I’m sorry for ignoring your calls and texts, but I thought I was doing the right thing. ”
“But I don’t want to cut you out of my life,” I tell them. “I want to have a relationship with you. You’re my parents.”
Mom hangs her head. “What kind of parents have we been? We made your life so unhappy. Aren’t you happier without us?”
“No. I’m lonely without you. Yes, my childhood wasn’t the greatest, but that doesn’t mean I’m done with you guys. We can start over. We can fix what’s broken between us.”
Mom and Dad exchange a glance. “The truth is, we want the same thing,” Dad says. “That’s why we’ve been getting professional help. We have a long way to go, but we’re headed in the right direction.”
Mom gives me a sad smile. “It killed me to receive your texts and not answer back, but I felt like your father and I needed to get help before we could even think of having a relationship with you. But we saw your performances that were posted on the school website. You’re an amazing dancer.”
Hearing a compliment from my mom for the first time makes my heart lift. “Thanks. It means a lot.”
“You coming here feels like fate,” Mom says. “While we were getting help to one day reconnect with you, you wanted the same thing.”
“We want to be part of your life,” Dad says. “But we weren’t sure if you wanted to be part of ours. Nothing we do will make up for the pain we caused you.”
I shake my head. “We can leave that in the past and start over. I’m really sorry I chose the Simmons over you. I didn’t realize I hurt you.”
Mom scoots closer to take my hand. “No, Ryder. I don’t want you to blame yourself. We were the parents and we made the mistake. Like I said, you did nothing wrong. We have a long way to go in terms of therapy, but we’d like to be part of your life if you’ll have us.”
Dad nods.
I look from one parent to the other, noting the genuine expressions on their faces.
I already see a change in them. I could never see myself having such a heartfelt and emotional conversation with them years ago.
The help they’ve been getting has definitely had positive effects and I’m so happy and relieved.
“Yes, I want you guys to be part of my life.”
Dad’s chest heaves in relief while a fresh batch of tears enters Mom’s eyes. “Thank you, Ryder. Is it all right if I hug you?” she asks.
“Of course.”
She stretches her arms toward me and I bend forward, letting her hug me tightly. Dad stands and closes his arms around both of us.
Then we sit and talk. I tell them about school and dance and football. I show them videos of the competitions and they compliment me on how talented I am. I also inform them about my amazing girlfriend.
“Carly Simmons from next door?” Mom asks. “She’s such a sweet girl. I’ve never really spoken to her much, but I know she’s kind and she’ll be a wonderful girlfriend to you.”
“We’d love to meet her one day,” Dad says.
“She’s sitting outside her house and I’m sure she’d love to meet you, too. I’ll text her if now is a good time.”
I send her a text, letting her know things went very well. She’s more than happy for me and would love to meet my parents as well.
She rings the bell and I let her in. She hugs me, squeezing herself to me. “I’m so happy things worked out.”
“Me, too. I think this is the beginning of the rest of my life.” I look into her eyes. “A life that I’d love for you to be part of more than anything.”
She smiles, kissing me softly. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I take her hand, leading her into the living room, where she greets my parents. Mom hugs her while Dad treats her like she’s royalty. Well, she is my queen.
We sit around the couch and talk. Carly is very comfortable with them and they look at ease with her as well.
We stay for a bit, but it’s getting late and we have a long drive to school. Before we leave, my parents hug me again, promising to come to the next competition, and to Parents’ Day in a few weeks. They also promise to keep in touch. We’ll probably call and video chat a few times a week.
It’s hard for me to leave because we’re starting to rebuild a relationship, but we have the rest of our lives to get to know each other.
We return to Carly’s house because her mom insists we eat (again) before our long drive to school. She prepared snacks and sandwiches, which Carly and I scarf down while we sit in the kitchen.
“Hey, man,” Blake says as he enters the room. “Can I talk to you for a sec?”
“Sure.”
With my sandwich on my plate, I follow him to his room. The place is adorned with football memorabilia. I smile when I take it all in, no longer feeling as sad as I used to when I thought about football. I’ll always miss it, of course, but I’ve moved on to new things.
We sit on Blake’s bed. I wait for him to talk, but he keeps quiet.
“What’s up?” I ask as I take another bite of my sandwich.
“What are you playing at, man?” he says.
I lift my brows. “What?”
“My sister? Really?”
“What do you—?”
He throws his hands up. “You know what I mean. Carly’s not…one of your girls. Sorry, you know I don’t want to hurt you. I’m just looking out for my sister.”
I nod. “I get it. Believe me, Carly is the last person I’d ever hurt.
But I’m not that guy anymore. I’ve changed.
I don’t want to have fun with girls anymore.
I want a long-term girlfriend. And Carly and I have strong feelings for each other.
I love her, man. You have my word that I’ll never hurt her. ”
His face softens. “You love her?”
I smile. “Yeah, I really do. And if for whatever reason you don’t trust me or you think I’ll harm her, you can beat the living daylights out of me.
But I swear to you that I’ll never, never hurt her.
She means the world to me. She gives me hope for a better life. She’s my everything, Blake. Honest.”
“I never thought I’d hear such sappy words coming from Ryder Bennett.”
I shrug. “Sappy or not, it’s how I feel.”
He smiles at me. “I’ve seen a change in you the past few weeks. And while I do trust you, I’ll still watch you like a hawk.”
“Please do.”
He slaps my hand. “I’m really happy for you, dude. And I see that Carly is happy, too. That’s all because of you.”
I return the smile. “We make each other happy.”
I tell him the good news about my renewed relationship with my parents. He’s so relieved that things are looking up for me.
Just a few weeks ago, I didn’t think much of my life. Or the future. I was just having fun. But now my future looks so bright and I can’t wait to ride the wave.
With my beautiful, awesome, talented girlfriend by my side. With us together, nothing can stop us.