Chapter 63
CHAPTER SIXTY-THREE
Cleo
Thankfully, the party hadn’t been an all-night affair. By two o’clock, the Rogues and the women were chauffeured to a house in East Hampton and shockingly, I slept like a baby despite Gabriel’s declaration of love, which I wasn’t sure I believed.
I should have still been angry about that whole condom debacle, but no, I’d fallen right into his lap and stayed. Being with Gabriel still felt like home and I wanted to believe that he really meant the words, but I thought he’d tossed them out too carelessly.
Love wasn’t lust. It wasn’t just a feeling.
Love was an action. A verb. An intention. A deliberate choice to show up and do the work.
I brushed my teeth and put my toothbrush in the holder next to his and then did a half-assed job of following all the steps of the skincare regime Annika insisted was necessary when you’re pushing thirty. Ah yes, now I looked dewy and glowing.
I walked out of the bathroom just as Gabriel’s bedroom door opened, and Eddie stumbled out. I heard a groggy female voice calling his name. “Be right back, babe.”
He’d probably forgotten her name. Eddie was a shameless hussy.
“Uh, what are you doing?” I asked, keeping my eyes focused on his face. I’d been on a tour bus with these guys, so it wasn’t the first time I ever saw Eddie in boxer briefs, but I really didn’t want to see that first thing in the morning.
“Using the bathroom.” He might as well have tacked Duh onto the end of the sentence.
“No. I mean, in Gabriel’s bed.” I flapped my hand toward the open door.
“It was empty, so I slept there. Can I get through now?” He gave me an annoyed look and gestured for me to stop blocking the door.
I stepped aside so he could use the bathroom then went downstairs and made a pot of coffee. After I ate my breakfast on the deck, I went back inside and prepared a tray for Gabriel. Someone had to feed him.
Since he didn’t have an actual tray, I carried his breakfast out to the studio in an orange ceramic roasting dish that looked suspiciously like the Le Creuset my mother used to own.
The music stopped as soon as I opened the door.
“What’s this?” he asked, setting down his guitar and taking the makeshift tray out of my hands.
“A Thanksgiving turkey. What does it look like?”
“Love. This looks like looooove,” he said in a sexy scream, dragging out the syllables for so long that it was clear his underwater swimming had paid off in the breath control department.
I shook my head. “Are you still high?”
“On life. I was in the flow state. I didn’t even realize it was morning until just now,” he laughed, setting his breakfast on the floor and sliding down the wall like he suddenly realized how tired he was and needed the support.
With a contented sigh, he kicked out his legs and patted the spot next to him. “Come sit with me.”
I hovered in the doorway. I wasn’t planning to stay, but my traitorous feet carried me to his side, and I sat next to him.
He looked terrible, with purple shadows under his eyes and his hair all messy and disheveled. But I thought he looked beautiful. A burst of sunlight burned through the morning fog and lit up his face. Gabriel, the fallen angel.
The light was particularly beautiful in Montauk. Dreamy. Luminous. I could see why Gabriel loved this place so much. It was unpretentious, wilder, romantic. Perfect for seekers and free spirits like him.
He was still dressed in last night’s clothes—army green cargo shorts with frayed hems and a faded black T-shirt with a samurai cat on it.
I bought that T-shirt for him when we were in Tokyo. He’d gotten such a kick out of it that he wore it for every show in Japan and Australia. He called it his Lucky Cleo the Cat T-shirt and said I would have made a great samurai warrior.
No idea why he’d ever thought that when I couldn’t even fend off a knife-wielding junkie. But he’d always given me more credit than I deserved.
“You need to sleep,” I said.
“I need coffee.” He lifted the speckled blue mug to his lips and drank.
I stared at this throat as it bobbed on a swallow. I wanted to sink my teeth into it and leave my mark. Mine.
When he caught me staring, I quickly averted my head and chipped off the last of the indigo polish on my thumbnail.
“Thank you,” he said with a big, genuine smile that made his whole face light up.
“You’re welcome.” I drew my knees to my chest. He really needed to put a sofa in here. “So…did you finish the song?”
“Mmhmm.” He gave me a secretive smile. “You’ll hear it tonight.”
I opened my mouth to tell him I was available to listen right this minute, but he popped a piece of melon into it, effectively shutting me up. After the second time he fed me, I held up my hand to stop him. “I already ate. This is for you.”
After he finished every bite and drank his coffee, he stretched his arms over his head and yawned. Then he couldn’t stop yawning.
I stood. “You need to sleep. Eddie’s in your bed so you can have mine.”
“You really worry about me, don’t you?” he asked as we walked to the house. “You still care about me.”
He sounded surprised, like this was a new revelation, and he couldn’t imagine why I would. But how could I not? When the love of your life leaves you, all that love doesn’t just magically disappear.
I shrugged. “You need to be rested for your show tonight, that’s all.”
While Gabriel was in the bathroom, I tidied up my bedroom and packed my tote bag for the day, ready to head out.
As soon as he walked into the room, he shed his T-shirt and jeans and tossed them on the floor then dove onto the bed. He was wearing dark blue boxers with little palm trees on them.
“Take a nap with me,” he said, rolling onto his side and propping his head on his hand.
He gave me a drowsy smile that was so adorable and boyish that I was tempted to crawl into bed with him, if only to watch him sleep. I could so easily fit my body into the curve of his, with my back resting against his hard chest and his arm curled around me.
Skin against skin, his face buried in my hair, and our hearts doing a drunken tango across the room.
Before I met Gabriel, I used to prefer sleeping alone. After he left, it was one of the things I’d missed the most.
Hearing him say, sweet dreams, as I drifted off. Falling asleep in his arms. Waking up to the sound of his voice, to the smile on his lips, and to that deep contentment that comes with knowing you are loved. You are cherished. You are safe.
I backed away toward the door before I got too carried away and accidentally fell into bed with him. “I just woke up.”
He pressed his face into my pillow. “Mmm. Smells like you.”
“I’ll see you later.”
As I closed the door behind me it dawned on me that now my freshly washed sheets would smell like him . And that maybe, just maybe, I wouldn’t be so quick to throw them in the washing machine next time.
I leaned against the wall and took a few deep breaths.
God. What was this fresh hell?
My mom and Sean stopped by later that evening.
I saw their car pulling into the driveway from the upstairs window as I was getting dressed. If memory served, these were the same hip-hugger bell-bottoms I wore to Monks the night I told Gabriel I wanted to be with him.
Too bad I didn’t have that cowgirl riding a tiger T-shirt anymore.
My hands were shaky as I applied a few coats of mascara in the bathroom mirror. I was almost as nervous as I’d been that night but this time, I was nervous for Gabriel. I had no idea what their set list would be or what the rest of his new music sounded like.
According to Maya, who I’d hung out with at the pool today while Gabriel was sleeping in my bed , the tickets had all sold out. But the bar only held two hundred, so it wasn’t like he was playing in a stadium. And Gabriel seemed really chilled out about the whole thing.
But still. It felt like a big deal.
I stuffed some cash and my ID into my pocket and went downstairs.
“Listen to me,” Sean was saying as I greeted my mom with a hug and slid into the seat next to her. Gabriel was leaning against the railing, smoking a cigarette, looking as cool as you like in the shirt I made for him.
He gave me a sexy smile while Sean continued talking.
“If Barry gives you any more shit about your new music, just let me deal with it.”
“Why would he give Gabriel shit?” Dev said, ambling onto the deck. It must have been Show Cleo Some Love night. Devin was wearing the T-shirt I’d made for him with Phillipe Petit tightrope walking between the Twin Towers. “His new stuff is fucking incredible. He’s gonna blow them away tonight.”
Eddie nodded in agreement. “It all came together. It’s pretty tight.”
My gaze swung to Sean. He looked more stressed than a man who had just returned from a vacation should look.
I gave my mom the side-eye. She shook her head with a sigh and lowered her voice. “Sean just got off the phone with Barry after Gabriel got angry and hung up on him.”
“What did Barry say to you?” I asked Gabriel, all ready to fight for him. I’d never met the guy, but I didn’t like the sound of him. “He’s such an asshole. Who is he to hassle you?”
Gabriel smiled. “I love it when you get all feisty.”
“What did he say?” I prodded.
Sean said, “He wants assurance that this album is going to fit the current market and that it will be similar to, yet ‘transcend’ his last three albums.”
Gabriel crushed his cigarette in the ashtray.
“He wants to produce the album. He insisted on it. Allegedly, the record company is all for it. Fuck that. I told him no way in hell would I ever let him anywhere near my music. I’ve heard his stuff.
It’s all overproduced. It sounds sterile and artificial.
There’s no rawness or musicality or dynamic range whatsoever.
I don’t even want him in that bar tonight. ”
He pointed at Sean. “First thing Monday, we’re calling my lawyer and the suits at the label and demanding?—”
“All right, all right,” Sean said, holding up his hands. “We’ll get this all sorted out next week. You have my word on that. But right now, I need you to focus on tonight’s performance and put all the other stuff out of your head. So just let it go for now, okay?”
Gabriel exhaled loudly and looked up at the sky then nodded. “Okay, fine.”
But I could tell from the set of his jaw that he hadn’t let it go and that he wouldn’t until the matter was settled.
I already knew from previous experience that whenever his artistic vision or integrity was threatened, he would fight to the bitter end until he got exactly what he wanted.
His music was the one thing in his life that he refused to compromise on.
Sean nodded. “Okay.” He clapped his hands and stood up, rallying the troops. “Van’s all loaded?” He looked at Eddie and Devin who nodded. “Let’s get moving so we can do a soundcheck.”
My mom gave him a peck on the cheek. “Relax.” Sean nodded and rolled out his shoulders. “We’ll see you later.”
“It might be a Cuervo kind of night,” Eddie said with a smirk.
Oh God. I really hoped not. One night on the summer festival tour, the show was delayed due to thunderstorms. By the time they took the stage, Gabriel had drunk so much tequila that he sang all the wrong lyrics for half the songs. Not his best performance.
I grabbed Gabriel’s arm before he climbed into the van. “Hey. Are you okay?”
“All good.”
I wasn’t entirely convinced so I did up a few of his buttons just for an excuse to delay his departure. I knew that by the end of the night his shirt would either be completely unbuttoned or on the floor, but old habits die hard, so I did it anyway. I patted his chest. “Keep your shirt on.”
He leaned in and I thought he might kiss me but instead he whispered in my ear, “You’re still my music.”
You still give me butterflies.
“And I’m still your biggest fan.”
He squeezed my hand and climbed into the van.
As it was pulling away, I yelled, “Stay off the Cuervo!”
I heard the guys laughing as they drove away.