CHAPTER TEN #2
I pulled my fixed campervan into the Northend Shores parking lot, under the UV ceiling.
I finished my first smoothie, changed into my wetsuit and waxed my board.
Jaiden was already at the shoreline with some of the local guys, many of whom we’d competed against in the Ocean Surf League Qualifying Series.
A few girls hung with them, and Jaiden did his signature sun-streaked hair flip.
I chuckled. At least he was happily distracted.
One look at me and he’d read me better than the incoming swell.
And the waves were pumping, clear as glass.
As soon as my toes touched the scalding white sand, I strapped my surf leash to my ankle and didn’t stop moving, giving a quick wave to Jaiden before splashing into the ocean.
The water was warm at first, the heat of the sun beating down, but as I paddled out it cooled, as did the pain of my helical disease.
Almost every part of me was protected from the sun in this hooded wetsuit.
It wasn’t winter, but Perla had pulled it out of storage.
There weren’t confirmed studies, but many people claimed UV rays triggered flares.
An extra precaution, she’d said. If it meant I could surf, I could shrug off looking like a kook.
I duck-dived under a wave and calm washed over me.
I dove under another, surfacing past the breakpoint. The next wave rolled in, and some locals got hyped. They cheered me on, urging me to take it. It was a double overhead, destined to be a good one. I paddled hard and timed the pop-up to my feet. This was my home.
I shifted my weight as the water barreled me inside it.
This was where my peace lived – in the tunnel of a monster swell, water droplets and mist grazing my face.
I laughed, but it turned into a choked gasp.
Pain bolted up my back leg, sending me down to one knee.
Flashes of electric blue, brighter than the waves, crackled over my hands as my board shot forward and I fell into the glassy water, the leash at my ankle snapping.
No. Not now!
The pain made it too hard to tell which way was up, the force of the wave dragging me like a rag doll.
I tried to right myself, panic coursing through me.
Salt burned my eyes as I forced them open, just in time to twist away from slamming into the ocean floor.
Shit! My heart raced and I panicked. When I finally found air, another wave pummeled me, snatching the breath from my lungs.
Pain seared across my skin, and I screamed underwater, bubbles tearing from my mouth.
I was drowning. Helical blue lightning scorched through every nerve ending.
I was drowning – me, Castor Fox, who could surf a ten-foot wave with my eyes closed.
But helical disease leveled me. I was too weak.
Black dots filled my vision. Then I finally broke the surface.
‘Stand up!’ Jaiden yanked my arm, and I tried to get my legs beneath me, gasping. Every part of me hurt. Luckily, the wave had brought me close enough for my friends to drag me out.
Shit, shit, shit! I trembled.
Pua slung my other arm over her shoulder, and together they walked me up the beach. I faltered with every pull of the tide snatching sand from beneath my feet. I gasped again, gripped by fear. That was so close. Too close. What if I’d been pulled by a current, away from shore?
‘I’ve got his board!’ someone shouted.
It was still in one piece with just one visible ding – nothing I couldn’t fix. But that was the least of my problems. Shit, I almost drowned. I sputtered as Pua and Jaiden lowered me into a sitting position, my heart pounding against my chest.
‘I saw it happen from the parking lot,’ said Pua.
‘I ran as fast as I could. This one was distracted by girls nowhere near his league.’ She smacked the back of Jaiden’s head.
She must’ve been mid-change, her wetsuit folded down at her waist. Her ribbed tank was soaked, sticking to her dark brown skin.
Jaiden rubbed the spot where Pua hit him, the movement flicking water from his hair. ‘I still beat her slow ass to the water, though. That was close, brah.’
‘I know.’ I ripped the hood off my wetsuit and focused on breathing.
‘Maybe you should take a break,’ said Pua.
‘I can’t forfeit my spot for the Cup. I don’t have the number-one ranking like you, Pua.’
‘I can keep your spot warm for you,’ Jaiden joked. He was ranked a few below me.
‘And let you wipe out before the first heat?’ I shot back, coughing again before smiling. It was my interview smile, my Fox persona. I needed the mask right now. That wave shook me. I didn’t want Jaiden or Pua to know how much.
Jaiden rolled his eyes and slapped my back. ‘He’s fine,’ he shouted to the small crowd gathering. ‘Still his cocky-ass self. Even in near-death.’
I flung a handful of sand at him to hide my next gasp for air.
Ocean water dripping from my hair hid the tears at the corners of my eyes.
I winced at the flash of blue pricking my fingertips.
Shit. My gaze drifted to the horizon, the next set of waves coming in.
My sanctuary. The one thing I couldn’t give up.
Pua sat beside me as Jaiden wandered off, already distracted by one of the girls from earlier.
‘He knows they only want him because he has a sponsor now, right?’ I said in between coughs, trying to hide how shaken I was.
‘Those same girls ignored him when he was the orphan from South Alta out-surfing everyone with his secondhand board.’ Honestly, I was forever in awe of him.
I tried so many times to give him a new board, better SPF, my extra wetsuits.
But he did everything on his own and had the sun scars to prove it.
One major sponsor deal later, he had it all – and no one to answer to. I wanted that. I was so close.
‘He knows,’ said Pua. ‘But you already know that.’ She lowered her voice. ‘What happened out there, Cas? Did you stop the hydromorphone? Is this about Jaiden’s parents?’
I stilled. Jaiden’s parents overdosed a few years ago, right around his fifteenth birthday.
They weren’t Pain Carriers – just hooked on everything from heroin to morphine, and hydromorphone if they could get their hands on it.
Jaiden’s loss was the reason the three of us didn’t touch any drug or alcohol.
‘Pain medication used for actual pain isn’t the same,’ Pua whispered. ‘You aren’t chasing a high.’
But wasn’t that what pain relief was? Something had to give. I itched for another dose. I salivated at the thought of the extra syringe I’d hidden in my glove compartment.
No. I couldn’t become dependent on it. But what if I need it to be able to hold on to my dreams?
A perfect A-frame peaked offshore. What would I give to ride it?
What would I give to win the last qualifying surf of the season – to finally have enough to break out on my own while giving back to South Alta like I promised?
I gazed at Pua. She was still waiting for my answer.
‘Talk to me, Cas. What’s going on with you?’
‘I learned a lesson the hard way. My mom was right.’ She’d planned so much of my life – sponsored it, as she liked to remind me. I wouldn’t be able to surf like this. My chest burned, knowing what I needed to do. I couldn’t go back into the water with helical disease.
I thought back to the messages on my socials. You can do it, don’t give up. Over fifty million people watched me act like I was strong enough to do this. I’d convinced myself I was. Perla could do it. Why couldn’t I? I leaned back into the sand.
Pride was a son of a bitch.