CHAPTER NINETEEN
Nova
TWENTY-ONE DAYS LEFT
I wished I’d never kissed Cas.
It was a mistake – an intoxicating cocktail of emotions, pain, hurt, adrenaline.
The world dropped away when our lips touched and seconds later snapped back into focus with startling clarity.
Castor Fox would never stop hurting me. Whether it was the helical disease or his place under his grandfather’s thumb, it wouldn’t stop.
Worse, he hadn’t believed the people at the meeting.
To him, they were stories. Conspiracy theories.
Things might’ve changed if I’d told him the truth about my pain, but how many times did he need to hear others say ‘I’m in pain’ before he believed it?
It shouldn’t matter whether it came from a stranger or someone he loved for it to be real.
The next morning, a courier arrived with my compensation for the interview – a check from Albert Fox for the exact amount of Skye’s remaining hospital bills.
I cried when I read the number, not because I was happy, but because we needed it.
The Foxes had bought my silence and I’d let myself be their puppet.
It came with a message: Dominion had pulled strings in my favor.
No more journalists would reach out, and every post speculating about Cas and me before my Yvonne Meadows interview would be scrubbed from the internet.
For the rest of the week, I threw myself into my studies and spent long hours on my mural. I escaped into a bubble where Cas and I never happened, never kissed. A bubble where I never became his Pain Carrier.
Then, on Friday, the doorbell rang and I met the infamous Jaiden.
He didn’t need to introduce himself. He’d driven Cas’s campervan, and unloaded a delicate bouquet of stargazer lilies and wildflowers.
I didn’t know how Cas knew they were my favorite.
Jaiden was half dressed in his wetsuit and flip-flops, his sun-streaked hair falling into his face.
‘He knows this isn’t enough,’ Jaiden said, ‘but he’s thinking of you.’ He gave a dramatic bow and was gone before I could say anything.
Daddy looked at all the flowers, then at me. ‘You know I don’t like this.’
‘Neither do I.’ Jaiden was right – this wasn’t enough. Nothing ever would be.
The next day, Pua showed up. Gold glitter dusted her dark brown skin, her short curls tight against her scalp. In her arms were three more stuffed blowfish from the South Beach pier.
‘He tried for the bear yesterday,’ she said, lowering her voice conspiratorially, ‘but between you and me, surfing might be the only thing he wins at. He skipped our training session for these.’ She pointed to each one as she named them: the pink blowfish, Poison Cutie; the green one, Thornball Ouchie; and the blue, Polaris Sky.
I tried to hate the gifts as much as the flowers, but they were undeniably adorable. I’d have to toss them immediately. ‘Thank you, Pua.’
I started to shut the door, but she held it open. ‘Sunday –’
‘Is the gala at the Zenith. I know.’
She shook her head. ‘Six a.m. South Beach. Near the Doghouse.’ She let the door close, and I leaned against it.
At the end of our spa date, Cas had promised the next would be low-key – a sunrise on the beach.
I couldn’t do it. His absence over the week had given me too much time to replay interactions with his family, the voices we heard at the town hall.
The protests outside Dominion and on campus were daily now.
LIES ARE CONTAGIOUS.
The sign rested a few feet from me – Leo’s.
Neither he nor Daddy had asked me outright whether I could feel the pain, but I wouldn’t be able to hide it much longer.
They knew me too well. Other Pain Carriers could feel helical disease the way I did.
The way Cas used to. Either his family was lying to him, or he was lying to me. The latter would break me.
SIXTEEN DAYS LEFT
Sunday arrived, the universe and the stars indifferent to how badly I didn’t want the night to come.
Tension pulled my shoulders together as Daniele and Ugo fussed over me.
Skye sat across the kitchen with a handful of Ugo’s samples: glitter freckles, starburst eyeliner, and a clear-as-hologlass lip gloss.
Daddy and Leo stood nearby, their arms crossed.
This was the last step in my agreement. After this, our lives could return to what they’d been before.
The smallest part of me wanted that ‘before’ to mean before the paparazzi photo – back to the high of the spa date, when I was just a soft girl from South Alta being spoiled.
This was why I hadn’t wanted to get involved with Cas in the first place.
We weren’t a cute rom-com sparked by fake dating.
We had real lives, real differences keeping us apart.
He saw the world through rose-tinted glassways and oculsight.
Unless he opened his eyes – no – there wasn’t a way forward.
Running behind (per my usual), Daniele, Ugo and I rushed out before my make-up was fully finished.
We squeezed into the back seat with Ms Powers, already absorbed in her solisTablet.
The Foxes wanted to make sure I arrived, which meant she was playing chaperone – something clearly below her pay grade.
She told me nothing about what to expect, just waved me away. ‘You’ll do fine. Be cute. Smile.’
I tried not to fidget and missed most of what Daniele and Ugo said while they finished my look.
My mind wandered back to Cas. I didn’t snap out of it until they held up a mirror as we turned on to Sunrise Avenue.
My make-up was flawless, with hints of fuchsia complementing the aquamarine dress, gold stitching echoed in the strappy heels I prayed I could walk in.
The colours reminded me of the protestors’ lightning bolt over the sun.
I glanced at Ugo, but she didn’t let on that she’d made the connection.
The car stopped in front of the Zenith Hotel.
‘Go on,’ said Ms Powers. ‘We’re late. This is your moment. I’ll find you inside.’
I hesitated, badly wanting to know what she meant by my moment.
I thanked Daniele and Ugo, and the chauffeur opened the door.
Dozens of photographers flashed their cameras into the night.
I blinked, steadying myself, my heart pounding.
Memories of the last time a camera invaded my space without permission flooded my thoughts.
I searched for an exit I’d never take. I felt small again. Exposed. A hand found mine.
‘It’s OK.’ Ugo appeared beside me. ‘This won’t be like before. I promise. Remember, you’re in control of your own strength.’
I calmed at her familiar face. ‘Thank you.’
Above, a fireworks show played across the glassways, twinkling lights intertwining.
I stood in front of the step-and-repeat, Dominion’s fox-tail logo and the event’s branding looming behind me.
I couldn’t see a single photographer through the bright lights, only Ugo on the sidelines, coaching me on how to pose.
Her support made me feel lighter. Stronger.
I might’ve wanted to escape, but stars, at least I looked good while I was here.
She whispered her goodbyes, pointing to her solisWatch. I nodded, ready to do this on my own.
No one else walked the carpet. I was the last to arrive.
Then voices rose, and the cameras shifted away.
Cas pulled up in his coupe. I almost smiled; he must’ve bartered with his mom again to ride alone.
My insides fluttered at the sight of him, but I shut that down immediately.
Tonight, I needed the logical side of my brain in control.
I couldn’t go there with my heart. His gaze scanned the crowd and I turned.
If he saw me, it would be me walking away.
Inside, the lights were low. Elaborate chandeliers hung from the ceiling like crystals frozen mid-rainfall.
A double staircase led down to the main affair, the dinner portion already under way.
Tuxedos and silk dresses filled the room.
The MC onstage said something, and polite chuckles floated through the space like music notes.
I took it all in, awed. It was surreal. I wished I were here for a different occasion – one that would’ve allowed me to appreciate it.
‘Hey, you’re Castor Fox’s Pain Carrier.’ It was a random stranger, a young white man with blonde hair and oculsight.
‘Man, he’s lucky to have you. My money’s on him winning the AB Cup.
He’s been showing out almost every morning at Northend.
How does the Freedom System put it? Your pain – or not pain, I guess – is society’s gain. Thank you!’
He walked off before I could say anything. I wanted to shout that I hadn’t entered the Freedom System for Cas. I’d done it for me. How many NDAs would I break if I did? What would it cost me?
My gaze caught on one girl with pink-tipped hair and pink brows.
‘Estelle.’
She was too far away to hear me, but she saw me too. Of course she would be here. The event was an appreciation gala for Pain Carriers, open to the city. Tears welled in my eyes. I missed her so much. She must’ve felt the same because the next second, we collided in a hug.
‘I’m so sorry,’ I said. ‘I should’ve told you everything from the beginning.’
‘I’m sorry I didn’t believe you.’ She held me tighter.
‘I promise you I didn’t know Cas was my Pain Giver until his family told me. They’ve turned me into this spokesperson for Pain Carriers, made me sign another NDA. I can’t tell anyone the truth.’
‘I know. Leo set me straight –’ she started, but I kept blabbering. I had to get it all out.
‘I met Cas before this. He’s the guy I ran into – the one you wanted to sue for lost best-friend hours. And I like him. Or at least I did. I can’t any more –’
‘Nova Williams?’ A security guard hovered behind us. ‘I can take you to your seat. The Foxes reserved a spot for you at their table in front.’
Estelle glared. It was everything I felt, just written on her face instead of mine. My twin star.
‘Mr Fox only asked that I attend. As you can see, I’m here, and I’m a little busy reconnecting with my best friend.’ I smiled, pulling Estelle after me.
The guard would find me again, and I’d eventually sit where I was supposed to, but I needed Estelle so much right now.
We found a nook beneath the staircase, and she wasted no time asking a million questions about Cas.
I told her everything. Every moment, every smile, every kiss.
How awful his family was. The event continued without us, an announcer introducing the Foxes.
Cas’s face appeared on the screen, looking handsome as ever. I hated it.
Estelle nudged me. ‘Does he know?’
I scoffed. ‘He has no idea how much his disease hurts me. He’s a clueless, innocent golden child, and it’s the most infuriating thing ever.’
‘Figures.’ She sighed. ‘Do you still like him?’
I hesitated. Liking him wasn’t enough at this point. ‘I don’t want to,’ I whispered. ‘Never mind his family. But the pain – I can’t separate him from my pain. And I need the money.’
She pulled me into the biggest hug. How had we gotten here – enduring misery for enough money to live? When we pulled apart, I dabbed at my eyes. The tears weren’t sadness. They were frustration. Helplessness.
We stayed in our nook, hiding away as we caught up with each other.
After a while, the host announced the Pain Carrier Inspiration Award.
I tensed as they described the recipient: someone strong, resilient, a Carrier for Alta Bay’s first family.
No. Ms Powers would’ve said something. Cas’s grandfather had said I only needed to attend.
‘Nova Williams!’ Applause erupted and I stopped breathing.
‘Oh, shit,’ said Estelle.
‘Stars, no.’
The spotlight swept over the room until it found me.
Cheers followed me to the stage. I tried to swallow the emotions from my reunion with Estelle while also focusing on not tripping in my heels.
I didn’t know what to feel. I didn’t want an award.
I wanted to stop being used. I wanted to stop faking my smiles.
It felt like forever until I reached the front. Cas’s mom handed me the award, a crystal and electric-blue helix. It was a symbol used to represent helical disease. How very insensitive of her. I wasn’t surprised. The bar was low.
As she made the presentation, the holoscreens switched to the back of South Alta’s library – my unfinished mural on display.
I gasped, almost dropping the award. Heat flared beneath my skin, blood rushing in my ears.
Paint cans sat next to the wall, tarps piled at the bottom, my cardboard stencils scattered nearby.
It was unfinished, not presentable, and not how I wanted to share it.
It was for my community, not this gala. Someone had uncovered my mural for the benefit of the Foxes, using my art to help control their narrative.
I stilled, remembering I was on stage. I could go off on everyone now, be blunt as I’d been with Mrs Meadows.
It was hard not to think of Mom again. What would she do?
Or Daddy? I knew exactly what Leo would do.
Estelle was probably already cussing somewhere in the back.
A camera locked on to me. What did I want Skye to see?
Mrs Fox spoke. ‘As you can see through her beautiful talent, Nova Williams has a heart of gold. It was important to her – as it is to all of us – to mark the upcoming anniversary of the solar flare by uplifting Pain Carriers everywhere. She is strong in so many ways, and brave to have waived her anonymity so we can share this moment. She accepts this award on behalf of Pain Carriers of Alta Bay, who are an inspiration to us all. It’s because of you that Pain Givers thrive and continue to make our world a better place.
And because of her, Castor Fox can compete in the Alta Bay Surf Cup, representing his home turf. ’
She clapped, signaling the crowd to follow, and they went wild with applause.
I stood there, unable to move. Anger flooded my body.
Every time I thought I couldn’t be used any further, the Foxes found a way to exceed my expectations.
The spotlight shifted from me to the audience, landing on Cas at his table.
He locked eyes with me, that manufactured Fox smile spreading across his face – a silent thank-you on his lips.
A hellflare crackled beneath my tinted SPF moisturizer while my Pain Giver grinned.
It made me sick.