CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Nova
Cas was determined to prove he wasn’t his family, but I worried whether he’d survive the pain of it.
I leaned into his driver’s-side window, Cas buckled in, his eyes gleaming. He tried to hide his tears from me, and I acted like I couldn’t see them. He was locked into his plan. Together, we’d cure me of helical disease and take the pain away.
Then we’d tell the world.
‘You can stay over longer if you need to.’ I hadn’t asked him how he felt. The war in his emotions was plain on his face, hurt and anger raging behind his stormy eyes. He needed to finish processing on his own, and when he was ready to talk, I’d be here.
His grip tightened on the steering wheel. ‘It’s going to be hard to be around them, but I’ve faked enough smiles in their presence before. I can do this. I have to do this.’
A small swell of pride rose inside me.
‘Promise me one thing,’ he said. ‘I know I’m rushing through my feelings, but I want to do everything I said. Don’t let me hesitate.’
‘I promise.’ We stared at each other. There were times throughout us knowing one another when I felt he’d never understand my life – my challenges, my obstacles.
That went both ways. I’d never understand what he was feeling right now.
But I wouldn’t leave him to do this alone.
Not because of whatever relationship we’d had before, but because I recognized his selflessness.
I’d lived that life – I live that life – one full of putting others first. Cas was the one who gave me a breath of fresh air away from it, but this would be different.
He kissed my cheek as his thank-you, and I stepped back into the street. The car revved and he was gone. We had the first draft of a plan. Now we both had to play our parts.
The smallest part of me wanted to stop him, to save Cas from the pain ahead.
But I deserved this. I deserved a world where I – and others like me – didn’t have to hurt and struggle for the benefit of others.
A world where we controlled our outcomes, without hurdles deliberately built to keep us from rising.
And for once, it was nice to feel like I didn’t have to do it alone. As long as he didn’t hesitate.
At the house, Leo stood outside, waiting for me. ‘You know we need to talk, right?’
Estelle came over, and we all sat in the kitchen. I told my family about everything: the cure, the lies Albert Fox told Cas about the researcher, how deep the conspiracy went.
Estelle could barely form words, stunned. ‘I assumed this was about money.’
‘It always is, in a way,’ said Leo. ‘Keeping the lower classes in their place only benefits the rich. They get richer while we’re stuck holding them up. Carrying their pain for a fraction of what we’re worth.’
Daddy sat quietly, rubbing his hands.
‘Daddy?’
He didn’t answer right away. ‘I still wish you’d told me about your pain sooner.
I’ve heard stories at the town halls, but I didn’t know it was every Carrier.
And I didn’t learn that much until after I told Charlie and Rox about your transference.
Then Rox shared his truth.’ He shook his head.
‘Losing your mama, and having Skye with her sickle cell –’
I placed my hand on his. ‘I didn’t want to burden you.’
‘You forget, I’m the parent.’ He wrapped his arms around me, my safe space. ‘Now you’ve gone and found yourself a cure. No more secrets. Or hiding boys in your room. I know you’re eighteen, but I’m not ready for that.’
‘I’ll keep the door open next time,’ I promised.
‘I thought you and Cas were over,’ Estelle pressed.
I groaned. After everything Cas and I had been through – and everything we planned – I couldn’t avoid the pull between us.
Waking up with my legs tangled in his didn’t help.
But his reactions as we unraveled his family’s secrets – he was every bit the boy I thought he was.
He was ready to act. I’d been prepared to do this on my own and burn down Dominion, but he was willing to stand beside me, even if it hurt.
He hadn’t lied when he first told me he wanted out from under his family’s shadow.
Seeing that drew me toward him more than I was ready for.
I wasn’t ready for that conversation. Not yet.
‘I don’t know, Estelle.’ Leo sighed. ‘She paused too long. I think we lost her.’
I narrowed my eyes.
‘We’re going to talk about Cas later,’ he countered.
Estelle jumped in before I could tell my brother to mind his own business. ‘So, what’s next?’
‘One more heist.’ I hurried through the plan. ‘Cas and I break into Dominion’s research labs, record ourselves extracting my helical disease, then upload it for the world to see. Easy.’
Leo clapped his hands together. ‘Let’s do this, then.’
Daddy shook his head. ‘I don’t like it. I don’t want you being the test mouse. Black girls have been experimented on enough. How do you know it won’t go wrong? Dominion’s lies go deep. What if they cover it up and arrest you for challenging their system?’
‘Then we make sure we share it in a way that’s undeniable and can’t be erased.
’ I put my foot down. ‘I need to do this. Not just for myself but for South Alta – and all the cities and communities like ours. There’s a cure.
I’m not letting Albert Fox hide it any more.
And I’m not leaving it to anyone else. This is the only way. ’
‘Can you do it at one of the Freedom System labs? They’d be easier to break into,’ said Leo. Daddy glared and Leo held up his hands. ‘I’m not speaking from experience. Dang, Dad.’
‘We don’t know if those labs are compatible,’ I explained. ‘We do know it works at Dominion. Cas has seen the specific lab before.’
‘Why would they leave it there – and operable?’ asked Estelle.
I paused. I’d wondered the same thing. He’d finished his testing a year ago.
He could’ve dismantled it, but Cas didn’t think that was the case.
‘I don’t know. I’d assume he kept it for his family, in case one of them ever had helical disease and couldn’t find a Pain Carrier.
But Albert Fox let his grandson suffer with it just fine. ’
We all fell quiet.
‘You’re just like your mama, getting yourself into good trouble,’ said Daddy. ‘Did I tell you about the time we went to Washington to protest? Those police threw tear gas at us while we were being peaceful. Your mama caught that can midair and threw it right back.’
Leo mimed winding up a pitch. ‘Mom’s where I got my athleticism from. I could’ve gone pro if I tried.’
‘Boy, stop.’ I rolled my eyes, then nudged Daddy. ‘It sounds like Mom would want me to do this.’
Daddy shifted in his seat, reluctant.
I could do this. This was me choosing myself. I’d put myself first by putting my community first. I’d take back control of my body and give other people like me control of theirs too. No one would use me – us – again. I wouldn’t stop. I wouldn’t back down.
‘I can do this,’ I whispered.
‘I know you can. I’ve never doubted you, or your stubbornness.’ He sighed. ‘Promise me you’ll be safe. I can’t lose –’
‘I’ll be safe.’ I hugged him. ‘I’m doing this for Skye too. And Mom.’
He kissed my forehead. ‘Good trouble. I don’t think I can argue with that.’
EIGHT DAYS LEFT
Monday, I sat in Molecular Principles, anxious about what I couldn’t control.
I waited for the lab to empty so Cas and I could FaceStream. The moment he appeared, my breath caught. I didn’t think he’d ever stop doing that to me. My feelings for him weren’t gone, only buried beneath the pain he caused me. We unearthed so much Friday night. We weren’t finished.
‘Hey,’ he said, casually wetting his lips.
‘Hey.’ I gathered my wits. ‘So how is this supposed to work?’
He turned his camera so I could see where he was.
Dominion’s headquarters. Floor-to-ceiling windows flooded the lobby with fresh sunlight.
Ads for their medications looped across multiple holoscreens: perceta; leeviate, their nervxs brand; B12x, the homeopathic supplement injection (surely Gemma’s doing); and oxin, the new medication still in trial.
Cas stood in the middle of it, right at the entrance to the Lucille B. Anarcha exhibit.
‘First, I’ll talk up Jerry at the front desk for the security-guard schedule.
For the easiest way forward, we want to line up our field trip with his night shift.
Then I’ll pop in with Gemma and give her the testimonial she’s been bugging me about for her B12x.
She’s been out of town a lot – schmoozing and handing out sample packages – but she’s back today.
Her supplement injection idea mixes in some of Dominion’s pain-alleviation research, which is on the same floor I need access to for the labs.
I talk her up, ask for a tour, and there you have it.
Easy. I can still make my Intro to Kinesiology and Calc classes this afternoon. ’ He grinned.
I sighed. ‘Nothing about that sounds easy.’
‘It’ll take thirty minutes, tops. I know I’ve seen the lab from Dr Anand’s research. It’s essentially a replica of the transference rooms, but with a glass floor.’
I bit my lip. ‘Thirty minutes. I want updates every ten.’
‘Heard. And Nova?’
‘Hmm?’
He paused, his gaze slipping to my mouth. He ran a hand over his face. ‘No matter how things go, I’m not giving up.’
I nodded, and he ended the call. I fidgeted, still nervous, pressing my nails into my palms. I thought I knew what he meant by not giving up.
He wouldn’t stop until my pain was gone.
He was committed. Leo thought he saw Cas at the back of last night’s South Alta Legacy Party rally.
Cas had kept his face covered, worn baggy, discreet clothes.
But he couldn’t hide his designer sneakers – and there are only so many campervans in the city.
No matter how things go, I’m not giving up. Cas’s gaze told me his words had a double meaning.