Chapter 5
Chapter Five
Lucky had been awake for more than an hour just staring at Hawk, asleep beside her.
He couldn’t be all that comfortable sitting in the chair, his head by her hip, face turned to her.
One of his arms draped over her legs, his big hand wrapped around her thigh.
The other hand rested on her stomach. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been held like this.
Had she ever felt this safe? This content?
She could lie here the rest of her life, watching him sleep so peacefully beside her.
He hadn’t left her side since he brought her here.
It seemed so unreal that he’d put his whole life on hold for two days just to keep her company. It wasn’t like she couldn’t take care of herself.
Still, it was nice to have someone by her side.
Desiree had abruptly left yesterday and hadn’t called, texted, or come by again. She was probably busy taking care of Krystal. Being a single mom wasn’t easy.
The nurse came in bright and early that morning to remove her IV line and change her shoulder dressing.
Lucky made sure she didn't disturbed Hawk. He needed his rest.
She couldn’t wait to be discharged later this morning. She wanted to be home where she felt comfortable. Where it was quiet and no one interrupted her sleep or her conversations with Hawk.
He’d kept their interactions light. They talked about their favorite movies, what they liked to do in their spare time, where she’d like to travel if she ever left this town, and what she liked to eat and drink.
She’d learned a lot about Hawk and his big family.
Well, bigger than hers. She missed her brother.
Not her abusive dad, though she did have a few good memories of him.
Even monsters could be good sometimes. But she still had an aunt in Oregon who kept in touch on birthdays and holidays.
She even had a set of grandparents in Arizona, though they were her father’s parents and not very nice, as you could imagine. He was the way he was for a reason.
Beside her, Hawk stirred, his massive shoulders jerking as his hand gripped her thigh tighter. He didn’t hurt her, but she could tell he was dreaming and in distress. “Lucky.” He mumbled her name, then came awake, his eyes wide and staring straight at her.
“It’s okay. I’m here. You’re okay.”
His gaze softened as the shock of coming awake so abruptly wore off. Looking to their joined hands, he picked hers up and brought her palm to his lips. He kissed her softly, his breath coming fast against her skin, and the scruff of his beard scratched against her palm.
She liked it, the contrast of his soft lips and the scrape of his golden beard.
“I thought I lost you.”
She shook her head. “I’m right here.”
He sat up and ran his gaze over her. “They took you off the IV and monitors.”
“I’ll be free to go soon.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Lucky to be alive. Still a bit surprised, but grateful you’re still here with me. Without you, I’d be climbing the walls by now.”
He put her hand against his rough cheek. “I told you, I’m not going anywhere without you.”
“I’m starting to believe you. I woke up and you were there and I…”
His gaze intensified. “What? Tell me.”
“I was really happy to see you.”
“I wish it hadn’t taken this to bring us together.”
A knock on the door made her jump.
“Come in,” Hawk called, squeezing her leg to let her know he was there. Everything was fine. He wouldn’t let anything happen to her.
An orderly walked in with her breakfast tray and set it on the table at her feet.
Hawk stood and hit the button on her bed to raise her head up. “Eat. You’ll need your strength to get through being discharged.”
The orderly lifted the lid on her tray. “Eggs, bacon, roasted potatoes, coffee and juice.”
“Thank you.” Her stomach rumbled the second the bacon smell hit her nose.
Hawk almost grinned beside her. “Go on. Eat it while it’s hot.”
“If you want to hit the cafeteria, I’ll be okay.”
He shook his head. “I’m not leaving you alone.” He pulled out his phone and checked his messages. “Lincoln is on his way up with breakfast for me.”
She bit her lip. “You guys are so close. It must be nice to have someone who has your back like that.” It made her think about what she and her brother Danny would have been like now. As close as they used to be? Or even closer as adults, once they realized how much they needed each other?
Hawk squeezed her hand. “My brothers are always there for me. And you’ll get used to us having your back, too.”
While Hawk used the restroom, she dug into the bacon and downed half her coffee. It wasn’t great, but the bacon made up for it. All in all, she was feeling fairly good, despite the pain in her shoulder that spiked every time she moved even the slightest bit.
Suddenly the door swung open without the knock that usually preceded it. Her heart sped up with a shot of adrenaline through her veins. The room morphed into the bar and she was lying on her back and her worst nightmare was looming over her.
Neil. Her ex. The one who killed her family.
A scream lodged in her throat.
She swore he was there the night she’d been drugged, abducted, and dumped in the middle of nowhere. Was he here to finish what he started with her family and kill her, too?
Terror had her scrambling off the bed, her arms up to ward him off.
“No!” she screamed. This time, she wouldn’t cower.
She’d fight. She rushed him, slamming her fists into his chest, pushing him back.
After one blow, the pain in her shoulder made her arm useless as she kept on hitting him with her good arm.
“No. No. No. Stay away from me. I hate you. I hate you!”
Hawk burst out of the bathroom and hooked his arm across her waist and pulled her back from that piece of shit.
She hadn’t realized that Neil had put up no resistance. He hadn’t said anything. She didn’t believe for a second he was here for any other reason than to taunt and hurt her again.
She tried to go after him again, but Hawk turned her toward him, picked her up, and pressed her back into the wall, his face right in hers. He cupped her jaw in one hand and forced her to look at him. “Do you see me?”
The haze of rage and terror washed away as she stared into his hazel eyes, gone dark gold with concern. “I won’t let him hurt me again.”
“Who?”
“Neil. He’s going to kill me. You have to stop him.”
“Okay. I believe you. Now look past me and tell me who is standing there.”
She narrowed her gaze and wondered why he was asking that and not kicking Neil out, until she shifted her gaze and found Lincoln standing by the door, coffees in one hand, a bakery bag in the other. “Lincoln?”
“Hey, sweetheart. It’s just me.”
Tears welled in her eyes. “But?”
Hawk touched her chin with his finger, turning her face back to him. “It’s okay. You’re okay. You just imagined it was him.” Hawk turned his face to his brother. “Give us a minute.”
Lincoln left.
Hawk waited for the door to close before he turned back to her.
“Flashbacks, waking nightmares, it’s part of PTSD for some people.
Trust me. I know exactly what you’re going through because of my military service.
You’ve been through a lot. It’s natural that your brain is trying to make sense of everything and also trying to protect you. I get it.”
She touched her forehead to his. “Of course you do. But…that’s never happened to me before, seeing things that aren’t there.”
“I know. I’m sorry this is happening to you. But you don’t need to be scared. I’m here. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
She kept her head dipped, trying to collect herself, then realized she had her legs wrapped around Hawk’s waist, he had his huge hand on one of her ass cheeks, holding her up, and they were in a very intimate position.
Her head shot up and their eyes locked. “Um.” He was so very close to her.
Closer than anyone had gotten in a long time. Too long.
“Yeah,” Hawk breathed out. “You feel really good in my arms.”
She didn’t know what possessed her, but she closed the distance and hugged him like a monkey wrapped around a tree trunk.
His arms wrapped around her and tightened. “I’ve got you, Lucky.”
“I’m really starting to believe that.”
“Scared?”
“Hopeful.”
Hawk rubbed his cheek against hers. “Me, too.”
She sighed out her contentment, but that only punctuated how much her chest hurt from moving her shoulder.
The nurse was supposed to bring a brace for her to wear home and keep on for the next week or so.
“What’s wrong?” Hawk leaned his head back, so he could look her in the eyes.
“Shoulder.”
“You’re supposed to be resting and not moving your arm, so that wound can heal.
” Hawk took the few steps to the bed and leaned over to deposit her back onto it.
His hand slid from her ass along her thigh to her knee in a slow glide that made a thousand nerve ending light up like Christmas lights, warm and lively.
Need danced along her skin and settled between her thighs.
“Um. Yeah.” She blushed from her chest to the roots of her hair. “That was…nice.”
Hawk brushed his fingers along her cheek. “You’re even prettier when you blush.”
Her face heated even more. “I look like I feel. Gross. I desperately need a shower. I don’t know how you can stand being this close to me.”
He gently took her calf and pulled her leg down flat on the bed, then smoothed her hospital gown down her legs. “I find myself unable to stay away. You’re hurt, but you’re alive. That’s all that matters to me.”
“I’m alive because of you. Thank you for finding me, for saving me.”
“You saved me first.”
She shook her head. “No. You did that all on your own.”
“Not true. You helped in all those little ways you reminded me I wasn’t alone even in the darkest part of the night when I was surrounded by ghosts and the things I couldn’t change.
I’d read one of your notes, the books you’d leave me with those happy endings, the mundane crosswords and word searches that gave my brain a break from the past. And always there was something tempting in the fridge that made me want to eat even when I had no appetite. For food or life.”
“I just…know what it’s like to feel like you’re alone.”
“I didn’t realize you’re more alone than I am. I’m sorry about that. As much as you gave to me and I gave to you, I should have done better at being your friend, because that’s how I felt about you.”
“And now?” She didn’t mean to push, but she needed to know if he felt the way she felt.
“I want more. I want to give you more. If you’ll let me. It’s been a long time since I was serious about anyone, so I’m a bit rusty.”
“Me, too.”
“Then we’re in it together.”
A knock interrupted them. “Can I come in now?” Lincoln called through the door.
Hawk rolled his eyes. “You good?”
“Yeah. I am because you’re here.”
“I didn’t want the first time I did this to be here, but I can’t help myself.” He leaned in and brushed a soft kiss against her lips.
The zing of electricity shot through her, making her want more.
But Hawk backed off with just that teaser of what was to come with a genuine smile on his lips. “I knew it.”
“What?”
“That you could quickly become an addiction.” He squeezed her hand, then shouted over his shoulder, “Come in.”
“Finally,” Lincoln grumbled, his gaze shooting right to her. “You good?”
“I am. Thanks. And I’m sorry for attacking you.”
Lincoln held the cardboard coffee holder toward Hawk so he could take his cup. “No worries. I get it.” His gaze briefly landed on Hawk before it came back to hers. “You didn’t see me. But damn girl, you left a few bruises. I have no doubt you could hold your own if you needed to.”
“Or if I wasn’t drugged?”
Hawk sat on the edge of her bed. “Which means the person who did this knew they had to incapacitate you to get you out of that bar without a fight.”
“So they could rape me? Or was it something else?” She kept her eyes fixed on the blue square pattern of her hospital gown.
Hawk put his hand over hers. “Which one of those things resonates with you? What do you feel inside you that happened?”
“It’s all just jumbled flashes. But are they real? Or just my imagination conjuring my worst fears?”
“I can’t answer that. What feels the most real to you?” Hawk’s patience helped her to settle and think more clearly.
“It feels very personal, like someone I know really wants me to suffer. And maybe die.” The weight of those nearly three days out in the woods prickled under her skin with all the fear and helplessness she’d endured over all those seconds, minutes, hours, and days.
A chill raced over her skin.
“We’ll figure this out. Until then, you’re coming to stay with me.”
She gaped at Hawk. “What? No. You don’t have to do that.”
“How are you going to take care of yourself with one arm?”
“I’ll manage.” It would be hard, but she’d had to do everything for herself a long time now.
But wouldn’t it be nice to have someone take care of me for once?
He shook his head. “Not happening. Besides, this is really about your safety. I won’t be able to sleep, think, or do anything without being constantly worried that someone could take you again.
I can’t do it. So put me out of my misery and agree to stay with me, because one way or another, I’ll convince you, even if I have to kidnap you myself. ”
“So what you’re saying is I have no choice.”
“Now you’re catching on.” He grinned.
She gave him her sternest face, even if she didn’t really mean it. “I don’t like being bossed around.”
“I know. And I’ll try not be such a brute about things in the future. But this…I need this.”
She understood beneath the demand was genuine fear for her safety. “Fine. I need it, too,” she admitted on a whisper.
He nearly grinned again.
Lincoln full on smiled and chuckled. “You two are adorable.”
She stuck her tongue out at him, then turned to Hawk. “We’ll have to stop at my place to pick up some of my stuff.”
“No problem. We’ll do it on the way home.”
Home. That sounded so good, she tried to hide the way it warmed her heart and made her dream of a life she’d never let herself even contemplate before Hawk rescued her and changed everything.
Okay, maybe on the days she cleaned his house, she’d pretended that she lived there with him. Imagined that he was hers.
OMG! He was hers now, and he wanted her to be with him at his place.
Was she truly about to get everything she’d ever wanted?