Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
You know those sayings? Actions speak louder than words. The way people treat you shows you who they really are and how they really feel about you. But also…when someone tells you who they are, believe them.
Well, Hawk was everything he seemed to be and more.
Sweet. Kind. Caring. Incredibly sexy. The man looked amazing in black jeans, a dark red button down with the sleeves rolled up, and a pair of heavy black work boots.
The chrome watch with the dark blue face probably cost three to four times her monthly mortgage.
Well, she didn’t know watches all that well, so it could cost even more.
It looked like it could be more expensive than her car with all the tiny dials and gears inside it.
She definitely didn’t own anything to wear that expensive.
But it wasn’t the way he looked, the expensive car he drove, the gorgeous home, the nice clothes, or the money he had.
Nope. It was the way he held her hand on the drive to the sheriff’s department.
It was the way he looked at her, checking in to be sure she wasn’t getting too nervous or having another panic attack.
It was the way he turned off the car in the parking lot, brought her hand to his lips, kissed her palm, then told her, “Let me get the door for you.”
He opened the door, took her hand again, linking their fingers, then pulled her close and kissed her on the head. “Everything’s going to be all right.”
She believed him, even though there was no evidence to support that except his promise that he’d find a way to end this.
“Thank you for coming with me.”
He hooked his arm over her shoulders and walked with her toward the building. “Nowhere I’d rather be than with you.”
She looked up at him, catching his eye. “Me, too.”
He kissed her softly, then opened the door for her and let her lead the way inside.
“There you are,” Jase called out from a large open space, cubicles marking out several desk areas. Jase waved them over, grabbing an extra chair from a nearby cubicle. He sat in his chair, then waved for them to do the same.
She took the chair closest to Jase so she could see the file opened in front of him. “What did you want to talk about?”
Hawk didn’t sit. He stood behind her and put his hand on her shoulder. Support. Comfort. He offered her everything she needed and more.
Jase rubbed his fingers over his brow. “I have nothing but you telling me that you saw Neil at the bar that night. His alibi is shit. I know it. You know it. But I can’t place him at the bar. Have you remembered anything else about that night?”
She shook her head. “Not really. I just see the same thing. Him coming toward me asking, ‘Are you going to let me see her now?’”
Jase perked up, a knowing look in his eyes. “Why would he say it like that to you?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. Things are really hazy after that. It’s all in and out of consciousness.”
Jase leaned in close. “I don’t think he was talking to you.”
“Same,” Hawk interjected. “It doesn’t make sense. You were there with Desiree. You saw him coming, then he asked that. Why would he ask if he could see you? He had to be asking Desiree if he could see someone else.”
Lucky shook her head. That didn’t make sense to her at all.
He’d sent her countless letters. She never read them, but she could guess he wanted to speak to her about what happened.
“If he wanted to see me now that he’s out of jail, he could simply show up at my door. He knows where I live and work.”
Jase tapped his finger straight up and down on the folder on his desk. “True. I couldn’t figure it out, so that must mean I’m missing a piece of the puzzle. So I thought about when all this first happened. Lucky’s family being murdered was the catalyst. Right?”
Lucky found herself thinking back. “Well. Sorta.”
Hawk squatted beside her. He was so tall, they looked at each other nearly eye to eye. “What do you mean, sweetheart?”
“I got picked on a lot at school. I wasn’t popular. Desiree was the outgoing one. I was more on the fringe of her group. They let me tag along, mostly without incident.”
“Explain that to us.” Jase leaned in like Hawk.
“I thought most of the girls liked me, but sometimes they’d leave me behind. Someone wrote bitch on my locker once. I’d find something gross smeared on it. A few times someone would accidentally spill something on me.”
Hawk put both his hands on her thighs. “I’m really sorry you were bullied like that.”
She brushed her fingers over his jaw. “You were probably the most popular boy in school. Always.”
He smirked. “I did okay.”
She bet he did. And he probably didn’t pick on others. He was too much a protector.
She shook her head and rolled her eyes at how he downplayed his popularity. “When I meet your parents, are they going to tell me all about the sports you played, the top grades you made?”
He gave her a sheepish look. “Maybe. But what’s really important is that I’m the luckiest bastard on the planet because the most beautiful woman, inside and out, that I’ve ever known decided I’m hers. No one compares to you. High school flings included.”
“Flings?”
“I’ve never really been a relationship guy. I was too busy with sports, school, then the military. You’re the only one I ever saw myself with forever.” He leaned in and kissed her like Jase wasn’t their captive audience.
Jase sighed. “Okay, that’s all great. And super sweet. My teeth ache. But we’re missing the point I’m trying to make. Lucky, when you think back on that time and around the time your family was murdered, what was Desiree like? Supportive? Kind? Distant? Were you getting along?”
Lucky had to really think about it. “She was…smug. Self-assured. Maybe a little too cocky sometimes and it irritated people. Like she is now. But worse back then. She thought the world revolved around her. She acted out, but there were no consequences. It used to make me really mad that she got away with everything and I…” She deflated in the chair, hanging her head.
Hawk pressed his hand to her cheek. “You were being abused. Cut. Degraded at home. You were sticking up for your brother. Probably your mother, too. You couldn’t get away with anything. You couldn’t escape.” Hawk squeezed her thighs again, trying to get her attention. To look at him.
“Yes,” she answered on a whisper. “It seemed like everyone liked her. Covered for her. Went along with her. And I felt invisible most of the time, like nobody saw my pain.”
Hawk kissed her temple. “They saw it. They were just dealing with their own shit and didn’t know how to help you.”
Jase leaned on his forearms on his knees.
“Teenagers are selfish and trying to figure out who they are and where they fit in. Everyone’s just jockeying for the best position, worried about if everyone likes them.
So were those other girls really Desiree’s friends?
Or were they just using her, or vice versa? ”
“Yes.” The immediate response didn’t actually feel true.
“Really?” Jase raised a brow.
“Well…I was truly her friend. I had been since we were little. I was always there for her. We lived right across the street from each other.” She thought about the other girls.
“Desiree runs hot and cold. One day she’s super sweet, protective, on your side.
Everyone loves to be around her when she’s like that.
She can be so charismatic. But then she can be a real bitch, picking at you, saying things she apologizes for the next day.
She’s always been…moody. She gets fixated on things. ”
“Like what?” Hawk asked.
“If someone was mean to someone she cared about, she wouldn’t let it go.
She wanted to get even. If she felt there was some injustice, she’d desperately find a way to make things right.
If she did something wrong, she’d go overboard trying to fix it.
If someone was an asshole, she’d be a bigger asshole back.
I benefitted from that a lot. I knew she cared, even if she didn’t always show it.
It made it easier for me to dismiss the times when she was mean.
Sometimes she could be a bully. I think to make herself feel better, bigger, stronger.
It was an act. Sometimes, I think she feels too much and doesn’t know what to do with all of it.
She wants everyone to pay attention to her, but she doesn’t realize she’s pushing them away at the same time. ”
“How did she react to you being hurt by your father?”
She didn’t like to think about that time in her life. “I hid a lot of it for a long time, even from her. But once she knew it was happening, she kept pushing me to do something. Fight back. Run. Go to the police, even though we both knew her father would side with my dad.”
“Did she tell you that?” Jase held her gaze, like he anticipated her answer to be something that would help him solve all this.
“She didn’t have to. I knew my father and Bob’s relationship was tight. Desiree told me he did all kinds of favors for his friends, looking out for them.”
“So you took that to mean he wouldn’t help you?” Jase seemed to hold his breath.
They were talking about his boss after all.
“Desiree wouldn’t hurt me. Not like that.”
Jase suddenly sat up straight.
Hawk cupped her face. “Why would you say that?”
“He wants me to say that Desiree wasn’t actually trying to help. That because we had a rocky relationship, she wasn’t always on my side.”
“Had? Or Have? Jase asked pointedly.
She stared into Hawk’s steady gaze, her thoughts about Desiree all mixed up in her head.
“We have a rocky relationship.” The admission was hard to take because that night at the bar was still so fresh in her mind.
At least the parts she could remember. Desiree getting upset about her trying to help hook her up with Lincoln.
The way she spoke to her. The way she stole her sangria. The drink that drugged her.