26. Margot
26
margot
Rae eyes my small duffle suspiciously. “You’re sure you have everything?”
I nod and set it next to our front door. “I’ve only had multiple weeks to make multiple lists of everything I’ll need.” Even though I never lost the first list, making repeat lists of things to pack made me feel like I was getting closer to this day. It helped me feel like I was at least doing something to prep for the trip I wanted to go on so badly. I probably have at least a dozen in my notebook by now. All decorated with the same items in different orders.
She’s still eyeing my bag like it might belong to Mary Poppins, so I laugh. “I’m only gone for a day. You’re literally picking me up tomorrow.”
Lifting her eyes from the bag to me, she gives me a faint smile. “Excited to see him?”
Just the indirect mention of him has my toes curling in my Timberlands. “You have no idea.” The words rush out of me like a secret I’ve been holding for far too long.
“Nervous?” she asks before quickly adding, “Not that you should be. It’s just been a while since you’ve seen him. ”
Resting my arms over the back of one of our kitchen barstools, I pick absently at the sleeve of my sweater that’s too warm for Florida but will give me an added layer when I land in New York. “Yes.”
I am nervous. I hate that I am. I want to see Jackson more than anything, but a small part of me can’t help wondering if things will be different. What if we don’t have that same spark we had this summer? What if we can’t find things to talk about after being apart for so long? What if he’s realized he needs to be single while he’s on tour?
Okay, that last one might be a stretch. I don’t think he’d actually break up with me, but what if I’m wrong? What if he wants to do it in person, so he’s just been nice enough to keep me content until he can see me face to face?
“You’re spiraling.”
My eyes jump to meet Rae’s, and I give a tiny nod.
Sympathy coats her features. “Don’t.” Walking over to me, she takes both my hands, stopping me from fidgeting with my sleeve. “He loves you, Margot.” I open my mouth to correct her, but she cuts me off. “And I don’t care if he hasn’t said it yet. I know he loves you, and you should know it, too.”
My lips twist. I want to contradict her. I want to lay out all the times he could have told me if that were the case, but relaxing my shoulders, I just say a quiet, “Thank you.”
She gives my hands a squeeze before letting go to grab her keys off the counter. With a shrug and a coy smile, she says, “And if he doesn’t, I’m sure Braden wouldn’t mind having a shot.”
“Rae!”
Laughter bursts from my best friend. “Have you seen the way he looks at you?”
Rubbing my arm, I grimace. “I might have noticed.”
“It’s bad.”
I wince, rubbing my palm over my forehead. “Is it? ”
She snorts. “I mean, he doesn’t look at me that way.”
Leaning my head back, I let out a groan. “I can’t worry about Braden right now. He knows I’m with Jackson.” Straightening, I shake my head. “Which is why I need you to drive me to the airport.” I give her my best pleading smile, and it only makes her laugh more.
“Come on.” She nods toward the door. “Let’s get you to your rockstar.”
JFK is busier than any airport I’ve ever seen. If this were the closest airport to me, I’d probably rethink traveling. My flight wasn’t bad, but as I watch the masses of people surround the baggage claim like ants to a crumb, I’m grateful for only having my small duffel.
I still have a bit of a walk ahead of me, but I go ahead and text Jackson.
Margot:
Just landed.
Before I can tuck my phone in my back pocket, a message comes through.
Jackson:
I’m here. Can’t wait to see you.
My lips lift at the sight of those words. I don’t know why I was stressing earlier. We’re fine. We’re more than fine. I don’t know how I’m so sure all of a sudden. It’s not like he’s reassured me in any real way, but there’s something about being in the same place as him that just makes doubting our relationship seem silly.
I wasn’t feeling us drifting apart. I was feeling the physical distance between us. I was feeling the lack of warmth that comes with the person you love being miles away.
Love.
Damn that word. It keeps popping up when I least expect it, and it stops me in my tracks every time. I take a steadying breath and try to force out all thoughts of “love” on my exhale. I think it works. Until I breathe in, and it occurs to me that he might say it while I’m here. He could say it tonight or tomorrow. He could even say it when he sees me right now.
Sweat prickles at my hairline, and I force another steadying breath since the first one worked so well.
Damn.
Damn.
Damn.
Get ahold of yourself, Margot.
My shoulder knocks into something, and I stagger back as a pair of firm hands steady me.
“Pissed off already?” a voice says with a laugh.
“No, I—” My embarrassment wanes under the realization that I know that voice. I know that voice, and I know that amused tone all too well. I lift my gaze to find Jackson smiling at me with a faint line between his brows. He looks amazing. His hair is a little longer, but I already knew that from pictures. He’s filled out some, but in a good way. Like he’s been working out. Has he been working out? I’ll have to ask him when I remember how to speak. For right now, those gray-blue eyes have me lost. I could drink in those stormy waters for an eternity. If I’m ever lost at sea in Jackson’s eyes, please no one save me.
“What’s got you all fired up, Red?” His thumb brushes my cheek, the proof of concern only evident in the way his eyes aren’t matching his smile.
I blink. “Nothing!” Dropping my bag, I shake my head and throw my arms around his neck. “Oh, my god. Nothing. ”
He squeezes me tightly, a laugh rumbling in his chest. He smells like the soap he used when he’d fog up my bathroom with steam, and I breathe him in. I’ve missed that smell. He kisses the side of my head, and it’s like something inside me cracks open. Finally, being here with him is too much for me to take in. I’m overwhelmed with the feeling of finally being at the home I’ve always wanted, and by the time he pulls back to look at me, my eyes are wet.
He frowns. “Seriously, did something happen?” He looks past me to the countless people carrying out their travel plans.
I laugh as I wipe a rogue tear. “No. I’m sorry, I’m just . . . I’ve missed you.”
Jackson grins, and if I thought I was cracked open before, seeing him happy completely destroys me in the best way. “Me too.”
Then his mouth is on mine. It’s an overdue kiss full of heat and longing. It’s a kiss that somehow steals the air from my lungs and gives me breath. It’s a kiss that grounds me and leaves me thoughtless. All I can focus on is the way he’s never kissed me this hungrily in public, and all I can think about is how little I care if people stare.