39. Jackson
39
jackson
I panicked. As soon I said that last lyric, I knew I shared too much. We’re back in the room and she hasn’t brought it up again, but I know she won’t forget. I had her again in the shower when we got back here, and now she’s still in the bathroom. My knee bounces as I sit on the side of the bed and wait for her. I don’t know how long I can keep this up. I can’t just fuck her every time I’m afraid she’ll bring up my feelings for her, but I was supposed to do this right. I was supposed to make a big deal of this, and I’m failing.
My fingers rake through my damp hair, and I force out a breath. I need to get a grip. How can I want to tell her something more than anything, but every time I have the chance to do it, it’s paralyzing?
“Hey, you okay?”
I lift my head to find her eyeing me cautiously with her towel scrunched in her hair. She’s wearing one of my T-shirts I left behind at her apartment, and my eyes snag on where the hem ends halfway up her thigh. It takes literally nothing for this girl to turn me on .
Slamming the door shut on everything I was feeling thirty seconds ago, I give her my best smile. “Yeah. Tired?”
She weighs her head from side to side. “Yes and no.” Taking a seat, she turns to face me and hugs the towel to her chest. “I don’t want this to end.” Heat blushes her cheeks like she just admitted one of her deepest secrets, and I brush my thumb over the pink, skating across a pattern of freckles I could probably draw with my eyes closed at this point.
I know how she feels. One night isn’t enough after we’ve waited months to be around each other again. It sucks. It’s probably the only part of touring I don’t like, and the fact that I can’t fix it pisses me off.
Dropping my hand, I try not to let her see everything I’m feeling. “Have you talked to your parents about staying in Florida over the holidays?”
She nods. “Yeah. They didn’t love it, but I told them Rae will spend Christmas with Matt’s family, so we’ll fly back for Thanksgiving instead. This way I don’t have to travel alone, and I’ll be able to see you when you come home.”
The corner of my mouth twitches. “I’d just fly to Indiana when the tour wraps up, if you were there.” I’ve never met Margot’s parents. I don’t even know if she’s told them about me. Hell, I haven’t told mine about her, but I haven’t told them about anything. I think talking to her mom stresses her out, but she talks to her dad sometimes. I wonder if he knows I exist.
Her eyes widen at my offer. “You would?”
Is it surprising? I figured it would be obvious. She’s the one person I want to see when I come home. Of course, I’d go to where she is. I let myself fall back on the bed with a huff of a laugh. Resting an arm above my head, I ask, “Why do you think I wouldn’t?”
Margot’s cheeks flare again, and I hate to see it. I hate to see her holding back anything. We’re supposed to be past this— we are past it. She doesn’t hold back her feelings like she used to. Not with me.
She turns to look at me more, abandoning the towel in her hand so she can brush her fingertips under my shirt and up my side. My cock twitches at the contact, and I try to stay focused on whatever she’s about to say.
“I didn’t think you’d want to be around my parents.”
My immediate reaction is to emphasize how much I don’t want to be around her parents. I want to be around her. But something in the way this conversation has her nervous gives me the common sense to take this a little more seriously. “Do they know about me?”
“Somewhat.” Lying down on me, she crosses her arms on my chest and props her chin up to look at me. “They know I’m seeing someone, but they don’t know you’re . . . you.”
A smile pulls at the corner of my mouth as I run the backs of my knuckles over her cheek. “A college drop-out who’s in a band?”
“Stop.” She playfully swats at me. “You’re more than that, and you know it.”
“Maybe, but that’s how my parents see me, so I figured yours would feel the same.” A frown settles on her beautiful face, and I force a laugh. “Come on, don’t look at me like that.”
She blinks, her features softening. “Sorry. It’s bullshit, though.”
I cock an eyebrow.
“I mean, my parents don’t know any better. They might think of you that way at first, but that’s not who you are. Anyone with eyes can see it, and your parents should know that better than anyone.”
Something in my chest aches, but I push the feeling away. At the same time, Margot crawls up my body so her face is over mine, and it’s like the feeling never even happened .
“They should know you’re smart.” She kisses the side of my neck, and my lungs remember how to work the moment her lips touch my skin. “And kind.” Her lips press another kiss. “And hardworking.” She moves to the other side of my neck and leaves a kiss there. “They should know you’re talented.” Her mouth moves up to my jawline where her lips tease my skin with another light kiss. “And driven.” She leaves a gentle kiss on my cheek, but I turn my head and catch her lips with mine. No one has ever seen me the way she does. I’m not sure I deserve it. Reaching for her, I weave my fingers through her hair and kiss her deeper. She opens for me, letting my tongue find hers. She indulges me for a moment, but it ends too quickly. Pulling back, she’s a little breathless when she says, “You care about other people, too. So many people in your position could be selfish, but even though you’re chasing your dreams, you care about the people you left behind.”
My eyes search hers, but there’s no resentment in them. I hate that I’m leaving her behind. I hate that she feels left at all. Brushing a stray hair from her forehead, I let my hand cup the side of her face and love the way she leans into it now. “I don’t know if I deserve you.”
She looks at me a little more sharply. “You deserve everything.” She rests her chin on the backs of her hands again. “You deserve to be on that stage, and have a family who supports you, and a girlfriend who lo—wants to see you happy.” The second part of her sentence comes out rushed, but she quickly centers herself on top of me and presses her mouth to mine. I groan and slip my hand under the hem of her T-shirt only to be met with her bare hip. She’s not wearing anything underneath and despite it being the middle of the night, I feel a surge of energy at the discovery. I’m dying to be inside her again, but I have a feeling she needs to hear what I’m about to say.
“You deserve to be happy, too.” My fingertips graze the bare skin of her hip, and it takes everything in me not to bury myself between her legs for the fourth time tonight. “Whatever you want, I want you to have it.”
“I do have what I want.” She palms me outside my briefs, and I groan as I pull away from her. I need her to understand this. I need her to listen.
Confusion etches her features, and she sits up. I’m grateful the motion puts her a few feet away from me because the only way I can have this conversation with her is if she can keep her hands off me for five minutes.
I sit up too, my elbows resting on my bent knees. “I don’t want you to ever put your dreams on hold for mine. Everything you care about—your classes, career, your blog—they’re important, okay?”
She frowns. “I know they’re important.” She tilts her head. “Jackson, what’s this about?”
I blow out a breath, my hand reaching up to rub the back of my neck. “I just hate that you’re having to bend so much for the things I want right now. I’m sorry this isn’t ideal.” She moves to crawl toward me on the bed, and I hold up a hand. “Stay over there, Red.”
She pauses. She’s on her fucking hands and knees, frozen in place with her bare ass exposed now that my T-shirt has ridden up.
“Sit,” I command. I can’t think straight with her in that position, and the fact that she does as I say only has my dick straining more against my briefs.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Her words come out with careful consideration.
“I’m fine.” I wipe my hand over my mouth as I look at her. “But everything you do turns me on, and I want to get this off my chest before I fuck you into this mattress.”
Her cheeks flare, and she puts her hands in her lap. “Okay,” she says a little breathless. “I’ll be good. ”
I rub my hand over my face and crack a smile. “Jesus Christ.”
When I look at her again, the corners of her lips are pressed like she’s fighting a smile. She knows exactly what she’s doing. “Go ahead,” she says with a reassuring nod. “Get it off your chest.”
I can’t tell if she’s mocking me, and my eyes narrow a little before I give in and say, “There’s a lot of focus on me in the band right now, but I don’t want you to ever feel like you ever have to put your dreams on hold for mine, okay?”
Now that I’ve said it, it doesn’t feel as big as it did in my head. Maybe it’s because I’m still turned on, or because she just had me laughing, or maybe it’s just because in my head things always feel bigger than they actually are. Maybe it’s because she makes everything a little less overwhelming.
She waits for a beat, a faint smile playing at the corner of her mouth. “Am I allowed to speak now?”
I huff a laugh. “Since when do you ask me for permission to do anything?”
Her smile grows, and she crawls toward me again. This time settling between my legs and holding my face in her hands. “I don’t mind bending. I know it’s hard for you to believe, but I’m genuinely excited for you.” I open my mouth to say something, but she cuts me off. “And I know my dreams are important, too. I still have all those things you listed. I’m still doing all of them.”
“You haven’t posted on your blog as much lately.”
She blinks before letting go of my face and dropping back on her heels. “You still read my blog?”
“Of course I do. Where else would I know to find the best place to buy vinyl records in Ybor?”
She still looks surprised, those big, brown eyes blinking before she pushes herself up on her knees again and drapes her arms around my neck. She’s taller than me like this, and I have to look up at her. Without thinking, my hands find her bare thighs and move up to cup her perfect ass.
“Post on your blog more, Margot.”
She nods, her breath catching when my hands move up her hips and waist until setting under the curves of her breasts. “Okay,” she breathes.
She kisses me, and it feels different than all the other times we’ve kissed tonight. The kiss feels like she’s thanking me, but I haven’t done anything. If anything, I should be the one thanking her. Gently pushing me back on the bed, she never breaks the kiss. Not until she softly says, “I promise to always go after the things I want, but right now, I just want you.”
In the next kiss I flip her onto her back and hold myself over her, letting my hips settle against hers. “You have me, Margot. You always have.”