43. Jackson
43
jackson
“You didn’t tell her?” Mya practically yells even though she’s sitting right fucking next to me on the small couch in the RV.
“Would you keep your voice down?”
Dave pokes his head out of his bunk in the back. “Tell who what?”
Mya looks back at me, and I hope she can see how much I don’t want her to talk about this anymore, but she looks personally offended by this whole situation. The longer she looks at me, the more I see it. She jumps to her feet, crossing her arms as she walks over to Dave. “Jackson didn’t tell Margot he loves her.”
I’m too tired to deal with this. Rubbing both hands over my face, I stay where I am. There’s no point trying to beat Mya at her own game.
Dave tilts his head. “Like today?”
Mya looks back at me, disappointment seeping from her every pore. “Like ever.”
Dave sits up on the edge of his bed. “Wait.” He does a little math on his fingers before looking up again. “Haven’t you been dating her for almost a year?”
“Almost,” I answer dryly. When he says it like that it sounds pretty bad. “But we’ve been apart for most of it.”
He balks at me. “But you’ve never broken up, right?”
I shake my head, hating the thought. “No. Nothing like that.”
Marty hops down from his bunk, and I wish he were driving. I wish he was doing just about anything to keep himself busy and away from this conversation. “Better be careful, puppy. There are a lot of guys who would have no problem telling that girl anything she wants to hear.”
Staying put, I flip him off. Something about the way he just said that makes me think he’d be one of them, and I don’t need to be any closer to him than I already am.
Dave holds up a hand in warning to Marty. “Easy.” Looking back at me, he says, “If you’re not feeling it, why go through all the work of trying to keep her?”
Mya jumps in. “He is feeling it. He’s just scared.”
Marty laughs, and I shoot him a look before glaring at Mya again. “I’m not scared. I had it planned, but someone lost the cashbox, and everything got fucked.”
Her eyes widen and soften, realization sinking in.
“Yeah.” I pointedly confirm what I know she’s thinking. “You told me I had to make it a big deal, so I tried. I had it all planned, and then the night fell apart.”
A low chuckle leaves Dave’s throat. “You don’t have to make it a big deal. I told Lynn I loved her for the first time when she took me to get stitches in my hand after dating for two months. It was probably the least romantic way I could have done it. I think I still had blood on my shirt.”
“Yeah, and I told a girl I loved her just last night. Well, one of them, anyway—the younger one,” Marty chimes in.
Mya rolls her eyes. “Gross. ”
Ignoring what Marty said, I keep my eyes locked on Dave. “Seriously?”
He laughs again. “Yeah. Who the hell told you it had to be special?”
My eyes jump to Mya, and her cheeks flush with what I’m assuming is guilt. “I still think you should try to make a big deal of it, but if I knew your alternative was not saying it at all, I would have told you that was stupid.”
“Thanks,” I mutter.
Dave looks back and forth between Mya and me with a bemused smile pulling at his lips. “Listen, if you want to make a big thing of it, fine. But you don’t have to. If you want to say it, just blurt it out next time you see her. I’m sure she’d be happy to hear it.”
I try to imagine doing just that, and my knee bounces at the thought.
Unfortunately, Marty is the one who notices and laughs. “Lord help us if he ever decides to propose.”
I scoff and get to my feet. “Don’t get ahead of yourself, Marty.” When I pass Mya on the way to my bunk I ask, “Want to smoke?” I need something to get rid of the regret I’m feeling. I should have just told Margot. In my gut, I think I knew that, but the whole thing has turned into a massive block for me. Next time I see her, maybe I should just do what Dave suggested and blurt it out. Maybe holding this in is what’s making it feel like I have a bomb strapped to my chest.
Mya looks surprised by my offer, but quickly agrees. “Yeah. Of course.”
Dave runs a hand through his hair. “I’d join you, but it’s my turn to drive. Brian and Brady have been up there long enough.”
Marty opens his mouth to say something, but Dave cuts him off .
“You’re coming with me. Jackson already looks like he wants to kick your ass.”
I let out a huff but keep my mouth shut because Dave is right. Marty always gets under my skin, but Marty talking about Margot has me feeling more on edge than I have in weeks. I can’t remember the last time I’ve gotten into a fight. Elementary school maybe? But the thought of causing Marty pain and wiping that smug look off his face is starting to get more appealing.
Marty looks me up and down. “Nah, we’re fine. Aren’t we Jackson?”
Rocking back on my heels, I stuff my hands in the pocket of my hoodie so he can’t see how tightly my fists are clenched. “We’re fine,” I say with a sharp nod.
Dave’s wary eyes jump between the two of us. “Either way, you’re coming with me.”
Thankfully, Marty doesn’t fight him this time. As soon as he and Dave are at the front of the RV, I take a hard seat on the edge of my bed.
Mya quickly sits down next to me. “I’m sorry I ruined your night.” She reaches beneath the bunk for the box where we keep our weed and expertly rolls a joint as she continues. “I feel so bad. The whole cashbox thing. I’m so sorry, Jackson.”
Taking the joint from her, I shake my head as I put it in my mouth and light the end. “Don’t be. You didn’t ruin anything.” She’s still looking at me with wide, worried eyes, and my exhale comes out as a choked laugh. Offering her the joint, I shake my head. “Don’t look at me like that. We had a great time.” She doesn’t look completely convinced, so I add, “Plus, you were right. I was scared.”
Her face relaxes. “Really?”
“Fucking terrified.”
She narrows her eyes at me playfully as she lifts the joint to her lips. “I knew it.” Once she’s taken a hit, she hands it back to me.
“Not anymore, though.”
“No?”
I shake my head. After hearing Dave’s story, I think he’s right. Margot wouldn’t give a shit how I tell her. Maybe Mya needs a grand gesture from someone, but I don’t think Margot does. Hell, I don’t even think she’d like that, and all it took was Dave to talk some sense into me. My voice comes out muffled as I get ready to take another hit. “Nah. Fuck it.”