Chapter 24
24
KATE
A two-hour flight goes fast when you and your travel companion are swapping embarrassing stories from your childhood to avoid the elephant in the room – well, aeroplane. Namely that our timing is terrible and it’s probably ill-advised to be embarking on whatever this is. And ‘ill-advised’ is the best-case scenario.
Still, it’s been entertaining hearing about his childhood antics – and Adriana’s – especially the story he’s telling right now from when he was thirteen.
‘Our parents aren’t prudes – they’re typically Dutch, very progressive,’ he says, ‘but my mother…’ He shakes his head, his eyes comically wide. ‘I would have been in big trouble if she’d found Playboy in my room.’
‘But that was Daan. He brought it over. It wasn’t your fault.’
‘I doubt she would have cared about that distinction, so I hid it under my bed, then we went to make some food – sandwiches or something – and I forgot about it.’
I give him an I-don’t-believe-you look.
‘I promise. I forgot all about it.’
‘Hmm, okay. So, what, your mum found it?’
‘Oh no. Much worse than that.’
‘What’s worse than that?’ I ask with a laugh.
‘Well, that night, my parents went out and I stayed with Ady to look after her.’
‘You were babysitting.’
‘Right. And she was playing in her bedroom, and I was watching TV or something… Anyway, when my parents came home, they found Ady in her room, cutting out pictures of the “pretty ladies” from the magazine and making a collage.’
‘Oh my god!’ I exclaim loudly, irking the woman across the aisle. She glares at me, and I apologise. She tuts and resumes her crossword with a shake of her head.
‘So, what did they do? Your parents?’ I ask in a hushed tone.
‘My mother calmly calls me into Ady’s room to admire this “artwork” – and I am standing there, my mouth open, feeling…’ He seems to search for the right word.
‘Mortified? Horrified? Wanting the ground to open up and swallow you whole?’
‘Yes,’ he replies with a chuckle. ‘Exactly like that.’
‘Then what happened?’
‘Then we leave Ady to finish her collage.’
‘No. Really? ’
‘Really, and then my mother tells me that it’s normal to be curious about these things.’
‘Oh, interesting.’
‘Yes, and I think, “Okay. I’m not in trouble. My mother is fine with this.”’
‘I sense a “but” coming.’
‘You sense correctly. Then she says that if I ever bring this type of thing into the house again – before I am an adult – she will send that collage to my grandparents and tell them what I did.’
‘Oh, wowser, that’s genius,’ I say with an appreciative grin.
‘It was convincing, and I never let something like that happen again.’
‘But Daan … It was his fault and you were the one who was punished.’
‘Oh, no. His father found out he’d taken it and when he couldn’t give it back, because Ady had destroyed it, Daan had, er… we say huisarrest . Except for school, he had to stay home for two weeks.’
‘Ah, he was grounded, yes.’
‘Right – grounded .’
‘And I’m assuming it never got sent to your grandparents?’
‘No, but when I was renovating, I found it in a box of my old schoolwork.’
‘What? Your mum kept it?’
‘Apparently, and when I showed Ady, we laughed so hard – for at least five minutes.’
The idea of stoic, measured Willem laughing that freely is endearing.
‘Well, that is a good story – top-notch parenting by your mum.’
He smiles. ‘I think you will like her. I’m sure she will like you.’
His use of future tense yanks me back to the present – for Willem too, I can tell. He’s quiet for a moment, then he reaches for my hand. I let him take it, even though handholding means far more than I’m prepared to examine right now.
‘Kate, I want to ask you…’ He pauses, his gaze fixed on the seatback in front of him, then he turns towards me. ‘ How did you end up with Dunn?’
‘Oh…’ I look away, then puff out my cheeks. Ordinarily, I’m good at formulating succinct answers, but this isn’t a Monday-morning standup. This is my topsy-turvy love life and I’m not sure I even want to answer.
But there’s a minute possibility that this thing between me and Willem could turn into something more, so I want to be truthful. I owe that to both of us.
‘Well,’ I say, glancing at him, ‘in my twenties – and way further into my thirties than I care to admit – I fell for blokes who were emotionally unavailable, and I would mould myself into what I thought they wanted.’ Uncomfortable, I look away, focusing on the emergency evacuation card in the seat pocket. ‘And just over four years ago, after a rather ugly breakup, I finally understood what I’d been doing and I self-imposed a moratorium on men, which went on for a long time – years . And to be completely truthful, I felt lonely sometimes.’
I inhale deeply, then steady my breath.
‘Anyway, around six months ago, I was talking with a colleague – she’d just invited me to her wedding – and she told me that she and her husband-to-be had met through a matchmaker. I was intrigued and she offered to refer me, which after a couple of weeks of contemplation, I agreed to. But of course’ – I point to myself with both forefingers – ‘pragmatist that I am, I stupidly thought, “What’s better than one matchmaker? Two!” and I signed on with a second agency, the one that matched me with Jon. The rest you know.’
He runs his thumb along the back of my hand, then gives it a squeeze.
‘Thank you for telling me,’ he says, and I look over again. We share a smile, then lapse into silence, and I turn and stare out the window as we descend into Amsterdam.
* * *
I’m overcome with nerves when the cab turns down Willem’s road. Understandable, considering Adriana’s lukewarm response when Willem told her I was coming to Amsterdam – and that Lucia would be joining us.
Even though Adriana and I seem to get along well enough, I’ve never expected us to become lifelong friends. But we’re both invested in Jon getting his comeuppance and I’d like to think we’re on the same side.
It could be that we’re simply processing this differently. From what I can tell, Adriana is either holing up at home, miserable, or going out on the town with her girlfriends, drowning her sorrows.
Whereas I’ve skipped two full stages of grief – bargaining and depression – and have gone straight from anger to acceptance. I have no doubt it’s because of Willem, but is he simply a diversionary tactic or are my feelings for him – as muddy as they are – real?
And maybe Adriana’s reaction has nothing to do with me at all. Well, I’m about to find out.
The cab pulls up outside Willem’s house and while I pay, he gets our cases from the boot. Then it’s just us, standing outside his front door.
‘Is everything all right? You look a little…’
‘Freaked out?’ I ask, breaking into a nervous grin.
‘Yes.’
He stares at me while I go back and forth on being honest or brushing my feelings under the carpet. But before I can decide, the front door flies open and Adriana fills the doorway. Is this her idea of a welcome or is she acting as a human barricade? She says something to Willem in Dutch, then her eyes land on me.
‘Hi, Kate,’ she says, her expression unreadable.
‘Hi.’
She steps back and signals for us to pass, which is difficult because she’s in the way and it’s a narrow space.
‘Ady, out of the way,’ says Willem gruffly, but she stays put. He sidesteps her, our cases in hand, and I follow. Adriana closes the door behind us with a little more force than is probably required.
Yep, she’s definitely out of sorts and I really hope it’s not because of me.
Willem walks over to the wide doorway that leads to the bedrooms and sets our cases down. Adriana watches him closely, her hands on her hips.
‘ So , you two are toge?—’
She’s interrupted by the sound of a toilet flushing.
Did Lucia beat us here? I wonder. We’d hoped to arrive first to make the introductions. But with Adriana obviously pissed off, polite introductions are the least of my worries.
‘Who else is here?’ Willem asks Adriana.
‘The ghost of the old lady who died here,’ she replies sarcastically, and he huffs with annoyance.
‘Hi, cuz.’
I thought I’d had my fair share of surprises over the past few weeks, but the fates clearly have something else in mind and here’s yet another one.
‘Margot, what the hell are you doing here?’
She wipes her still-damp hands down the front of her trousers.
‘What?’ she asks defensively.
‘I told you not to come. Lucia’s arriving soon and we have?—’
‘I know, I know,’ she says, ‘but I’d already bought my ticket and besides, Ady was expecting me.’
I look over at Adriana, who’s now nibbling on her thumbnail. A moment ago, she was about to give me a bollocking; now she looks like she’s expecting one from me.
Then it dawns on me, and my head swivels towards Margot.
‘Is this what I think it is?’ I ask.
‘I’m not sure. What do you think it is?’ she replies evenly.
‘Don’t be coy, Margot. Are you and Ady seeing each other?’ I glance back at Ady, who hurriedly looks away, then return my gaze to Margot.
Margot drops her head back and sighs, then looks at me again. ‘Yes.’
‘Since when ?’
‘Since the weekend you showed up to tell me about Jon,’ Adriana replies quietly, drawing my gaze. Right, so they must have got together after the girls’ night out while Willem and I were at dinner. ‘We like each other – and it’s fun,’ she adds with a casual shrug.
I stare at Adriana, dumbstruck. There’s so much to unpack here, and most of it is contradictory.
Adriana’s pissed off about me and Willem, yet she’s been shagging my cousin. Margot warned me not to fall in love, but she and Ady seem to be embarking on a relationship.
What the actual fuck?
I drop my face into my hands and groan, and Margot comes over and pats me on the back.
‘Are you okay?’ she asks.
I lift my head and glare at her incredulously.
‘Er, no, Margot. No, I’m not okay. I am so far from okay, I’d need a passport to get there. How is any of this even happening? Any of it!’
I break away from her, crossing to the tall windows and staring out into the lush garden. ‘Less than a month ago, I was just living my life – happily living my life – just normal. All very normal,’ I say, my voice high and pitchy. ‘I went to work and I spent time with my friends and with you’ – I flap my hand over my shoulder towards Margot – ‘and I was engaged to a nice man – a man who I thought was nice – who I saw every few weeks and it was good. Life was good.’
I spin around and they’re all gawping at me, but I’m not finished, so I ignore their wide eyes and open mouths and start pacing the width of the room.
‘But then you show up,’ I say, my hand shooting in Willem’s direction, ‘and you tell me the most unbelievable news. Like, full-on, bonkers news. And if that weren’t enough,’ I say, rounding on him, ‘ then you ask me to come here and present myself to your sister as living, breathing proof that our sodding, bloody arsehole of a fiancé was living a double life!’
Willem’s mouth snaps shut and he looks away, appearing sheepish.
‘But even that wasn’t enough… No, suddenly, I’m one of three and I’m flying here, there and every-bloody-where, plotting and scheming as if this is Charlie’s Angels and I’m Cameron bloody Diaz! And today, I discover that my cousin and my fiancé’s other fiancée are in the midst of a love affair, something neither of them thought to tell me even though we’re in communication all the sodding time!
‘And, yes, Adriana, your brother and I have slept together. Was that misguided? Probably. Was the timing ideal? It was not. But did I enjoy every minute of it? I absolutely, bloody well did, yes. So, if you want to be pissed off at me, particularly in light of this latest development, you hypocrite, then go ahead.’
‘Kate—’
‘I’m not finished!’ I shout at Margot, who presses her lips together. ‘And you want to know the worst thing? None of this is me,’ I say, my arms thrown wide. ‘ None of it – not the complications nor the messiness, not the running about and becoming embroiled in a revenge plot – a revenge plot of all things! It’s not even me to be standing here, screeching like a banshee. I’m typically calm and collected and… and… not, well, like this. And it is especially not me to jump into bed with someone, simply because I fancy the hell out of them, knowing it would only complicate an already complicated situation and would be a stupid, stupid mistake!’
As the words leave my mouth, I realise I’ve gone too far, something confirmed by the hurt on Willem’s face.
‘Fuck!’ I gasp. ‘Willem, I?—’
He holds up his hand and I fall silent.
‘Lucia will be here soon. I’ll leave you all to talk.’
And he does. He leaves and the silence that fills the room is so epic, I can hear my heartbeat hammering in my ears.
What have I done?
* * *
‘Don’t worry, he doesn’t usually stay angry very long. He’ll calm down,’ says Adriana reassuringly. Only it’s not reassuring because I thought Willem was hurt, not angry. She sets a mug of coffee in front of me, made on her brother’s fancy machine.
‘Thank you,’ I say softly, the fight having left my body the moment Willem left this house.
Why did I go off like that? How humiliating. And I’ve upset Willem.
‘Ady,’ says Margot, scrutinising me from the other side of the dining table, ‘I think she’s going to need something stronger than that.’
She’s not wrong – a stiff whisky wouldn’t go amiss, but I’m not exactly in the position to make demands.
‘Okay. How about rum?’
‘ Surely you’ve got something else?’ asks Margot with a laugh, not one to mince words. ‘I haven’t had that crap since uni days and if I catch even a whiff of it, we’ll be re-living Vomagedon 2006 before you can say, “Margot, don’t you dare throw up on that rug!”’
This makes me and Adriana laugh, and our eyes meet briefly before she looks away. I don’t blame her. When I was here last time, we found common ground; we were on the same side. But that was when we were entangled in a simple love triangle. Now that it’s become a love hexagon – and far more complex than either of us could have foreseen – we seem to be back at square one. She’s wary of me and I’m at a loss for how to fix everything.
‘I’ll see what else we’ve got,’ Adriana says, crossing to the tall cabinet where they keep the liquor.
Margot leaps up and reaches past her. ‘This,’ she says, taking out a bottle of Redbreast.
‘Margot, no,’ I say, recognising the bottle immediately. Jon drank it – it’s very expensive and he ordered it nearly every time we went out. Of course, some places didn’t carry it and he’d always make a big to-do.
‘Not that one,’ says Adriana softly. She takes the bottle and places it back on the shelf.
‘Because of Jon?’ I ask.
She spins around quickly. ‘How did you— Oh, right. Never mind.’
‘Must be one of the details he kept the same,’ I say.
‘Yes.’ She sighs heavily. ‘Kate, I’m sorry I reacted that way – about you and Will. And you’re right, I was being hypocritical. But I…’
I stand, facing her. ‘No, you don’t need to apologise. I can understand why you’re upset.’
‘It’s just… first Jon and now my brother.’
‘I get it, and you have every right to be pissed off at me.’
‘That’s the thing… I’m not – not at you, anyway,’ she says. ‘It’s Jon. All of this is his fault, that… that…’
‘Fucking wankard,’ Margot supplies, which makes us both laugh again.
‘I love it,’ says Adriana. ‘Fucking wankard – it feels good in my mouth. Fucking wankard,’ she says again, hitting the consonants with precision.
‘What about this?’ Margot holds up a bottle of vodka.
‘Perfect,’ I declare.
‘ Ja ,’ Adriana agrees, striding to the fridge and opening the door. ‘And we have orange juice and limes…’
She and Margot get to work and I observe the easy way they interact, how Margot beams up at Adriana and how Adriana’s eyes soften when they meet Margot’s. I haven’t seen this side of Margot since… well, I can’t remember when. And even though they couldn’t be more different, they seem to work. Margot looks happy .
A few minutes later, we’re each holding a vodka-orange garnished with a wedge of lime.
‘ Prost ,’ says Adriana, lifting her glass.
‘ Prost ,’ Margot echoes.
‘Oh, we can do better than that,’ I say. ‘To the fucking wankard who brought us together.’
There’s a beat of silence and for a moment, I worry that I’ve gone too far – again. Then Adriana bursts into laughter, and Margot and I join in.
‘Kate,’ she says, looking me in the eye, ‘no matter what happens – no matter how this situation is resolved – I hope we can be friends.’
‘Huzzah!’ Margot exclaims.
I smile at Adriana, grateful for the olive branch, but a niggling thought takes hold.
That’s one of the siblings on side, but what about the other?