Chapter 29
29
KATE
It’s like a fragrant spring breeze has blown through the suite, sweeping away the remnants of Jon’s presence.
It’s done.
‘That was brilliant,’ says Lucia, pacing in front of the windows, shaking out her hands. ‘Just brilliant .’ She turns to us with a grin.
‘ Ja, briljant ,’ Adriana agrees. She throws back her head, closes her eyes, and presses her hands to her chest, expelling several sighs in a row, the last one turning into laughter. ‘ Niet te geloven ,’ she says to herself, sighing again.
Even without knowing exactly what she’s said, her meaning is clear. I plop back onto the sofa, depleted but elated.
‘Uh, ladies,’ says Poppy, ‘a reminder that this suite is paid for until Sunday if you’d like to stay.’
Adriana and Lucia exchange an excited look. ‘What do you think?’ Adriana asks.
‘It’s the least Jon could do,’ says Lucia. ‘What if we order one of everything on the room service menu and have a girls’ night in?’
‘ Or we have cocktails and dinner downstairs and charge it to the suite,’ says Adriana with a waggle of her brows.
‘Well, we do have two nights here…’ says Lucia with a sly grin. ‘I say we do both. And you should invite Margot. But first, let’s ask them to send up a bottle of Champagne.’
‘Yes!’ exclaims Adriana. ‘Oh,’ she says, looking my way. ‘Sorry, Kate. What would you like to do?’
‘Quite frankly, this hotel doesn’t hold the best memories for me. I’d rather go home, but you two stay and enjoy it. You deserve it,’ I reply with a warm smile.
But Adriana responds with a frown. ‘Will you at least have Champagne with us before you go? You too, Poppy.’
Poppy and I agree and Lucia calls room service and places the order. While we wait, I sidle over to Poppy.
‘I wasn’t aware Jon’s donation was going to be annual,’ I say. ‘That’s a lot of money.’
‘It is and it isn’t for someone that wealthy. Hopefully, what will sting the most is the annual reminder that he was tricked.’
‘Oh, good point.’
‘And the contract is above board. If Dunn has a bone to pick, it’s with the person who manages his legal affairs, not the agency.’
‘You really came through, Poppy. I feel like I’ve been exorcised.’
She laughs.
‘Seriously, though, thank you.’
‘Eh, all part of the service,’ she says with a modest tilt of her head.
I doubt that anything she’s had to do for this case is typically ‘part of the service’. I wish I could do more than give her my thanks.
We’re interrupted by a young woman delivering the Champagne, cracking it expertly with a whisper and pouring into four flutes. When she leaves, we raise our glasses.
‘To Kate, who totally kicked Jon’s arse,’ says Lucia. ‘You’re our eroina, our amica . Grazie mille .’
I flush, chuffed but also embarrassed by her words. ‘To Kate,’ say Poppy and Adriana.
I tap the rim of my glass to theirs and we all take a sip. It’s delicious but I know that as soon as it hits my empty stomach, it’ll go straight to my head. Maybe that’s not such a bad thing.
Adriana and Lucia break into excited chatter about how they’re going to spend the weekend at Jon’s expense, and my gaze wanders to the window. Now that I’ve closed the door on this chapter, I can give my full attention to making things right with Willem. He did message me this morning , I think, and a glimmer of hope bubbles up inside me.
But if it is too late, if the damage is done and Willem doesn’t want me, at the very least I’m free and clear of Jon. My romantic slate is clean and I’m ready for a fresh start.
‘Penny for your thoughts?’ Poppy asks quietly. ‘And no pun intended.’
I turn to her with a closed-mouth smile. ‘Willem,’ I whisper, and she nods in understanding.
Then the realisation lands like a shockwave: why am I still here when I should be on my way to Amsterdam?
‘Er, sorry,’ I say, setting my glass on the nearest table, ‘but I need to go.’
Lucia and Adriana look over, both clearly baffled, then exchange a glance. Ignoring their obvious disappointment, I race over and drop kisses on their cheeks and say goodbye to Poppy, promising I’ll be in touch.
I leave the suite, rushing down the hallway and stabbing at the button to call the lift. It takes an aeon to arrive and once I’m inside, another one to descend to the lobby. The doors finally open, and I sidestep a waiting elderly couple, apologising over my shoulder for my brusqueness. When I turn back around, I run smack into a human wall.
The deep, guttural timbre of the ‘oof’ sparks recognition within me a split second before I glance up and gasp at the sight of Willem’s handsome face.
‘ Hallo , Kate,’ he says, an amused twinkle in his beautiful blue eyes. ‘Fancy running into you like this.’
‘What are you doing here?’ I ask, breathless.
‘You keep asking me that,’ he says, and for a moment, I’m lost. But then I recall the time he showed up at Elev8te unexpectedly. ‘Should I go?’ he asks, turning as if he’s about to leave.
‘No!’ I say, grabbing his arm. I’m instantly aware of how loud that was, and when I glance about, several people are watching. I wave my apology, and most look away.
‘Sorry,’ I say to him.
‘It’s okay.’ His eyes scan the lobby, then land back on me. ‘Kate, can we talk?’
‘Absolutely,’ I tell him. ‘But not here. This is where Jo— Just not here,’ I say again, and he seems to understand.
‘I saw a café around the corner,’ he suggests, reminding me how observant he is.
‘Sure, okay.’
Once outside on Portland Place, he indicates which direction we’re going and we fall into step. I long for him to take my hand, but he doesn’t. There’s every chance he’s only in London to support Adriana and is about to give me a polite, but heartbreaking, goodbye.
We arrive at the café and he opens the door for me, signalling for me to go ahead, as always. I scout for a table and choose one towards the back, away from curious eyes and ears. If this is goodbye, I’d like as few witnesses as possible.
A waiter bustles over and we both order coffee, but when he leaves, the silence between us grows to gargantuan proportions. If it had a physical form, it would fill this entire café.
‘I was about to fly to Amsterdam—’ I say, right as Willem says, ‘I’ve never been any good at this.’
At least, I think that’s what he said. ‘Sorry?’ I ask to clarify.
He clasps his hands behind his neck, expelling a loud breath, then dropping them back in his lap.
Oh, so this is goodbye .
The Champagne curdles in my stomach and my breath catches, shallow and fraught. This is far more nerve-wracking than confronting Jon. Perhaps because it’s my future at stake, not my past.
‘Willem,’ I say, just as he starts speaking again. We both laugh nervously.
‘Go ahead,’ he says with a gentle smile. I attempt to read what’s in his eyes, but they’re now clouded with a maelstrom of emotions.
Breathe, Kate, breathe .
I can’t recall any other day when I’ve had to coach myself to breathe as often as today. I inhale deeply, steeling myself.
‘Before, when I ran into you – literally ,’ I add, stalling with a feeble joke, ‘I was on my way to see you.’ His lips part in surprise, which I take as a small sign of encouragement. ‘Willem, I owe you an apology.’
He regards me intently and I swallow – hard .
‘Last Saturday at your house… that rant… Most of what I said was the truth. This whole mess has me turned inside out and there have been so many times over the past few weeks when I’ve hardly recognised myself. I’m not the adventurous type who takes off to another country at a moment’s notice or plays the leading role in a revenge plot. That’s not me.
‘Only, maybe it is , which I realise is confusing – it’s confusing to me – but not recognising myself, seeing myself through others’ eyes, like Lucia’s and Adriana’s… yours … it’s been liberating . When I faced Jon earlier, it was like something had been unleashed in me. I felt powerful and in control – and not in the way I usually do, where I’m governed by schedules and procedures, following rules to the letter – but like I was setting the terms for my own life. Because before all this, before you buzzed my flat, my life was tidy and predictable and, in many ways, small .
‘But I don’t want small any more. I want new experiences and possibilities and to view the world through fresh eyes. I want to feel alive inside, to slough off the Kate who willingly believed the lies of a narcissist, simply because they gave the illusion of novelty when, in reality, those occasional disruptions to my status quo merely mimicked excitement.
‘And that Kate, the one who’s no longer satisfied with small and safe, she started to emerge when I met you. And, yes, I’m wildly attracted to you but that’s not the reason, that’s not what affected me, what gave me a glimpse of a different way of… well, being .
‘So, when I said what I did about falling into bed with you and dismissing our time together as purely physical… that part wasn’t the truth. Because you are so much more – as a person and to me. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry I said those things and I’m sorry I didn’t stop you from leaving and I’m sorry I didn’t apologise the second you came back. I’m sorry for all of it.’
I’ve rambled on long enough and I sit back against the chair, slowly blowing out a breath, my eyes fixed on his. His expression has softened since the start of my meandering monologue, which both terrifies me – he could be trying to let me down gently – and fuels that glimmer of hope.
Please let it not be too late .
Willem licks his lips, then reaches across the tiny table to take my hand. The glimmer takes hold, swelling inside me as his thumb runs along the back of my hand. I study him closely, holding my breath, and he’s about to speak when our coffees arrive.
When the waiter leaves, I meet Willem’s eyes again. Breathe, Kate, breathe .
‘Bad timing, yes?’ Willem asks with a rueful smile, and my stomach plumets. Because it was bad timing, us meeting – I was engaged to someone else, for starters – but surely that doesn’t matter now?
I try to pull my hand away, but he holds on tightly.
‘Kate,’ he says, smiling, ‘I was talking about the coffee.’
‘Oh!’ I exclaim, relief flooding through me. ‘Sorry,’ I add with a shake of my head.
‘No more apologies. Well, except from me.’
‘You don’t owe me?—’
‘I do and I’m terrible at them, which is why I’ve been such a coward. I shouldn’t have let this much time go by… And I shouldn’t have walked out – that was wrong of me, but I convinced myself that you meant what you said.’
‘I didn’t.’
‘I know.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes.’
‘Well, good. Because our time in Verona last weekend… that was… everything . And not just because of the sex,’ I hasten to add. ‘I mean, the sex was amazing, don’t get me wrong. You’re the best lover I’ve ever had but?—’
His mouth quirks.
‘I’m going to shut up now.’
‘Don’t. I like it,’ he says with a grin.
‘Only because I’m complimenting your sexual prowess,’ I retort.
He shrugs, earnest again. ‘So, you forgive me for being an idiot?’
‘I wouldn’t say you were an idiot ,’ I reply.
‘Well, that’s what Ady called me when she told me off.’
‘Adriana told you off?’ I ask, taken aback. Even after the shock wore off, she didn’t seem enthused about the idea of me and Willem together.
‘Mm-hmm,’ he replies. ‘She told me you were just venting – and that I was being an idiot.’
I bark out a laugh. ‘Your sister is rather… forthright .’
‘She is, especially when she knows she’s right.’ We exchange a smile. ‘Kate, you’re not the only one who’s been living half a life.’
The way he’s expressed it – living half a life – resonates so strongly, it thrums through me. Because isn’t that what prompted me to engage a matchmaker in the first place: recognising that there was more to life than my work and visits home and the odd mini break with Margot?
If only I hadn’t convinced myself that Jon was the gateway to a fuller life.
Although, if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have met Willem.
‘What’s happening in there?’ he asks, pointing to my forehead.
‘Is it that obvious?’
‘When you’re deep in thought? Yes.’
His eyes bore into mine, as if he’s seeing right into the heart of me, and I don’t mind one bit.
‘I liked the way you put that, about living half a life. And then I was chastising myself about Jon. And then it occurred to me that if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have met you.’
‘The only good thing to come from all of this,’ he says.
‘Not the only good thing,’ I reply, and his head tilts in interest. ‘I also met Adriana and Lucia, and I get the sense we’ll be friends – good friends.’
He smiles.
‘And I’ve been to Verona now. I’ve discovered a whole new city to fall in love with. Oh?—’
Fall in love with…
I inhale sharply and look down at the tabletop.
‘Kate?’ His voice is soft, hesitant, vulnerable . I look up. ‘Do you think… could we maybe start fresh? Without all the…’ He seems to struggle to find the right word.
‘Noise?’ I offer.
‘Noise, yes. Just you and me.’
Just you and me…
Tears prick my eyes and, unable to speak for the lump in my throat, I simply nod.
Then he leans across the table, one hand cupping my cheek, and kisses me.
Everything else falls away – the doubts and overthinking, the self-reproach and regret – and it’s just me and Willem, hopeful and eager about embarking on a new adventure.
Together.