Chapter 1 #2
“You would be correct on both accounts. This place is expensive, but also June is driving me insane, so maybe it would be worth a change?” I sighed.
“I’ve got a little in savings. But I have to start searching for a job as soon as possible, and then maybe I can decide about the townhouse.
” I pointed at the cake, which had a clear plastic window at the top. “What is this?”
“It’s my newest creation.” Kallie put the rag down and lifted the lid.
Staring back at me was the most decadently frosted cake I’d ever seen.
My senses were overwhelmed by the scent of chocolate and caramel.
“It’s a triple-fudge-toffee truffle cake.
Something I whipped up this morning. I brought it so you could try it and let me know if it’s something I should sell. ”
I rolled my eyes. “You’re the best baker in North Carolina, so of course it’s going to be perfect,” I mumbled, reaching into the silverware drawer beside me and pulling out a fork.
“But I love you for bringing it here.” I unfolded the box around the cake reverently.
I went straight in with the fork, scooping up an undainty amount of cake and icing and shoveling it in.
Then another.
Then another.
“Verdict?” Kallie held out a glass of milk she’d poured while I’d been attacking the cake. My cheeks bulged, so I took a couple of gulps of milk before speaking.
“Would you be hurt if I admit I didn’t taste it on the way down?”
“So hurt,” she said sarcastically.
“It’s delicious. The icing is creamy, and the sugar is perfectly balanced. Put it on the menu. I’ll buy fifty of them right now.”
Her smile grew wider. “Awesome. At fifty bucks a cake…you owe me $1,250 plus tax.”
I drew my head back in mock surprise. “After I just lost my job?!”
“A girl has to make some money!” She laughed .
I quirked an eyebrow at her. “How did you come up with that figure so quickly, Miss I-didn’t-pass-calculus?”
“Hey! College calculus is nothing to joke about.” She pretended to shiver.
“Gives me chills just thinking about being back there again.” She took the empty milk glass from my hand and put it in the sink.
“I gotta keep my basic math skills sharp. Those teenagers I hired aren’t going to do it for me. ”
“Isn’t that why you have a point of sales system?” I poked her with my elbow as she gave me a tiresome look.
“I know this has to bother you more than you’re letting on. You know that if I had the revenue for an extra media person?—”
“You aren’t responsible for keeping me employed,” I cut in, taking another small bite of cake. “I’m upset, but there isn’t anything to do. I have to look forward, starting with building a resume, then putting in applications, and all that.”
“I know, I know.” Kallie grabbed a fork from the drawer to join me. “I wish you’d let me go give that ball-less group of corporate idiots a piece of my mind. They won’t sell a thing without you.”
I waved my fork dismissively. “I’m sure they’ve already replaced me with someone just as capable. I only wish I’d thought ahead and left before they canned me. I’m not prepared. I can’t imagine how interviews have changed in ten years.”
Kallie leaned over the counter, and we looked at each other, forks in the cake.
“You’ll find something quick,” she said. “But, if you don’t, you can always come to the bakery and work with the teenagers. I always need someone to work the register. They draw straws on who will do it because they hate it so much.”
“That’s what you get for using child labor,” I joked.
Kallie and I moved into the living room, away from the cake, and chatted about her employees.
She wanted me to discuss my feelings about the job loss, but I declined to do so.
I wanted to pretend that life was peaceful and normal for a few minutes.
But when I sat on the couch, the muscles in my lower back spasmed.
“It’s acting up?” she asked, alarmed.
I gritted my teeth and nodded.
“What can I do? Do you need medicine?” I rarely complained about my back, so the panic in her voice was as acute as my pain. I held up a hand for her to stop before she got up from her seat anyway.
“It’s fine. I took some before I drove home. Give me a minute.” I straightened out as much as I could and breathed my way through the tightness. “It’s been getting worse lately.” When the muscles loosened up, I lay back in relief.
“That was intense,” she said, her voice laced with concern. “Tell me you have an appointment with your doctor.”
“Tomorrow. Thankfully, my insurance stays active for two weeks.”
Her mouth dropped open. “I didn’t even think about the insurance. You will have to find something new quickly. You have to have insurance.”
The health insurance was the first thing I’d thought of when I opened the company’s apology letter, and my mind hadn’t stopped turning since. It was essential for me. And if I did not find another job quickly, I could be in huge trouble.
Kallie’s phone rang in her pocket. She fished it out, looked down at the screen, and back up at me. She pushed the button on the side, declining the call.
“Was that Brandon?” I asked. “You should get it.”
“Yes, but I’m here with you.” She smiled, and my heart sank a little, although I didn’t let it show on my face.
It had been hard to share my best friend with someone we met less than a year ago at a random restaurant.
Brandon was a good guy. I liked him. But I sometimes wished he didn’t exist, which wasn’t fair to him or Kallie.
It wasn’t her fault that I didn’t have a significant other or a social life.
“That’s not going to work,” I said. “You cleaned the flour off you for a reason, so where are you guys going?”
She sighed, placing her cheek in her hand where it was propped up on the arm of the couch.
“We were supposed to meet up with Eloise and Peter, and some of Brandon’s work friends at Portillo’s.
I was going to ask you to come with us before all this happened.
Eloise would love to see you, and the work friends are a bunch of guys, and?—”
My heart sank. Eloise and Peter had been good college friends of ours, and I hadn’t seen them in forever. However, I couldn’t wrap my mind around going out. “That’s sweet,” I cut in. “But it’s been a devastating day, and I have to pass.”
“I know, but I thought?—”
“But you need to go.”
She shook her head. “No, I need to be with you. I can’t leave you after the day you’ve had. What if your back messes up again?”
I watched her expression and knew she was being truthful, but I wouldn’t allow anyone I loved to sacrifice their time or attention on my behalf. I wasn’t that important. Even though Kallie loved me, she also loved Brandon. She shouldn’t have to choose.
“My back has been messed up since I was seventeen. This is nothing new. And do you think I want you to stay and wallow in self-pity with me? No thanks. I can sulk on my own,” I quipped. “I will turn on some sad Taylor Swift and eat more cake. I will even try to taste it this time around.”
She opened her mouth, and I guessed where she was going before she spoke.
“No more excuses.” Her mouth closed. “Go! Have fun on my behalf. Give Eloise and Peter all my love. I want a nice night alone.” My tongue was thick with every lie I said, but I was a master at masking my true feelings. She stared at me, trying to decipher what I was hiding.
“Okay, fine. But I’m coming back once it’s over.” She slowly got to her feet, and I mirrored her.
“Don’t come all the way back here. Just call. I’ll probably be asleep anyway.”
I could tell she didn’t agree with anything I was saying, but she held her tongue.
“Are you going to tell Whit you lost your job?”
My insides froze at her pointed question, but I didn’t let it show.
“I’m not bothering him. I haven’t talked to him since he went to training camp.”
My older brother had been the starting quarterback for the Salt Lake Wolverines professional football team for the past thirteen years.
He and I spoke, but we weren’t as close as we were when we were kids.
I told myself it was because we lived so far apart, and his football career kept him busy.
But I knew the real reasons, and they threatened to overwhelm me with memories, and I couldn’t let that happen. My day was shitty enough.
“You should tell him, but you already know that,” Kallie said as we approached the door.
I waved, shaking my head. “Plenty of time to discuss that later. Go.”
She hugged me again, causing my throat to clog with emotion. I did not want her to see it on my face, so I held onto the door as I playfully pushed her out.
“Okay, I’ll go. But I’m having Chinese food delivered. You can’t live off cake alone.”
I leaned against the doorframe. “You’re wrong, but I won’t pass up orange chicken. ”
She turned and smiled back at me as she walked away. “Love you, bestie.”
“Love you too, Kal.”
Kallie’s departure left the house without warmth or sparkle. I retrieved my fork from the sink, rinsed it off, and dug it back into the velvety chocolate cake. I ate, leaning over the counter, seeking the numbness I wished bingeing on the cake would give me.
When I came to my senses and my stomach started to protest, I wiped the fudge from around my mouth with my fingers and went to the fridge to retrieve the milk carton. I picked it up to find it almost empty, which triggered hot tears to fall down my cheeks.
I’d been so wrapped up in my quest for comfort via food coma that I didn’t realize I’d still been holding back my emotions. My heart squeezed. My anxiety climbed.
I had to think of something besides food to calm my nerves.
I was prone to panic attacks, and it had been one hell of a depressing day.
Spiraling was imminent. I drank the last sip of milk straight from the carton, threw it in the trash, and washed the chocolate off my hands in the kitchen sink.
Taking a deep breath, I blew my nose with a paper towel, grabbed a can of diet soda, and walked over to the small desk in the corner of the living area.
I was unsure if doing this would help or hurt, but I had to try.
I opened the lid of my laptop and exhaled slowly. The document of my newest project popped up on the screen. Although I may have worked in marketing for a book publishing company for years, I really wanted it to be my name on the front cover of the books.
I was halfway through my target word count, trying to figure out how to incorporate some new ideas I’d been carrying around.
I strived not to dwell on my syntax’s imperfection, even though “the imposter monster” threatened to rear its ugly head.
Instead, I let my fingers strike the keys with abandon, words flowing better than I could imagine.
My heroine schemed to take down evil bosses and fight corporate greed.
If I had nothing to help me process all the changes, memories, and pain, I always had writing. As complicated as it was to navigate, it had always been my greatest consolation.
I retreated into my pretend world and characters and felt my reality narrow into fantasy.