Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
“ I ’m so sorry. I didn’t know who else to call.”
Kallie had been delayed with a bakery emergency and wouldn’t be in Mill Creek until almost midnight. I was so far removed from Uber or taxi services out in the country that it was laughable. So, I called the only number I had of someone in the area, and someone I knew would make Bram angriest.
Hunter Kearsley leaned against his vehicle, arms crossed loosely, amusement playing across his face as he spied me walking toward him.
Was I losing it? Yes. I acknowledged and accepted that I had lost my mind.
I could have taken Bram’s Jeep, but how could I stay away from him if I stole his vehicle? I also wasn’t yet cleared to drive after the surgery.
I’d left Lakey out of her kennel. It felt wrong to cage her since she usually spent nights free in the house, and Bram would be back eventually.
I wanted to take the pup with me, but she wasn’t mine to keep.
None of it was mine: the house, the bed, the Jeep, the precious fur baby who whined when I closed the front door behind me.
Even my title as Bram’s wife wasn’t mine to keep.
Bram had invited me in and told me to make myself comfortable, and in less than a few weeks, I had staked a strange claim over his space.
You love him.
I pushed the feelings down. I locked them away so deep inside that I couldn’t feel them, not as Hunter stared at me with those gray eyes.
When he saw me carrying a bag, he jogged over and took it from my grasp.
“Thank you for coming to get me,” I said sheepishly. “Everything is still kind of tender.”
“You shouldn’t be carrying anything,” he admonished. “I am not past doing favors for beautiful women or patients who just had surgery.” He laughed then, blushing a smidge. “But this is not something I’ve done before.”
I was in crisis mode and didn’t care about my state of dress. And for once, I didn’t worry about what he may or may not have been thinking. He didn’t seem to mind my unglamorous looks, my aloof demeanor, or the fact that I had asked such a huge favor.
However, his time and fuel were worth something, and I resolved I would pay him for the Uber service. But I didn’t say anything about it yet as I settled into the passenger seat. Hunter broke through all those thoughts as he put the vehicle into reverse.
“So, back to Mill Creek proper?” he asked, confirming where I needed to go.
I nodded. “Yes, a house in one of the cul-de-sacs over by the high school. I’ll direct you.”
“I’m still trying to figure out why you called me of all people. You’re a mystery, Julianna East,” he mused. “Or what is it now? Winchester?”
I picked invisible lint off my sweatshirt, feigning disinterest. “Yes.”
His face made a quiet “oh” in the dash lights as we traveled the twisting highway in the dark.
“You’re the only other person I know well in this area,” I continued, letting my hands fall to my lap. “I’m sorry if I put you out. I’ll pay you?—”
“Absolutely not,” Hunter replied, cutting me off. “More than happy to shuttle you. I’m just confused. Why are you leaving? Did something happen you need to tell me about?”
I swallowed, hearing something in this voice that indicated a fear for me. “No, nothing violent happened,” I clarified, and I watched him ease a little in his seat. “It’s just been a hard time for me lately.”
“I know,” he sympathized. “Did you not want to be alone so bad that you married him?” I wasn’t sure whether to be impressed or appalled by his bluntness.
“Did you not want to be alone so bad tonight that you drove an hour to pick up a married woman and drop her off at a house that isn’t yours?”
A smile, pleasant and coy, played across his features. “Touche.”
He kept his eyes on the road. He was a cautious driver, and I was thankful.
“I’m glad it was nothing too bad, but I have to ask for some context. What are you running from?” he asked. “Are you playing a game with him of some sort?”
I huffed. “That’s presumptuous, but astute. It’s a long story. Let’s just say it started with a teenage girl in love with her brother’s best friend, and now we’re married, in name only. Between here and there, there are braids of lies all tied together so tightly I can’t unknot them. ”
“In name only? So, it isn’t a real marriage?”
I stiffened, realizing I’d dropped a significant secret.
“It’s okay,” Hunter chuckled. “People do these things. I guess it makes a little more sense now.”
“Health insurance,” I said, my cheeks on fire. I was glad he couldn’t see me fully in the dark.
“Now it makes even more sense.”
I didn’t reply, not wanting to elaborate any further. I lay my head back against the leather headrest of the seat. It had been an emotional afternoon, and I was sore and developing a headache.
“Are you okay physically?” Hunter asked.
“Yes, just tired. Today has been a lot.”
“So, what happened today that would make you leave like you have?”
I shifted. “The initial back surgery I had years ago was an injury from a car wreck where Bram was driving. I learned today that after the wreck, Bram’s father told him he had to stay away from me.
So, Bram came to the hospital while I was recovering and told me he didn’t want me.
It broke my heart. It was a lie, but he made the choice.
He stayed away from me, so his ‘daddy’ wouldn’t be upset with him.
” I glanced at Hunter, but he wasn’t mocking or smiling at my dramatic words.
Instead, he stared out at the illuminated road pensively.
“How old were you guys when this happened?”
“I was eighteen. He was nineteen.”
“I see,” Hunter mused. “Honestly, and I don’t mean to be rude, it sounds a little petty to be upset about that now.”
My mouth dropped open. “I’m not petty. I have a right to be hurt.”
But Hunter’s opinion didn’t budge. “Maybe,” he shrugged. “But, maybe you should remember you guys were kids, and his whole life was in front of him at nineteen. It’s not like it is now. He’s got life experience under his belt. ”
“Then you think he’d have started sharing with me immediately instead of leaving me in the dark. For instance, he could have led with the information that he had a long-lost half-sister. I had to find that out the day of the wedding.”
“Mmm.”
“What about telling me that his father forbade him from having contact with me? And I still can’t understand why he never tried to find me after it was clear his father’s threats no longer mattered.”
Hunter tapped the steering wheel with his fingers. “I’m sure he regrets those things.”
I shrugged noncommittally. “Maybe.”
“And you’re in love with him?”
I shut my eyes. “Don’t make me say it out loud.”
He made a couple of turns before he asked, “Does he know you are?”
I shook my head. “No. He said it to me earlier today, but I didn’t say it back.” I looked over at him. ”You’re asking a lot of questions. How do I know I can trust you with my feelings?”
He laughed. “I’m already an accomplice to your fake marriage.”
“Wow, ok. I guess you are,” I replied, laughing a little myself. “I saw him a few weeks ago for the first time in fifteen years. It’s been a lifetime. I couldn’t just come out and say, ‘I love you’. He would think I was crazy.”
“Oh yes, but it’s perfectly sane to marry someone when you’ve never said, ‘I love you’.” The look on Hunter’s face was pure amusement as he poked fun at my circumstances. I sat back more firmly in my seat.
“I think I’ve lost my mind.”
“Look, I have no dog in this fight,” he said in his smooth voice, “But having a history like you and him doesn’t seem insignificant. You feel how you feel. You should tell him you love him, too, and let it happen. ”
“But how can he feel like that when he’s rejected me repeatedly?”
He seemed to mull this over for a moment before responding.
“Why do you think he rejected you?”
“Bram was never one to follow rules that didn’t suit him, so I don’t think his staying away from me was just pure obedience to his father.
And he said that he broke my heart and left me alone for so many years because I didn’t deserve someone as flawed as him.
He was terrified of hurting me, not understanding that his avoidance already devastated me.
But how is that not a stupid excuse? I am firmly of the belief that if you want to, you will. ”
“That’s true, to an extent. But he probably can’t forgive himself, so he doesn’t understand how you can. And it’s my guess he’s been through some traumatic rejection himself. Probably from the father he hates? Maybe his mother? You’ve not mentioned her.”
My cheeks reddened further as my nervous energy climbed.
“I was a minor in psychology in college, if you can’t tell,” Hunter added smugly.
“Figures,” I murmured. “I should have told you he was abused and neglected as a child. We could have saved ourselves a whole conversation. Tell me, Mr. Psychology, how am I supposed to know this isn’t one long cat-and-mouse game to him?”
“Well, if it was, even if it’s subconscious or overt, it’s probably because he fears intimacy.”
“Of course he does. He was an only child, neglected by his parents. He doesn’t want me to see him as flawed because he doesn’t want me to leave or hurt him.”
“You’re very intuitive. That’s sexy in a woman.” I snorted in derision, but he continued, “You could divorce his ass and go out with me. ”
“Did you seriously go there?” I laughed. “After I said all that, and after I look like I do right now?”
It was his turn to shrug.
“I like you like this, Julianna. Not artifice. Honesty looks good on you. I do not doubt that your fake marriage partner feels the same. You should ask him.”
The second we pulled into the driveway, I was already dreaming of a hot shower to ease my aching back. Hunter refused to take gas money, as I expected.
“Promise me you’ll call if this all goes south between you and him. That’s all I ask.”
I tried not to overthink what I’d done by calling him. He was a good man, and I hoped maybe even a friend.