Chapter 5 #3
The glimmer of gratitude that flashed through his eyes confirmed I had made the right decision by not forcing the issue. The last thing I wanted was for him to close himself off because I was being too nosey.
“For the first couple of years, I was shuffled around a lot,” Kayog continued, his face taking on a faraway expression as he reminisced. “Nobody wanted to keep me. I cried too much, and nothing they could do ever appeased me. Everyone was at a loss as to what the problem could be.”
“Although it is a member of the UPO, Daelynn isn’t the most advanced planet. Their doctors may not have been best suited to deal with a Temern infant,” I said carefully.
“The first thing they did was contact a Temern. Apparently, that didn’t go too well, and they decided to pursue different avenues.”
Something in the way he said this raised many red flags. What had the Temern seen or said that would make them not want to further retain the services from one of ours?
“Eventually, a couple took me in. They kept me until I was old enough to leave.”
“That’s wonderful!” I exclaimed. “How did they solve your problem?”
He stared at me for a few seconds. I couldn’t tell if he was looking for the proper way to word it or whether to answer me at all.
“They placed me inside an isolated bunker two hundred meters away from the main house. It had its own bathroom, bedroom, and a small office space. They brought me food and anything else I needed,” he said, matter-of-factly.
“WHAT?!” I shouted, jumping to my feet, horror and outrage coursing through me. “Why and for how long?!”
“Please, Linsea, sit down. It’s okay,” he said in a soothing voice.
Embarrassed by my outburst, I settled back down on the bench, my mind reeling, and my blood boiling with anger that he should have been subjected to such abuse.
“I remained there from the age of three until I was fifteen,” he said calmly.
“What the actual fuck?!” I hissed. “How did you get free?”
To my shock, a glimmer of amusement sparked in his eyes.
“I applied for my first master’s,” he said in a mischievous tone, then burst out laughing at my stunned expression. “I had nothing else to do in that bunker, so I studied.”
“And then what happened?” I asked, stunned by how nonchalant and unfazed he seemed to be about the whole situation.
“As a part of the process, I had to do an in-person interview and evaluation. Unfortunately, while waiting to enter the meeting room, I had a major panic attack in public,” he said grimly.
“No shit!” I exclaimed. “You’ve been trapped in solitary confinement for twelve fucking years! It’s a miracle that you haven’t gone insane. Of course, you would have a mental breakdown after suddenly finding yourself surrounded by so many people.”
Suddenly, his distaste for crowds totally made sense. What other trauma was he still carrying from those dreadful days?
“The truth about my living situation came out, and things got ugly,” Kayog continued.
“I hope they got arrested!” I growled.
His hesitation had me on the verge of losing my shit again.
“It’s complicated,” he said carefully.
“In what way?” I exclaimed in a self-evident tone. “They locked you up and abused you for more than a decade. They deserve a one-way ticket to Molvi!”
He snorted and shook his head. Molvi was not something you wished upon anyone except the foulest of people. The prison planet was the harshest punishment one could get. Being sent there pretty much equated to a death sentence.
“I know how it seems, but they didn’t mistreat me.
Growing up there helped me cope with my condition,” he said softly as I stared at him in disbelief.
“As shocking as this may sound to you, I don’t hate them.
In truth, I am grateful. They didn’t love me, but they also didn’t wish me harm.
The entire time I lived with them, I wanted for nothing.
Anything I needed or asked for, they provided. ”
“Why am I getting the feeling they didn’t face justice?” I asked, struggling to reconcile what he was saying with the fact that they caged him for his entire youth.
“They were indicted, but I challenged the charges against them,” Kayog said.
“Due to my condition and how what they did genuinely helped me survive a difficult youth, the courts agreed to drop the charges. However, I received a huge settlement as they deemed that the Child Protective Services failed me.”
My eyes widened in sudden understanding. “You hinted about being financially comfortable. Is that the source of your wealth?”
He nodded. “Mainly, yes. But where school is concerned, I received substantial scholarships, so the settlement credits remain almost entirely untouched.”
“That’s great!” I said, pleased that he still got something good out of this whole ordeal. “Do you still talk with your foster parents?”
“No. We parted ways on good terms, but the relationship had more than run its course,” he said with an expression that clearly stated that this was a done deal, and not necessarily one he would want to revisit.
And yet, there was no animosity from him. He truly seemed to harbor no ill will towards the people who ‘raised’ him.
“I understand how you became an ace student, but how did you also become a top athlete?” I asked, still struggling with the difficult childhood he endured.
“I lacked proper physical activity,” he said with a wistful smile. “A part of my ‘rehabilitation’ included seeing a psychologist and a physical trainer. I wasn’t fat or anything along those lines, but I had no muscle, little stamina, and was overall low energy.”
“Let me guess, you took a liking to it.”
“Did I ever. Just like studying, it gave me something to focus on. However, it went even further as I could feel my body change and grow in a way that I really liked. It provided me with a sense of control that I never had before. My work and dedication could yield the results I wanted. For once, I was no longer a passive bystander when it came to the behavior of my own body. Then I discovered that I had quite the competitive streak, so that pushed me even further into wanting to excel in the disciplines I chose.”
I chuckled at the cute way with which he scratched the beautiful golden feathers near his nape. It struck me as a nervous tic whenever he felt embarrassed or self-conscious.
“So how did you transition into being able to handle crowds?” I asked softly.
“It was... a slow and gradual process,” he said hesitantly. “But to this day, I still mostly live isolated.”
I frowned and studied his features as if they could reveal the answers to the countless questions bubbling in my head.
“May I ask what your condition was... or still is, if it hasn’t been resolved?” I inquired in a gentle and somewhat apologetic tone.
He stared at me with the strangest expression. A sense of unease washed over me as he stretched his neck, his right hand slightly twitching before he closed it into a fist.
“I’m crazy,” he said at last.
“No, you’re not!” I exclaimed in a tone that brooked no argument.
“Yes, Linsea, I am,” Kayog said with a finality laced with resignation that left me reeling.
I held his gaze unwaveringly, my mind racing.
“Is that what your new song was all about?” I asked, tension seeping into my voice.
“Yes,” Kayog said in a factual manner, his face devoid of any emotion.
“Am I the dove?” I insisted.
Once again, he acquiesced with almost robotic stoicism. “Yes.”
However, something had changed in his demeanor.
It had been building for a while, but my brain was only now registering it.
A nerve was ticking on his temple, his hands—especially the index fingers—occasionally twitched.
His back was stiff, and his majestic wings were increasingly pressing closer to his body, in that involuntary way bird folk often did when afraid or in pain.
It was an instinctive response to protect our bodies from harm.
As I didn’t know if these were normal tics for him that I had not noticed before as I’d been too busy drooling and fantasizing over him, I decided to keep quiet about it for now. If they were standard for him, I didn’t want to point out something he might feel self-conscious about.
“The song said that I should run far away,” I continued in the same controlled and non-confrontational tone. “Is that what you want? For me to stay away from you?”
“No,” he said firmly, the sincerity in his voice acting like the sweetest balm on a wound I didn’t even realize I felt at the prospect of him not wanting to have anything to do with me. “But you probably should.”
“Because you’re crazy?” I asked.
“Yes.”
He stretched his neck again and glared in the general direction of the university.
I followed his gaze, assuming there was someone passing by that he either disliked or who was doing something inappropriate.
But we were still pretty much isolated, although quite a few clusters of people were now congregating near the entrance of the campus, as well as scattered in various areas around the building.
Nothing and no one stood out in a way that could explain his reaction.
I glanced back at Kayog to see him retrieving a small pill from a secret compartment in his bracer.
He popped it into his mouth, and seconds later, his pupils dilated.
Some tension gradually bled out of his shoulders.
He still seemed tense, even opening and closing his hands like one would after they’d gone numb.
I gaped at him in horror, refusing to let the thought creeping its way into my mind take root.
“What was that?” I asked in a much harsher tone than I meant to. “Is this some kind of medicine?”
My heart sank when he didn’t instantly say yes.
“No, but for me, yes,” he said, his face closed off and all warmth fading from his eyes.
“No? Then what is it? Are these drugs? Do you suffer from addiction? Is that why you say you’re crazy?” I blurted out, anger seeping into my voice.