Chapter 14
Kayog
My skin tingled, and my body felt in a semi state of weightlessness as I stirred from what felt like the deepest slumber I’d ever experienced.
My muscles were numb and weak, as if they’d lost all strength from an extended period of disuse.
A blinding light stabbed my eyes when I attempted to open them.
I blinked repeatedly as I adjusted to the intense brightness around me.
However, something was terribly off. It took me a moment to realize what was affecting me so deeply until it struck me.
Total and complete silence.
Silence?!
Shocked, I straightened abruptly from the comfortable mattress of the bed I’d been lying in. A wave of dizziness almost had me collapsing back down. But the sight of a Temern and a human standing at the foot of my bed terrified me.
“Stay away!” I exclaimed, tossing the blanket off my legs so it wouldn’t impede any effort to escape should that be required.
“Kayog, it’s okay! You’re safe,” a most beloved voice said.
I jerked my head to the right to see my beautiful Linsea, standing a few feet away from my bed, her face filled with joy, tenderness, and something else I couldn’t define.
“They’re your doctors appointed by my grandmother,” she continued in a reassuring tone while closing the distance between us. “They’ve been healing you.”
“Healing me?” I echoed, reaching out for her to make sure she wasn’t an illusion.
She nodded and took my hand. It was like lightning striking me while simultaneously feeling wrapped in a warm blanket.
“Yes, my love. They’ve been working on a solution to stop the noise,” she explained.
My throat constricted as the blessed silence continued. It was divine, an impossible dream that I still couldn’t believe had finally occurred. Peace… so much peace.
“Is that why it’s quiet?” I asked with a slight tremor in my voice.
“Yes,” she replied with a smile. “There will be no more chaos in your head.”
“So quiet,” I repeated, tears pricking my eyes. “So incredibly quiet… Thank you. Thank you!”
I pulled her into my embrace and buried my face in her chest before weeping in the most pathetic fashion.
I only meant to express my gratitude and affection, but something broke inside me.
After a lifetime of misery, this newfound peace overwhelmed me.
Every tear that fell out carried with it part of the pain, chaos, and despair that had made every moment of every day of my existence a living nightmare.
Linsea cradled me in her arms, and her pristine wings wrapped around me as I shed every tear in my body.
Her beautiful, warm voice washed over me as she hummed a soothing song.
I couldn’t tell how long I wept. It took me forever to gather myself, but I’d never experienced such peace before.
The whole time, the blessed silence continued to swirl around us, only enhancing the wonderful melody my mate sang for me.
But something even more perfect was missing.
“I can’t feel you,” I whispered, my head still resting on her chest. “I can’t hear your song.”
“You will, my love,” Linsea said in a reassuring tone.
Although embarrassed to have made such a spectacle of myself, I lifted my head to look at her.
To my relief, her face showed no disdain or disappointment that I should have so pathetically fallen apart in front of her and witnesses.
As much as I loved this new peace, I’d lost a primary sense upon which I’d heavily relied my entire life.
Not knowing what emotions animated the people around me was not only destabilizing, but it also made me feel vulnerable.
“The doctors can explain everything to you,” she said, while gently wiping the lingering moisture on my cheeks with her thumbs.
“Hello, Kayog. I am Dr. Arafin Luleth, and this is my colleague, Dr. Ellen Schumer. But please call me Arafin,” the Temern said in a friendly tone.
“And call me Ellen,” the human doctor said in a just as welcoming fashion.
“Hello,” I replied, my voice reserved as I eyed Arafin with a suspicion and distrust I couldn’t quell.
Linsea gently rubbed the back of my shoulder in a soothing fashion. It did help a little.
“We spearheaded the efforts to find a cure to your condition,” Arafin continued with enthusiasm. “But before I go into the details of what we’ve done and the path forward until your full recovery, we would like to run some quick tests to see how you’re faring and make sure you’re okay.”
I quelled my instinctive urge to tell him to piss off and gave him a stiff nod instead.
“Very well,” I said.
My heart skipped a beat, and a wave of panic surged within me when Linsea dropped her hand from my shoulder and stepped back. My hand all but lunged for hers, grabbing it before she could move further away.
“Stay!” I exclaimed, the worry I felt audible in my voice.
“Of course, my love. I’m not going anywhere,” she said with a smile.
Once again, I felt utterly pathetic to be this needy.
My entire world had just been turned upside down.
I was confused, lost, and utterly overwhelmed.
The last memories flashing through my mind were of an excruciating pain the likes of which I’d never experienced before and a desperate need to escape.
It felt like only five minutes had passed since that incident. But clearly, far more time had elapsed.
A billion questions pressed themselves on my tongue, but I instinctively knew that they would be answered in due time. Despite my curiosity, my mate’s presence reassured me enough to allow me to wait and not push the issue.
Both doctors did quick work of taking my blood pressure, running a scan similar to the ring Linsea used on me in my house—although this one was clearly an even more advanced model—and performing other tests, including drawing some blood with a stylus.
Ellen tackled that last task. My gut told me it had been a deliberate choice that she should use a needle on me rather than Arafin.
Despite his non-threatening demeanor around me, I couldn’t help systematically tensing every time he approached or touched me.
Usually, I displayed a better control of my physical responses to others. But my current inability to read their emotions made me incredibly wary and defensive. My fight or flight instincts were going into overdrive.
“All done,” Arafin said in that same cheerful way doctors often used with frightened children.
Once more, I felt mortified to be showing myself so skittish and weak.
“Everything looks good, aside from your blood pressure,” the Temern doctor said in a slightly reproving tone as if gently chastising a misbehaving child.
“Your heart rate is a little too high, which means you need to relax. As your mate mentioned earlier, you are safe here. I understand why you would have reservations in my presence. So we’re going to take care of that.
In a few minutes, I will restore your empathic powers.
Then you will see that I am no threat to you. ”
My cheeks burned with embarrassment. He hadn’t done anything to earn my blatant suspicion. That my mate vouched for him further underlined the fact that my reaction was in fact rude. He gave me a reassuring smile and then pointed at my forehead.
“In case you had not noticed, you are wearing a special circlet,” Arafin explained. “It works as a dampener specifically designed for your unique situation. It’s currently what silences our emotions for you.”
My hand flew to my forehead. I felt nothing until my fingers glided towards my temple, at which point I felt the very thin metallic device that circled around the back of my head to end at my other temple.
How the fuck did I not feel that sooner?
Now that I was aware of its presence, I could clearly feel it. Although it wasn’t hugging my head tightly, it still blew my mind that I had been oblivious to it, even when my face was pressed against my female, and she was gently caressing my head.
“Will I always have to wear this,” I asked, my fingers still tracing the discreet device.
To my utter relief, he shook his head firmly.
“This is only a crutch for you to use while we train you on how to block external signals on your own,” Arafin replied.
He picked up a very small device from the medical tray near my bed and showed it to me.
“This is the controller for your circlet. Simply glide your thumb downward to reduce its dampening effect and glide it upward to reinforce it. I’m going to gradually lower it.
Tell me when you start perceiving our emotions. ”
“Very well,” I replied, unable to hide the excitement—not to say the hunger—in my voice.
I felt like an addict in desperate need for a hit. It boggled my mind how disabled I felt without my ability to feel others. But above all, I burned with the need to hear my mate’s song again. To be right next to her and not feel her was akin to having a part of me torn out.
My back stiffened, and a soft gasp escaped me when a tingling at the back of my head gave way to the familiar sensations of others in my head.
“You can feel it?” Ellen asked, her voice and gaze intense.
“Yes,” I said with a nod.
“Is it painful or uncomfortable?” Arafin asked, a hint of concern audible in his voice.
“No,” I said without hesitation. “It’s just noisy, especially now after experiencing what true silence feels like.”
I opened my mouth to say something else, but words failed me.
How did you apologize to someone for laying the worst suspicions at their feet not because of any of their actions, but simply because of their species and profession?
Even in the chaotic noise of all their emotions mingling together, the total absence of any malice or evil intent from Arafin shamed me.
“Despite the noise, can you tell which emotion belongs to whom?” Arafin asked.
“Yes. I clearly perceive your emotions,” I said sheepishly. “Thank you.”