Chapter 14
MYA
After washing and moisturizing my face, I put on a T-shirt and some sweats. I had on my bonnet and fluffy socks. It was close to ten, and I knew Christian would probably be here soon. Apparently, I’d irritated him. He’d hung up in my face. I didn’t know what version of him I would get when he got here, but I was nervous. I wasn’t nervous in a fearful sort of way. I knew he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me physically.
I was nervous as to how he would behave toward me when he got here. I had a feeling he was going to go off about something. Hopefully, he had time to calm down for the rest of his drive. I’d been under a lot of stress for the past month, and I didn’t want this to take me over the edge. I hadn’t written much since I found out I was pregnant, and that alone was stressing me out more. That would affect my check in two months.
I needed money now more than ever. My insurance wasn’t covering everything, so I had copays and a deductible I had to meet. I was already paying a little over five hundred dollars a month in medical, dental, and vision insurances. I usually averaged anywhere between four and five thousand dollars a month, but if I didn’t have a new release, that would drop significantly.
My daddy knew that something wasn’t right, but I couldn’t tell him that I was pregnant again. I was so embarrassed. Knowing that Christian didn’t want anything to do with me if I didn’t want the things he did, only made things worse. I wanted to hope that things would change between us with this pregnancy, but I wouldn’t get my hopes up.
I didn’t want to tell my dad until I talked to Christian first. His response would dictate my next move. Gliding my hand over my small pooch, I said aloud, “I’m sorry, baby. Your mom is an idiot. Hopefully I can get it together before you get here.”
I walked to the couch with a bag of chips and sat, grabbing the remote simultaneously. I turned on the TV and ended up watching Big Bang Theory. Something had to make me laugh. I had been keeping to myself for a while now. I swore my complexion had gotten lighter. As I watched Sheldon make a fool of himself, there was a light knock on the door.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. My nerves were hopping all over my body, causing me to tremble with nervousness. I checked the peephole to see Christian standing there with a baseball cap on and a toothpick hanging from his mouth. Damn, he was so fucking fine.
Unlocking the door, I took one last deep breath then opened it. I stepped aside and allowed him to come inside. I didn’t greet him because I didn’t know where this shit was going. I wasn’t a fan of being hung up on either.
When I turned to him, he said, “I’m sorry for hanging up on you.”
He grabbed my hand and pulled me into his embrace. I couldn’t help but close my eyes and breathe out a sigh of relief. I wrapped my arms around his waist and said softly, “I apologize too.”
He pulled away from me and led me to my couch, setting his bag on the floor before taking a seat. He pulled me to his lap, so I sat. When his hands slid to my stomach, I lowered my head.
“Mya.”
I lifted my head and stared into his eyes as he sat back, pulling me with him. “We have a lot to talk about.”
“I know.”
“So… I brought this cashier’s check back. I’m not a fan of repeating myself. I also brought back the cash you left. I told you not to do this shit again, and you did anyway. Did you send another check this month?”
I nodded. “Christian, I just?—”
He held his hand up, causing me to swallow what I was about to say. “I don’t do shit looking for something in return. I do them out of the kindness of my heart… the little bit of kindness it has left.”
He pulled the check from his pocket along with the cash and set it on the table. Then he pulled out his clip and peeled off twelve one-hundred-dollar bills. Who walked around with that much cash on them these days? After setting them on the table, I couldn’t help but feel better inside. That was over three thousand dollars he’d put there.
“You know how I feel about you. Just because I stopped our phone conversations doesn’t mean my feelings have changed. I don’t like being talked to like you tryna make a sell. I don’t like pushy salesmen. Whenever you called, sex would always be a part of the conversation. I know that was our dynamic before, but I asked you to stop doing that. When you left Nome, I told you I couldn’t do that shit. It was fucking with my feelings. You didn’t listen.”
I lowered my head like a scolded child. He was right. That was completely selfish of me. I wouldn’t compromise to give him what he wanted but was expecting him to compromise to give me what I wanted. I glanced up at him as he stared at me.
“Now, I know this shit seemed like déjà vu to you, but I’m not that nigga. I want you to know that regardless of our relationship status, I will be here for you and my baby. The only way I won’t be here for you is if you don’t want me to be. I asked if someone was here because I didn’t know if you were entertaining someone else. If you have someone else you’re spending time with, I’ll back off and only come around when you have an appointment. I’ll only call to see how things are going with the pregnancy.”
“I don’t have anyone else. If you need a paternity test to be sure, I don’t mind doing that. I know that I’ve been pretty open about how I got down. When you met me, I had just lost another man’s baby. I’m so stupid. Things are already hard. Why did I just make them harder on myself? It’s like I didn’t learn a got damn thing from last time.”
“I don’t need a paternity test, Mya… unless the baby come out looking like a gremlin. I don’t think you would fuck me over like that.”
When a slight smile formed on his lips, I hugged him, sliding my arms around his neck. I kissed his cheek then tried to stand to sit next to him. His dick was getting hard, and I didn’t want to be tempted to do or say the wrong thing.
He held me at my hips, keeping me from standing. “Where you going? I’m not done talking to you.”
“Sorry.”
“I need to know where we stand. I need to know what your thought process is like. I need to know all the shit you think I don’t need to know.”
He pulled me even closer and lifted my hand and kissed it. “After my mama died, I was in a sunken place. I had no one to talk to about the things that plagued me as a young lady and eventually a young woman. While I have the love of my father, I feel like I was searching for something more. I was na?ve and gullible. I was used, hurt, and betrayed. My love was treated as if it didn’t matter… not once, but twice. I didn’t want to strike out so I quit playing the game.”
“You wasn’t gon’ strike out. They were the ones missing the pitches. That only means they weren’t good enough to accept what you were offering.”
I swore I stopped breathing. I stared at him for a moment. “I wish I would have saw it that way then. All I could see was that maybe I wasn’t fit for a relationship… that something was wrong with me. After the hurt wore off, my focus shifted. All men were ain’t shit niggas, and I would do them how they did me. This is where I’ve been for the past couple of years.”
I swiped the lone tear that fell down my cheek as Christian stared at me. “Now, I feel like I wouldn’t know how to receive love if it came along. I’m scared to death of being hurt. That’s why I’m so independent. I don’t want to have to depend on anyone, nor do I want them to be able to hold anything over my head.”
Christian allowed me to slide off his lap, and I sat next to him, staring at the floor. I couldn’t bear to stare into his eyes, because I could hear just how broken I sounded, especially when I knew that the man who wanted to love me one day was sitting right here.
“When Janson ghosted me after I said I was pregnant, it only broke me even further. Was I so bad of a person that he didn’t even want to take care of a baby he played a part in creating?” I slowly shook my head. “I’ve known I was pregnant this time for over a month now. I didn’t plan to keep the baby from you, but I wanted to go to the doctor first so I would be able to answer any questions you may have had.”
Christian slid to the floor in front of me and lifted my head. “You’re a beautiful and strong woman. To be able to overcome life’s disappointments the way you have is admirable. Thank you for trusting me enough to bare your heart. No matter how you chose to deal with those disappointments, you’re still here to tell about it.”
His hands slid up my sides, and he gripped my hips and pulled me to the edge of the sofa. “What does all that mean for me?”
“I don’t want you to think that because I’m pregnant my mind has changed.”
“Mya, I can tell you’re feeling me. I felt it day one. Why do you think I was trying to convince you to give us a chance? I’m not a beggar. I mean… look at me. I’m fine as fuck, girl. I don’t have to beg for shit.”
He flexed his muscles as he smiled at me. I laughed. “Yeah, clearly lifting all those hay bales did your body right.”
He chuckled. “You playing, but that was exactly what it was. Hay bales, tractor tires, and all types of other farm equipment. But don’t change the subject. Answer the question. Where do we stand?”
“You are the only man I want. The only one I even want to talk to. If you’re still willing to, I’d like to see where we end up. I’m still afraid to say that I’ll be yours, but I suppose that’s what I’m saying anyway.”
He gave me a slight smile as he gently stroked my cheek. “How about this? Let’s just roll with it without a title until you’re ready to give us one.”
“Sounds like what you proposed almost three months ago when we first met.”
“It does, doesn’t it?”
I giggled. I felt so much better. He stood from the floor and sat back on the couch. I lay against him. “Have you always been so wise? I mean, it seems like you always know how to respond to things.”
He took a deep breath, so I stared up at him as he said, “Naw. Besides getting over my ex, I’ve experienced the death of my grandmother recently. That was hard. The hardest thing was my severed relationship with my father though.”
I frowned slightly. “I thought you took over your dad’s company?”
“LaKeith is my stepdad. He came along when I was around twenty or so. My biological father left when I was about eighteen. Seemed like I’d just graduated from high school. Some things he did that I don’t agree with caused me to shun him completely. We’ve talked since then, but it didn’t help much. I still don’t want anything to do with him. Sometimes, relation doesn’t matter. I forgave him for what he did to our family, but I don’t need his presence in my life.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“Believe me, it wasn’t. Sometimes, it still isn’t. My brothers talk to him, but I can’t. If he wants to know how I’m doing, sometimes, he’ll text, and I’ll respond. That’s about it. He had to come to terms with that, which just happened recently as well. I’m just too grown to be letting shit drag me down. You’ll get that way the older you get.”
I nodded. “I haven’t told my dad yet. You’re the only person that knows, besides the doctor’s office, of course.”
“Well, we have to call him. I still can’t believe I’m gonna be a father.”
I leaned toward him and kissed his cheek. However, he had other plans. “Naw. Gimme them thick ass lips, girl.”
I bit my bottom lip, trying to restrain my smile, then gave him what he asked for. He pulled me onto his lap again then stood from the couch and went to my bedroom. This had gone way better than I expected. I could tell that he had a temper and could be impatient at times. I was just grateful that he practiced restraint with me tonight.
He set me on the bed and said, “It’s getting late. I have to get up early to make it back for work. Plus, you need your rest.”
I glanced around the room and asked, “What time are you leaving?”
“My first call is at eight, so I’ll probably leave around five-thirty or six. I want to miss the traffic, so it’ll probably be five-thirty.”
“Can I go with you?”
He frowned slightly then sat next to me. “I’m not coming back until Sunday.”
“Okay. Can I go?”
“Hell yeah. Now I won’t be as worried about how you’re doing. Listen… you know my family gon’ be all in our business.”
“It’s okay. I think I’ll be able to handle it better if you’re with me. Besides, I like Mister Jasper and Mister Mayor.”
His eyebrows lifted. “Mister Mayor resigned tonight. Them people done fucked with the right one. The Henderson wealth and resources has pretty much kept the town running. Uncle WJ pulled our resources from everything tonight. They won’t see another dime from us. The crazy part was that most of the people that were benefitting from our handouts remained silent while they tried to railroad Uncle Storm. Evidently, they forgot who the fuck he was.”
“What was the issue?”
“They were saying that although it wasn’t the city’s budget, he still had to go through the board to get approval to do certain things. They were also putting up resistance about the land development. They don’t like it, they can move the fuck out. That’s the way I see it.”
“Wow. He doesn’t seem like the type that can be railroaded.”
“He isn’t. They found out tonight.”
I scooted in the bed while Christian stared at me. Smiling at him, I said, “Well, come on. Let’s get some sleep.”
He stood and took off his shirt and wind pants then got in bed with me. I scooted into him, and he put his arms around me, resting his hands on my stomach. He kissed my neck, causing my entire body to heat up. “Good night, baby.”
My heart smiled, and it made its way to my face. This felt right… better than right. “Good night.”