25. Stefan
25
STEFAN
After asking for assistance, I follow the directions given and I make my way up to the maternity ward. The elevator is taking forever so I enter the stairwell and walk up the four flights of stairs. Pushing the door open, I’m met with the sound of crying babies. “Guess I better get used to that,” I mumble as I walk over to the nurses’ desk.
My looming presence garners the nurse’s attention, and she lifts her head. Then she does a double take when she realizes it’s me. “You’re … you’re S-s-s-stefan D-d-d-d-d?uchmen,” she stammers.
“In the flesh,” I reply, offering her a smile. Her cheeks darken, and I know I’ve found a fan, possibly even a bunny. If I wasn’t here to meet my baby, I’d take her in the closest room and give her a moment to remember forever, but that’s the old me. The new me is a responsible dad. “I’m here to see Alicia Rockwell.”
“Ohhh.” Her face drops when I mention Alicia and then something passes over her expression. “Are you…”
“The dad,” I answer with a smile when she doesn’t finish the sentence.
“Ohhh, umm, shit.” Okay, this just got weird , I think to myself. “Room seven,” she says and points down the hall.
Nodding, I turn and head to room seven to meet my son.
Reaching number seven, the door is closed. Pausing, I wonder if I should knock but I decide not to in case the baby is sleeping. Lifting my hand, I press down on the handle and when I step into the room it’s quiet. Alicia is lying in the bed with her back to me. My gaze darts around, looking for my lil’ man, but I can’t see a bassinet anywhere.
Walking farther in the room, Alicia stirs and when she rolls toward me, it stops me in my tracks. Her eyes are red, swollen, and bloodshot from crying.
“Alicia, what’s wrong? Where’s the baby?”
My question causes her to burst into tears again. She’s sobbing uncontrollably as I climb onto the bed and pull her into my arms. She presses her face into my chest, her tears soak my shirt but I don’t care. I just want to know what’s going on. Finally she calms down. “Alicia, talk to me, sweetheart. What’s with the tears?”
“He … he died,” she murmurs.
“What?” I hiss, it’s louder and harsher than I intended and Alicia flinches in my arms.
“He didn’t make it. The birth was so quick, and I did that final push and then there was nothing. He … he didn’t cry and when I looked at the doctors and nurses, I knew something was wrong.”
“He … he died?” I repeat and she nods. Tears stream down her cheeks again. Reaching out, I wipe under her eyes but it’s fruitless. “How?”
“Something called birth asphyxia.”
She doesn’t elaborate and, right now, I’m okay with that. All that matters is that we lost our little boy.
Alicia and I lie here, wrapped in each other’s embrace. She’s drifted off to sleep and I focus on the steady inhales and exhales of her breathing.
Slipping my phone out of my pocket, I google birth asphyxia. I’m shocked to find that this affects around nine-hundred-thousand babies each year. There’s no rhyme or reason as to why it happens, it just does. There is literally nothing Alicia could have done. I’m guessing that must be killing her right now because I know I feel helpless. I can’t make the pain go away for either of us, I can’t wave my bank account at the doctors and say fix him. All I can do is hug her and be here for her.
Placing my phone back in my pocket, I stare up at the ceiling. My eyes are starting to droop when there’s a knock on the door. Lifting my head, I wait for them to enter but instead of the door opening, they knock again.
“Come in,” I whisper-shout but it must have been enough because in walks Tyrone. When he sees Alicia in my arms he growls and glares at me. Carefully, I shuffle out of the bed. Alicia stirs but curls into a ball and falls back to sleep. She’s exhausted, physically and mentally. I cannot imagine how she’s feeling right now. She went through the pains of labor, only to have our little man taken away from her.
“What are you doing here?” Tyrone snaps at me when we step into the hallway.
“I was here to meet my son, but that didn’t quite pan out.” He stares back at me and is about to say something when a guttural scream comes from the room behind me.
Spinning around, Tyrone and I both bust into the room. Alicia is sitting upright in bed, one hand covers her mouth and the other her stomach. Tears are once again pouring down her cheeks. Taking a step forward, I’m shoved to the side when Tyrone races over to her. Enveloping her in his arms, she cries into his shoulder, just like she did for me earlier. “Ohhh, baby,” Tyrone coos and he holds on to her. “It’s okay, it’s all going to be okay.”
Awkwardly I stand here and watch her break down … in the arms of her boyfriend.
“It’s my fault,” she blubbers. “It’s my fault he’s gone.”
“Alicia,” I voice, causing both of them to look at me. “There is nothing you could have done. I googled it. This is just one of those things that happen. It’s not your fault.”
“He’s right,” Tyrone agrees with me. He gives me a look of thanks, and he stands up, letting me get closer to Alicia.
Walking over to them, I take her hand and squeeze it. Reassuring her that I’m here.
“This is my fault. It’s all my fault,” Alicia cries as she pulls her hand away. She turns her back to Tyrone and me and curls herself into a ball. “This is my penance.”
“Penance? For what?” I ask, confused. Sitting on the edge of her bed, I rub my hand up and down her arm and she continues to cry into the pillow.
Taking a deep breath, she looks over her shoulder at me. “He wasn’t yours, Stefan. I lied.”
“What?” I ask, pulling my hand back from her arm. Standing up, I run my hands through my hair as I process her words. “He wasn’t mine?” I voice the question, not expecting an answer but when she does, my world once again falls apart.
“Tyrone is the father. He and I saw a way to make a few bucks.”
“What? How? The doctor confirmed everything was going well. Yes, he was on the larger side but we put it down to him taking after me.”
“I lied about the conception date. I lied about everything, and now, I lost my baby for being deceitful.”
Standing here, I stare at the woman before me. At the woman who lied to me.
“You lied to me,” I whisper. “You fucking lied,” I hiss louder. “You made me fall in love with a baby that wasn’t even mine.” My voice is like thunder. “I grieved over losing my son when he wasn’t even my son.” My hands are clenched into fists at my sides. The longer I stare at her and Tyrone, the more my anger builds. “You’re a fucking bitch,” I sneer at her.
“Watch your mouth,” Tyrone snaps at me.
“Fuck off, cunt. That bitch here has just ruined my life. She?—”
“Sir,” a voice from behind me commands. “I’m going to have to ask you to refrain from language like that or I’ll have security escort you out. This woman has been through enough?—”
“This woman here,” I interrupt the nurse, “this woman here lied. She fucking deserves everything she’s going through and then some.” Turning back to Alicia, I shake my head. “That kid deserved better than to have you two as its parents. I never want to see either of you ever fucking again.”
Before I say anything else, I storm out of the room, kicking a chair in the hallway on my way past in frustration. The plastic item sails through the air and crashes to the floor with a loud bang. Seconds later, babies cry from within the rooms around me and before security is called, I exit the maternity ward and hospital. I head to the closest bar to drown my sorrows … and my pain.