31. Stefan
31
STEFAN
Lying on the lounger up on the rooftop deck, I stare up at the sky and play back what just happened with Tania, Leif, and Rick. The more I think on it, the more I come to the realization, they’re right. I am a disappointment—Nanna would be so disappointed in me if she was still alive. My previous actions are clearly why Alicia and Tyrone thought they could screw me over. I guess deep down, I do deserve this because I am a douche. I really am.
They all clearly care because they called in the big guns, my mentor and ex-assistant coach, Rick. I cannot believe they did that but most of all, I cannot believe he flew out here … for me, but I don’t deserve his or anyone’s sympathy or support. I’ve really fucked up and I don’t deserve this second chance but now that I have it, I’m not going to throw it away.
They’re all right, not that I’ll admit it out loud. I’m not going to let Alicia and her deceit ruin what I’ve worked so hard for. Wren is right, the baby wasn’t mine so I dodged a bullet by not having to spend the rest of my life with her and a kid who wasn’t even mine. And the others are right in that I am a great player. I need to focus on the game and me, not pussy.
This is the wake-up call I need, and only I can change my future. It feels like this is my last chance to show everyone I am an amazing player. That I’m not washed up but most of all, prove that I’m a good person.
“You good, kid?” Rick questions, dropping onto the lounger next to me.
Looking over at the man who I respect and who, even after all I’ve done, still believes in me, I nod. “Yeah, I am. I know I haven’t handled things very well?—”
“No shit, but you did somehow get Margaret from WtB on your side.”
“Until I fuck up again.”
“So don’t fuck up. Keep your head down. Play like a champ and be the man I know you are. Maybe it’s time to lose the douche moniker and just be Stefan.”
Nodding, I process his words. “I think you’re right.”
“Of course I am,” he nonchalantly says with a Rick grin on his face.
A laugh escapes me. “It’s funny. Before you came up here I made a vow to myself to change. To be a better person so I can meet Mrs. Stefan and then she and I can have a baby together. A baby that’s conceived out of love and not a drunken hookup. And you know, IS mine.”
“That sounds like a good plan to me, Stefan.” A silence surrounds us but it’s broken when Rick says, “I’m going to be a dad again.”
My eyes widen at his words, I wasn’t even aware he was dating anyone. Just another mark in the you’ve been a self-centered ass column. “Congratulations.” I offer my fist for a bump. “Boy or girl?”
“Baby,” he replies, bumping my hand. “We don’t know yet.”
“Are you going to find out?”
He shakes his head. “Nah, I never did with the others, and I won’t this time either. There are very few surprises in life, Stefan, and nothing is more amazing than seeing the woman you love go through something phenomenal. That moment when you see the excitement in their eyes when they’re told if it’s a boy or girl is priceless.”
“But what about you? What about what you want?”
“I want what she wants but most of all, I want her to be happy. After all, happy spouse, happy house.”
“Wife, hey?”
“Not yet but after losing Rachelle, I realized life’s too short not to take risks when it comes to life … and love. We’re only on this earth for a limited time and being in love is one of the most amazing feelings in the world.” He pauses. “You should try it sometime and, you know, not fuck three bunnies in the house that you share with her.”
A laugh escapes me and we spend the next few hours chatting. He tells me countless stories regarding his kids and life back in New York. He never lets slip who his new lady love is, but he’s smiling again and he deserves to be happy. Rick was made to be a dad and husband, and I think I want that too. Not right now. Now I want to live my life carefree and unattached, but one day I can see myself with a wife, kids, and maybe even a dog. Chels used to dream of a future like that for us, but I fucked that all up. Now she’s with the golden boy, but all in all, that worked out for the best … even if he is an obnoxious goalie from Canada.
“Wanna go get some food?” Rick asks, just as the sun starts to dip. “I’m starving.”
“I could eat.”
“Great,” he confirms, “and tomorrow before I fly home, you and I can hit the ice and I can whip your ass back into shape.”
“I’d like that,” I confirm with a nod. “Thanks, Rick, I appreciate you.”
“Anytime, kid, anytime.”
Rick and I head downstairs, and we ask Wren to join us. While I head up to my room to change for dinner, the two of them start talking about where to eat. When Wren mentions the new Korean barbecue place that opened up around the corner, without consulting me, they call and make a reservation.
Since it’s close by, we decide to walk. Plus, it’s a nice night out, so why not? As Rick said, “Life’s too short not to enjoy life,” and walking along the boardwalk with the sun setting over the ocean is a pretty awesome way to spend the evening.
On autopilot, I follow them but I keep thinking about what I can do to change my life. There are so many people I need to make it up to. My team. Tania. Leif. Wren, especially Wren. She’s gone over and above her job duties when it comes to me, and all I seem to keep doing is throwing it back in her face. If I was in her shoes, I would have walked away months ago but then again, Wren is an angel and I’m more of a devil, but that’s all in the past. I’m going to stop going out. Stop drinking and start eating better. I’m going to get back into training so I can be the best player and teammate out on the ice. I’m going to leave behind my “Doucheman” moniker and just be Stefan—the best version of me.
We’re seated in a booth at the back of the restaurant. Sitting across from Wren, I watch her with Rick, who’s sitting next to me. She has this aura about her that makes her shine. She’s an amazing woman, hell, she’s put up with my douchey-ass and I’m still alive and breathing, clearly, she’s a saint. I need to do something to make it up to her. When her phone rings and she sees it’s her brother, she excuses herself to take the call, and I know what I can do to start making amends.
“What’s that look for?” Rick asks me when Wren is gone.
“What look?” I try and play dumb but from the look he’s giving me, I’ve failed … miserably.
“You look like you had an ‘ahhh hah’ moment.”
“I think I have, again,” I honestly tell him, but I’m not sure I want to share the specifics, so I don’t. I don’t want to let those around me down if I don’t live up to the expectations and goals that have been set.
“I get it, but follow that train of thought,” he tells me. “I’m starting to see the Stefan from the early days bubbling beneath the surface. The kid had a future … and if you get back to that version of you, you’re going to go far in life, Stefan. You just need to believe in yourself like I do.”
Nodding, I smile at my mentor and friend. “Thanks for coming out here, I … I really appreciate it. I know I’ve been a douche as of late and I have a lot of people to make it up too.”
“As I said, kid, I see myself in you … just without the douche.” We both chuckle at that. “We all make mistakes but it’s how we deal with the repercussions that proves what type of person we are. Stefan, you are a good man. You just lost yourself, but now that you’ve seen the light, I have faith you’ll get through this. Just lean on those who offer help. We can’t do it on our own and, sometimes, what we never knew we needed is right in front of us.”
My gaze moves across the restaurant and it lands on Wren. My heart skips a beat within my chest, and I realize, he’s right. What I need has been under my nose this whole time, but do I have a chance in hell with her?