Chapter 19 #3
“Gareth,” Hazel interrupted his thoughts with a sigh, as if she could read the doubts on his face.
“Were you not listening to me at all? You’re impressive!
Not because you’re good-looking and rich.
I thought you were impressive back then because you were never above a challenge and had so much fun learning new things and pushing yourself.
I respected you for giving up parties to learn and become the best. For being able to read lies and express yourself better – and still can – than any lawyer I know.
And I liked you because you were still a good person who didn’t abuse your power for evil.
It doesn’t matter if your dad complains or if people whisper that everything you’ve achieved has been handed to you.
The people who matter know better. I, at least, know better.
You deserve to lead the Hawks and you should be proud of it.
And it annoys me immensely how well you’re doing because a falling-apart organization would give me a better bargaining chip. ”
Gareth closed his eyes as Hazel’s words wrapped around his shoulders like her arms and eventually reached his heart. He didn’t want to admit he’d needed to hear them. He’d worked hard to show the world that he didn’t need anyone’s validation about what kind of person he was.
But he’d never convinced himself of that.
“Thanks,” he whispered.
“Gladly. And Gareth?” Hazel stroked his hair. “Shall we just turn off the alarm?”
“What?”
“Tomorrow is Saturday, the scrimmage game isn’t until four o’clock, and Devreaux’s contract is ready; we just need to sign it with Penny. Let’s sleep in. Waste a little time.”
Yeah, maybe. Just once would be okay. And it wouldn't be a waste of time as long as he had Hazel in his arms.
“Okay.”
He was tired of always being exhausted.
They slept until noon.
Okay, no. They slept until ten, and then were occupied with other things for two hours.
Gareth didn’t care either because he felt better than he had in a long time.
Was this what it felt like to finally be awake?
Or was it the fault of the woman who literally held his hand while she escorted him to his sister’s office so he could talk things out and get things straight?
He preferred not to think too hard about it. He already felt like he was up to his chin in shit without verbalizing the gnawing feeling that had been bothering him for days.
“Don’t yell at her, okay?” Hazel mumbled, hastily taking a step away from him as a man in a suit walked toward them, someone Gareth either didn’t recognize or had forgotten. Probably the latter.
“She leaked private information to Dad!” In doing so, she practically gave him the ammunition to make his job hell and make him feel incompetent, arrogant, and generally the wrong choice to lead the Hawks.
Which, in turn, led to him having to defend and justify himself to his old man, something he’d sworn never to do again and hated more than the taste of coffee!
She squeezed his arm. “I know. But ask her why before you yell. Penny’s been listening to you for years, Gare, return the favor. You’re allowed to be angry, but don’t hurt her just because she hurt you.”
“She didn’t…”
“Of course she did,” Hazel said somberly, stopping outside Penny’s office. “She’s the only person in your family you trust and who loves you unconditionally. Of course she hurt you by betraying your trust.”
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. She was right. He was hurt and angry. He wanted to release his emotions because he found it difficult to hold on to feelings. They were too much. But…he loved Penny.
“Fine,” he whispered. “But I’m not knocking!”
The next moment, he pushed open the door.
“Gareth, why the hell didn’t you knock?” Penny greeted him as he closed the door behind him and on Hazel. From behind her desk, she looked at him, irritated. “But since I have you here, why did Blake Ford wake my boyfriend up last night so he could help him separate emotions from the game?”
“I have no idea.”
“Are you sure? Because Jack said I should thank you.”
“Your boyfriend has taken a few too many pucks to the head,” he retorted sharply.
Penny snorted. “Do you know when Hazel is supposed to arrive to finalize Devreaux’s contract? I haven’t been able to reach her all morning.”
Well, she’d been busy. “She’ll be here directly.”
“Good. Then we can sort out the contract before the game. I’ve already printed everything out.”
He looked skeptically at the papers on her desk. “You…don’t want to change anything else in the contract?”
“Should I?”
He raised his eyebrows. “I don’t know, Penny. Isn’t the sum too high for you, and you want to bring me to my senses?” he asked coolly.
His sister frowned and rose with a sigh. “Yeah, sorry about that. I saw Dad accidentally had you in the CC. Man, he’s getting old.”
Gareth pressed his lips together and stuffed his fists in his pockets. “That’s your apology?”
“Apology?” she asked, astonished. “What do I have to apologize for?”
Was she serious? “Oh, I don’t know, maybe for sending Dad the damn numbers in the first place?”
She frowned. “But he asked me to.”
“He asked me too! But our numbers are none of his damn business.”
“Well…” Penny rocked her head back and forth. “It was his team for almost thirty years.”
“So what?” His voice was growing increasingly louder, even though he was trying really hard to hold back. “That doesn’t give him the right to persuade you to interfere in my work!”
Penny blinked. “But he didn’t. Sure, he wanted to, but he’s wrong!”
His eyebrows furrowed abruptly. He must have misunderstood her. “What?”
Penny sighed. “Gareth, Dad’s wrong. I think Devreaux is worth even more and you got a bargain.
Just because he tells me to do something doesn’t mean I have to.
Dad’s a control freak, and he drives Mom crazy when he doesn’t get the information, so I give it to him.
I do it to ease the pressure on their marriage and… ” She hesitated.
“And what?” Gareth asked uneasily.
With a heavy sigh, she walked around the desk. “You don’t care what he says anyway, so I thought no harm would be done.”
“But I do care,” he blurted out, even though he wanted to bite his tongue at the same time.
“What?” His sister looked at him wide-eyed and, cursing, he began pacing in front of her.
This wasn’t Penny’s problem; it was his.
He had no desire to drag her into his problem.
Apparently, Hazel was right: Penny had no idea what he was feeling or how much their father upset him.
He didn’t want to hurt his sister just because she'd hurt him, and it wouldn’t be fair to yell at her for something she didn’t understand.
And no matter how hard it was for him to talk about this crap and open up… he owed her an explanation.
“I care about all of it!” he whispered tensely.
Each word stuck in his throat, but he spat it out anyway.
“It’s putting so much fucking pressure on me.
Everything that’s happened over the last year is putting so much fucking pressure on me!
Having to compete against you to secure my place here.
Having to trick our own fucking parents into agreeing with our decision that the best way to run the Hawks was together…
” He ran a hand through his hair nervously.
“Having Dad breathing down my neck, second-guessing my every decision. I can’t fight for their fucking acceptance anymore! I’m too tired for this.”
Damn, he truly hadn’t wanted to raise his voice and shout the last sentence, but it was probably too late for that now. But Penny apparently wasn’t looking at him in shock because of his volume. She had pressed her fist to her heart and her eyes were shining.
“It…it's stressing you out?”
He stopped abruptly and forced himself to look at her face. It was easier to be honest when he was reassured by the warmth of her expression. “Of course it’s stressing me out! Penny, you should know better than anyone! We grew up in the same family, didn’t we?”
“Yeah, but…you always seem so relaxed. You’ve seemed relaxed for thirty years.”
He laughed dryly. Apparently, he was a better actor than he though, maybe because at some point, he’d forgotten he was even on stage. “Because I don’t want Dad to see how hard I’m struggling.”
Her eyes widened. “But…you seem so apathetic when you negotiate…”
“Because you have a better negotiating position when you don’t seem to care about the outcome!”
Ironically, his father had taught him that, but damn, he’d taken the advice to heart. A little too much, he realized now, because at some point, too much had truly become irrelevant in his eyes. He’d stopped pretending and simply stopped…trying.
“Wait.” She blinked. “You seriously mind Dad meddling?”
“Of course! Don’t you?”
“No. Why should it?” Penny dropped her hand from her chest. “Gareth, my childhood and adolescence were incredibly hard for me, but if I’ve learned one thing in the last year, it’s that no one can make decisions for me.
Not the press who vilified my relationship with Jack, not the stupid rich people we used to hang out with who would have liked to change everything about me — and certainly not Dad.
He can only add his two cents, nothing more.
But the only opinion that truly matters to me and the Hawks – apart from mine, of course – is yours, you idiot.
You’ve been preparing for this job for ages, Gare.
You know what you’re doing, and I trust your expertise.
I just didn’t want to exclude Dad since we’ve only just reconnected.
I feel like I finally have a halfway decent relationship with our parents, and I didn’t want to ruin that first thing.
I didn’t know it bothered you! You didn’t say anything. ”
He blinked in confusion, his heart sinking. “I don’t want to ruin your relationship with Mom and Dad, Penny. I’m happy for you, I truly am, but…I thought it was obvious that it drives me crazy when Dad shows up here every week and grades my work!”
Penny snorted and looked at him, amused. “Oh. You mean because your emotions are always written all over your face and you’re so good at communicating?”
Shit. He hated it when his sister took away any basis for discussion.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
“I’m honestly trying to improve – because it’s been suggested to me that I’ve stopped making an effort to open up and listen to other people's opinions – so…it annoys me!” he clarified, his shoulders sagging.
He had intended to stay angry, but Penny had taken the wind out of his sails.
“Okay.” She nodded and smiled. “Thanks for sharing with me. So, I’ll catch Dad downstairs and tell him to stop. Is that it?”
Uncomfortably, he scratched the back of his neck. He’d never talked to Penny so much about himself and his emotions before, and the whole situation was making him nervous. “Um, yeah.”
“Great.” She squeezed his arm, as if she knew he needed a quick reassurance that everything was okay between them.
“Thanks for letting me know. Sorry if I stepped on your toes. That wasn’t my intention.
I’ll talk to Dad right away, okay? He’s waiting for me downstairs because he wants to discuss Blake Ford.
I take it you don’t want to be part of the discussion? ”
“Fuck, no.”
She grinned. “I’ll take care of it, don’t worry.
” She threw open her office door and paused.
“Oh. Hey, Hazel. We’ll sign Devreaux’s contract later, okay?
I have to take care of something for my brother.
I feel so honored that he practically indirectly asked me for help that I don’t want to ruin it. ”
Hazel laughed. “I understand. Good luck.”
“Thanks.” She winked at him and disappeared the next moment.
“Well?” Hazel asked, strolling into the room with a guiltless smile. “That wasn’t bad, was it?”
Gareth didn’t reply right away. He stared at the spot his sister had just vacated.
She was going to help him deal with his obvious daddy issues…
and an overwhelming sense of relief flooded him.
He didn’t want to admit it, but he’d been afraid of ruining or straining his relationship with Penny by dumping his problems on her.
Instead, he felt they’d grown closer rather than farther apart in the last five minutes.
It was all because he’d told her how he felt, making sure to listen to her side of the story first.
“No, that wasn't bad,” he said, puzzled, and looked at Hazel. “The beginning was hard, but the rest…easy.”
She smiled broadly. “That’s good.”
“I don’t know.” Frowning, he tilted his head. “Maybe you didn’t hear, but…I was yelling.”
She laughed. “Oh, dogs across town heard it, but that’s okay. The important thing is that you tried. Now come on.” She looked around the hall before taking his hand. “I want to go downstairs to Blake before the game starts, to give him a few words of encouragement.”
“What kind of encouragement?”
“About punching the others in the face like they all slept with his ex.”
He laughed softly. “Effective.”
“I certainly hope so.”