Chapter 13
Blair
I noticed the first alien right as the acid started to kick in.
I recognized him as one of the few I saw at the meeting but I never did catch his name.
He creeped among the foliage toward me, as if I couldn’t see his purple ass against all that green.
I put a hand to my hip and cocked my head at him.
“You’re joking right?” I asked loudly. “I do y’all the favor of sneaking out in the middle of the damn night, and you still chase after me? Churlish.”
No response. A rustle from above drew my attention, and I noticed another alien riding a triceratops at the top of the ravine.
How the hell did he get up there? I must have missed a back road or something.
If I knew there was another way to keep going rather than slumming it in this gross damp ravine, I would have done it. Live and learn, I guess.
“You guys suck at assassinations. You know that?” When Mr. Plum continued his ham-fisted attempt to get closer, I’d had enough and threw a rock near him.
He jumped when it struck against the wall near his head.
“I can see you, GOOFY!” I screamed. “This isn’t fooling anyone.
And if you’re here to kill me, I suggest you take a look around,” I said, gesturing to the litter of dino bodies now scattered in the ravine.
“I’m three for three so far today, and I’m feeling lucky! ”
The world spun in a pulse of color, and I slumped to my knees in a bout of dizziness. “Oooh no.” The words blew out of my mouth and floated into the mist like globs of cotton candy as the world dissolved into a kaleidoscope of color and chaos.
I rubbed a hand to my temple in an attempt to stave off the dizziness, but my hand shrank into a black hole that appeared out of my eardrum, and I realized I was not a celestial body capable of tearing planets apart.
I was simply way too far gone on acid. “Oh, I did not think I’d have to be alive to face the consequences of my actions. ”
Maybe I should just let them kill me.
“Blair!” called a familiar voice.
“Oh come on!” Getting to my feet, I squinted past the dancing colors to see Osid hauling ass toward me. Which probably meant Mr. Plum and that other guy were not here to kill me. Just deliver me to their leader, who apparently can’t take a fucking hint.
“Ugh, I’m too high to deal with you right now!
” I turned on my heel and leapt down to the ground and took off running.
Mud gushed around my boots, and I sank in with every step until running became damn near impossible.
To make matters worse, the mud grew into a sea of gasping faces that gurgled and popped in protest.
A net was thrown over me, causing me to trip and fall face-first into the muck. Enraged, I sat up with a snarl and tugged the net from over my head. Mr. Plum stood not too far away, arm still outstretched in a throwing position.
I scooped up a handful of mud and chucked it at his head. “You dick!”
It struck him square in the face, sending him falling back into the muck with a squelch.
I pulled my leg free of a particularly deep patch of mud and trudged farther toward my destination.
The dam that the stabadactyl crashed into gushed small spurts of water that were quickly turning the mud pit into swampy nature soup.
Halfway up its incline was a ledge that seemed to coil up the side of the ravine.
Better yet, it was on the opposite side that the rider was on.
But it was way too high for me to be able to climb up and get to it before Osid and his men caught up.
Just then, my body grew jittery. Every fiber of my being rushed out to hug and kiss the universe in a sea of unconditional love, and the universe returned my offering with a rush of power like I’d never felt before.
All at once, the wind rushed above me to form what I just knew to be an all-powerful presence at the top of the gorge.
It churned and swirled until it formed into what looked like a prehistoric mashup of a flamingo and a pelican.
Its long beak was curved upside down, the lower half covered in tiny little bristles like in a whale’s mouth.
She was pink and silly and wonderful, and she was calling my name.
“Come to me, Blair,” said the wind. “All the secrets of everything can be yours, if only you can reach for me.” Her beak opened wide, and spat globs on blue orbs along the fallen trunks and rocks that made up the dam.
When sunlight caught them, they seemed to glow and sparkle like the ornaments on a Christmas tree.
Brimming with newfound confidence, I started my ascent. I’d rock climbed at that one indoor place downtown like three times. I could make that climb. I could make any climb. Those blue orbs and the secrets within would be mine!
Grinning, I leapt for the next log and hoisted myself up higher. The flowers growing out of the walls started to sing like dozens of beautiful angels.
“Higher, Blair!” they cried, and my limbs flung me higher, gleeful to grant their wish. No one could stop me. I was the best climber this damn planet had ever seen. Once I got to the top, I’d tie my jacket to a stick and plant it like a flag, claiming this land in the name of the Vipers!
“Yes, my child,” said the tempest. She spread her pink wings wide and took to the air.
Wind gushed around her until she fused with the sunlight, rejoining the beautiful swirl of life that we all belong to.
A beam of sunlight illuminated my face as she spoke once more.
“All shall live and perish by your decre—”
“Blair!”
“YOU’RE INTERRUPTING THE WIND!” I screamed, whirling around to find Osid a mere ten or so feet below me.
His eyes were wide, almost wild in a way that could have been panic or rage.
Hand outstretched in offering, he pulled himself higher.
I saw his lips move, but my ears were black holes again, and all I could hear was my own indignation at a man having the audacity to interrupt me when I was feelin’ myself. “Go away!”
Osid
“Get back here, there’s a bomb on the dam!
” I leapt to grab her, but the insufferable little wretch shimmied higher up the dam, seemingly oblivious to the fact that she was about to get us both killed.
The log beneath my hooves gave way to gushing water.
I grabbed onto a branch and hoisted myself to a more stable perch.
The dam groaned like an old beast ready to be put down.
I heard a crack, followed by the telltale hiss of a bloated button ready to pop.
Green smoke rose from various spots among the debris as my heart thudded in my chest. There were at least three plumes of smoke in total; it would only take one of them going off for the whole dam to blow. “Blair, you’re going to die!”
She wasn’t listening. Blair was grinning ear to ear as she climbed even higher, straight toward one of the smoking plumes.
There was no way she couldn’t see that freakish bird spit them out, but was it possible she didn’t know what they were?
And since when did birds regurgitate bombs?
This rotted hoof of a planet just got worse each year.
It didn’t matter. I needed to grab her and find cover fast, or we were both dead.
I shook my head, forcing the weakness back into the dark where it belonged.
Planting my hoof into a moss-covered log, I climbed higher until I was mere inches from my quarry.
Even with all her obstinance, Blair’s smaller stature made catching up to her easy.
“Biesabu!” I shouted over my shoulder. “Toss me the net.” I held out my hand, but nothing came.
“Biesabu!” I called again. But still no answer.
Snap.
Blair’s arms flailed wide as she fell backward. By sheer luck or divine intervention, she managed to catch herself before falling to her death. It wasn’t until she hugged herself tight against the branch she clung to and eased both feet back onto solid wood that I realized I wasn’t breathing.
“By the Ashen Sisters, get back here!” I tore my eyes away from her to shout for Biesabu to hurry up with that damn net, but he was nowhere to be found. “Biesabu!” I called, scanning the ravine for any sign of him. The craven bastard must have run off!
“Shit, shit!” I heard a crack of another bloated button. Each step Blair took away from me felt like a clock ticking upon the final hour of my life.
I can’t die here. There’s still so much I need to do.
The Sankado people were still scattered among our small bands.
Even the once mighty Dulba empire had been reduced to a paltry kingdom, or well-guarded encampment, at best. Meanwhile, the people responsible for our fate are holed up in some glimmering tower, spying on us from their little flying cans.
I don’t know why they dropped us here on this strange planet, but I know for certain that they are the same people who dropped that spaceship on Sankatul.
They destroyed our home, decimated our people, and left our women to die.
My spirit won’t rest until we’ve burned down their glimmering tower and taken all they have as our own.
“I can’t die here.” I told myself. But when I tried to climb down, my body refused to move. I glared up at the reason for my hesitation, but Blair was laughing now. Laughing! As if this was all some big game. Maybe to her it was. “If I can’t die here, neither can you.”
Blair
I swung myself up to another branch. “Look at me, fitness queen. All those days in the gym toiling away for my bad-bitch stage-ready body and I’m crushing it. Who says vanity doesn’t pay? Idiots. Ne’er-do-wells. Them hoes over there who ain’t me and never could be me cause I—”
That damn man’s voice was still floating around trying to speak to me.
“What do you not get about a one-night stand? This is the most awkward and convoluted walk of shame I’ve ever had, and I went to art school, so that’s saying something.
I’ve seen things that would make you weep.
” I hooked my leg over the next crag of jagged rocks, breathing deep as I hoisted myself up.
My fingers slipped on the wet rock, but I didn’t stop.
I was almost at the ledge. So close I could almost reach it.
Past the swirling colors and singing flowers, I could hear Osid’s voice ring out again, breathless but more insistent. My jaw tightened. The last thing I needed was his drama right now. Let him fight off his own assassins and drag some other poor soul into a battle.
I glared down at him. He beckoned me closer; the look of pure, unadulterated stress on his face made the gesture look more threatening than anything.
“Yeah, I don’t want to do that. I’m just gonna go.” I jabbed a thumb at my destination, then waved him goodbye. “Again, this was a one-off. I’m more of a hit-it-and-quit-it kinda girl. It’s not you, it’s me. Go away.”
As I said it, I felt the world beneath me shift. The loose rocks and debris started to shake, like the wall itself was having a nervous breakdown. I swallowed down my nerves, planting my feet carefully as I pulled myself up higher.
A gust of wind howled across the ravine, tugging at the fabric of my jacket, and whipping my ’fro all kinds of crazy places, but I was too focused now.
Stretching out, my fingers scraped the edge of the ledge, and I planted my foot higher and pulled myself upward, straining against my aching limbs.
My shoulders and legs burned in protest, but I ignored it. The ledge was right there.
Just a few more inches.
I threw an arm over the ledge and managed to rest both my elbows on solid rough stone. I smiled in triumph, ready to pull myself all the way up, but then—
BOOM.
Osid
Perhaps I was meant to share the same death as my father. Murdered in cold blood by a scorned woman. What exactly I had done to Blair to warrant such ire was a mystery to me, but it must have been significant for her to lead me directly into a bomb field.
By rights, I should kill her. Instead, I dragged the suicidal woman to the bank of the river we’d been blown into and collapsed into the mud. Beside me, Blair’s peaceful slumbering face contorted into a frown, which was all the warning I got before she spat water all over my breastplate.
“Naturally. Why not at this point?”
Blair let out a coughing fit before she rose enough to rest on her elbows and expelled the rest of the water from her lungs.
Sighing, I unhooked the clasps from my shoulders, leaned forward, and dragged the heavy metal off me.
I’ll need to have the chamberlain see to polishing it as soon as we return.
Without all the tools and comforts of Sankatul, smithing on this planet was a hard and difficult profession, and any scrap of metal, be it the king’s armor or a serving knife, was a precious commodity and must be looked after properly.
A single guttural warble drew my attention to a hideously misshapen terror bird. Swooping lower, it dipped its odd upside-down beak in the water before flying off.
I watched it go. Its pink featherless body looked as if it shouldn’t be able to fly, yet there it was.
“North, is it?” my head fell back in the mud.
That settled it, then. The beast was flying home to its master.
To think such a misfit-looking thing would be so useful.
I knew King Iltith had to have some kind of cunning behind that rageful idiot demeanor, but to find a perfect way to transport bombs like that?
Brilliant.
When I take his head, I’ll have to remember to find and spare their beast master.
Blair stumbled to her feet.
“No, stay down,” I commanded.
Her feet slipped on the bank, and she slid back down beside me.
“See? That’s what you get for—Blair, no. Why are you getting up again?” I reached out and grabbed her by her collar, but my strength was gone from pulling us out of the current. She shook me off with ease and shimmied her way up the bank. “Stop!”
Blair hoisted herself up and gave a triumphant shout. She dusted herself off, turned to stick her tongue out at me, then fled into the tall grass.