39. Weston
39
Weston
I pace the lobby of the Midtown building, raking a hand through my hair.
It’s been almost a week since Daisy left, telling me we needed time apart so I could focus on Jess. A week of me calling him and trying to track him down, so we can talk it through like adults.
So I can get Daisy back with me, back where she belongs.
But either Jess has his phone off, or has my number blocked, and I can’t blame him. I got so angry with the way he attacked me when we walked through the door. Daisy and I had just had such a wonderful weekend together, and it was a reality check that took me by surprise. I was angry with Jess, as I have been for a long time, but I was also angry at the universe for putting me in such an unreasonable position. For giving me a woman to love, at the cost of my son. And in that moment, I let all that rage pour out onto Jess.
But now that I’ve had time alone to reflect, time to toss and turn, miserably missing Daisy, I realize that wasn’t fair. He’d obviously suspected something was going on with us, because he’d pried open the lock on the darkroom. Either that or he’d gotten curious, and then discovered the photos.
Either way, I can’t begin to imagine the horror he must have felt at finding them. The betrayal at seeing Daisy with me , of all people.
I really liked her… She’s so great, and I messed it all up.
His words have played through my head on a loop, torturing me. Why didn’t I just tell him? Why didn’t I come clean then and there, and tell him that something had developed between us? I was so shocked to see him when he came to my office that day, let alone have him talk to me, and I was terrified if I told him the truth, he’d turn around and never speak to me again.
Turns out that was bound to happen either way, wasn’t it?
I shake my head, trying to focus. That’s what happened, and I can’t change it. All I can do now is find a way to repair the damage.
Properly, this time.
The elevator doors ping open and a group of men in suits flood out into the lobby. I spot a flash of auburn hair and step forward. This is nothing like I expected, if I’m honest. I did a little research on LinkedIn and found out where Rex works, knowing that if I couldn’t track Jess down myself, he could help. Not exactly my first choice, but I’m out of options.
Still, I never expected the weed-smoking, video-game playing friend of my son to be at a midtown office building in a neat suit. I half expected he’d be working at a Chipotle or something, up to his elbows in guacamole. When I followed the address to this building, part of me wondered if it was a joke.
But here he is, crossing the lobby, heading home for the day.
I clear my throat and call his name. He looks my way, his eyebrows springing up in surprise.
“Mr. Abbott?” He turns in my direction, threading through the crowd to appear at my side. “What are you…”
“Do you have a moment?”
Confusion passes over his fair features. “Uh, sure. What’s up?”
“I thought we could grab a beer, if that’s okay? There’s something I want to discuss.”
His expression morphs into something that suggests he might know what I’m referring to. He motions for me to lead the way, and we head into the fading evening light. We cross Broadway and find a bar with standing outdoor tables. They’re crammed full of people, but one clears as we arrive, and Rex snags it. I head to the bar to grab us a couple of beers and return to find him playing with a cocktail straw, looking pensive.
When I hand him his beer, he clinks it to mine with a grim smile.
“So… what’s up?” he asks, shifting uncomfortably. I guess it must be odd that the father of his best friend—who has only ever glared at him—is now inviting him out for a beer.
“Have you heard from Jess lately?”
Rex swallows, averting his gaze. “Not since… the weekend.”
There’s something about his answer that makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.
“What do you mean?” I ask carefully.
He grimaces, flicking his gaze up to mine, then back to his beer. “I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to cause problems, I just—”
“Rex.” I’m trying to keep my voice calm, but it comes out as an irritated growl. “What are you talking about?”
He puffs up his cheeks, then exhales slowly. “I saw you and Daisy in Mattituck. I didn’t know you were together!” he adds hastily. “I just thought it was odd that you were both there at the same time, and when I mentioned it to Jess—”
“Jesus Christ.” I slap a hand to my forehead in disbelief. So he did see me. “Did it ever occur to you,” I begin menacingly, “that it might not be the best idea to—”
“It wasn’t intentional.” He lifts his hands to placate me. “I swear. I had no idea you and Daisy were…”
I slam a fist on the table, rattling our beer bottles. I’ve had about enough of this kid and his shit.
“It’s none of your business what Daisy and I were doing there!”
His face pales. “I know, I know,” he babbles urgently. “And I never meant to cause problems with Jess. You’d finally gotten to a good place and the last thing I wanted to do was ruin that.”
I stare at him, surprised. “What?”
“Well…” His fingers flex nervously on the beer bottle. “I know how difficult things have been between you two. He wouldn’t admit to himself that he needed you, and when he finally did, I wasn’t going to fuck that up.” Rex cringes, as if I’m going to tell him off for cursing like he’s ten years old, and I wave it away with an irritated roll of my eyes.
“So you wanted him to move back home,” I say, trying to make sense of this.
“Of course.” Rex looks confused. “He’s been struggling for ages.”
There’s a concerned note in his voice that makes the irritation slowly seep out of me.
“He has?”
Rex nods, twisting his lips to the side as if he’s not sure how much to share. “Ever since… I mean, the past few years have been hard.”
Ah. It’s not that Rex doesn’t want to share—it’s that he doesn’t know how to phrase it. To say that Jess has been struggling since his mom died.
“All he’s wanted to do is party, or smoke weed and play video games,” Rex adds. “He’s found it hard to hold down a job.”
My chest tightens. I’d always known Jess didn’t want anything to do with me, but I hadn’t known how much he’d been struggling outside of that. And as I sit in the middle of bustling Midtown with a warm beer in my hand, absorbing that knowledge, it suddenly occurs to me… how could he not be?
He lost his mom when he was nineteen.
And then he lost me too. It might have been his choice, but it couldn’t have been easy to go through that without me. Without someone who understood.
But… why did he push me away? If he was so lost, why not lean on me instead?
The answer hits me with such blinding clarity that I wonder how I didn’t see it earlier.
Because if he could focus on being mad at me, he wouldn’t have to grieve the death of his mom. I was too wrapped up in my own pain to see it—that forgiving me meant having to face what happened. And then he did forgive me—he tried—but right when he started to do that, I all too easily gave him another reason to push me away. I sent him back to the start.
I drop my head into my hands. This whole time I’ve blamed Jess for putting distance between us, when I haven’t been the father he needed. I haven’t been there for him.
As if reading my thoughts, Rex speaks quietly.
“I tried to support him. I don’t know much about… you know… losing someone, but I tried to help, and when he came back from Greenport, he… It felt like it was getting worse. I was really glad when he agreed to see someone.”
I glance up in shock. “ See someone?”
Rex nods. “She’s good, I swear. My shrink recommended her.”
“Your…” I think my head might explode. “I’m sorry—both you and Jess are seeing a therapist?”
“Well, not together ,” Rex says with an awkward laugh. “But I think it’s helping him.”
I blink, processing this. Jess had certainly seemed more calm when he was home last week. A little less angry.
Until I fucked it all up.
“Is he still seeing her?” I ask, and Rex nods.
I blow out a long, weary breath. If Jess is ever going to need a shrink, it will be now. Now that the father he finally decided to forgive betrayed him.
“Argh.” I drag my hands over my face. “Did he tell you…” I trail off, letting my words hang in the air, hoping Rex knows what I’m referring to. His grimace tells me all I need to know.
“Not in detail. I called to ask him for a favor while I was out of town, and mentioned seeing you guys”—another grimace—“then I heard him tearing through the house, a shitload of banging, and he said… uh, just that he’d discovered something, and that you and Daisy…” Now it’s Rex’s turn to trail off, the tips of his ears turning crimson. “Next thing he’d texted to tell me he’d moved out.”
“Yeah,” I mumble. I probably shouldn’t be talking to my son’s best friend about this, but he’s the only line I have left to Jess. “You need to know… we didn’t…” Shit, I have no idea how to phrase this. All I can think of is what I want to say to Jess, and hope he’ll pass it on. “It wasn’t something we planned, and I didn’t know Jess truly liked her. Did he tell you what he did at the beach house?”
Rex winces and nods.
“So I figured… and he’d made it clear that he had no plans to ever speak to me again, no matter what I did.” I rake a hand through my hair. “It’s been so hard since Lydia—Jess’s mom…” God, I’m rambling. “Daisy and I, it’s not just casual. I’m… I’m in love with her.” I haven’t said that out loud yet, but hearing the words from my mouth reinforces them in my heart.
I’m in love with her.
And she’s not here .
Rex softens. “Have you told Jess?”
“I tried. He didn’t want to hear it, and I don’t blame him, honestly.”
“But you and Daisy…” Rex hesitates, as if wondering how much he can say to me, then seems to decide fuck it . “You want a future with her? It’s real?”
“It’s real. It’s very real. I want to build a life with her.”
A melancholy smile passes over Rex’s mouth. “I’m sure if Jess could understand that, he’d want you to be happy.”
I lift a shoulder, because I’m not so sure myself.
“Has she moved into your place?”
I give a sad shake of my head. “She left. Said she can’t come between me and Jess, and that I needed to fix things with him first.”
“Fuck,” Rex mutters in dismay. “So now you don’t even have her.”
I nod miserably. Now I don’t even have her .
I must look absolutely pitiful, because Rex straightens up in his seat with determination. “Okay. I’ll help.”
“What?”
“I’ll try to track down Jess. I haven’t seen him since he was last at my place, but I know where he works and I’ll see if he’s there, if he’ll listen to me. It might take some time, but I’m sure we can get him to come around.”
I stare at Rex in disbelief. This is the kid I thought was derailing my son’s life, the guy I’ve always considered a bad influence, but as he lifts his beer to clink it against mine in an attempt to cheer me up, to give me some hope, I realize how wrong I was.
It wasn’t Rex who was a bad influence.
It was Jess.
And it’s my fault.
I take a long pull from my beer, finding it hard to swallow. “Thanks,” I mumble through a chest full of emotion. “For everything, Rex.” And I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I sure am grateful Jess has a friend like him.
He won’t listen to me, but he might listen to Rex.