Chapter 25
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Thankfully, the massive doors of the hall are ajar, having been thrown wide open by Jai’s shadows. Stumbling through them and out of the dining hall, kicking the damned shoes off in the process, I walk blindly down another long hall I’d barely noticed on my way here, ornate chairs and tables of dark wood framing the walls.
I don’t know where I’m going, having lost all sense of direction. All sense of reality.
That unleashing of shadows, that unexpected loss of control…
The shock has thrown my mind for a loop. My head is stuck in the past, and no matter how fast I walk, I can’t pull it free of the dark memories.
I hurry out of the hall and into another. It’s a chain of halls, one after the other, like a chain around my neck, choking me.
Faster. I have to go faster to outpace the horrors, but I have to slow down because I can’t breathe. My heart is pounding too fast.
I stumble to a halt. I can still see the shadows writhing, splashing against the walls, the open mouths, the pain etched on every face he painted… So much pain, and my mind is replaying it over and over. It struck me to the heart, where my wounds are, the ones I hide. It was a strange echo of my own pain, and having it come from the king’s favorite… it guts me.
This whole situation guts me. I shouldn’t feel such empathy for him.
That show of shadows reminded me how much I hate the king, and the memory of his cold gaze across the vast table chills me.
But it also reminded me of how I failed those I loved, every single one of them. I can’t fail again. This is all I have left, the only reason I’m still here. This revenge, this ending of the culprits.
This shift in our fortunes, all of it resting on my shoulders.
I start walking again, heading vaguely in the direction of my room.
“We recall the last Reversal, when the gods finally smiled upon us… Welcome, also, humble children of the earth, magicless and powerless humans. Your sacrifice is treasured…”
My hatred for the fae king founts up from a place so deep in me that I can’t staunch the flow. I want him dead, dead, dead, I want?—
“Rae! Wait! I said, wait!”
I spin around, a hand pressed to my chest. I had expected Tru or Arkin perhaps, or one of the king’s guards to come and drag me back to the banquet.
Or to the dungeons for leaving the king’s presence without permission.
But not him .
Jai catches up with me in a few long strides. There’s a hectic flush to his cheeks under the black swirls, and his eyes shine too brightly. “Rae.”
What do you want? I gesture at him, caught between rage and confusion, like every time he’s around. Go away. Leave me to my misery.
“Wait.” He reaches for me, but I step back before that strong, marked hand touches me. “What happened to you? Why are you here? Why…?” He makes a frustrated sound. “You remind me of someone, and if… If I found you a pen and paper, would you tell me something, anything…?”
I press my lips together and look away—or try to. His presence tugs on my senses. I had wanted that pen and paper to ask questions, not to give answers. And I won’t be spilling my secrets to him, of all people.
Then I remember that show of shadows and pain in the banquet hall and shudder.
… shadows crashing into the walls, a roar in the air, fanged mouths and wings…
I start walking again, away from him—why is it so hard to walk away from him?—shaking out my hands. I want to hit something. I want him to leave me alone so that I can find the courage to do what must be done.
I want to stay and find out all about him.
“Rae.” Again, he catches up with those damn long legs of his. “What’s wrong?”
What’s wrong? I whirl on him, shove at that damned rock-hewn chest. Me! I’m wrong. I slap at my own chest, feeling tears prickle the back of my eyes. I’m a failure. I’ve failed everyone I’ve ever loved ? —
He catches my wrists. “You’re strong.” When I start shaking my head, he tugs me closer to the heat of his tall body. “I saw you on the barge and in the games. You’re so strong.”
I shake my head. Someone else had called me strong before, and he was proven wrong.
Pulled up against Jai’s body, I feel my thoughts scatter like sparrows, flitting away and vanishing. His eyes are black velvet, his gaze hot like fire. From his chiseled jaw to his high, black-marked cheekbones, the black hair tumbling on his forehead and grazing his cheeks and corded neck, he’s handsome enough to melt a woman’s mind.
Those broad shoulders cutting off my view of the hall beyond—of the palace and our current situation—should be outlawed as a hazard to female safety in all of the Nine Worlds.
Not fair , I think. Why can’t I think straight around him?
A man who can control shadows and talks to dragons doesn’t need to be so stupidly pretty. How many weapons does he need in his arsenal?
“We have to talk,” he says, his voice dropping into a honeyed rumble that sinks into my bones. “Tell me how you lost your voice. Show me. Show me how to help you get it back.”
How can he wear two faces, switching between them without effort? Every time I thought I liked him, every time I thought he was on my side, he tried to throw me to the fish. Wasn’t it only today he told the guards to kick me into the sea?
He has to read the doubt on my face because he releases me, gaze shuttering. “I know you have no reason to trust me. I’m not… consistent.”
A huff of laughter escapes me. You think?
He’s the last person I can trust, second only to the fae king. He has shown me kindness but strikes like a viper when the mood takes him, but more dangerous still is the way he makes my blood sing, the way my body arches against his, and the ache between my legs that begs for him.
I step away from him, shaking my head.
His jaw clenches. “Rae, believe me, I’m trying to control him.”
Who?
“The other soul I carry in me.”
Other soul? Is that what we’re calling our darker side nowadays?
“You don’t believe me.” His frown deepens.
He’s right; I don’t believe him. Why should I? This is the lamest excuse I’ve ever heard in my life.
Look, I also hear a voice in my head sometimes, but at least I don’t pretend it’s not mine.
He tips his head back, looking at me from under his dark lashes. “Fine, don’t believe me. I don’t give a damn. You think I’m a cocky bastard, behaving badly, then that’s what you’ll get.”
What?
A light smirk teases at his lips. He lifts a hand to my face, and I’m too slow to react when he feathers his thumb over my cheek. “Admit it, you can’t resist me. You’re dying to spend some more time with me, and I don’t mean when we’re fighting for our lives.”
I stick my tongue out at him, because really? He’s illiterate if that’s what he’s reading on my face.
“In fact, you’d love to be in my arms. You’d love to have my hands on you. You want me to caress you, touch you in places nobody else has.”
Heat splashes over my face and neck. No.
“I can tell. The way you look at me. The way you flush so prettily when I’m near. You swoon a little every time I touch you.”
I don’t even shake my head this time, my breath caught in my throat. All I can feel is his thumb caressing my cheek, all I can see is his face.
“Come with me to tomorrow’s ball. I’ll be your escort.”
No. Absolutely not. No…
“You don’t need a voice, do you? I can read you like a book.” His smirk widens. “You can’t wait to be in my arms all night, swirling under the stars, talking and laughing, can you?”
I blink.
“It’s a deal, then. I’ll pick you up from your room, give you a token to bear on your shoulder, and dance with you all night.”
“Jai…” His name is a breath.
“Because I want it, too, and you…” He falters. A wince tightens his face. “You…”
I, what? I start when a thin trail of blood starts dripping from his nose. The black swirls on his cheekbones seem to move. Jai…
“No,” he whispers, “don’t.”
Don’t, what?
“Don’t waste my time. What a load of nonsense is this?” His voice hardens into a polished blade as he drops his hand and pulls away from me. “Now, if you’ll excuse us, little human…” He sketches a small bow, his mouth tight and tinted red with blood. “Jai has other places to be.”