Chapter 28
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
“Good morning!” The cheery female voice stabs into my aching head, followed by the screech of drapes being pulled aside, and then light joins in the assault, spearing through my crusted lashes. “I hope your ladyship had a good night’s sleep. It’s getting late and breakfast will soon be served in the gardens.”
Oh, no… I groan silently, throwing an arm over my face and pulling the covers over my head. Already morning? Nightmares and sleep deprivation are fun—but wait . I slept. I must have, as I don’t recall most of the night.
But what happened? Why do I feel like someone punched me in my head last night? Was I drinking? Was it…?
Someone. Lifting my arm off my head, pushing down the covers, I pat the mattress by my side, somehow convinced that someone was supposed to be there.
Strong arms wrapped around me, hauling me against a thudding heartbeat, the hard cushions of bulging pecs and biceps smothering me… A warm breath ruffling my hair and a scent of smoke and leather filling my senses, making me feel safe, while at the same time putting an ache between my legs, I’m not used to feeling…
Except for when I’m near him.
Jai…
Jai was here, in my room, in my bed, holding me in his arms all night. I recall myself banging on the door and Tru opening it, Jai appearing and taking command as I spiraled out of control, crying and panicking, lost in the past.
Holy shit. It was real, wasn’t it? But the sheets are cold. He must have left with the dawn, and I didn’t even notice.
I sit up, my head spinning, and glance around at the still unfamiliar surroundings—the tub and the window with a view of the sea and land, the table and chairs by the fireplace, the small desk, the oval mirror on the wall.
The four-poster bed I’m sitting on.
The room is empty except for me and Daria who is shooting me curious looks. I probably look as much a mess as I feel. I can still smell him, feel the phantom imprint of his lips on my brow.
“I’ll be here.”
A promise that shouldn’t have reassured me like it did. I relaxed, dropping off into deep sleep, letting him cradle me, keep watch over my dreams. As if I trust him, as if my body and mind know things I don’t, as if they are trying to tell me I should believe him, even care for him…
It’s all wrong. What is this hold he has on me?
Tru’s words from yesterday return in echoes—about the king finding Jai and bringing him to the Land Palace, seat of the royal throne, about his rare powers, and Phaethon, the ancient Eosphor.
“The other soul I carry in me.”
What am I to believe? Even Tru sounded skeptical. An ancient soul inhabiting Jai? How is that possible, and what does it mean? Could it be his own mind playing tricks on him?
Grief and stress can deceive you. I should know. But joining the games was his own choice, as is serving the fae king.
Just like your family served the fae to avoid bloodshed?
My family never betrayed the humans.
Didn’t they? How do you know? How did your family get to live in peace side-by-side with the fae for so long?
Just… Stop. I swat at the air as if that will silence the smug little voice inside my head. Here I am, wondering how Jai can hear voices when I have my own little tormentor inside my mind, spoon-feeding me doubts and fears, poking at nightmares and memories that won’t stay buried.
“My lady,” Daria says, “you seem distracted. Let me help you wash up and get dressed. Today you should eat and rest. No more running about the palace. Gather your strength for the next trial.”
My head throbs. I rub at my crusty, bleary eyes. Is that from crying? I haven’t cried in ages, but last night I broke down. I need water to drink, water to scrub my face and… just water . I’ve been out of the sea too long. I feel strung out and dried up like old sea kelp.
Something on the pillow next to mine catches my attention, and the sight punches the air from my lungs. A round black pebble, small and gem-like, it gleams opalescent, iridescent, gray spots like droplets of ink dotting the surface.
Is this a gift? Did he leave it for me?
I reach down to touch it and gasp when it unfolds onyx wings and flies away from me, toward the window.
A moth. Just a moth, not a gem. Not a gift. He didn’t leave it for me after all. Didn’t leave anything.
Look at you, like a star-struck maiden, hoping for more.
Gods above, my inner voice is as nasty as Jai’s evil alter-ego.
“Oh, my goodness, it’s a Jaiet. An obsidian moth!” Daria claps her hands, a smile spreading over her face. “They’re so rare and beautiful. I’ve heard about them but never seen one until now.”
I shoot her an inquiring look.
“They say they are drawn to fire magic, smoke and shadows,” she says dreamily.
Drawn to Jai. She’s saying that he draws these moths to him.
Gods, I have to stop thinking about Jai, about the fact I spent the night in his arms. I’ll stop the memory from assaulting me every time I move, every time I think I catch his scent.
Impossible to do. It has imbued my pillows, my sheets, my skin, the very air of the room.
The moth circles back and flies toward me. I lean back, alarmed, afraid it will land on my face, and wouldn’t that be a hoot? That after all that has happened to me, I might lose it because a rare moth has landed on my face?
But it alights on my shoulder, instead, and hunkers down, turning back into an opalescent gem.
“Look at it,” Daria whispers, approaching me with careful steps, her voice growing hushed. “Pretty, but… We also call it a Death Moth. Fire and shadow magic belong to the realm of the dead, more than any other magic, but I’ve never heard of one being drawn to a mere human.”
This is… bad. I try to shoo the moth away with my fingertips, but it won’t budge. Does it sense what I really am? Or is it yet another bodyguard set by Jai to keep an eye on me?
The thought of the pretty moth watching over me almost makes me laugh, but the new fear in Daria’s eyes is nothing funny.
She holds out a few gowns for me to try on, keeping her gaze averted. “My lady.”
Sighing, I get up and pad toward her, selecting the same gray spidersilk gown I wore yesterday. Her mouth pinches, and I find her gaze fixed on the moth that has now lifted off and is flying over my head.
Like that darakin flew over us on the terrace yesterday, letting Jai touch it.
Stop thinking about Jai , I admonish myself. It feels like that’s all I do, trying to steer my mind away from him, with little to no success.
Daria helps me out of my night shift and into the gown, then grabs the brush to tackle my already tangled hair.
“If my lady may allow a suggestion,” she says, her voice low and controlled, “it would be to eat and drink and stay away from the other contestants.”
I gesture for her to explain without turning around.
“I’ve heard they sometimes push one another off the terraces into the sea, thinking that the fae king will grant them favors if they do so. They don’t understand…” She pauses. “They don’t see that there is strength in numbers, and that the fae don’t care who lives or dies. In fact, they expect all of you to die. That’s it. That’s all they want.”
Wasn’t she the one fawning over the fae king, singing his praises? It strikes me that it had been a show, in case anyone was listening in, and now…
I step in front of the oval mirror and see her behind me, hairbrush in hand. I watch as she realizes what she has said and pales. It doesn’t do to badmouth your fae employers inside their own palace, does it? To badmouth the powerful creatures who enslaved your kind.
I give her my warmest smile to let her know I understand. I wouldn’t repeat what she told me to anyone, not even if I could speak.
I see the moment that realization hits her, see her shoulders relax.
Again all business, she gathers my white hair back, twists it, and starts stuffing it with hairpins. “All I’m saying is, enjoy your free day, but be careful. Nothing wrong with being careful.”
No, nothing wrong with that. No need for her to explain it to me. I remember all too well the human man who had climbed on top of me in the games, pushing me down to drown as he attempted to scale the sheer face of the platform.
Today is a free day. As if we are aristocrats, without a care in the world, taking a carriage tour of the countryside, visiting our estates. As if we decided to take a day to stroll around a picturesque town on the way, feed the swans, and picnic on the grassy lawns.
While the world is burning.
Well, not exactly burning, but the rebels are fighting, the humans in the outer reaches close to the Circle Sea are said to be starving, and the fae delight in hunting down humanfolk and finnfolk for sport, under the guise of religious traditions and divine grace.
It sickens me.
But when given the chance, you were only interested in asking about Jai, weren’t you?
I swallow hard.
What else could I ask without raising suspicion? The guards’ shifts at the king’s chambers? His eating habits? Occasions where he takes strolls unattended in the gardens? How about poisons that can kill him? I mean… He’s the fae king. Only magic can end him, magic I don’t possess anymore.
After Daria has finished twisting my hair up and using it as a pincushion, leaving tendrils to float down my neck and frame my face, she lets me choose the shoes I want to wear and busies herself making my bed and straightening the drapes.
My shoe choices are abysmal, all of them as uncomfortable as they can possibly be. Don’t they need to walk around here?
“The seamstress will come along in the afternoon,” Daria informs me as she finally takes her leave. “To finish fixing the ball gown for you. It’s an appointment you shouldn’t miss, or else you won’t have a gown to wear at the ball tomorrow. That would displease the king and his telchin greatly.”
So the free day isn’t so free after all.
That leaves me less time for another attempt to return to the king’s chambers, what I had set out to do yesterday before Tru stopped me.
I bet Tru will be standing guard today, too, but I’ll find a way around him as long as Jai doesn’t rush here again, taking over and…
And rescuing me from myself.
I make a face at myself in the mirror as the last thought hits. I fell apart last night, didn’t I? That’s not something I should allow myself ever again. No matter how badly the past aches, and no matter how handsome Jai is, or how true the story of his possession by an ancient Eosphor might be.
You can’t afford to let your guard down. You can’t afford to fail. Showing weakness is a path doomed to failure, and no matter what he does, he’s not on your side. He’s on the fae side.
Never forget that, or you’ll lose both the battle and the war.