Chapter 25
Scottie
I gasp out of breath,jackknifing to sitting in the middle of the night. A sheen of sweat covers my skin, and I’m aroused. But Koen’s at his place.
This is the third dream that I’ve had about Price in a matter of weeks. The third sex dream. These dreams don’t feel like flashbacks to when we were together. They’re present-day scenarios. He looks like he does now. And in the latest one, I cried while we had sex because I thought he was dying and we would never have sex again.
They’re dreams. I don’t control them. They don’t matter.
Still, every time it happens, I feel shaken for days. I feel like Koen knows and that Price looks at me differently after these dreams. What if I’m with Koen some night and say Price’s name?
I can’t get back to sleep, so I opt for meditation to cleanse my mind and alleviate this anxiety. By six, I’m out for my walk. When I return, my favorite guy is playing fetch with his dog by my trailer.
“No work?” I walk straight into his arms and steal a kiss.
He hums, dragging his lips down my neck. “I don’t work every weekend.” His hands sliding to my butt send me back a few steps.
“You can’t touch me like that until we’re married.”
Koen’s blue eyes gleam with playfulness. I don’t trust him.
“What if we just mess around?”
“You don’t like messes.” I pick up the ball that Scrot drops at my feet and throw it.
“I asked one to marry me.”
“Did you just reduce me to an unflattering noun?” I park my fists on my hips.
“You’re my mess.” He reaches for me, but I hold up a stiff finger.
“Don’t play with me, Koen. Are we haloed purists or filthy sinners? There’s no middle ground.”
His calloused hand encircles my wrist while he sucks my finger. “There’s only middle ground.”
Why? Why aren’t my sex dreams about this man? I’m a mess of need just from him sucking my finger.
“I need to shower.” I reclaim my finger and duck past him, straight into my trailer.
“Being good is only fun when it’s sprinkled with a little naughtiness.”
I ignore his theory while looking for a clean pair of pants. My dirty laundry clutters the floor around my bed. I needed to wash it a week ago. Koen will divorce me after one kid.
When I find a “clean enough” pair of pants in the pile of clothes at the end of my bed, I turn, but Koen’s blocking my way to the shower.
I square up to him, chin high, looking him straight in the eye. “Define naughty.”
A devilish smirk hijacks his face. “Oral.”
I shake my head. “Herb wouldn’t approve of oral.”
Koen’s nose crinkles with his sour face. “Please don’t say my grandfather’s name in the same sentence as oral.”
“Then make a better case for naughtiness.”
“I’ll watch you shower.”
“My bathroom’s the size of a shoebox. I can barely watch myself shower.”
His lips twist to the side for a moment. I admire his determination.
“Touch yourself.”
After a few slow blinks, I tap the tip of my finger to my nose, arm, and knee.
His mask slips, but just barely. He hides his amusement behind a clenched jaw, but his lips twitch.
My gaze slides down his torso as he unbuttons his jeans. “What are you doing?”
“I’m going to show you how it’s done.”
“I don’t have a penis, and you don’t have a vagina or clit. How can you possibly show me how it’s done?”
“Scottie,” he buttons his jeans and straightens his shirt. “You’re the worst at being bad.”
I eat up his frustration, one eye roll and tiny sigh at a time.
“Let’s take your mom to dinner. I can see if Price will work tonight.”
“My mom?”
“Yes. The woman who, I assume, gave birth to you. The one you call every day. My future mother-in-law.”
Koen sits at my table, inspecting the current puzzle. He grins when one of the pieces fits.
“In my next life, I’m returning as a puzzle, so you’ll give me your undivided attention.” I pass him on my way to the shower.
He hooks an arm around my waist, pulling me onto his lap. “I think it’s time you trust Price with the store so we can fly to Philly.”
“Really?” I lean the side of my head against his.
“Really.”
“And dinner with your mom?”
“I’ll call her while you’re in the shower.”
“Okay.” I sigh, melting into him a little more.
He hugs me for several seconds before clearing his throat. “Are you ready to talk about the other day?”
“I can’t.”
He stiffens. “Why?”
“Because it’s too hard. It’s too much.”
“Scottie—”
“I’m begging you to let it go.”
“Well, I”m begging you to let me in.”
“If you love me?—”
“No. Don’t put conditions on my love for you. I can’t do this. I won’t do this.” He lifts me off his lap and stands.
“Can’t do what?”
“Any of this.” He snaps his finger and points for Scrot to follow him to the door.
“What? Wait a minute.” I shake my head. “Literally, two minutes ago, you were going to invite your mom to dinner with us. And now you can’t do any of this? Any of what? Dinner? Meet my parents? Marry me?”
Koen holds out his hands in mock surrender. “You were visibly upset the other day. And when I asked you to tell me what was wrong, you begged me to drop it for that day. So I did. And when I went with you to close up the store, the tension between you and Price was palpable. But I didn’t push you. I offered you my open arms and simply held the quiet space with you. But it’s no longer that day.”
I don’t know what to say. And his shoulders sag a little more with my enduring silence.
“I need to talk to Price,” I whisper.
With a grunted laugh, Koen opens the door. “I can’t be the fucking third wheel in your relationship with him. I’m sorry.”
“Koen—”
The door clicks shut, and he doesn’t glance back. With tight fists and a determined stride, he leaves me to flounder in the mess I’ve made.