Chapter 27
I awaken to a banging sound.My head spins for a second as I orientate myself.
I’m at Price’s.
The sun’s not out yet.
And Price has his arms around me, the opposite of how we fell asleep.
“I’ll get it.” I untangle from his hold while he incoherently mumbles.
I run my fingers through my hair on the way to the door and yawn while opening it. And then … my world implodes.
Koen stares at me. His gaze is lifeless, the kind that doesn’t radiate any love or even an ounce of recognition. It’s as if he’s looking through me.
He removes his hat to scratch his head and then replaces it. “Before you fuck another guy, you should turn off your location. I’m going to end him.” He steps inside, forcing me to move out of his way. “It won’t fix us, but I will end him.”
“Koen, no!” I snag his arm.
He jerks out of my hold.
“Stop!” I grab at him again, this time getting a better grip. “We didn’t do anything!”
Koen stops for a second when Price appears at the entrance to his bedroom, slowly threading his arms into his T-shirt.
“Couldn’t keep your goddamn hands off her.” Koen charges at him.
I lose leverage. “No!”
Price doesn’t even flinch, but I do. It takes me a moment to react after Koen’s fist connects with Price’s face for the first time. And my scream sounds like a shallow echo in my head when he hits him a second time. Price stumbles backward a few steps, but he stays on his feet.
He doesn’t speak.
He doesn’t try to fight back.
I begin to rush toward him. His gaze cuts to mine while he rubs his jaw and gives me a sharp headshake.
Koen turns to leave, but I remain, blocking the doorway, keeping my attention on Price the whole time.
“Move or I will move you,” Koen says.
My gaze slowly slides to Koen, his ridged body, clenched jaw, and the world of hurt in his eyes.
“He has cancer,” I say in defeat. And I feel as though it’s spreading and getting worse just from me saying those words aloud—spreading them to another person who can give them power.
I bat away a few tears, but I don’t know why I’m trying to hide it. I love these two men. They own every single emotion I have left inside of me.
Koen glances over his shoulder. I can’t see his expression, but Price bleeds remorse.
“I’m your Plan B,” Koen says, turning back toward me. Then he laughs, shaking his head. “I’m your fucking Plan B.”
This time, I move aside when he steps past me. How can I respond when I don’t know what I’m feeling other than heartbroken in every way possible?
He slams the front door behind him, and I wince.
“No,” Price says, still rubbing his jaw while brushing past me to the kitchen.
“No, what?” I follow him.
“I will not come between you and your happiness. I didn’t come here for that reason.” He wraps ice in a towel and presses it to his jaw.
“You came here for me.”
He turns with a sigh, looking utterly drained. Did I do this?
“Yes, I came here for you. To be near you. To feel your light. But I didn’t come here to be with you. And I’m sorry if I’ve confused you. I never meant to complicate your life.”
“Well,” I slowly shrug and shake my head. “I don’t want …”
What? What don’t I want? What do I want?
“I don’t want to be with you, either. And I don’t want you to die. But I need …” I can’t do it, so I swallow the words, knowing they will eventually suffocate me and ruin my future.
“What do you need?”
Staring at the floor, I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I just need you to live,” I whisper.
“I’m alive. And you’re only responsible for the good things that happen to me.”
He’s unknowingly slaying me, a noose around my neck that gets a little tighter every day.
“The thought of you dying?—”
“Scottie, don’t. Go make things right, or you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”
There’s more to say. There will always be more to say. Does he need to know my truth if he leaves this world before me?
I findKoen’s location on my phone. He’s not too far south of here, so I follow him to a commercial building under construction, congested with workers everywhere.
“Excuse me.” I stop an older gentleman in a hard hat. “Do you know Koen Sikes?”
He shakes his head.
“Uh, he’s a welder.”
The guy glances around and points to his right. “Probably there.”
“Thanks.” I turn.
“You can’t be in here without proper protection. Sorry.”
I frown.
“Sikes you said?”
I nod. “Koen Sikes.”
“Wait outside. I’ll see if I can find him.”
“Thank you. I really appreciate it.”
I wait by my truck for over ten minutes, and just when I start to give up on him coming out, he does.
Wearing navy coveralls and a scowl, Koen shakes his sweaty head, stopping at least ten feet from me. “I’m sorry he has cancer, but it changes nothing.”
“You’re not Plan B. He came back into my life before I met you. It was never a choice. I wanted—I want—to be with you.” My eyes burn with tears. “Koen,” I whisper, fighting the emotion clogging my throat.
He turns, heading back toward the building. “I can’t.”
I chase him, stepping in front of him so he’s forced to stop walking. He glances over my shoulder, jaw clenched.
“I’m sorry. And I know that’s not good enough. I messed up. I let my pain over Price’s diagnosis drive a wedge between us. If I had it to do over, I would tell you about his diagnosis. I would choose us. Price let me walk away twelve years ago.” I wipe my eyes. “It sucks when the person you love more than anyone else doesn’t fight for you. It’s something your heart never gets over. And you start to wonder if you’re worth fighting for.
“Yes, I stayed with him last night because he was having a terrible night and didn’t ask me to do anything. He didn’t ask me to come to his house. And he told me over and over to go home. But he’s my friend, and I do love him, so I did what he didn’t do. I stayed.”
I grab the collar of Koen’s coveralls, gently shaking him until he looks at me. “I’m not letting you go without a fight. The woman who answered the door at Price’s house is the woman who will give everything to the people she loves. To her husband. To her children. The only way I know how to love is with my whole heart. It’s how I love my family. It’s how I love my friends. It’s how I love you. Does it have to be a flaw that I care so deeply for my friend who’s battling cancer?”
He peels my hands from his collar, and I feel instant rejection. Then he sidesteps me and heads back toward the building.
“I”ve loved him,” I holler, “for so long that I knew I would die alone if he never came back for me.”
Koen stops.
“Before you came into the store the night we met, I planned on canceling our date. Twelve years. I’d wanted to be with Price for twelve years, and you changed everything in one night.”
Again, Koen continues walking toward the building.
I swallow my nonexistent pride, drag myself back to my truck, and climb inside. Before I can dig my key from my purse, emotion wracks my body. Covering my face with my shaky hands, I cry.
Click.
My door opens.
I startle, quickly wiping my eyes and choking back my next sob.
Koen eyes me with deep lines trenched along his forehead. I can barely breathe past the strangled emotion clogging my throat.
“I needed a minute, baby.” His hand cups my tear-stained face. “But it only took a second to realize I need to hold on to the girl, not my fucking ego.”
The girl …
“I’m sorry.” His fingers tangle in my hair, and his lips press to mine.
I blink, releasing the last few tears with a shaky sigh of relief.
I’m not used to fighting this hard. My intuition has always been to let go, to let life unfold as it should. But I can’t let go of this man—the boy.