9. So Much Beige
NINE
SO MUCH BEIGE
Eve
After Jake picked me up from the Minneapolis airport, the two-hour car ride back to Harbor Highlands is fairly quiet. Luckily, Jake’s not a big talker, and I certainly wasn’t going to offer up any more information than I had to. How do I tell my brother, who I’ve always looked up to, that I quit my job with no backup plan? A job I was so excited to tell him about when I started seven months ago.
He sacrificed a lot of his own childhood to take care of me since our parents were terrible at it. He’s always been my lifeline—minus the couple of years he went to a dark place, but he bounced back. I hope I can too. I don’t want to tell him that my entire life is now a flaming pile of shit, all because of one disastrous decision. Like sleeping with my married boss and then quitting my job when I found out he was married. Keeping it vague is the best option until I figure out my life. I don’t want to disappoint my brother.
Not only did I air out my dirty laundry to Patrick, I gave him the whole damn closet. It felt nice to have someone to vent to. He didn’t know me or what was happening in my life. He made me feel seen, which oddly hasn’t happened in a long time. A part of me regrets using fake names and not exchanging numbers. I could really use someone to talk to right now with zero judgment. It’s not that Jake would judge me, but he would give me the “I’m just disappointed” look, which is worse. I’d love to have Patrick here with me right now, even if it’s to make me laugh because laughing with him was everything.
“So you came home for a visit?” Jake’s voice yanks me from my thoughts.
I rack my brain for an excuse I could tell him that makes sense without making it obvious that I’m running away. “It’s been years since I’ve seen you, so I thought a visit was in order. Is there something wrong with wanting to see my big brother?” I spit out.
Slowly, he turns to face me. “No. It’s good to see you, Eve.”
I swear the corner of his lip twitches as if he were on the edge of cracking a smile, but as fast as it appears, it vanishes.
“How long will you be staying?” Jake asks.
I want to say indefinitely because that’s where the road is taking me, both literally and figuratively. I certainly don’t want to go back to Knoxville, but if I tell that to Jake, he’ll have a lot of questions I don’t want to answer. I opt to keep it more neutral. Not a full lie, just not the complete truth either. “Maybe a week or two. I have a lot of time off. Perhaps I’ll stay for Thanksgiving. I don’t remember the last time we spent Thanksgiving together.” I twist to face him, eyebrows drawn together. “What do you do for Thanksgiving?”
“Work at the bar.”
My mouth opens and then snaps shut. I purse my lips together. “You work on Thanksgiving?” This shouldn’t surprise me. When I left Harbor Highlands, the bar was his life. I’d bet a hundred dollars there’s a cot in his office so he doesn’t need to go home.
He glances at me from the corner of his eyes. “Yeah. Sometimes people need a place to go?—”
“And you’re the other place.” I nod.
“Nora, one of the bartenders, has named it Beersgiving. Everyone brings food, and all the bartenders have made an event out of it.”
I’m happy to know my brother isn’t alone. Also, I’m a shit sister for not keeping better tabs on him. “That sounds fun. I can’t cook anything, but if there’s a local bakery I can support, I’ll happily buy a pie or two.”
A small smile plays on his lips, but he doesn’t say any more about Thanksgiving. Instead, he turns the conversation back to me. That was short-lived.
“Things are going well for you?”
I give him a tight-lipped smile. “Yep. Great. Fantastic. Couldn’t be better.” Lies. Lies. Lies.
“You still working as an assistant to that photographer?”
“Sure am.” I wring my hands together in my lap. “But I’m contemplating a change. Maybe find someone else to work for or perhaps start my own business again.”
Jake turns his head to face me. “Make sure you have a backup plan or a business plan before you make any rash decisions and quit.”
A humorless laugh bubbles out of me. “Right. Who would do something like that? That’s not responsible.” Me. That’s exactly what I’d do. That’s exactly what I did. I can’t tell him now, especially being trapped in the confines of his truck. His “I’m disappointed” glare would push me right out of the moving truck and onto the freeway.
“Either way, it’s good to see you, Eve.”
“It’s good to see you too, Jake.” I give him a warm smile. I’ve missed my brother. Sometimes, it’s hard growing up with a sibling who’s older than you are, and in my case, ten years older, but he’s always been there for me. Even helped me during a few sticky situations I got myself into, like the time I got caught toilet papering my ex-boyfriend Joey Jamison’s house because he’s an asshole for dumping me after cheating on me with Susie Moore. I had to clean up the mess, but Jake stayed with me the entire time. Granted, he didn’t help me and instead glowered at me every time I spared a glance in his direction. But knowing he was with me instead of out with his friends says a lot about his character.
“So enough about me. What about you? I’m assuming the bar is doing well, so I’ll dive right in. Are you dating anyone?” I wiggle my brows at him.
His grip tightens on the steering wheel, but he doesn’t spare me a glance. “Nope.”
My shoulders sag. “Come on, Jake. Are you just going to live the rest of your life as a single man?”
“I don’t see a problem with that.”
“You don’t miss the companionship of someone else?”
“I can find companionship if I need it.”
I groan. “I’m not talking about sex. Anyone can find sex. Don’t you want something deeper? It’s been a long time.”
“No, and I’m not talking about it.”
I turn in my seat to face him. “You should really talk to someone. You’re still harboring a lot of hurt and anger.”
His knuckles turn white on the steering wheel. He’s about five seconds away from crushing it into a pile of metal, foam, and leather. “Look, I don’t need a therapy session from you.”
“I’m just saying.”
“And I’m just saying I’m done talking about this.”
“Alright, fine.” I raise my hands in defense before crossing them over my chest. Twisting in my seat, I stare out the window. A mixture of pine tree forests and rolling fields pass by. I guess the silent treatment is better than him hounding me about my life. It’s only a matter of time before he kicks that door open.
It’s dark outside when we arrive at Jake’s house in Harbor Highlands. It’s a modest ranch-style house, but it’s his. Unlike me, who has more debt than actual assets.
“Lucky for you, I cleaned out the spare bedroom, so you don’t need to sleep among stacks of boxes.” Jake sets my suitcase in the corner of the room.
Beige. So much beige everywhere. On the walls. The comforter on the bed. The curtains. There’s not even a variation of beige. It’s all the same shade. I never expected Jake to be an interior decorator, but a little splash of color goes a long way. An accent wall. Pillows. Art. Anything to make it less institutional and more cozy.
“Thanks. And thanks for picking me up.” I wrap my arms around his neck in a hug. His body tenses before resting a hand on my back. My brother’s never been a big hugger.
“I’ll let you get settled. I’m going to head back to the bar.” He spins out of my grasp and turns toward the door.
“Wait. You’re leaving?”
“Yeah. But I’ll see you in the morning. Help yourself to anything.”
“Oh. Alright.” Jake’s heavy footfalls grow quieter until I hear the door shut. I glance at my suitcase, not wanting to unpack. Instead, I flop down on the bed with my phone in hand. I wish I had Patrick’s phone number. He’s the one person I wouldn’t mind talking to right now. But nope. Instead, my inbox is spilling over with messages from the married asshole wondering where I am. Apparently, it would take a brick to the face for him to realize I’m done with him. I should have done that. I toss my phone to the other side of the bed. Crawling under the covers, I curl into a ball and drift off to a restless sleep.