Twenty-Eight
T he chat with Reacher had been heavy. I was still reeling from the things he’d revealed. Stitch might have cancer. He was recovering from a fucking biopsy, and surgery, and waiting to hear if he needed more surgery than he’d ended up having, or those horrible treatments that were supposed to cure it. What the fuck? He was going through that shit without us beside him for some stubborn ass reason too.
If that wasn’t bad enough, Reacher then told me about his own situation. Declared that if he was telling me Stitch’s secret, then he had to tell me his too, because if I lost it and turned on them, he’d rather I threw him under a bus instead of Stitch. As if I fucking would.
So my Club President was recovering from a fucking cardiac event or some shit, and at risk of a proper heart attack, the kind that could kill him. And all of this shit happened while I was sleeping. While my family needed me, I was drifting in a cloud of nothingness, not feeling a damn thing.
I felt so guilty for what they were going through, without the support of any of us, because they felt that they had to hide it, or risk losing their club. And then there was me, and my fucked up addiction, which was just adding more shit to their worries. Jesus.
And now she’s fucking leaving me? I finally get to see her, and that’s the first thing she fucking tells me?
“You’re what?”
Lissa sniffled again, and stepped back from me, too fucking far away. I needed her in my arms, and she was distancing herself. What the actual fuck.
“Are you seriously doing this to me right now? I’ve been going nuts not being able to see you, and the second I do, you’re telling me you’re fucking leaving me?”
She sighed, her breath hitching again.
“I’m not leaving you, Ice. I’m leaving town. I’m ruined here. Don’t you see that? I’ll never get a job in this town again, but if I go back to London, maybe, just maybe, I can escape the stigma of being the drunk, rule-violating loser I am here.”
I grabbed her and shoved her onto her sofa, making her sit down before her fucking legs shook anymore.
“Start at the beginning. Actually, fuck that. Just tell me this; why can’t you really stay?”
She was staring at me, her eyes trailing back and forth, up and down, like she was memorising my fucking features.
“I don’t want to go, Ice, but I can’t work here, and I can’t afford to stay if I’m not working. I have no ties here. Nobody I can turn to. I can’t afford my lease on the house. I’ll lose everything.”
“No ties? Nobody to turn to?” Wow, wasn’t that a kick in the nads, just when I thought she wanted me. She grabbed my hand before I could get up.
“Ice, I don’t mean it like that, but… I’m not even allowed to see you, or be near your clubhouse, and I’m going to lose my house. I have no choice but to go home to my family.”
“Fuck that. Reacher’s aware that he was out of order. He can’t ban you, and he’s a fucking hypocrite for even trying.”
She was chewing her damn lip, and it just made me harder. Being around her was agony, because I wanted her so fucking badly, but I was scared. I was scared that if we tried, I’d fuck it up again.
“Keep doing that, and I’m gonna fucking drag you into my lap, so I can do it for you.”
She blinked at me. “Doing what?” I reached out, and stroked my thumb across her bottom lip.
“Needs my lips on it, don’t you think?” She was nodding, even as she suddenly covered her face.
“Oh god, Ice, this isn’t right. I’m bad for you. I caused you harm. You shouldn’t want to be anywhere near me.”
I grabbed her hand, and stuck it on my hard dick.
“I don’t want to be near you, I want to be in you. I want us to be so fucking close that we’re breathing each other’s air, and I want to be so deep inside you that you won’t find it so fucking easy to write us off like this.”
Her breath gushed out, but I noticed that she didn’t pull her hand away. Instead, she stroked me lightly through my jeans. Fucking hell. It wasn’t enough. It would never be enough.
“Get in my fucking lap, doc. I need you rocking back and forth on my dick.”
Her cheeks reddened, and she pulled her hand back.
“I shouldn’t.”
“Yes, you fucking should. Come here.” I took that floating hand she’d removed from my dick, and pulled on it until she helped me, moving onto my lap and straddling my legs, putting that pussy of hers right where I wanted it, even if there were way too many fucking clothes in the way. I frowned at the clothes.
“ This is your casual wear?”
Her eyes closed as she wriggled in my lap.
“Is that what’s important right now, Ice?”
I slid my hand into her hair, releasing whatever the fuck was tied into it, making it one of those too-tidy buns. After finding a few stabby pins, I cursed.
“The fuck? How many of these bastards are in here?”
She giggled, reaching up to remove the two I’d missed, and released her hair, looping a hair band over her wrist.
“Better?”
I ran my fingers through the thick, soft strands.
“You gotta stop hiding all this gorgeous hair, babe. You gotta relax, stop… uh…”
“Dressing so prissy? You know that’s what you want to say. It’s all I have, Ice. I’ve always dressed this way.”
I groaned. “I’m not sure any clothes should be allowed on this body of yours. I want you fucking naked, so I can see every inch of your skin.”
Lissa
H ow was it that I thought all my decisions were firmly made, and then five minutes with Ice threw them all out the window. I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to be away from him, but I didn’t know how I could afford to stay.
“Lissa?” I stroked my fingers through Ice’s short spiky hair. It was softer than I’d expected, imagining it took a lot of product to make it stick up like that.
“Kiss me, Ice.”
He laughed. “Yes, ma’am.”
He leaned closer, in sync with me, and our lips met. His nipped and teased at mine for a moment, before his hand slid around the back of my neck, and he deepened the kiss at last, his tongue sliding against mine. This is what I needed. This felt right. When so much in my life felt wrong, this felt too right to also be wrong.
His other hand slid down my back and cupped my ass, dragging me closer, helping me to rock back and forth on his dick, our clothes making a whispering sound as they rubbed together. Finally he pulled back, dropping his head against the back of my sofa.
“Fucking hell. This is… this is fucking torture, Lissa. I want you so fucking much.”
He kept saying it, and yet we were still here on the sofa.
“But?”
His eyes closed, and his cheeks went a little pink.
“Uh…” He swallowed hard.
I moved in his lap again, and he let out a soft groan.
“Fuck me… I swear, all I want is to get you naked, and…”
Oh. “You’re letting yourself dwell on last time. Ice, don’t let that play on you. It happens.”
His eyes popped open, and he offered me a brief glare in return, before he closed them again, shaking his head lightly.
“Not to me. I mean… not that. Never that. I uh… when I was using, I sometimes had other issues…”
“Ice, drugs are chemicals, and they mess with your body and your brain, and the way everything works. It’s why they give you a buzz. It’s why they make you feel good at the time. They’re messing with your body chemistry. They’re altering your awareness. All of that has an impact on your body. Just like going from regular use to staying clean does.”
“You’re back to shrinking me then.” His voice was a little flat, but he was listening, I could tell.
“What I’m trying to do is explain to you that what happened wasn’t your fault. It was a symptom of your recovery.”
“So what’s different now? It could happen again, and I really don’t want to let you down.”
I pushed up from his lap, suddenly feeling like I wanted to push him. I lifted my top up, and over my head, dropping it on the floor while his eyes instantly fixed on my boobs, partially covered with the white lace of my bra. He let out a low groan, and sat forward, reaching for me with his good arm.
I backed up another step, shaking my head while I unbuttoned my shorts, and lowered the zip, letting them drop to my ankles, revealing my matching white lace underwear. How thankful was I that I kept to my usual plan and wore matching undies? A fucking lot.
“Jesus…” Ice moved to the edge of his seat, and then cursed, and pulled at his jeans, probably giving him either a wedgie, or trapping his ‘junk’ as men seemed to like calling it.
“Like what you see?” I didn’t know where this bravado was coming from, because I was trembling, and so afraid that he’d reject me, but his eyes were travelling over my skin in a way that told me he wouldn’t. That it was the last thing he’d do. There was a hunger in his eyes, that made me want to get closer. Close enough that he’d grab me. But that wasn’t what I thought he needed right now.
I lifted my hands, holding the front of my bra with one, as I unclasped the back of it with the other, and then I dropped it, making sure to cover my breasts as I did. He let out a low curse.
“Ice?”
“Yeah, babe?”
I felt a grin stretching on my face as I risked everything.
“Catch me if you can!”
I turned and ran for my bedroom, knowing the layout of my small house better than he did, not that it’d take him long to find me. I heard him let out a surprised laugh, and then heavy footsteps running across the room, as I hit the stairs.
There was something so exciting, and oddly unnerving, about knowing that I was running from him, and that he was chasing me. To catch me. To have his way with me. I’d only planned it as a way to get him out of his head, but now? Now I was wondering why the hell I’d never experienced this before. Why didn’t I realise how exhilarating it would be to be chased like this? Even just across my small house.
I reached my bedroom, and crossed the threshold just as I heard footsteps landing heavily behind me.