Forty
T he first morning without Lissa beside me brought a surprise; Has-Been. He was the last person I’d expected to visit me, but then we were both on lockdown and we were supposed to be fixing our relationship, or some pussy assed shit like that, so I should have seen it coming. Was I pissed that he’d been the one to make the move first? Of course I fucking was. I should have been the one showing I was the bigger man. That bastard .
I was showered and dressed, and he had coffees from the bar in his hands, so I gestured to the dining table, and we both sat down. He slid a coffee at me.
“Figured you’d be less likely to tell me to fuck off if I brought that.” He grinned, but he looked tired. Like me. Like Reacher, only Reacher looked like he hadn’t slept all year.
“It was close, man.” Has laughed.
“Yeah, I feel that. So uh… sooner we sort this shit out, the sooner we’ll be allowed out of our rooms. Dunno about you, but I’m already climbing the walls.”
He rode a hell of a lot more than me, so I wasn’t surprised to hear that.
“Yeah… mostly I just really want to get my lady back.”
He smirked. “Lady, or ‘old lady’?”
Did I want to tell him my personal shit? Wasn’t this what we were meant to be doing?
“I want to keep her, so yeah, my old lady if she’ll agree.”
His smirk disappeared. “That’s good, man. She’s a good person, and you’re slightly less of a dick with her around.”
“Slightly?”
“Yeah, like a tiny tiny bit less of a dick. It’s a start, so I don’t want to knock it.”
I found myself grinning at him. What the fuck was happening? It was like we’d fallen into a parallel universe.
“Well, I didn’t want to scare you by moving too fast. Did she come to you last night?”
He was taking a sip of his coffee, but I saw the frustration on his face.
“For fuck’s sake. Stop being jealous when you don’t have a reason to be. She’s sweet, probably too good for you, but she’s definitely not mine, yeah? I know that, and so does she. So any jealousy, man, that’s you keeping your head up your ass, when you should just let it go. Probably doesn’t smell any better than your room by the way. Ever thought of cracking a window?” He smirked again as he said that, so I figured it couldn’t be as bad in here as he suggested, but I did stand up and open a window, my eyebrows raised at him as I did.
“Better?”
He shrugged. “I like the new look, man.”
It took me a moment to follow what he was getting at. My hair. Oh yeah. I ran a hand over the short soft bristles on my head, actually enjoying the feel of the buzzcut.
“Yeah… felt like a change.”
He stared at his coffee for a moment.
“I’ve been there, man. I know how it feels. Like there’s stuff crawling under your fucking skin, and nothing about your body feels like it’s yours. I think that’s part of why I stuck around when you were out for the count, when they knew you were detoxing, like even though you didn’t know I was there, somehow I could support you through it, because it fucking sucks, and I wished I’d had the chance to not be aware of it.”
Whoa… we really are baring our souls today.
“Thanks. I uh… I think not going through it that time maybe made me a little cocky, you know? Like I could get past it easily because I’d forgotten how awful it feels to try and get clean.”
That smirk returned briefly.
“You cocky? Nah…”
I really hadn’t taken the time to get to know him, and he really wasn’t the asshole I’d assumed him to be.
“Look… I meant what I said last night.”
“About the sucker punch?” He grinned again.
“About being sorry, asshole. I don’t think I’ve ever given you a chance, and this whole time I didn’t really know what it was about you that bothered me, but Lissa helped me figure it out. It was never you. Never your fault, anyway. It was you, but not in a way that you did purposely.”
“The fuck does any of that mean?” I knew he was smart as hell, so that meant I really was making no sense, which was kinda how it had sounded to me too.
“Jesus… my dad, yeah? He was an abusive fuck, used to stick me in front of the TV, while he beat on my mum.” I watched his face fall.
“Shit.”
“Yeah, but see, the DVD he put on for me was the same one, every fucking time, maybe intentionally to torture me in some fucking way. It was that show you did when you were a kid. With the superpowers.”
Has groaned. “That show was such shite. No wonder you were pissed.” He was making light of it.
“You know what I’m saying. I guess unconsciously I associated you with abuse, or some headfuck crap like that. So uh… yeah, I’m sorry. I projected that shit at you, and it was never your fault.”
“Sounds like the perfect moment for a hug, brother.” I flipped him off instead.
Lissa
I had a headache when I woke up, which is what happens when you drink an entire bottle of wine, and stay up way too late chatting on the phone with a friend. I’d actually phoned her really close to midnight, so we’d stayed up way past three, chatting and giggling like schoolgirls.
How was I supposed to get through a whole day without seeing Ice? Or speaking to him? Messaging with him… why couldn’t I at least message with him? What if he wasn’t okay? What if this enforced isolation pushed him back over the edge?
I sat in my kitchen nursing a coffee, having taken painkillers for my head, and watching the time click up on my phone, one agonising minute at a time. My doorbell actually sent a rush of excitement through me. Someone was here! Even though I knew it was highly unlikely thanks to his presidentially imposed lockdown, I hoped it was Ice, but honestly right now I’d accept any visitor at all.
“Alicia!”
She was one of the last people I’d expected, but I was pleased to see her, until I realised that she might be bearing bad news.
“Oh god, is he okay?”
She nodded, stepping in and hugging me, before I closed the door.
“I thought you might like some company. Reacher was getting on my nerves, so I had a prospect drop me off.”
“My god, you were right, thank you. I’ll get the kettle on.”
We sat with drinks, and she stared at me for a long moment.
“I think Reacher needs your help.”
Of all the things I thought she’d come here to say, that never even occurred to me.
“I think the only thing Reacher wants from me is my absence from their lives.” I might have been feeling a little dramatic.
“I get it, you’re pissed, and I would be too. I mean, I am. I’m pissed at him for trying to mess with Ice’s relationship, after what his club did to me and him. He just accepted it, you know? I don’t get to wear his fucking name, his ink, because one or two of his asshole brothers decided I’m bad for the club. Me!”
I got up and found a packet of biscuits, bringing them back to the table.
“Can that decision be overturned?”
She took a biscuit and dunked it in her coffee.
“I think so. I mean, they’re going to revote at some point, but how the fuck do a bunch of guys in a club get to decide who their club president can be with?”
“You’re married though, right?”
She grinned. “Sort of a loophole, see, they can’t stop us marrying, but the old lady title comes with club ink, and that’s what they voted against. Weird that I can be his wife, but not his old lady. Bikers can be real bitches.”
I wished I knew more about the whole club situation.
“Can you tell me more about how things work there? Just in case I’m allowed to be back with Ice?”
She cursed as half a biscuit fell into her drink.
“Every bloody time.” I offered to make a fresh one, but she just shoved her fingers into hot coffee and dug it out, while she cursed some more.
When she was composed again, after licking coffee from her fingers, she sat back.
“So… club life. You think it’s for you? It’s pretty much, uh, well like you saw the other night, lots of macho bullshit and it always smells of socks. I don’t know what that’s about. It’s not their rooms, I don’t think. It’s just the place in general. It really needs a woman’s touch.”
“Uh… Ice says the club was different before Reacher took over. Does he ever say what it was like before, or what the old president was like?”
She narrowed her eyes at me.
“Why would you ask that?”
“Just curious. I saw the photos in the bar, and you can literally see the club evolving from picture to picture. They seemed permanently angry in the old pictures, but in the newer ones, they’re laughing and more relaxed. It looks like a serious regime change. And the club changed name too? I saw a patch showing the name ‘Godless Warriors’, but the club’s called Phoenix MC now, right?”
Alicia twirled her hair around her fingers.
“Honestly, I’ve never asked too much, because Reacher has had the weight of the world on his shoulders ever since we met. You know we only met because they kidnapped me, and locked me in the basement to interrogate me?”
What. The. Fuck.
“They did what?” I’d leaned forward in my chair, because this was going to be a big deal, and I was intensely curious. Were these the people I was looking to be connected with?