Forty-Eight
H e knew, the bastard. He could see it in seconds. That was the thing about Has, he was super fucking smart, way smarter than me.
“You okay, man?” Lissa cleared her throat, sliding my coffee at me, successfully drawing his and my attention.
“So, Has-Been… is everything okay?” He shot me a side-eye, telling me he wasn’t letting it go, but turned back to Lissa.
“Well, my dick doesn’t appear to be on the internet today, so there’s that. I was just coming to thank Ice for his hard work, because I think it’s finally working.”
He looked at me again then.
“She called me, begging me to forgive her for posting the videos. Says she never meant for them to go online, but well, she’s in some trouble, and she was forced to.”
“Forced?” Lissa looked worried about the bitch, but I felt no concern for her, because there was always a way out of shit, right? I was learning that at last, so she should have too.
“Yeah, she’s asking me for my fucking help now, can you believe that? Like I’m gonna go bail out some woman, who turned me into an unwilling porn star.”
I dug my phone out of my pocket, and opened up a search window.
“Who’s doing it? Not asking to help her obviously, but because if someone else is behind this, then that’s the one who attacked the fucking club.”
Has opened his mouth to speak, and another spasm tore through my shoulder so viciously that I flinched sharply enough to fumble my phone, dropping it on the floor.
“Okay, that’s it. What’s going on?” Has looked from me to Lissa, and she grimaced.
“You’re hurting or something, brother. What happened?”
“I’m fine.” He wasn’t buying it for a second. Fuck me, if I told him, why didn’t I just tell the whole fucking club? Not because he was guaranteed to tell, but because he wasn’t even who I’d have confided in if I wanted to tell someone. Telling Doc was bad enough, because he could still out me to Reacher and Stitch, and lose me my place in the club. I felt like an axe was hovering over me already with just him knowing.
“Ice, come on. I know we’re still at the ‘baby steps’ stage of whatever the fuck kind of relationship we have now, but you’re in pain. Do you need me to get Doc? I saw him earlier, so I know he’s here right now.”
Lissa was gesturing wildly at me, I think to try and encourage me to trust him, but I didn’t know if I should.
“Ice… tell me, or I’m getting the damn doc.”
I groaned, my heart thudding in my chest as I finally bit the bullet and outed my secret to him, the one person I hoped I was right to start trusting.
“I can’t ride, man, that’s what’s fucking wrong.” There, I’d said it now.
He frowned at me for a moment, then looked at Lissa, who stayed silent, leaving this up to me, and up to him. When he looked at me again, he cursed.
“That’s not what I fucking asked, dickhead. Why? You come off your bike or what?”
“Yeah, remember a few years back?”
I could see his mind whirring, as he absorbed my point.
“Jesus. Permanent damage?”
Lissa
I ce looked nervous, and I understood his fear, because he’d just admitted the one thing that could get him thrown out of the club to the one person he’d been at odds with, until just days ago.
“Yeah, looks that way.”
“And what’s happening now, because you’re not normally like this? You’re barely mobile, and you’re clearly in pain.”
Ice smirked at him. “More pain than you could cope with, asswipe.”
I groaned, shaking my head at my man. Stubborn damn biker men.
“Ice, tell him.”
Has-Been was watching him really closely, like intensely focused on him.
“It’s spasming, that’s what it is, right?”
Wow, he’s good. Ice tried to shrug it off, but he should have already known better than that. A curse followed, and his hands clenched.
“Fuck… this gets out and I’m done, Has. You get that, right? I’m hanging onto this club by a thread right now. Anyone finds out I can’t ride anytime they need me to, and I’m out for sure. When it’s not doing this, I can ride, but it can trigger it too.”
“So it’s not constant then? It comes and goes?”
“Does it matter? Point is, I’m half a fucking biker right now. If I had the balls, I’d admit it to Reacher, but I don’t, okay?”
Has-Been was still doing that intense observation thing.
“Sod that. Does Doc know? Maybe there’s something he can do to help. If you’re hiding it because you’re worried about being booted, then stop. I’m pretty sure that’d be put to a vote, and it’d never pass.”
“Bullshit. You know as well as I do, that it’s a universal rule; no ride, no club. I can’t fucking lose this right now. So you keep your mouth shut, if you know what’s good for you, got it?”
Has-Been groaned, glancing at me at last.
“I knew it was too good to be true. You saw that, right? I was being nice, and that’s what I get. All I’m saying is there’s no way they’d boot you, man. You’re too vital to what we do as a club. Nobody else can do what you do.”
Ice fixed him with a glare.
“Well, we both know that’s not true, don’t we? What with me being ordered to teach you and a few others what I do, so you can just put me out of a fucking job.”
This wasn’t getting us anywhere, and I couldn’t stay quiet anymore and hope they could manage this without me. I had to say something and get them back to being civil, at least.
“Guys, try to remember that you’re brothers, right? You’ve been doing so well, so please don’t fall back on old patterns.”