Chapter 5 #2
“Umm,” I pointed to the dog. “He really looks like he has to go.”
Taryn rolled her eyes. “He’s a drama queen. If it’ll get him attention, he’ll try it.”
“I know exactly what that’s like,” I muttered, mock glaring at my duck.
Carrie reached out, but stopped short of actually touching Sunny. “Can I hold it?”
Taryn tightened her grip and leaned down to meet her mom’s gaze. “We are not adopting a duck. Mase brought her over for a playdate. Her name is Sunny. You can not steal our neighbor’s pet.”
The older woman huffed and sent me a sidelong glance. “I would never. Now hand over the duck and go take Hudson out before he explodes. Mase here can keep an eye on me.”
I watched with mild amusement as they completed the handoff and Taryn marched past me with her dog.
“Don’t believe anything she says,” Taryn yelled over her shoulder as she went through the gate into her side yard.
When I turned back to Carrie, she was cooing at Sunny but watching me. “She’s sometimes cranky and all the time stubborn, but she’s a good girl and she’ll make you nice big hockey babies.”
Warmth filled my cheeks, and I shoved my hands in my pockets to stop from touching them. I lived with Reece—even he’d never gotten me to blush before.
“I’ll keep that in mind, but I’m not really on the market for hockey babies at the moment.” Or never. I’d be a shit dad. No way did I want to pass my issues on to a new generation.
“Smart,” she said, switching her attention to Sunny. “This little one is probably more than enough for now. I don’t know how you manage to take care of her with your busy schedule.”
I shifted uncomfortably on the stoop. “I have help. My roommates all love her.”
“Aren’t they all hockey players too?” She knew a lot more about me than I’d expected.
“No, one of them isn’t.”
“Well, if you ever need someone to duck sit, you bring this precious baby over here to Mama Carrie.”
I tilted my head at the unexpected offer. Most people loved Sunny, but very few offered to watch her for me. Not that I’d leave her with a random woman I’d just met, even if she was Taryn’s mom.
With a building sense of weirdness, I tried to be diplomatic. “I’m sure you’re busy too.”
“I can’t leave the house,” she said matter-of-factly.
Belatedly, I noticed she hadn’t stepped past the threshold. “Oookay,” I drew out, unsure what to say to her.
Her eyes flicked to me, amused. “Don’t worry about it. No one ever knows how to respond. I can go out onto the back patio a little bit, just to the end of the covered space, but the rest is tricky. You ever had a panic attack so bad you passed out?”
No, but I knew what it was like to try to go past your boundaries and end up unconscious.
Carrie cradled my duck, rocking her back and forth, seemingly not expecting an answer.
“Thank goodness for Taryn. She takes care of me, but I keep hoping someone not broken will come along to help take care of her.”
She didn’t even glance my way, but I could feel the weight of her comment land squarely on my shoulders. I was going to have to pop that bubble of hope. Broken was my default setting.
“Good luck with that,” I told her, strangely meaning it.
A thick rope of connection pulled at my chest. Two broken people trapped in their circumstances.
Carrie nodded as Taryn came back around the house with a wiggling Hudson in her arms. I couldn’t help watching her long strides. She glared suspiciously at her mom, then me.
“Everything okay?”
I pulled my gaze away from her thighs, hopefully before she noticed, and leaned back. “Yeah, we were just discussing how many hockey babies would be a good start.”
Taryn tripped on her own feet, and I grabbed her arm to steady her. She shoved Hudson at me and reached for Sunny as we played musical chairs with the pets.
I held the dog, not something I’d ever done before, and wondered if he was supposed to smell like old socks.
Ducks were stinky sometimes, but Sunny liked being clean.
Her favorite thing was chasing around a little plastic duck in the bathtub and holding it underwater when she could get it under her leg.
Sometimes I wondered about her murderous tendencies, but Eva claimed it was fine.
Hudson woofed and licked the side of my face, leaving a slimy trail from my chin to my eyebrow. I moved him a little lower on my chest and tried to wipe the slime off on my shoulder.
Carrie giggled. “I knew I’d like you. I could tell from the way you’re always so careful with Sunny when she’s outside.”
“Mom,” Taryn let out, exasperated. “How long have you been watching him like a creeper?”
“Not my fault my bedroom window looks directly over their backyard,” she said. I made a mental note to start keeping the curtains drawn on this side of the house.
Carrie beckoned me in, and I wondered if I was about to enter into a Stephen King situation.
I hesitated. “Do you promise I get to leave with all my appendages?”
Taryn snorted. “You’re twice her size, Mase.”
Carrie looked me up and down. “I promise I won’t remove any appendages.” She moved back to hold the door open for us as the wind picked up again. “C’mon inside. The animals are getting cold.”
I gave the dog a suspicious side glance. He stared up at me in what could only be described as adoration with his tongue lolling to one side—no sign of a chill.
Taryn shook her head and stepped past me. “At least that’s over.”
I didn’t know what she meant, but my face felt stiff where the dog had licked me. The wind shifted, calmed, and for a second, the sun peeked out from behind the clouds, shining on the stoop where I stood.
Nothing prepared me for the sudden urge to run at the sight of the two women and the duck looking back at me expectantly. The small form in my hand wriggled, wanting to be let down, but I didn’t move.
Something about this moment felt heavy, weighted with purpose and choice. I avoided connections as much as possible—less chance to get fucked if you didn’t give them the opportunity—but I’d let my roommates close. And Stephen and Marco. Eva and Avery and Kenzie.
This felt different. They’d all refused to leave me alone. I’d go to the mat for them, but I didn’t initiate. In the last year, I hadn’t even reached out to any of them, preferring to spend my time alone in the basement while the circle grew.
In this case, I’d walked my ass over here on my own. I’d started this. I’d chosen Taryn, along with her mom and dog apparently, to spend time with. To connect with. What the fuck was I thinking?
Tightness closed in on me as I faced the truth. I wasn’t ready for this. I couldn’t control the situation if I entered their space. Panic wouldn’t let me take a single step forward. I was frozen in place on their stoop while they watched me freak out.
Taryn’s eyes softened and a small smile curved her lips. “At least bring Hudson in first.”
I swallowed the urge to toss the dog toward the house and walk away. Sunny tilted her head as if she could read me as easily as Taryn apparently could. She snuggled comfortably in Taryn’s arms, and I wouldn’t be able to grab her without stepping through the doorway.
It was Carrie who broke through the haze clouding my mind. “Come in or don’t, but it’s your choice.” She gave me a pointed look as she emphasized the word.
My choice. She was right. I wasn’t giving up any kind of power or control simply because I wanted to spend time with someone. I didn’t need to run away—abandoning my duck—to protect myself.
As the fog cleared, the moment felt surreal and stupid. A side effect of not getting enough sleep. I either needed to get some rest or get a better grip on my emotions.
Or both—before they triggered me into something irreversible.
My body relaxed slightly, and I easily followed them into the house, setting the confused dog on the floor in the entryway. Carrie closed and locked the door. Hudson trotted after her as she started toward the stairs.
“I’ll keep Hudson upstairs with me. You’re on your own for dinner. Breakfast at nine.” She sent me a knowing glance. “I’m not sure what your schedule is like on game days, but I’m not an alarm clock.”
Taryn blinked at her back as she disappeared into the dark hallway. “What?”
I frowned. Did she know I had a game tomorrow or was she guessing? Was she some kind of stalker? And had she just implied I’d be here in the morning?
“Does your mom always try to marry you off immediately upon meeting someone?” I asked.
Taryn set Sunny on the couch and walked over to the game console shelf. “No, this is a first actually. Ignore her antics. Seriously. She lives to make things interesting.”
“Are we playing Citadel again?”
“Nah, I need to brush up on a different game for a stream I’m doing later this week.” She held up an old school box, an action-adventure RPG from at least two decades ago with solo or co-op settings.
I was familiar with the game, but I hadn’t played it in years. “Did you steal that from your mom?”
“Ha ha. Retro is in right now, especially for speed runs. Do you want to play or not?”
We had morning skate early tomorrow, but I had plenty of time before I needed to head home and pretend to sleep. Hell, maybe this time I could get a couple of hours.
I shrugged off my jacket and took my previous spot on the couch. “Yes.”
She tossed me a controller. “Show me what you got, hot shot.”