Chapter 9
Ilay on the couch—several inches too short for me—and pulled the blanket up to my face, exposing my feet to the cool air. My mind raced as the subtle scent of Taryn teased my nose. It wasn’t overpowering or even anything I could easily describe, but the blanket smelled like her.
Like warmth and welcoming and home. The juxtaposition of the way Taryn made me feel crossed with the panic I’d felt at the end of the game tonight refused to let me relax completely.
After my unexpected visit this afternoon, I’d spent the rest of the day in game mode.
Prepping for my return to the net and ensuring I didn’t give Coach another reason to bench me.
No one mentioned Kane’s absence in the locker room, but I got several fist bumps for taking one defending Reece’s girlfriend.
Given the choice, I’d punch the asshole again.
The others rode together to the arena, as usual, I needed some alone time to get in the right mindset—mostly working through all the bullshit my dad had beat into me so I could find the calm, quiet space where only the puck mattered.
None of them knew why I had my rituals, but they respected them.
Despite the new upheavals in my life, I was able to shut everything out during the game.
Until the last buzzer sounded and I looked into the stands.
I wasn’t searching for anyone in particular, but I liked to see what kind of antics our personal cheering section had instigated.
Instead, my gaze landed on my dad’s scowling face.
The moment he marked me noticing him, his visage changed to one of excited support. I knew the mask well. He donned it in case anyone was watching. In this case, he didn’t need to bother. None of my friends or teammates knew we were related.
I’d made sure.
Black was a fairly common last name, and so far, no one had connected TU’s star goalie with the former goon who’d played one season before blowing out his knee.
He’d moved into management, focusing on recruitment, but he’d had trouble picking up potentials in the last few years.
That part was my doing as well, but I doubted Dad knew the truth.
I’d surreptitiously contacted the people I thought would be most receptive and anonymously shared some intimate details of Dad’s inner workings with the sports world.
Like his propensity for targeting young athletes who didn’t have a solid support system. He tricked them into thinking of him as family, then pushed them into deals that afforded him the highest kickbacks, no matter what would be best for the athlete.
Asshole.
I turned over on the couch, nearly rolling right off the cushions, and replayed the car I’d seen driving through the neighborhood. His presence at the game made it a lot more likely Dad had shown up again after several years of freedom.
A snort escaped me. Freedom? I was just as trapped now as I’d ever been. As soon as I moved back to Portland, I’d be back under his control. If life were at all fair, he’d be hit by a bus, and I’d truly be free.
I pressed my face into the borrowed pillow and grunted. Not a great example of my supposedly solid mental health. What was he doing here now? The question haunted me. Enough to make me follow through on my exhaustion-fueled plan to sleep at Taryn’s.
Coach had pulled me aside after the game, minutes after I’d made eye contact with Dad, and asked if I was okay. I was obviously not okay, judging by my continued inability to sleep, but I couldn’t tell Coach the truth.
I was broken, and the only time I felt whole was on the ice—or with Taryn.
Coming over here had been a long shot, so I wasn’t surprised the couch wasn’t doing it. A different location had never silenced my head before. The secret was her. Taryn. I needed Taryn next to me.
I abandoned my spot and crept up the stairs, reassuring myself with every step I wasn’t trying to weasel my way into bed with her. Asking wasn’t the same as manipulation. I approached the right side door, and with a deep breath, I knocked.
“Come in,” Taryn called softly.
It was that easy. With Taryn, somehow, it all seemed easy. I pushed inside and closed the door behind me.
Her room was smaller than mine, with a big bed and an even bigger desk taking up most of the space. Interestingly, she’d set the desk up with the monitors facing the wall. LEDs on her computer and her accessories gave the room a dim blue-purple glow.
My gaze finally landed on her, sitting up in bed wearing a dark tank top with the blanket pooled at her waist. Her hair fell around her shoulders in wild disarray as she stared back.
“Mase?” she asked.
“I need a new favor. Can I sleep in here?”
Her eyes widened. “With me?”
“Yes.”
“What happened to the couch?”
“Turned out I was focusing on the wrong part of our night together. The couch isn’t working.”
She licked her lips and glanced at the clock—well past midnight. “You have another game tomorrow?”
“Yes.”
Taryn shoved her hair out of her face, then seemed to come to a decision. She pulled the covers back and scooted over, revealing long bare legs and a pair of tiny black shorts. “Come on, then. You can have that side.”
I didn’t hesitate. Out of respect for her, I kept my shirt and sweats on, though I normally slept in a lot less. I dropped my phone on the side table and slid into bed next to her.
Taryn lay down again on her side, facing away from me. “To be clear, this is not an invitation for sex.”
“Understood.” I hadn’t expected anything other than a place to sleep, but I knew my limits. If Taryn was within reach, I’d probably end up curled around her. “Can I touch you?”
“Yes.” Her breathy response sent my pulse into orbit. I reminded myself over and over again this wasn’t a sex thing. My dick refused to listen, so I canted my hips away from her when I wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her closer.
“You really like being the big spoon,” she murmured, settling against me.
“Hard to be any other size. Is this okay?”
She cleared her throat. “It’s not so bad. Beats my heated blanket by a mile. Where’s Sunny tonight?”
“My roommates are watching her.”
“Oh right. It’s not just Cole?”
I sighed, remembering the ridiculous set up they’d been working on when we left for the game. “They’re doing a big sleepover in the living room with all the pets.”
She fake gasped. “And you’re going to miss that?”
My cock got rock hard from the gasp, fake or not. I wanted to hear it again with my mouth on her, my hands, anything. With effort, I swallowed the urge.
“Sunny is going to love it. I’d much rather be here.” My voice dropped at the end unintentionally, and she let out a long exhale.
“For sleeping,” Taryn said, as if convincing herself.
“That too.” The words slipped out before I could stop them. “But tonight, the priority is sleep.”
She wiggled lower, resting her head on my bicep like last time. “So you need a cuddle buddy?”
“According to Cole, yes.”
“Which one is Cole? The blond hottie, the cowboy, or the tall posh one?”
I pulled back a little to stare down at her outline in the faint light. “The cowboy. How do you know my roommates?”
Technically, Stephen wasn’t my roommate, but him and Marco stayed over often enough they might as well be. We’d set up a spare bed in the extra room upstairs so their shit wouldn’t be scattered all over the living room at inopportune times. Plus, everyone deserved a little privacy.
I wasn’t entirely pleased with her description of Reece.
Taryn peeked over her shoulder at me. “I’ve lived here for months, hot shot. You may be a basement dweller, but your roomies aren’t. I was actually in the front yard when Cole came home wearing only his underwear and his cowboy hat. It was one of the most confident walks of shame I’d ever seen.”
I burst out laughing. “I forgot about that. He’s basically betrothed to our coach’s daughter.
He wanted to surprise her, so he crawled into her window and got damn near naked in her bedroom.
Suddenly, the lights turn on, and Coach is standing there with a baseball bat.
The bed’s empty. Avery was out with a friend.
Coach wouldn’t let him get dressed. Made him leave with what he still had on. Classic.”
Taryn chuckled, relaxing back into my chest. “He didn’t seem too put out.”
“Avery tore Coach a new one, but as far as I know, Cole never got his clothes back.”
She shifted, slowly rolling onto her back.
I let my hand trail across her stomach as she moved until it came to rest on her right hip.
With a valiant effort, I kept my breathing even and calm.
I couldn’t hide my erection, but I was determined not to pressure her into anything except letting me hold her while we slept.
“Why can’t you sleep?” she asked quietly, staring up at my face.
I knew the question was inevitable, but I still hadn’t been prepared for her to ask it. My thumb brushed across her soft skin as I decided how to answer. No one wanted to hear my sob story. I usually blamed the insomnia on anxiety, and the easy explanation satisfied most people’s curiosity.
Taryn wasn’t most people. She watched me. Silent. Waiting. Warm. I wanted to sink into her. Let this growing obsession with her chase away the other shit looming in my life.
Without me realizing, the truth spilled out.
“My dad was an abusive asshole. He liked to surprise me in the middle of the night with hockey drills. If I didn’t move fast enough…” I trailed off, unwilling to sully this moment with her any further. “He said it built character. I still have trouble relaxing enough to sleep at night.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Please tell me he’s rotting in jail somewhere far away from you.”
I thought about Dad sitting in the stands tonight. “Unfortunately, no, but I don’t have much contact with him. He’s too much of a coward to try anything physical now that I’m bigger than him anyway.”
She didn’t ask how I knew. I didn’t elaborate. As if she knew I didn’t want to discuss it further, she scrunched her nose in disgust before trauma dumping her own story.
Taryn petted my arm like she was trying to comfort a small animal.
“I never knew my dad. He left my mom when they found out she was pregnant. Mom used to keep tabs on him in case he ever decided he was done being a twatwaffle and tried to claim parental rights, but he kept right on twatwaffling. We didn’t need him. ”
I covered her hand, trying not to let the jealousy show on my face. “At least you had your mom.”
She smiled wistfully. “Yeah, she’s great.”
“How’s she going to feel about finding me in your bed tomorrow?”
“Honestly, probably elated. In case you haven’t noticed, she’s pushing hard for a Taryn/Mase pairing. I wouldn’t be surprised if she had a stupid nickname for us. We watched your game tonight.”
The reminder hit me like cold water to the face.
After downplaying the game earlier, I’d hoped she’d simply forget.
I’d played well, but how much of the end had the cameras caught?
I hadn’t considered anyone would be watching me specifically, though I’d known there were cameras following the game.
Had I reacted outwardly to seeing my dad?
“Why?” It was a stupid response, but I wasn’t at my best when confronted with the unexpected.
Taryn laughed. “Mom likes to support local sports, and she wanted to see you in action.”
I bit my tongue to keep the obvious joke inside. “I thought you said you didn’t watch hockey?” I was two for two with foot-in-mouth questions.
“I didn’t before, but I think I might develop an interest. Why does the idea of us watching you play make you nervous? What would you do if I actually showed up to a game?”
I swallowed hard to stop myself from denying the truth. The thought did make me nervous. I didn’t like what she might see when I wasn’t paying attention. Panic. Fear. The urge to run. No one else had gotten close enough to read me, but Taryn probably could.
Fuck me. This was why I didn’t get involved with people. I’d forgotten my own rules. Don’t show weakness. Don’t give an inch. Take the power and never give it up. When had I lost control of the situation?
Slight panic made my muscles tense, but I forced them to relax an instant later. I could handle this. Taryn was in her element teasing me, and I’d let my control slip. It was a simple matter to shift her focus from what she’d seen earlier to what was happening to her right now.
I’d promised I wouldn’t kiss her without an enthusiastic yes—and I’d meant it—but I didn’t need to kiss her to have some fun with my mouth.
What would you do if I showed up to a game?
The rocks in my shoulders softened, and I flipped her hand over to rub my thumb down the center of her palm. “Do I get to do whatever I want?”
“Sure,” the rapid pulse in her wrist belied the forced casual tone of her voice.
I lifted her arm to draw my lips across the proof she wasn’t immune to my touch.
“I’d play the best game of my career while imagining you naked and wet, waiting for me in the locker room.
Then I’d find you after the game and make you come over and over again on my hands and my tongue and my cock.
” I leaned closer, brushing the shell of her ear with my lips.
“I might even be a gentleman and lock the door first.”
“I never said I wanted a gentleman,” she teased.
A noise emerged from deep in my chest, half growl, half groan. No more playing nice. I stopped trying to shield her and pulled her tight against me. She sucked in a sharp breath, but she didn’t tell me to leave.
Instead, she peered up at me, her blue-gray eyes clouded with desire and said the magic word.
“Yes.”